Alright, this is ANOTHER random parady ficcy thingy that I started...oh, god knows how long ago. It's just been something perched in my computer that I wander over to from time to time when I feel like writing something random. It's basiaclly just what would happen if one Freddy Krueger ever had the misfortune of meeting yours truly x: The chapter sizes will vary, depending on...how I write them. Some may be shorter then others, some may be as long as the Great Wall of China...but not really xD
Roshimito: That's just...stupid
I know you are, but what am I!?
Roshimito: ...Uuuuh...wait, what?
Disclaimer: I claim absolutely no...uhm..wait, that came out wrong. I have absolutely no copyrights over the characters mentioned in this story, except for one Sarah Maxwell - who is moi. Everyone else is copyright to...some...crazy people --; I have no idea who owns Freddy and Jason, okay!? Meow..
The first thing she noticed was it was damp. Real damp. And smelled sort of funny. Like pickles. It didn't smell like pickles, but it smelt funny like pickles; meaning pickles smell funny. But I'm getting way of track. Anyhow, the place she suddenly found herself in was damp, smelled odd, and after a moment consideration, was really really hot.
"Great. Did I walk into the furnace again?" The young girl muttered out loud, squinting her eyes in an attempt to see but finding it a failed attempt. The place was pitch black; on closer inspection, she decided it wasn't pitch black. It was pitch red. Even the darkness had a strange reddish hue to it, casting an eerie glow on a room that was already pretty creepy to begin with. "Okay, not the furnace then. So, where does that put me?"
Now most people probably would have been panicking at this time; waking up in a strange smelly room would tend to freak quite a few people out. But she had far to short an attention span to be afraid. "Ooooh, I can feel my nose!" See?
And then she heard it. The sound of claws scraping against metal, the sound of heavy boots striking the ground. Then the entire room lit up, casting a whole new light on the place. Actually, it wasn't a 'new light' since everything was still tinged with that odd red hue. But it was defiantly easier to see. The boiler room. That's what it was, after all. A boiler room, which she found odd considering last time she checked her house didn't have a boiler room. Or a boiler for that matter. "What IS a boiler anyway?" She mused, wondering why a boiler room was even called a boiler room. "Is boiler even a word?"
Again the metal, so she decided that instead of wondering over something that she'd probably forget about in a few moments anyway's, she focused on the strange sound. Instead of doing the intelligent thing and focusing on the surroundings.
"Who's there?" The girl gasped out dramatically, because it seemed like the thing to do at the time. She even brushed the back of her hand against her forehand, body arching back and eyes closing in an over dramatized scene.
A long silence, and then,
"What are you doing?" A croaky male voice asked in bewilderment, as if finding it hard to conceive the dramatically posed girl sitting on his boiler room floor.
Her eyes snapped open at the voice, which seemed so gloriously familiar. Hand dropped from forehead, body straightened from draped over position. Brown eyes squinted in the still red room, making out the shape of a man standing a few feet from her.
The first thing her mind registered was he was very, very short. Not short like a midget, but defiantly shorter then the average male. After she stopped musing over her rather odd train of thought, she noticed the more important details. He was wearing an old, ratty brown cowboy-isk hat, a dark green and red striped sweater, and every bare inch of skin he had was burned. Now at first she realized there was something oddly familiar about him, but was unable to place him.
Then her eyes caught the glint of silver on his hand that was revealed to be a leather glove with four, cruelly shaped claws. And he was smirking in a cocky, sadistic, and fangirl inducing smirk.
"OH MY GOD IT'S FREDDY KRUEGER!" She screamed, clapping her hands together and practically passing out in a swoon.
Now, whatever the child-murderer had expected his newest victim to say, that had...defiantly not been it. Which was clearly displayed on the blank look of shock on his scarred face as he tried to comprehend the squealing girl on his boiler room floor. "You know who I am?" He asked quizzically, narrowing one eye.
"Of course I know who you are!" Came the over enthused exclamation as she finally seemed to remember she had feet and sprang to a standing position. Though it had not been stated earlier, let it be known up until this point she had been kneeling on the ground. No real reason. "I know all about you!" Booming voice and weird finger wiggles that only made her look stupid; another failed attempt at being dramatic.
"Oh really?" The murderer scoffed, clacking his metal claws in a bored manner. This action was received with a squeal and an accomplished swoon; the girl simply let herself fall backwards, thwacking the ground with a thud. Freddy jumped. "What the # are you doing!?" He exclaimed, not used to his victims giving themselves brain damage.
"Falling over!" She squealed, then after a moment began to have a weird sort of twitching fit, giggling maniacally all the while. Her twitching ended, and instead she simply began pawing at the ceiling.
Yes, at this point, Freddy had absolutely no idea what to make of this scene. So instead he stood there, gazing in dumb bewilderment at the cackling girl. "Are you a maniac?" He finally asked suspiciously; just his luck.
The girl sprang to her feet, ceizuring all forgotten. "Nope! I'm a fangirl!" She paused, considering. "Though when you think about it, I guess there ain't much of a different between the two. Maniac, fangirl. We're all from the same Apple Tree.
"...apple...?" Freddy asked slowly, narrowing both eyes as he considered simply going for her throat. Screw toying with her, she was beginning to get on his nerves.
"Yeah! Like Freddy Meat!" Came the cheerful exclamation, accompanied by more finger wiggles and insane cackling's. "But never mind that! My names Sarah Maxwell, and I assume since I'm, y'know, in your boiler room with you, it is my time to die? Ooooh! Can you sign my corpse!? That'd be so awesome! Then my friends could see my body and be all 'That luck &, she got to be killed by Freddy Krueger!' And I'd be all 'HAH', but not really, cuz I'd be dead since you killed me. But, y'know. Jason."
During this entire rant, Freddy had simply stood there, gazing at the rambling girl in utter perplexity. "You...want me to sign your corpse..." He stated slowly, trying to grasp the absurd concept of such a feat.
"If it wasn't too much of a trouble! I mean, you must be really busy what with all the child murder and dream haunting and...ooooh...Steam..." Her mind successfully veered of course as she proceeded to gaze rather vacantly at the steam issuing from the boiler sitting in the middle of the room.
A long silence, as Freddy waited for her to continue with whatever she had been saying. Unfortunately, that didn't appear to be happening anytime soon. "Are you retarded, or are do you just do too many drugs?" He finally asked, crossing his arms with a scowl.
"Neither of the latter!" Came the expectedly insane response. A pause. Then she suddenly gazed at him with utter seriousness, raising her arms and splaying them out in front of her.
Freddy raised an eyebrow slowly, not sure what to make of this new act.
Sarah - that's what she had said her name was - continued to stare at him with a slight frown. Then she gave a strange sort of wave of her hands, eyes widening. "I SEE through you're ILLUSION!" She proclaimed, then promptly smashed her head against the nearest wall. She staggered, spun, then collapsed to the ground.
Freddy watched as the insane girl twitched. Then his eyes widened when he realized what had just happened. "#, no!" He screamed, but it was too late. The face to the wall had done it's damage, and the female disappeared from his nightmare world. "#&!!"
And that's chapter one folks! I hope you enjoyed xD
Roshimito: May I enquire as to WHY you have a crack yaoi warning...?
...No...no you may not...
Roshimito: ...
R&R FOLKS! BATMAN, AWAY!! -runs into wall-