Disclaimer~ ok, here we go again…I do not own Final Fantasy VIII or any
of it's characters ::sighs:: no do I own 'The Newlywed Game' but even if
either two of these corporations do happen to read this fic (yea right!) I
would like to apologize ahead of time J.
The Newlywed
Game:
FF8 style…
"OH MY
GOD!" Selphie squealed to Rinoa as they sat in the caf eating lunch.
"What's
the matter?" Rinoa inquired, slightly annoyed at the harassment to her
eardrums. By this time Selphie was on her feet and jumping up and down
excitedly.
"It's
coming to Balamb! Oh my gosh! This is AWSOME!"
Rinoa
rolled her eyes at her friend and out of sheer morbid curiosity asked "What's
coming?"
"THE NEWLYWED
GAME!!!" Rinoa's eyes widened and she hopped out of her seat and joined in
Selphie's excited behavior. Rinoa and Squall had gotten married three months
ago, and Selphie and Irvine were married two weeks after them so the girls were
ecstatic about the idea of the show visiting.
As soon as
they calmed down, which was about a half hour later, they ran to the closest
phone, which happened to be out in the hall near the quad.
"Riiiiinnnnnnggg…Riiiiinnnnnggg!"
Selphie impatiently twirled the phone cord around her finger as she waited for
the Newlywed Contestant sign up line to get picked up. 'Hello?" a
voice picked up on the other end.
"HI!"
Selphie replied, overly enthusiastically as usual "I'm calling 'cuz you guys
are coming to Balamb and we wanna be on your show!"
"Ummm…ok…Why
don' t you tell me yours and your spouses names, and a little bit about
yourselves."
"OK! Well our names are Selphie and Irvine Kinneas. We're
SeeDs from Balamb Garde-"
"Wait a
second! You're SeeDs! Like the legendary SeeDs that saved the world!" the young man on the other end of the
phone yelped like a groupie.
"Yep, that was us!"
"I'll
make you a deal! If you can get three SeeD couples on then I guarantee you guys
a spot!"
"WOOO HOOO!" Rinoa fell over from the force of the
noise and everyone in Garden was alerted to the sound. "I have three couples no
problem!!"
"Ok we
just need you to give us their names."
"Myself and Irvy, of course. Rinoa and Squall Leonhart."
Selphie heard the faint sound of giddy laughter through the phone "And…umm….and…."
Just then Quistis turned the corner, she had only come to see what the source
of the loud noise was but she was in for much more "And Quistis and Seifer
Almasy!" Selphie stated triumphantly.
"What did you just say?" Quistis asked suspiciously at
hearing her name being spoken.
"Wow…this
is so great! We can't wait to have you on…Come in tomorrow for filming at noon
sharp! Geeze this is soo cool…"
"Selphie, why did you say my name?" Quistis inquired
suspiciously of the flounsy brunette.
"Gotta go!" Selphie hastily said into the phone and hung it
up while the operator on the other end continued on about how 'awesome it would
be to meet the SeeDs'.
"Why did you say her name?" Rinoa question.
"Oh, nothing too big…" Selphie said trying to inch her way
away from Quistis "I simple told them that…" She took a big step backwards
"youandSeiferweremarriedandwouldgoonthenewlywedshowtomorrow!" Selphie flinched
slightly after she quickly finished her confession.
Quistis' eyes flashed with anger but she didn't move an inch
"Selphie," She began slowly and monotonously through clenched teeth "say that
again…slower."
Selphie gulped and took a deep breath "I kinda told the
people at "The Newlywed Game" that you and Seifer…were…umm…married?"
"YOU DID WHAT?!?!?!" Quistis bellowed. Her next comments to
Selphie are not appropriate to put in a 'G' rated fic so I shall clean it up a
bit "You (silly) (silly) (silly) (girl), that was (not a great idea)! I
(strongly disapprove of what you did)! I will kill you! There is no way (on
Hyne's green earth) that I would even (adjective)ing think of (advective)ing
marrying that (meanie) Seifer!!!!!" After about ten minutes of verbal
assaulting, Quistis huffed and puffed irately. "WHY!"
"Well, they said we had to have 3 couples…and you just kinda
came along!"
"no…" Quistis decided that there was no further need of
venting and figured that the spunky brunette could make her do it.
"OooOOOOoo! But you have to do it Quisty!" Rinoa
wined!
"Why?!"
"Cuz if you don't then I'll tell the entire academy about…"
Rinoa went over to Quistis and whispered in her ear. Quistis' eyes nearly
bugged out of her head and Rinoa let out a giggle. "That's what I thought!"
