Not mine. I own nothing.

Be Careful What You Wish For

Once upon a time there was a woman named Stephanie Plum. Life wasn't easy for Stephanie and she didn't have very many real friends. She has a bum of a boyfriend and another man that was interested and she was interested in him but he wouldn't make a move. Her boyfriend was Joseph Morelli, a bad boy up to no good, a cop and the other man was Ricardo Carlos Manoso a.k.a. Ranger who owned an excellent security company and was a former Army Ranger. Joe had been in Stephanie's life since they were children and had proven many times that he was no good. Stephanie had only known Ranger a few years and in that time he had proven himself a truly good man who was truly there for her.

One evening Stephanie sat listening to a thunderstorm and watching the Rangers. She was getting fed up with life and she said to her hamster Rex "I just want one person in my life who is a truly good, real friend and doesn't want anything from me like sex, money, or anything like that. Why is it so hard to find that friend?"

Stephanie fell sleep on the couch that night as she was prone to do. When she woke in the morning to her surprise there was a doll sitting in the chair in the kitchen. He was about 3 feet tall, made of wood, wearing a tux with a painted on face. He was a ventriloquist dummy. She got up and inspected him closely but couldn't figure where he came from. She stood there with her hands on her hips and uttered "what the hell?"

To her surprise she heard "well you wanted a friend who didn't want anything in return. Here I am. I'm Gacy. I'm your new friend, Stephanie."

Steph was stunned by words coming from the doll. She poked his chest and he said "ow stop that".

She stumbled back to sit on the couch, "I don't understand. What the fuck is happening?"

Gacy got up and walked over, "relax baby doll, it's simple. You made a wish on a full moon and here I am. Just breathe."

Steph sat there for close to an hour just breathing, trying to understand what her new reality was while Gacy watched crap tv. After she got her breathing and mind straight, she spent another two hours questioning the small wooden man. After that it was lunch time so they went to her mom's for food as she didn't have any. Upon arrival at her parents' house there was a lot of eye rolling and 'why me's'. Stephanie's grandma Mazur even tried to grope Gacy with no success.

After leaving her parent's house, Stephanie and Gacy went the bounds office to see Lula and Connie. Gacy didn't move or speak in front of them so Connie and Lula thought she was lying. Lula stood by the car with her hands on her ample hips, "Girl, what you been smoking or drinking this morning? That dummy ain't real. He don't talk."

Steph just sighed and went home. Joe was waiting when she got there and once again Gacy didn't move. She stood next to her car and listened to Joe ramble on about marriage, babies, and cooking before she spoke up, "Not in the mood Morelli. Go away. I have no interest in getting married, popping out babies, or burning food. I'm busy and will permanently will be."

"Fine Cupcake. Let me know when you grow up." Morelli got in his truck and drove off.

Steph watched Gacy get out of the car to walk upstairs, "What the hell Gacy? You suddenly can't speak or move so I look crazy?"

Gacy looked up at her, "I didn't like them and didn't want to talk to them. The douchbags."

They went upstairs and watched more tv. That night Steph went to bed leaving Gacy in the living room while she slept. As she slept, Gacy let himself out of the apartment and made his way to Lula's apartment. He quietly climbed the side of the building and let himself in through a window only open four inches. He went into the kitchen and grabbed a knife before heading to the bedroom where Lula was. Gacy turned on the light in her room and waited. Lula woke with a start wondering why the light was on. "What the fuck? You're the doll from Steph's car."

Gacy spun the knife on his finger, "I am. You, Ms. Lula, are a very bad friend. You ridicule your friends instead of supporting them. You are just a rude person and need to be taught a lesson."

Gacy climbed onto the bed and held the knife to Lula's throat as he watched the fear in her eyes grow. "Any last words?"

"I'll be a better friend, I promise. Please don't kill me, " Lula begged.

Gacy smiled, "Too late." Gacy slowly drew the knife over her throat and watched her blood spray out in an arc.

The next morning Connie couldn't figure out where Lula was so she went to her apartment and found her. While waiting for the cops to come, she called Stephanie, who drove over. Stephanie ran from her car to Connie, "What the fuck happened?"

