Alone I break
Title: Alone I break
Parts: 1/1
Author: Nadine
Rating: PG-13
Warnings: Yaoi, cursing, hmm don't know what else
Pairings: Farfarello/Ken
Disclaimer: I don't own Weiß or Schwarz or anything else in this fic (well not that I know of).
Summary: What if Farfie isn't insane? What if someone finds that out, too and falls in love with him?
Notes: Sorry for grammar spelling or any other errors. English is not my first language so please bare with me. If you don't like that fic then please don't send me flame mails or anything, as they are most likely to rot in hell. Constructive Feedback is really appreciated
Now onto the fic and please read and review because this is my first Weiß Kreuz (slash) story and I dunno if I should write more!
A/N: It's from Farfie's POV (Point Of View)
Why do they always think it's me who's crazy? Can't they see that I'm just sensible? That my soul is hurting when I hear them talk behind my back?
It's them who make me feel like I don't belong. Anger, Hurt, Sadness every single emotion is entwined in my mind making me feel like I am not a person. They never ask me how I feel, what I think. They just think I am hurting god again. Well that's right most of the time but who did that to me in the first place? He fucked my life up! I didn't kill my parents; well stepparents but they won't believe me. Why won't they just believe me? What have I done to be treated like that?
That's why I cut myself. I do it to feel something besides the pain in me but ever time I do it I come to conclusion that I just can't feel anything. No matter how hard and deep I cut myself, I don't feel anything at all. Instead helping me, they are locking me up in a padded cell.
How can someone be so cruel? I'm just a lost child who is reaching out for help. When I kill someone I feel power. Power to change something. On missions I would talk to my victim for hours and they would listen. Then when I am finished, I'd kill them, as they are not allowed to speak about my true feelings. God, how I want to tell someone my life story without ending up killing them. Even if I know they wouldn't believe me a word…
But then again God did always fuck with me and after hurting him so much I don't think he'll make my life easier. Maybe I am crazy but I know that if there would be someone I could trust into...could love, everything would change and I would be my normal self again. Unfortunately it's not that easy. I'm killing people and as an assassin you don't have much friends. No I'm wrong you have none at all.
Sometimes I think Schuldich is near to realize my true feelings but he never speaks to me about it. Well he's not my friend so it's okay I guess. He has enough problems himself. Crawford well he wouldn't understand me if I would scream everything I feel right into his face. Nagi, well Nagi is always scared when I am near. Everyone is scared of me.
I am not a MONSTER! No I never was and never will be!
"Chirp" I look up from the place I'm sitting. It's a high cliff. Calming me down from my day. I watch two birds flying over my head. A blue one even flied down to me and onto my leg. I looked at it confused while it looked at me as if to say 'Come one everything will be just fine'. I smiled.
I think it was the first time in years that I smiled and then over such a trivial things as a single bird. This made me chuckle. Well after all I do feel happiness even hope but then again I could become really crazy now.
I reached into my pocket and grabbed a cigarette. I lit it and take a deep drag. Vapor encircles my body like a soft embrace. I was so lost in my little world that I didn't hear someone approach me.
"Farfarello?" a confused and slightly scared voice asked into the relaxing silence, nearly giving me a heart attack. Silence.
I turned around and a boy with tanned skin and brown hair is standing behind me. I recognise him as Ken Hidaka. One of our archenemies.
"I uh" he stuttered afraid of my silence. Why is everyone afraid of me? It's not like I kill EVERYBODY no only the ones who deserved it. But in their eyes I'm a soulless killer.
"Why do I scare you?" I asked him. He shoots me a confused look. "Don't be I don't bite." I add. To my surprise he looks at me before sitting down beside me. "I uh you are crazy right? And you kill people..." I sighed. What could I do to make him believe? "Do I speak like I am insane? Am I at your throat by now? Have I ever acted insane in your eyes?" I know that I shouldn't speak to him. I also know that I should kill him but right now I did not care. I was curious. "No" he breathed.
I lied back onto the fresh grass, the sun shimmering in its golden glow above me.
"Are you insane?" he asked. Well at least he is not THAT scared as before. "I don't know. What would you think when everyone tells you that. When everybody locks you up in a padded cell every fucking day..." I trailed off as the images flooded in my mind. "I would probably act the same Farfarello," He looks down. "Please call me Jei. I hate Farfarello" "Jei..." he said it as if it was something to savour on his lips. Now it was my turn to look confused.
"Why are you here?" I asked him. No one came to this place. NEVER.
He turned red and looked down. "You stalk me???" I almost screamed. "No I uh saw you walking up here and I uh well." What??? Why is he acting like this? Any other time we wouldn't hesitate to kill ourselves.
"Huh?" "IdidntbelievethatyouarecrazysoIwellstalkedyou" he blurted out. It took me a while to figure out what he had just said. When it dawned me I could feel my eyes going wide.