While they had to resort to blackmail in order to convince
Quistis to go along with it, it was much easier to convince the guys. To
convince Seifer Selphie simply told him that 'Quistis wanted his hot body' and
he got that cocky grin on his face and agreed to be at the television station
for 12 on the dot. Irvine didn't need any persuasion, he was more or less
wrapped around Selphie's finger, and to get Squall to go Rinoa threatened to
pout.
The
Next Day at the Studio….
Rinoa, Squall, Selphie, and Irvine sat happily next to their
partners (well…Squall didn't exactly LOOK happy…but he was…trust me!). Seifer
sat cockily next to Quistis with his arm draped over her shoulders while she
sat scowling with her arms folded across her chest mumbling prophanities. Rinoa
and Selphie shot her a warning look and she ceased the cursing but refused to
remove her aloof look. Just then the theme music started up and an announcer's
voice came on the loud speaker
Hello and welcome to
The Newlywed Game! The audience clapped politely. And
now, it's time to welcome the host of The Newlywed Game, everyone's favorite
GF…BATHAMUT! The
sound of a pin dropping, a cricket churping, and a muffled cough could be heard
in the studio as the Applause sign glowed. The Announcer cleared his
throat and tapped on the microphone. I'm sorry the microphone
must be on the fritz! He let out a soft fake chuckle Now, here's your host, everyone's favorite
GF…BATHAMUT! The Applause sign once again was lit up only this time
the ..or face the wrath of Bathamut sign blinked on beneath it.
The studio audience, scared out of their wits, hopped out of their seats and
gave him a standing ovation.
Bathamut came jogging out onto the stage dressed in a nice
sports coat and with fake humility shrugged off the audience's reaction.
"Alright folks, let's meet our contestants for today's game!" The large GF
walked over to Selphie and Irvine first and flipped through his note cards.
"Why don't you introduce yourselves?"
"I'm Selphie Kinneas…"
"…and I'm Irvine Kinneas." Irvine winked into the camera,
which warranted a small unnoticeable kick from Selphie.
"Now, from what I understand, you are all SeeDs from the
world renowned Balamb Garden?" the audience cheered and the group onstage
blushed.
"Yes, yes we are." Selphie replied.
"That's great!" Bathamut moved down to Rinoa and Squall "And
who is this lovely couple?"
"I'm Commander Squall Leonhart, and this is my wife Rinoa."
Rinoa smiled and lightly hugged Squall's arm.
"Congratulations!" Bathamut exclaimed insincerely. "Isn't
that ironic… A sorceress, and the Commander of Seed!" Squall shot the GF a look
that could kill and, taking the hint, the host moved down to Quistis and
Seifer.
"Tell the audience at home about yourselves." Bathamut
tilted the mic toward the two and Seifer immediately snatched it from him.
"I'm Seifer Almasy and this is my little love-slave
Quistis." Seifer's famous smirk crossed his face while Quistis contemplated
smacking him. Grabbing the microphone back from Seifer he leaned towards
Quistis.
"Heh heh…what do you have to say about that Mrs. Almasy?"
"Trepe!" Quistis retorted "It's not Almasy! My last name is
Trepe!"
"Oh, I see, a bit of a feminist aren't we? Got a lively one
there now don't you?" Bathamut joked to Seifer.
"Oh yea!" Seifer squeezed Quistis close against his body and
she squirmed to resist but found it futile and gave up.
"Now that we've got the introductions taken care of, let's
start the show!" the crowd and contestants clapped. "Alright husbands, we'll
see you all later. Please step into the back room while I talk to your lovely
wives." Quistis let out a sigh of relief as Seifer let her out of his
death-grip. "Alright, girls, please pick up the pieces of cue cards and
markers. You'll write the answers to the questions I'm going to ask you on
these." The girls got the materials and waited excitedly for the first question
(well, 2 of them were excited… one was perturbed).
"Ok! First question: 'What is your husband's favorite
movie?'" After a short pause to allow them to write their answers he continued
"Next question: 'If you were a type of food, what kind of food would you're
husband say you were?' Selphie, Rinoa, and Quistis all snickered in unison
"Alright and third question: 'What is the most romantic place you're husband
would think to take you?'" After a few seconds Bathamut turned to face the
camera "We'll be back with the guys to see how the first round plays out after
a message from our sponsors.
A message from Herbal Memory ™ played, trying to convince
those with GF induced memory loss to remember their name. Soon the theme music
started up again and the guys were back with their partners.
"The couples will get 10 points for every correct answer.
Starting with you, Irvine. What is your favorite movie?"
Irvine chuckled to himself and shook his head at his own
little private joke before answering "Why that would be 'Cowboys of Centra'"
He sat back in his seat looking quite confident, not noticing the irritated
look on Selphie's face.
