Hi everyone,

This is my first story, and mostly an experiment. Please review!

Disclaimer: I do NOT own Artemis Fowl. AT ALL. (I do get credit for Coeus and Persephone, though.)

"Mother," Artemis Fowl's eye twitched. "Is a family reunion completely necessary? We gain neither information nor gold for hosting this event."

Angeline Fowl smiled broadly. "Why of course, Arty! It's for all of the living Fowl family."

"Are you implying this event would benefit us in sentimental value?" Artemis exhaled in a deep sigh.

Angeline giggled. "I knew you would get it. My Arty is such a smart boy!"

Artemis looked his mother in the eye. "I do not wish you to host such an occasion."

Angeline clasped her hands together. "Arty," Artemis blinked as Angeline continued. "Please?"

Artemis could not stand that look in his mother's eyes. He knew what Angeline had gone through. Perhaps this would be a beneficial rest. "I remove all my rejection to your suggestion."

Angeline giggled once again. "Thank you, Arty! I know we will all just love it! I'll start the preparations right now!" She stood up from her chair and walked out of the room. Artemis put two fingers to his forehead. He really needed to get back to his research. And with that, he left the room.

---

The day of the reunion, Artemis Fowl found himself in his bedroom. He was building a plan it his mind for pilfering money from a certain Switzerland treasury. Artemis Fowl was more than slightly annoyed when he heard his mother calling him.

"Arty! Come down and meet your relatives!"

Artemis walked down the staircase, taking his time. What was the point in rushing? No profit was gained by doing so.

Artemis Fowl II knew he was a genius. He knew he had more capability than any professor or professors living. He knew that he could outsmart any living organism in the universes. But though Artemis was who he was, even he had to gape at this.

The sight that met him was an extremely strange one. Although Artemis knew he was to expect the worse; even he had not anticipate these two figures in the entry way.

One was male and the other was female. The male, tall enough, was wearing a beat-up shirt with beat-up jeans. The shirt was covered by a beat-up jacket. On his feet was a pair of beat-up tennis shoes. In all, the male figure looked very beat-up. He had chains falling out of his pockets and he was wearing black lipstick. To crown it all, the male's hair was pulled up into a Mohawk and dyed green.

The female was almost identical to the male; she wore beat-up clothes as well. Her lips were dark purple and her whole face looked as if someone had dumped a sack of flour on her. Her hair had dark blue and purple highlights and she wore two earrings much too big for her ears.

The male spoke.

"Yo."

A vein popped on Artemis's head. Was he really related to these imbeciles? "If you imply to greet myself, then I would suggest using proper English." Angeline turned to him. Artemis sighed. "Salutations."

Artemis's cousins blinked. Angeline walked somewhat between Artemis and his cousins and spoke. "Persephone, this is Artemis. Artemis, this is Persephone." The female practically ignored Angeline, who did not notice and turned to Artemis's other cousin. "Coeus, this is Artemis. Artemis, this is Coeus." Coeus then asked a question. "Artemis? Isn't that a girl?"

Artemis felt offended.

Angeline smiled without noticing the tension growing from Artemis's eyes. She spoke. "Arty, why don't you show your cousins your room?"

Artemis's eye twitched. "Mother."

Angeline pouted a little. "It's normal!"

Artemis breathed out in a sigh. "Follow me." The two others slowly stepped behind Artemis as he led them to his room.

Starting at that very moment, Artemis Fowl II's life would never be the same.

---

The party of three entered Artemis's room as the species inhabiting the room sat in a chair close by. His cousins stared at the room, analyzing the contents.

Coeus blinked. "Dude."

Persephone blinked as well. "Wow."

Coeus spoke. "Dude, like, what's with your room?" After a couple seconds he stated, "It's, like, full of paper!" Artemis was about to reply, however Coeus continued. "What's that?" He was pointing to a nearby object on Artemis's desk.

Artemis stared in disbelief. "That's a stapler."

"And what's that?"

"That's a pencil sharpener."

"Dude, what's that?"

"That's my computer."

Coeus and Persephone stared at the 190 inch flat screen TV. "That's a computer?"

Artemis breath came out in short phrases. He was beginning to lose patience. "Yes."

Coeus and Persephone continued observing the spacious room, occasionally pointing at an object asking what it was. This process drained every speck of patience from Artemis's body. "Coeus, Persephone, why do we not retire from my room and search refuge in some other place?"

Persephone replied, "Okay, dude, I have, like, no idea what you, like, said."

Artemis had to keep himself from slapping his head in distress. Coeus, on the other hand, was even less bright than Persephone. "Hey, dude, where's your room?" He asked this sitting on the bed.