"You didn't believe them?" I was confused. "Yes, I, well believe it or not. God I am really going to say it! Ihaveacrushonyoubutpleasedontkillmenow" even if he said it faster then before I could hear every single word clearly. I sat up right while turning bright red. "I uh better go now," he whispered before getting up. "No. Stay...please" I grabbed his wrist before jerking my hand away as if it was burned. "What's wrong?" he asked. I can't believe it! The moment I touched his golden skin I felt a tingle go trough my fingers.
I feel! I felt HIM and not this numbness when I usually touch something. "It may sound crazy but can I touch you again?" We both turned red. Well it sounded like I was going to jump his bones. I reach my hand out and slightly touch his cheek. He closed his yes as the feeling of well feeling again overwhelmed me.
"I can feel you," I whispered. "What? I thought you can't feel, that you are immune to pain and all." he looked happy. I smiled "I don't know why but I can feel you" I smile for the second time that day.
"Can we start over again?" I asked him. "What do you mean?" "I mean you always thought I was your enemy and we never spoke a word to each other except for today. I want to start over again. No enemies, no fighting, no hate..." I looked hopefully at him.
"Hell yeah" he smiled jumping into my arms. "Hi I am Ken Hidaka! Nice to meet you!" "I am Jei! Nice to feel you!" We both laughed holding each other. Well I have to say God did a good job and I never thought he would do it this fast! Thank you.
2 years later
"Jei-Jei come on!" Ken screamed as we were running over a soccer field. As you can see as lot has changed. I never returned to Schwarz instead I joined Weiß and they all know and believe me that I am not crazy. They also accept me as a member and they trust me. I am so thankful for this second Chance and I promise I will never let someone fuck with me again. Well except Ken but that's another story. Anyway every Saturday Ken and me would drag the others onto the nearest soccer field to play.
I know it makes Ken happy so I harass the others until they go with us. I am also not insane well I never was but now I got the chance to show everyone. I even work with them in the flower shop and since I cover up my scars the girls really like me ^_^
But for right now I am totally happy playing soccer with my love and my best friends….
"I'll get it" Yohji screams over the place running in front of Ken. Ken kicked the ball to me with ease. "We will win!!!!" he squeals in delight. I ran as fast as I could determined to win. Suddenly Aya was standing in front of me and I couldn't stop. The last thing I saw was Aya's bewildered face as I raced into him...
After all Ken and me did win and Aya was whining the whole week because his butt hurt like hell.
~Owari~
Title: Alone I break
Parts: 1/1
Author: Nadine
Rating: PG-13
Warnings: Yaoi, cursing, hmm don't know what else
Pairings: Farfarello/Ken
Disclaimer: I don't own Weiß or Schwarz or anything else in this fic (well not that I know of).
Summary: What if Farfie isn't insane? What if someone finds that out, too and falls in love with him?
Notes: Sorry for grammar spelling or any other errors. English is not my first language so please bare with me. If you don't like that fic then please don't send me flame mails or anything, as they are most likely to rot in hell. Constructive Feedback is really appreciated
Now onto the fic and please read and review because this is my first Weiß Kreuz (slash) story and I dunno if I should write more!
A/N: It's from Farfie's POV (Point Of View)
Why do they always think it's me who's crazy? Can't they see that I'm just sensible? That my soul is hurting when I hear them talk behind my back?
It's them who make me feel like I don't belong. Anger, Hurt, Sadness every single emotion is entwined in my mind making me feel like I am not a person. They never ask me how I feel, what I think. They just think I am hurting god again. Well that's right most of the time but who did that to me in the first place? He fucked my life up! I didn't kill my parents; well stepparents but they won't believe me. Why won't they just believe me? What have I done to be treated like that?
That's why I cut myself. I do it to feel something besides the pain in me but ever time I do it I come to conclusion that I just can't feel anything. No matter how hard and deep I cut myself, I don't feel anything at all. Instead helping me, they are locking me up in a padded cell.
How can someone be so cruel? I'm just a lost child who is reaching out for help. When I kill someone I feel power. Power to change something. On missions I would talk to my victim for hours and they would listen. Then when I am finished, I'd kill them, as they are not allowed to speak about my true feelings. God, how I want to tell someone my life story without ending up killing them. Even if I know they wouldn't believe me a word…
But then again God did always fuck with me and after hurting him so much I don't think he'll make my life easier. Maybe I am crazy but I know that if there would be someone I could trust into...could love, everything would change and I would be my normal self again. Unfortunately it's not that easy. I'm killing people and as an assassin you don't have much friends. No I'm wrong you have none at all.
Sometimes I think Schuldich is near to realize my true feelings but he never speaks to me about it. Well he's not my friend so it's okay I guess. He has enough problems himself. Crawford well he wouldn't understand me if I would scream everything I feel right into his face. Nagi, well Nagi is always scared when I am near. Everyone is scared of me.
