A/N: A recent binge viewing of 'Allo 'Allo (an old favorite of mine) has temporarily rekindled my writing muse, while reminding me how much I love the character of Michelle. So combining those two into one, here's a mini-episode in pseudo-script format, where everyone's favorite leader of the Resistance plays a more active, central role than usual.
CRABTREE enters a sparsely-populated Café René.
CRABTREE: Good moaning.
An exasperated RENÉ looks up from the bar. With him are YVETTE, MIMI and EDITH.
YVETTE: It's that English idiot who thinks he can speak French.
RENÉ (sighing): Good moaning.
CRABTREE nods nonchalantly at the last German soldier as he leaves the Café, then hurries over to RENÉ.
CRABTREE: Ronnie, we have a priblem!
RENÉ: Priblem?
YVETTE: He means problem.
RENÉ: What a surprise. What is this 'priblem'?
CRABTREE: Michelle has been nibbled by the Gestoopoo!
RENÉ: Well, I suppose even hardened Resistance fighters like a quick cuddle every now and then.
But YVETTE is shocked by the news.
YVETTE: He means nabbed! By the Gestapo!
Everyone is horrified by the news.
RENÉ: What?!
MIMI: How did it happen?
CRABTREE: She was cit rodding her bocycle by the monitions damp, during a scatting mission.
RENÉ: My God, no wonder they arrested her.
EDITH: Do they know who she is?
CRABTREE: No, not yet, but it is only a matter of tom before she creaks and rovolls all of our sockrets!
RENÉ: Who is Tom?
EDITH: He means time. Why didn't she take one of her little suicide pills?
RENÉ (brandishing the rings on his fingers): Probably because she has given them all to me!
MIMI: What can we do?
RENÉ hurries over to the till and rings it open, then starts pulling out francs.
EDITH: René, what are you doing?!
RENÉ: I am legging it for the border, before she spills everything and we are all shot!
EDITH: René! You coward! How could you?! How ungallant of you, the Hero of the Resistance, to scupper like a chicken when she needs us!
RENÉ: We wouldn't be in this mess in the first place, if it was not for her and her hare-brained plans! Time and again I have told her that she will eventually lead us all to ruin, and sadly I have finally been proven true. I will have no part in this madness anymore! Send her my regards from Spain!
RENÉ's rush toward the door is stopped when HENRIETTE, MICHELLE's lieutenant, walks in, gun in hand. More girls of the Resistance troop inside behind her, blocking the exit.
HENRIETTE: René, where are you going?
RENÉ: Ah, I… I was just coming over to tell you all the bad nose; I mean, news.
HENRIETTE puts away her gun, crestfallen.
HENRIETTE: Yes, we know already. Michelle is being held prisoner in the Gestapo's secret headquarters. We have just been over there. We thought to make a daring raid to break her out, but could not even get close enough to try. It is crawling with Germans!
CRABTREE: We are up the crik without a piddle!
RENÉ: I could not have said it any better myself.
EDITH: Wait, I have a plan!
RENÉ: Edith, we are already in enough trouble as it is!
HENRIETTE: What is this plan of yours, Madame Edith?
RENÉ: Oh heck. Don't go encouraging her.
EDITH huddles over the bar, gesturing everyone closer. All do, save for RENÉ.
EDITH: Listen very carefully; I shall say this only once.
RENÉ looks at audience.
RENÉ: Well, I've been executed once before and lived to tell the tale. Perhaps it gets easier the second time 'round.
RENÉ reluctantly joins the others.