Artemis blinked impatiently. "You are in it."

Coeus looked around. "This is your room?" Artemis nodded his head as someone would at a toddler. Coeus, ignoring Artemis completely, replied, "Dude, that's totally like, like, like, dude-ish!"

Artemis barely managed to push all the annoyance in his mind down to his stomach. "I offer you my apologies; however 'dude-ish' does not appear in my wide range of words."

Coeus stared at Artemis. "Okay, dude. You seriously need to work on your vocabulary." He pronounced 'vocabulary' as 'vocaabuulaaaary'. "Wow. Dude, I just, like, used a fancy word!" Persephone gaped. "No way! Dude, you're, like, becoming, like, fancy!"

Artemis slowly excused himself from the room.

---

Coeus and Persephone followed Artemis out of the room.

Artemis quickened his pace.

Coeus and Persephone followed.

Artemis began running.

Coeus and Persephone began running behind him. Unfortunately, we all know just how athletic Artemis was. As a result, Coeus and Persephone caught up almost immediately. Artemis stopped and committed an act that he had never done before. He slapped his forehead and groaned loudly.

"AAARRRGGG!!!"

Almost immediately a huge man the size of a bear appeared next to Artemis. This was indeed Butler. "Artemis?"

Coeus expressed shocked expressions in synchronization with Persephone. Artemis addressed the larger man. "Butler." Artemis turned halfway to his cousins. "Coeus, Persephone, this is Butler, my butler and bodyguard. Butler, this is Coeus and Persephone, my cousins."

Persephone widened her eyes. "You have, like, a bodyguard?" This statement was accompanied by Coeus's voice stating, "Wow, dude, wow." Coeus continued. "Dude, that's, like, cool, man! I, like, want a bodyguard!"

Artemis's tone portrayed his annoyance. "The Butler family only serves the Fowl generation."

Persephone stared at Artemis. "But dude, we are, like, your family."

Artemis replied, "You come from my mother's side of the family. You contain 0% of the Fowl blood."

Coeus scoffed. "Dude, believe it or not," Not, though Artemis, "but we are your cousins."

Artemis highly doubted that. "I will tolerate the fact as of the moment."

Coues stared at Artemis. "Dude, why do you, like, talk like that?"

Artemis breathed out. "You imbeciles lack the capability of comprehending my motivation for my verbal communication. I would appreciate immensely if we may possibly adjust the present subject. Unintelligent organisms such as yourselves I conclude are too dense to understand my mental facilitation."

Coeus squinted. "Dude, I have, like, no idea what you, like said, but that—that's powerful, man, That stuff really, like, hit me, like right here." He pounded where his heart was located. "I, like, really felt that. I totally, like, agree with you, man!"

Artemis thought, Yes, your do.

---

When he had heard Artemis's loud groan, Butler's instincts immediately came into play. He simply rushed to his employer's side, only to realize that the two objects before him were no threat to Artemis. Or, at least, his physical side.

His train of thought was interrupted by Artemis's voice addressing Coeus. Butler, watching this exchange, silently stood in the background. Turning to Persephone, he whispered, "I apologize for Artemis's rudeness. He's not a very social person, or rather, a people person."

Persephone, on the other hand, replied, "Hey dude, we're cool. We're cool." She was about to turn to Coeus but then faced Butler again. "Hey, can I, like, call you, like Butler? Dude, that would be really cool. You cool with that?"

Butler sighed. "If you wish, Miss Persephone."

Persephone widened her eyes. "Dude, that's like, awesome, man! Man, you're, like, actually, like, a cool guy!"

Butler smiled. "Thanks." He thought, Was I not cool before?

Just as Butler finished his words, Persephone's phone rang, accompanied by a phrase of depressing organ chords. She picked the mobile device up and answered, "Hey, Shea, I'm, like, busy, 'kay dude? I'm, like, meeting my, like, cousin's, like, butler."

Butler could hear Shea's loud reply of, "Wow, dude, that's, like, cool! Is your cousin, like, rich or something?"

Persephone grinned. "Yeah, he's, like, a billionaire!"

Shea and Persephone exchanged comments while Butler watched. He only hoped that not every teenager in the world (exception being Artemis) were not like them. Why couldn't everyone grow up like Juliet did?

---

Artemis, after finally finishing his conversation with Coeus, went off to see his mother. After all, desperate times deserved desperate measures. He found Angeline in the living room, drinking a glass of water a sitting on the sofa. Artemis gasped out, "Mother, how long is this going to last?"