Connie was sitting on the curb, white as a sheet, "Lula…she's dead…oh God I'm gonna be sick."

Connie got up and ran over to a grassy area and threw up. Stephanie held her hair back with one hand while pulling out her phone with the other. She dialed Rangeman, Ranger's security company, "Rangeman Security, Lester speaking."

"Thank God Lester. Lula is dead. I'm outside her apartment building with Connie waiting for the cops."

She heard something thunk in the background, "Don't worry Beautiful. Tank and I are on the way. The bossman is out of town but I'll send him a text."

Steph sighed, "Thanks Lester."

Steph and Connie sat on the curb again as the cops pulled up. Morelli walked up to them, "Figures you're here Cupcake. What happened?"

Connie sniffled, "I called Stephanie so stop Morelli. Lula didn't come to work or answer her phone so I came to check on her. I have her spare key so I let myself in and found her. She's oh God."

At that Connie was running for the grass again leaving Steph with Morelli, " I haven't been upstairs. Any puke in that grass is from Connie."

Morelli nodded and walked into the building leaving Steph to deal with Connie. He came back out not ten minutes later as Lester and Tank were pulling up in a black SUV. Morelli was very pale and calling for backup. He walked up to the four of them, "I've called for backup and CSI. I've seen a lot of shit but that's…damn. Lula is definitely dead though. No one could survive that."

Tank blinked back a few tears at that as she was his former girlfriend, "What happened?"

Connie looked at all of them, "I'm going to my car. I don't want to hear it."

Morelli nodded, "Steph, you sure you want to hear this?" she did't move, "Ok, it looks like cause of death was a slit throat from ear to ear. It looks like the killer took the time to pin back the edges of the cut to make it a smiley face. They also pinned her eyelids open so it looks even more like she's grinning in death. She was cut from pelvis to the base of her throat. Her stomach was then pinned back with her small intestine pulled out and if I'm not mistaken, tied into a bow around her waist. The word 'bad' was painted in blood on the wall."

Stephanie felt sick but determined to listen to help solve her friend's murder. Tank had to sit down so Lester stayed with Stephanie, "Have their been any other murders similar to this?"

More squad cars, an ambulance, and a CSI van pulled up. Morelli said "no" and walked away to deal with his co-workers. Lester made a decision at that point to take his little party out of the scene so he called for someone to take Connie and her car home while he loaded Tank and Stephanie into his SUV. They drove to Rangeman and went up to Tank's office. Tank fixed them all a drink as they sat, "Anything you can think of Little Girl?"

Steph sat and thought and thought and thought. After a half hour, Lester poked her in the check, "You with us?"

Steph looked at him, "Yeah, I'm with you. It's the word 'bad' being painted in blood on the wall and the smiley face thing that's bothering me. I just can't place it. I'm going to go home and think on it."

The guys both nodded and Lester drove her home where her car already was. When Stephanie got up to her apartment, she told Gacy about what happened and Gacy made all the appropriate responses except he mentioned Lula being a "bad friend". Steph didn't think anything of it as she wasn't thinking clearly. She decided to go to bed even though it was only about five o'clock in the afternoon but it had been a really long day. After she had been asleep for a few hours, Gacy once again let himself out. He made his way to Morelli's house and let himself in the doggy door. He pat Bob the dog on the head, told him "Good boy", and put him in the basement. He made his way upstairs to Morelli's bedroom and found him in bed with a blond. Gacy didn't waste anytime. He just slit the blond's throat. He waited the minute it took for Morelli to wake up and look around him. Morelli saw the dead blond and then saw Gacy sitting in the chair in the corner of the room playing with a knife, "You're Stephanie's doll. What the fuck are you doing here? Did you kill Terri? Did you kill Lula?"

Morelli moved to get out of bed but Gacy pulled out another knife and threw it at his boys and pinned them to the bed as Morelli screamed. He resumed playing with the larger knife, "Of course I killed Lula. She was a bad friend. I killed Terri because she was a whore although she's got some nice tits. I'm going to kill you next. Not only are you a bad friend, you're a bad boyfriend. Cheating on a nice girl like Stephanie with this slut. Any last words?"