I am not a MONSTER! No I never was and never will be!
"Chirp" I look up from the place I'm sitting. It's a high cliff. Calming me down from my day. I watch two birds flying over my head. A blue one even flied down to me and onto my leg. I looked at it confused while it looked at me as if to say 'Come one everything will be just fine'. I smiled.
I think it was the first time in years that I smiled and then over such a trivial things as a single bird. This made me chuckle. Well after all I do feel happiness even hope but then again I could become really crazy now.
I reached into my pocket and grabbed a cigarette. I lit it and take a deep drag. Vapor encircles my body like a soft embrace. I was so lost in my little world that I didn't hear someone approach me.
"Farfarello?" a confused and slightly scared voice asked into the relaxing silence, nearly giving me a heart attack. Silence.
I turned around and a boy with tanned skin and brown hair is standing behind me. I recognise him as Ken Hidaka. One of our archenemies.
"I uh" he stuttered afraid of my silence. Why is everyone afraid of me? It's not like I kill EVERYBODY no only the ones who deserved it. But in their eyes I'm a soulless killer.
"Why do I scare you?" I asked him. He shoots me a confused look. "Don't be I don't bite." I add. To my surprise he looks at me before sitting down beside me. "I uh you are crazy right? And you kill people..." I sighed. What could I do to make him believe? "Do I speak like I am insane? Am I at your throat by now? Have I ever acted insane in your eyes?" I know that I shouldn't speak to him. I also know that I should kill him but right now I did not care. I was curious. "No" he breathed.
I lied back onto the fresh grass, the sun shimmering in its golden glow above me.
"Are you insane?" he asked. Well at least he is not THAT scared as before. "I don't know. What would you think when everyone tells you that. When everybody locks you up in a padded cell every fucking day..." I trailed off as the images flooded in my mind. "I would probably act the same Farfarello," He looks down. "Please call me Jei. I hate Farfarello" "Jei..." he said it as if it was something to savour on his lips. Now it was my turn to look confused.
"Why are you here?" I asked him. No one came to this place. NEVER.
He turned red and looked down. "You stalk me???" I almost screamed. "No I uh saw you walking up here and I uh well." What??? Why is he acting like this? Any other time we wouldn't hesitate to kill ourselves.
"Huh?" "IdidntbelievethatyouarecrazysoIwellstalkedyou" he blurted out. It took me a while to figure out what he had just said. When it dawned me I could feel my eyes going wide.
"You didn't believe them?" I was confused. "Yes, I, well believe it or not. God I am really going to say it! Ihaveacrushonyoubutpleasedontkillmenow" even if he said it faster then before I could hear every single word clearly. I sat up right while turning bright red. "I uh better go now," he whispered before getting up. "No. Stay...please" I grabbed his wrist before jerking my hand away as if it was burned. "What's wrong?" he asked. I can't believe it! The moment I touched his golden skin I felt a tingle go trough my fingers.
I feel! I felt HIM and not this numbness when I usually touch something. "It may sound crazy but can I touch you again?" We both turned red. Well it sounded like I was going to jump his bones. I reach my hand out and slightly touch his cheek. He closed his yes as the feeling of well feeling again overwhelmed me.
"I can feel you," I whispered. "What? I thought you can't feel, that you are immune to pain and all." he looked happy. I smiled "I don't know why but I can feel you" I smile for the second time that day.
"Can we start over again?" I asked him. "What do you mean?" "I mean you always thought I was your enemy and we never spoke a word to each other except for today. I want to start over again. No enemies, no fighting, no hate..." I looked hopefully at him.
"Hell yeah" he smiled jumping into my arms. "Hi I am Ken Hidaka! Nice to meet you!" "I am Jei! Nice to feel you!" We both laughed holding each other. Well I have to say God did a good job and I never thought he would do it this fast! Thank you.
2 years later
"Jei-Jei come on!" Ken screamed as we were running over a soccer field. As you can see as lot has changed. I never returned to Schwarz instead I joined Weiß and they all know and believe me that I am not crazy. They also accept me as a member and they trust me. I am so thankful for this second Chance and I promise I will never let someone fuck with me again. Well except Ken but that's another story. Anyway every Saturday Ken and me would drag the others onto the nearest soccer field to play.
I know it makes Ken happy so I harass the others until they go with us. I am also not insane well I never was but now I got the chance to show everyone. I even work with them in the flower shop and since I cover up my scars the girls really like me ^_^
But for right now I am totally happy playing soccer with my love and my best friends….
"I'll get it" Yohji screams over the place running in front of Ken. Ken kicked the ball to me with ease. "We will win!!!!" he squeals in delight. I ran as fast as I could determined to win. Suddenly Aya was standing in front of me and I couldn't stop. The last thing I saw was Aya's bewildered face as I raced into him...
After all Ken and me did win and Aya was whining the whole week because his butt hurt like hell.
~Owari~