"And you answer was?" Selphie flipped her cue card to reveal
the words 'Our wedding video!' written on it.
"Irvy!" she whined, "You said that it was your favorite
video ever!!"
"No, no!" Irvine replied throwing up his hands in defense "I
said our wedding NIGHT video was my favorite ever!" Selphie blushed and tried
to hide behind her cue card, Irvine tried not to laugh, Rinoa and Squall
exchanged amused looks, Seifer hooted a note of approval to Irvine, and Quistis
simple shook her head.
"Squall? What's your answer?" Bathamut had left Irvine and
Selphie to work out that last comment.
"That's an easy one 'Secrets of the art of Gunblade
fighting'" Rinoa dawned a hopeful look and flipped over her sign, which
read 'His Gunblade video'. Bathamut looked offstage toward the
judges and nodded
"Yes, we will except that!" Rinoa hugged Squall excitedly
nearly cutting off circulation.
"Mr. Almasy?"
" 'The Sorceress and her Knight'" Quistis let out a
'that-figures' noise and flipped over her card which said just that.
"You're just full of surprises aren't you Seifer?" Quistis
stated sarcastically. She was taken by surprise when Seifer kissed her and
replied, "Why yes I am!" Quistis sat there wide-eyes with full shock written on
her face.
Going back to Selphie and Irvine (who was rubbing his arm)
"If you're wife was a food, what would she be?"
Trying to make up for his first answer Irvine replied,
"Candy. Cuz she's just so sweet." The crowd let out a rendition of "aww's" and
Selphie flipped her card to reveal the same answer. Feeling he had redeemed
himself, Irvine opened his arms for a hug and puckered up for a kiss. Selphie
simply took his hat and bounced happily.
"Squall, same question."
"Chocolate. Because she's sweet, and addicting" The crowd
now let out a few 'ooooh's'. Rinoa flipped her card revealing the same answer
and once again gave Squall a practically suffocating hug. He was beginning to
wonder if it would be less hazardous to
give the wrong answer.
"Mr. Almasy?"
"Ice-cream." He replied "'Cuz she's cold, and fun to lick!"
Quistis, still shocked from the kiss, merely blinked twice and didn't move.
Seifer picked up and flipped over the sign for her.
"I'm just such a great kisser she goes into shock after each
kiss, you should see her during se--" Quistis regained enough control over her
body to reach over and smack him before he could finish his sentence. She then
went back to shock and blinked. Rubbing his cheek Seifer held up the sign which
read: 'He'll probably say
something like 'ice' or 'ice-cream' …the cocky !@#$%^…'
Adjusting his coat Bathamut signaled for Seifer to put the
sign down "We would like to take this opportunity to remind our contestants
that swearing isn't appropriate on our show." Rinoa, Squall, Selphie, and
Irvine all laughed. "Last question: where is the most romantic place you would
take your wife?"
"To bed!" Irvine blurted out chuckling, immediately
regretting it as Selphie beat him over the head with her cue card which read 'The stage In the quad'. A little scared, Bathamut moved onto
Squall and Rinoa.
"The flower field?" Squall replied hesitantly. Rinoa
revealed her identical answer, and Squall flinched a little anticipating a
power-hug. Instead she kissed him full on the lips leaving him with a goofy
smile on his face.
"Ok Almasys, you have a chance to tie the Leonharts if you get
this question correct."
"I'm gunna go with the idiot cowboy over there and say, the
bedroom." Quistis shook her head and finally snapped out of it, but was still a
little confused. She flipped over her last cue card which had 'Knowing him, the bedroom is probably the most
romantic place HE can think of!'
"That's correct!" the audience once again clapped politely
as the sign commanded. "That's the end of round one, and the Almasys and
Leonharts are tied for the lead! Now, I'm sorry ladies but we'll have to ask
you to leave so we can speak to your husbands." Selphie and Rinoa got up and
started to leave. Quistis finally realized what Seifer just said and jumped up
furiously to attack him. Luckily Rinoa and Selphie managed to pry her away and
drag her back stage.
Straightening his coat Seifer cleared his throat "She's a
real tom-cat in bed." In the background violent scuffeling can be heard and
suddenly a small black boot goes flying past Seifer's head, narrowly missing
him. "Quistis! That was my shoe!" Not knowing what else to do the cameraman cut to commercial
while Quistis was properly talked down and sedated.
AUTHOR'S NOTE~ Ok then, I hope you guys liked round 1! I
figured I was in a hyper mood and I might as well try to write out this idea
that I had. Tell, me what you guys think! Do you want me to write round two? If
you have any suggestions for it I'm all ears! Please review!