Notes: So yeah. Silly little AU idea that popped into my head while bored out of my mind at work. Wrote it out on my lunch break and then forgot about it for a while. Found it while going through my notes for another fic. I wrote it up, edited it, then decided to hang onto it for a few more days because you know what, Happy N7 Day Everybody. And of course, by silly little AU idea, I mean not so silly. There was much epic villain music played while editing this.
Broken Hourglass
Kaidan only understands half the jargon, but he knows exactly what they're saying. With time and rehab, most of his injuries will heal, but his implant's FUBAR. He'll never be back on active duty. Hell, he'll be lucky if he lives the next year.
The migraines are worse, more frequent. Aura never really goes away, he's always a little achy or nauseous or disoriented and he thinks he's added hallucinations to his list of symptoms. He almost convinced himself Shepard really visited when he was in a coma.
He goes through recovery in a haze. PT feels useless when Earth is burning, his students are missing, his family's gone, and there isn't a damn thing anybody will let him do about it.
When Udina visits, he expects platitudes, more thank you for your service political bullshit. Instead, Udina says that he can make the brain scans go away, that humanity needs all the help it can get in these times, political bullshit be damned.
He sounds too much like her when he about the catch.
"The truth is," Udina replies. "I need a Spectre I can trust."
He tells him he'll think about it.
Shepard comes by a few times, bringing whiskey and the offer of a jail break. Every time he thinks he should tell her, but the dark circles under her eyes just get darker and her cheeks more sunken.
Shepard was already running on empty when they left earth, now she's one more bit of bad news away from a breakdown. She has enough in front of her without having to worry about him.
Udina comes back for his answer. Udina tells him all the things about the war effort that the news won't. Earth's still burning. Palaven's burning. His dad's MIA. Shepard looks like a dead woman walking. He still has some time left, he can still help.
He once accused her of falling for Cerberus' manipulations. It's only when her Locust is on him and she's fully prepared to pull the trigger that he realizes he's done just that.
When she asks him to come back to the Normandy, he almost tells her the truth. Then he gets a good look at her. She doesn't look happy, but almost hopeful. He can't take that away from her. His biotics are stronger than ever and humanity needs all the help it can get. She needs all the help she can get. She can hate him when it's all over.
Shepard has a bullshit detector that can pick up a bent truth from the other side of the galaxy. He's a medic. "This won't hurt at all, now on the count of three…"
He should tell her he's dying, but instead tells her he can manage. He's always been able to manage.
He knows he won't see the end of this war, but he's going to do everything in his power to give her the world she deserves, even if it means he won't be in it.