Morelli had removed the knife that was pinning his nuts to the mattress, "It's more like I'm going to kill you." He sprang from the bed and tried to get Gacy but Gacy was faster. He stabbed Morelli in the throat, "Bad Joey."

He finished with his business with Joseph Morelli and returned to Stephanie's apartment to sit in his chair.

Once again Stephanie's morning was disturbed by the phone ringing but this time it was her mother, "Stephanie have you heard about poor Joseph and that slut Terri Gilman?"

Stephanie sat up and paid attention, "What happened?"

"They're dead. His mother and grandmother went to visit him this morning and found him and Terri dead in his bed and Bob in the basement. The police don't know what happened."

"Gotta go mom. Thanks for telling me. I'm going to get in touch with the police to see if it's connected to Lula." Stephanie hung up and got dressed. She explained to Gacy and he just said "bad Joey".

Stephanie arrived at Rangeman a few minutes later and ran to Tank's office, "Are Morelli and Terri connected to Lula?"

Tank, Lester, and Hector looked up at her. Tank smiled and told her 'sit'. Stephanie sat and Tank began, "We think it was the same person. Terri's throat was slit and it looks like she was killed just because she was there. Morelli was stabbed in the nut sack, stabbed in the throat, slit open pelvis to throat and had his intestines made into a bow around his waist. It was definitely the same person. 'Bad Joey' was painted on the wall in blood."

Stephanie sprang up from her chair, "I need a fucking gun or wood chipper or flame thrower or something. I know who did it. I knew something was wrong with that wooden little fucker."

She ran from the room screaming "to the armory!" The boys all looked at each other as Lester said, "Thank God Ranger's back. Hector get him. Tank and I'll meet you both in the armory while trying to keep wild woman under control."

When Tank and Lester arrived at the armory and found Stephanie trying to get Woody to open the padlocks on the cabinets containing the weapons, "Woody I really really really need a flame thrower. It's life or death."

Woody just shook his head, "Steph, I'm pretty sure you don't know how to work one so no."

"A wood chipper?"

"So you can hurt yourself? No."

"A block of C4?"

"Nope"

"A bomb?"

"You have enough of those."

"A stick of dynamite?"

"Hell no."

Tank finally had enough, "Stop. The bossman is coming down and then Steph is going to explain."

Stephanie turned to him, "Ranger's back? He might be in danger."

Lester laughed, "I doubt it. See here he is."

Ranger walked in with Hector behind him, "Babe."

Stephanie ran up and gave him a hug, "I'm so glad you're ok."

Ranger just raised an eyebrow at her, "Explain."

Stephanie told them all about Gacy and why it was him. Lester started laughing when she was done, "Seriously? A ventriloquist dummy?"

Stephanie punched him in the stomach, "Yes Lester ! He's at my apartment right now."

Ranger sighed, "Ok, men arm up. Let's go to Steph's and if he's there, we'll take care of him."

They all received guns (and yes Lester got a flame thrower) from Woody before they went to the garage to get an SUV. To the surprise of all, Gacy was walking in below the cat. Lester's mouth dropped open, "Well fuck me sideways and call me stupid."

Hector laughed and said "Later" before shooting Gacy in the stomach. Gacy just laughed shrilly, "You can't kill me that way."

Stephanie yelled at him, "You aren't being a good friend. A good friend doesn't kill people. A good friend doesn't lie by omission."

Gacy stopped and looked at her, "I'm not being a good friend? What?"

Stephanie looked him in the eye, "Bad friend."

Gacy sighed, "How did you figure it out?"

"You became because I wished for a good friend and you aren't one so that means it will make you go away."

"Good bye Stephanie" Gacy said as he poofed out of existence with smoke.

Hector looked at the smoke that remained of Gacy, "Well, Lester, didn't you say something about fucking you sideways?"

Lester ran, "Not gonna bugger me!"

End