Angeline giggled. "You're enjoying it, right?"

Artemis panted a bit from his run to find his mother. "Mother, I think Persephone and Coeus should depart."

"Oh, did they already tell you?"

"I have not been informed of any current information by them."

"Well then, Arty, I get to tell you!"

Artemis waited patiently while Angeline paused for dramatic effect.

"You're going to spend a year at Persephone's and Coeus's home!"

Artemis died right then and there. "I am what?"

Angeline giggled again. "Isn't that sweet of them? After all, this is good for family bonding. You get to have some real childhood memories!"

Artemis knew he would really earn some childhood memories. "Mother, please excuse me. I think I am feeling faint."

Artemis ran to his bedroom and, as some would say, freaked out. For the first time in his life, Artemis Fowl screamed like a little girl.

From outside the room, Juliet stared. "Uh, Artemis? Are you okay?"

Unfortunately, he was not.

---

Artemis was panicking. Yes, the unbreakable ice cube himself, was panicking. "What is this… feeling?" he asked no one in particular. "It's… mortifying."

A normal person in Artemis's circumstances would keep the insane behavior. Fortunately, Artemis was no normal person. He resorted to most intelligent response. He gathered the fastest possible route to Antarctica.

---

Coeus and Persephone, on the other hand, were having the time of their lives. They asked Butler so many questions that Butler felt ready to knock both of them unconscious. It is a good thing that Juliet arrived just then.

"Um…hi?"

Butler spun around to face Juliet at a speed even an Olympic runner would have to admire. "Juliet!" He turned back to Coeus and Persephone. "Coeus, Persephone, this is my sister, Juliet. Juliet, this is Artemis's cousins, Coeus and Persephone." Turning again, he spoke to Juliet, "Juliet, could you entertain Coeus and Persephone for the moment? I'm going to check on Artemis."

Juliet said, "Oh, right. Artemis is in his room. He's kind of freaking out."

Butler left and hurried to his panicked employer.

"So you're, like, Butler's, like, sister?" Coeus asked.

Juliet responded, "Duh!"

Persephone's eyes widend. "Wow! Dude, we, like, found someone, like, normal here!"

One of Juliet's veins popped. "I'm not normal. I'm a Butler." She stared at them with the signature 'for Butlers only' stare.

Coeus backed away a bit. "Hey, we're cool, dude. Do you, like, wrestle, or something?"

Juliet nodded.

Persephone grinned. "Dude, that's, like, awesome! You're, like, like, like, dude-ish!"

"Um, thanks?"

"Hey, do you, like, like awesome stuff?"

"Uh, sure, but, I have to go. See you!"

"Okay, bye." A few seconds later Coeus asked, "What's, like, your favorite, like, color?"

Suddenly Juliet realized why Butler had left.

---

Butler, outside Artemis's door, was confronted with a noise sounding similar to, "AAAUUUGGG!!!", followed by a couple more screams. Butler supposed that Artemis had found out about his little 'vacation'. I guess I should help him out, though Butler. "Artemis? Can I come in?'

The screams were cut short. Artemis had realized that Butler had heard him and must be very embarrassed. "Butler, enter."

Butler entered the room confronted by something slightly like Artemis, but at the same time very different.

Artemis had apparently been pulling his hair; it was a great mop of bed hair. He had lost the Fowl superiority about him, and his face was a bit red from either screaming or embarrassment. "Butler," he addressed Butler. Butler blinked. "Artemis, are you okay?"

Artemis frowned. "No, Butler, I am not 'okay'. My mother is convinced that I lack a 'childhood', and, as a result, is sending me to live with my cousins for a year. I do not believe I am able to stand my current situation."

Butler knew that Artemis would go one way or another. He reassured his employer, "I'll be there with you,"

Artemis had apparently been expecting this. "I had counted the possibility; however I would be pleased to find the exact reason for my mother allowing you to come."

Butler explained, "I just told her that I would watch out for you."

Artemis raised an eyebrow. "And what is the real reason?"

Butler sighed. "Nothing gets past you, does it? Well, the assassination attacks have been up ever since you did that Rembrandt job."

"Ah, yes, your reasons are exactly as I calculated. Well, I am pleased that I will not suffer alone." Artemis spoke.

Butler opened Artemis's closet. "Aren't you going to pack?"

Artemis sighed and walked to where Butler stood. "Of course, old friend. I am assured my year will not be as unbearable as I think."

Here was another landmark in history where Artemis Fowl II was actually wrong. Dead wrong.

Any way, thanks for reading! Please review!

skoshiahiru