Hi? I'm really proud of this! :) Comments appreciated as much as the Marauder's Map would've been by the DA. I might write a sequel for this if there's interest. I tried to make it symmetric, whoever spots it gets cookies.

Sometimes she thinks she can almost get through it.

So what if Death Eaters are running what was supposed to be the light side's last safe haven? She didn't expect life to be better once she's back at the castle, but she also definitely did not expect Dumbledore's murderer to replace him as Headmaster. She shouldn't, but she still hopes that everything would be okay.

So what if Hogwarts feels less of a home than ever before? So what if the green, green grounds and the Black Lake and Hagrid's hut and the pitch are off-limits and she never gets to see the outside of those grey walls or say hello to the Giant Squid or fly to her heart's content? She doesn't think she can stand the sight of grass or feel the breeze upon her face or feed crumbs to those lazy, giant tentacles anyway and she is positive she'd throw up if she ever saw a broom again. The Squid and the Whomping Willow and Hagrid are okay, and she is too.

So what if the Gryffindor common room is redder and quieter and more solemn than it has ever been? She doesn't miss its familiar comfort or warmth or the way her housemates used to laugh and chat and joke. It's going to be okay, she chants to herself, as her hands come away smeared with blood from bandaging yet another first year's wound, it's going to be okay.

So what if the forlorn yet strangely triumphant expression on Neville's face as he calls for the rest of the DA through that enchanted galleon is the closest to happiness she's seen on the boy all year? It's always good to find more friends, and if the desperation in their eyes is mirrored in her own, well this secret, inter-house gathering is a sign that some things, like their friendship, is still okay.

So what if no one pulls her to abandoned classrooms for a brief snog or teaches her new spells or takes midnight flies with her or strokes her hair when she revises anymore? She doesn't need a boyfriend anyway, Chosen One or not, and she can barely remember how green his eyes were or how it felt when he cuddles her close or how steady his arm was against hers when he roars out a new incantation anyway. She knows he isn't okay, but being alone is. Right?

So what if classes didn't teach her anything worth learning? So what if she's yet to see McGonagall or Flitwick or Sprout or Pomfrey smile this year? She's learning loads from smuggled spell books with charmed covers with her friends (behind locked dormitory doors and under House tables and in abandoned classrooms and wow, look at how good she is at memory charms now!) She's getting sneakier than she's ever been, and she's totally okay with that.

So what if none of her brothers are with her this year? She has Neville and Luna and Lavander and Michael and Seamus and the rest. They're in this together. Bruised and lonely and angry at the world, yes, but they're okay.

So what if her best friend was taken away before her very eyes and she had been powerless to stop it? She only cried for an hour and barricaded herself in her room for a day and if she didn't answer her friends' owls or her Mum's frantic, through-the-door inquiries- well, that's just to be expected. Luna would want her to be okay, and so she is.

So what if their attempt at stealing the sword of Gryffindor fails? They have no idea on how to send the blasted thing to Harry and she's used to being manhandled by the Carrows and their Slytherin workers by now. It could be worse, she thinks as the Cruciatus wracks her body for what felt like the hundredth time, it's not okay, but it could be worse.

So what if she just wants to get out of there? So what if she feels more of a prisoner than a student? She wanted a way out, for all of them. And until she can see for herself that the school population is free from the Carrows' tyranny, it will never be okay.

So what?