Author's Note: okay, so this is the first one-shot from Jac's POV set after 'What Goes Around'. I'm sure it won't be the last. This is just a simple one that doesn't focus too much on what happened, just scans it all.
I wake up in my hospital bed, cold and alone, a slight glow coming in through the blinds at my window. I resent that light. That light represents everything I don't want. It reminds me that the world exists outside of my room. That I'm lying here, in blinding pain despite the medication. Every moment I'm awake, the overbearing urge is to burst into tears. A small part of me wishes Michael hadn't come to me. That I'd been left in that car. That he hadn't been able to find me in time. I struggle to understand what I've got left to care about. A career that still won't make me happy. A pathetic and schoolgirl-esque unrequited love. A man who'll never care about me, and who's care I don't even deserve. An empty and lonely flat. No family. No friends. Nothing.
I pick my watch up from my bedside table and stare at it until the numbers come into focus. 2am? I know I won't be able to get back to sleep. I instantly regret my attempts to sit up, as pain shoots through my body. I'm not bleeding. Good sign I guess. I lie back and rethink everything I shouldn't. Why did she want me to be alone so badly? Why would she do that? If she thinks about it every day, why did she do it? How could I have been so stupid to ever forgive her? Ever want her back in my life? Why would I even do that? Me. Jac Naylor. Cold hearted bitch. Ice queen. Melted at the thought of having her mummy back? Getting all emotional because I thought she'd remembered my birthday? Giving her a kidney? I opened myself up and actually, literally gave her a piece of myself. God knows I'll regret that for the rest of my life.
It pains me. The whole situation. The fact that I, technically, have a family out there somewhere. My granddad. A sister. Growing up, I always wanted a little sister. Now that I know she exists, I can't stand the thought of her. Thinking of her actually makes me feel ill. Some girl who is inextricably linked to me. I wonder if I should have spoken to her. Found out her name. Found out a little about her. At least, given her my side of the story. Told her what her mother is like.
I start to think of every screw up. Big or small. Everything could be blamed on her. It's too easy. It's just too easy to believe that she's responsible for the mess in my life. For my trust issues, for my lack of emotion, for all of it. I don't want to give her that much responsibility, but surely there must be a link? There must be something.
Only now do I become aware of the fact that I'm not alone in the room, and only because he makes a small noise as he sleeps. Michael must've told him I was here. I can't believe he'd come. I don't say anything. I don't wake him up. I just sit and watch him sleep for a while, my pain seemingly disappearing just at the sight of him, the comfort of his presence lulling me back to sleep.
A/N: reviews would make me a very happy bunny.