Hey guys! I'm really sorry I've been kind of MIA for a while…I know the last time I updated anything was in like August. I've just been so busy with school starting and band and I have so many more after school clubs now and all that…plus all my writing ideas have been sucked up for English class. Sorry about that…I finally decided to post a new fanfic. Hope you enjoy!
Cut me some slack if the writing is bad, please. I'm an amateur and kind of out of experience right now. And the ending is terrible, just warning you.
Disclaimer: I do not own anything except the actual writing, Mrs. Fitzgerald, and Mr. Johnson. The plot and all other characters are owned by Mr. Eoin Colfer.
It was a Friday afternoon. Six year old Artemis Fowl was sitting in a hard, uncomfortable chair outside the principal's office, waiting for him to finish with a meeting with the superintendent. Artemis Fowl did not like waiting.
It was not the first time that year or even that month that Artemis was in the principal's office. In fact, earlier that week he had been in here for "disrespect to teacher and to school."
Artemis's teacher, Mrs. Fitzgerald, had been teaching a lesson about multiplication. The first graders were just learning it. With the exception of one, who had learned three-digit multiplication shortly after he was born. Three guesses who that was.
Mrs. Fitzgerald was just explaining some of the rules of multiplication. "When you are multiplying, your answer will always be greater than the two numbers you multiplied."
It was a golden opportunity for Artemis. He raised his hand, the image of a polite child.
Mrs. Fitzgerald sighed. "Yes, Artemis?"
Artemis put down his hand. "Actually, Mrs. Fitzgerald, what you said was incorrect. If you multiply an integer by a fraction, the product will be greater than the fraction but less than the integer. If you multiply a fraction by a fraction, the product will be less than both factors." Most of the class had absolutely no idea what he had just said.
Mrs. Fitzgerald was starting to get annoyed. "Look, young man, who's teaching here, you or me?"
Artemis shrugged. "Well, I wouldn't say anyone was really teaching, since the material is so riddled with mistakes. He smirked. "Of course, I don't blame you for not knowing what I just explained, Mrs. Fitzgerald."
His teacher took off her glasses, closed her eyes, and rubbed the bridge of her nose, like her brain hurt. She seemed to be doing this a lot since Artemis Fowl came into her class. "And what exactly might you mean. Mr. Fowl?"
"Well, it's really the school's fault. The education system is really a bit lacking. If it was better, than the teachers would actually know the things that they're supposed to be teaching. Now, it just seems like the school picks people at random to be 'teachers,' assigns them a classroom, and leave them to fend for themselves. You are a stunning example of that, Mrs. Fitzgerald."
He was sent to the office before you could say "magic."
Artemis smiled, saving the memory to his brain. It would be one he would always treasure.
Since the principal didn't look like he would be done with his meeting anytime soon, he focused on why he had been sent down this time.
The first grade class had been down in the computer lab, learning a lesson on internet safety. Artemis had formed a plan in his mind that morning, since he knew they were going to be in the computer lab. He also knew the first graders would have a test about one digit multiplication the next week.
When the class lined up to go, he got in line with everyone else. Then, at the last moment, he slipped away and hid behind a computer desk. No one noticed him, because of the confusion of the chattering crowds. First graders were anything but quiet. He had also purposefully chosen to wear casual clothes to school that day, to blend in with the kids better. That way, his disappearance would be so noticeable.
When the class had filed out of the computer lab and the doors closed behind them, Artemis launched his plan into action. He sat at a computer.
Artemis figured he had time. Mrs. Fitzgerald would probably notice he was gone soon, if she hadn't already noticed, but he doubted she was eager to have him back in class. She would probably pretend not to notice he was gone, then in an hour or two she would pretend to just realize she was missing a student and act all worried. She was happy, he was happy.
The computer was already turned on. In order for this to work, he would have to shut it down first, and then restart it. While it was restarting, he quickly tapped a series of keys on the keyboard that his father had taught him. Letters, numbers and symbols scrolled down the screen, too quickly for the eye to read. Finally, the screen went blank and then it showed the words "logging on," with the little blue "loading" symbol.
Artemis smiled. His plan was going perfectly. The computer was now logged on. Even better, it was now an administrative computer, connecting to all the other computers in the school.
He quickly found the folder where the teachers stored test questions and answers. He clicked on the folder that said Math, then First Grade. There were a number of files. He quickly found Multiplication Test .
Let the games begin, thought Artemis, grinning.
The first course of action was to delete all the questions. He got a bad taste in his mouth just looking at them. What is one times three? said the first question. The second one was, if I have two bags of three jelly beans each, how many jelly beans do I have?
Artemis was appalled. Who didn't know this stuff?
He deleted all the questions and began thinking of his own.
At first, he wanted to go with calculus, but maybe that was a little too over the top. He settled on simple algebra, instead. After all, the first graders deserved a sporting chance.
Sporting chance, thought Artemis. As if. Most of these people are still learning to write their names.
Artemis's first question was, Identify the slope and y-intercept of this equation: 4x+y=5.
Artemis wondered if that question was too easy. The answer seemed simple to him. The answer was obviously that the slope was -4 and the y intercept was 5.
Oh well, he thought. If it's easy, it's easy. He proceeded with the next question.
If 3(2+y)=30, find the value of y.
Artemis continued to write questions in this manner. However, he only got to about the fifth question. That was because a large shadow loomed over him, blocking the screen.
Usually, whenever he came into contact with a large shadow, it was Butler, standing guard behind him. However, Butler was not allowed on school grounds, on the basis that he might scare the children, so it couldn't be him.
It was the media specialist, Mr. Johnson. Artemis had forgotten all about him.
Artemis turned around to face him. Mr. Johnson did not speak much, but when he did, it was never good. "Office," he said. "Now."
Usually Artemis would not have tolerated being spoken to with that tone, but as said before, Butler was not with him. He hurried down to the office.
That was over half an hour ago, thought Artemis crossly. I wish the superintendent would just sign the form for new art supplies, or whatever they're talking about, already.
As if on cue, the door to the principal's office opened. The superintendent walked out and Artemis walked in. His mother was already there. How, he didn't know. What he did know was that he suddenly felt guilty, especially with his mother staring down at him like that. He felt like someone should when they had been keeping huge secrets from their parents for a long, long time, and even tricked them to prevent them from knowing.*
Artemis looked away from his mother's eyes. Immediately the feeling passed.
It was worth it, thought Artemis Fowl the Second.
*Oh, the irony.