He couldn't believe it. The horrible letter lay on the table where he'd flung it, unable to face the the words.
We are very sorry to inform you of the death of your brother, Regulus Acturus Black.
He couldn't be dead. Not Reggie, not that little kid who used to adore him, hang off every word he said.
But not that hasn't been true for a long time. You barely spoken to him since you left four years ago. He hasn't looked up to you for at least two years before that.
A voice, oh-so-truthful, spoke unbidden in his head, stating what he knew but didn't want to hear. Remus had been right all along, he didn't have to choose friends or family, not even after he'd run away. And if truth be told, Reggie wasn't anything like their mother and father and cousin, he never had been and Sirius had been a fool to think he was and take it out on him for everything that went wrong between Sirius and the rest of the family.
And yet you did. Every time you looked at him, you only saw them.
There was that damn voice again, making him feel worse than he already did.
The letter said Reg had tried to back out of the ranks. Wierd. Sirius had never stopped to think maybe his brother didn't believe in the Dark Lord or 'mudblods' or any of it.
Of course he didn't, you just never took the time to pause and realize they were forcing him into it. You know just how they can get. Merlin knows what lengths Bella might of gone to, to convince him.
That voice was right. They probably had forced him into it. Why hadn't Reg ever told him, asked for his help?
He tried, remember? He asked you for your help and you turned your back and walked away. Surprising he did ask you, really. Who would ask someone who had told them they were no brother of theirs for help? He put his hope and trust in you one last time and you went and crushed it, destroyed his other option, took away his last place to turn to. Nice job.
He was really starting to hate that voice. Why couldn't he have realized this when things stated to go down hill at the beginning of third year.
Because you were too concerned with yourself and your friends and playing pranks to notice one 'snot-nosed brat of a brother' as I believe you called him the one and only time James asked you about him.
Really, he'd never looked at Reggie as having a lot of problems. He was the one everyone in the family went to for sensible solutions to their problems. No one would ever guess how screwed up his own life had become by fifth year. And all it would have taken to straighten it out again was an older brother. You know, Lily had really nailed him. He was an arrogant, self absorbed son of a bitch. All he had to do was really look at Reggie and he would have realized his baby brother was in some serious trouble.
Sirius let go of his crumbling self control and allowed the tears to overtake him.