So. I'm writing Hetalia fics now, apparently.
This is...I don't really know. I wanted to explore the whole idea of everyone leaving Ivan, and how it would affect him. Unfortunately, some characters will be rather OOC (feliks and ivan) though I tried my best.
WARNING: This is not historically accurate. in real life, estonia gained independence first, with lithuania and latvia some time later, but i didn't really see it happening that way. apologies if this annoys some people.
ANOTHER WARNING: this is...pretty grisly. it's rated M for a reason...you know, Ivan's being Ivan, and all that. and toris falls unconcious far too often :) to clarify: rated M for language, violence (much of it pipe related) and sexual content, but that isn't too graphic.
this will only have a few chapters, and unfortunately this is the longest one, sorry for that. BUT the others are substantially longer than ones i write for other fics, so that's good, i suppose.
PLEASE tell me what you think. this is my first time writing anything baguely worthy of an M rating...i want to know if i've failed horribly or not.
x
Lithuania - 6th September 1991
There was a hand around his neck, and his back was pressed up against the wall.
Two dangerous, terrifying eyes loomed in front of his face.
"You love me, don't you, Toris." It wasn't a question, and Toris knew he desperately needed to give a response, but he couldn't bring himself to speak, or even open his mouth. He just nodded fearfully. "You're never going to leave me, are you, Toris." Toris shook his head, and suddenly the grip on his neck became tighter. "Are you sure about that, Toris?" Toris nodded again, his hands coming up to try and pry away the hand clamped to his throat. He was feeling dizzy, and he was wondering why he could see four eyes in front of him instead of just two.
Suddenly the hand let go and Toris slumped to the floor, gasping for breath. "Good boy, Toris. Good boy." Ivan crouched down next to him, looking at him with a cheerful smile. "And don't forget, dearest, that if you try and leave me, I will find you, and I will bring you back." Toris watched him with cautious eyes. "Because I love you, Toris. And I never want to be without you." He suddenly pressed a kiss to the top of Toris' head, and he left, humming tunelessly. When the heavy door closed behind him, Toris let out a shuddering breath, and he brought his knees up to his chest, hugging them close. He didn't realise he was crying until he felt a hot wetness against his cheeks. He lifted a hand to brush them away, and when he brought his hand away, it was red, covered in his own blood. He buried his fingers into his hair until he encountered a swelling, and the blood had started to matt his hair. To think that Ivan had done this, and so much more, all under the pretence of loving him, it was too much for Toris to bear.
He sobbed into the quiet room, unaware that Ivan was still stood on the other side of the door. He heard Toris' sobs, and smiled, before making his way down the corridor.
"Raivis?" Eduard whispered. "Is he gone?"
Raivis peeked around the corner and nodded. "Coast is clear." Eduard strode past him and went up to the door Toris was behind.
"Toris?" Eduard whispered, laying a hand against the wood, as if he were reaching out to him. "Toris, can you hear me? It's Eduard."
Toris looked up in the direction of the door, and wiped his eyes with his hand. "Eduard?"
"Yes, it's me. Can we come in?"
"We?" Toris asked, panicked.
"Yes. Me and Raivis."
"I'm here too, Toris." Toris almost smiled at Raivis' innocent voice.
"Yes, you can come in."
The door opened, letting in with it a flood of light. Light landed on Toris, and Eduard flinched, without being able to help himself. To Toris, this was nothing new. He knew he looked a state.
"How bad is it?" He asked quietly.
"It's…" Eduard walked over to him, and grasped his hand gently, helping him stand. He led him over to the mirror on the other side of the room, and when Toris saw himself, he let out a tearful sob.
He had a black eye, so swollen that the eye was nearly closed. There were bruises blooming on his jaw, violently purple, black and blue. There was a streak of red in his hair, the sticky dried blood making Toris want to look away, but he held his own gaze. There were definite bruises around his neck, finger shaped, and Toris let out a shuddering breath. His lips were swollen and kiss bruised, and the top button of his shirt had been torn off. There was a small puncture wound where Ivan had sunk his teeth into Toris' neck.
For the second time, Toris felt the tears flowing down his cheeks, as well as seeing it in the mirror. He looked utterly beaten, broken and defeated. Toris sunk down to his knees, his head buried in his hands as he sobbed. Raivis came and gently placed his arm around Toris' shoulders, and for several minutes they remained that way, until suddenly, a large silhouette blocked out most of the light coming through the doorframe. Eduard turned to see who it was, and nearly jumped out of his skin.
Ivan was stood there, a pleasant, terrifying smile on his face. "Ah, here you all are!"
As if we would have been anywhere else, Eduard thought to himself. Ivan smiled on. "I've just come to tell you all that we're having company tomorrow morning! My good friend is coming around. I'm trying to persuade him to become one with Mother Russia." He grinned, and Raivis flinched, though thankfully Ivan didn't notice. "And I want you three to stay out of sight, da? So we don't scare him away!" He chuckled lightly, though Eduard knew the real reason that Ivan didn't want the guest to see the three of them. It was so he wouldn't see Toris, bruised and battered, and realise just how cruel and sadistic Ivan was. "Well, have a good night!" Ivan called brightly, and left them. Suddenly, before the door could even close, there was another figure in the doorway.
It was Belarus, Natalia, and she was grinning eerily, her light eyes glowing in the dark. "If you mess up my brother's plans by showing your pathetic little faces tomorrow, you'll have me to answer to, as well as him. And we know what happens when I get angry, don't we, Toris."
Toris glanced down at his twisted, scarred fingers and nodded fearfully, and he let out a shaky breath when she left them.
"Don't worry, Toris." Raivis said gently. "We'll look after you, okay? Let's get you to bed."
Toris gratefully let himself be led over to the bed, where he curled up under the covers without even taking any clothes off. Eduard and Raivis watched him for a few moments, before they closed the door behind them, leaving Toris to a fitful sleep.
When Toris awoke, there was a pounding pain in the side of his head, and he sat up slowly, gingerly fingering the cut, wincing as he felt the knotted hair, matted by blood. He slipped into his adjoining bathroom, intent on having a shower. He locked the door behind him, because he was constantly scared that Russia would decide to join him again. After he had turned on the shower, and he could barely hear his thoughts under the hiss of water, he removed his shirt with shaking fingers, and when he saw himself in the mirror, his fingers went slack and the shirt dropped to the ground. His front was covered in bruises and scars. He could easily see his ribs, he was malnourished, dehydrated. He was a wreck. He didn't even hazard a look at his back, and he quickly undressed and stepped into the shower. Of course, the water stung his open wounds, the blisters and welts caused by a length of metal pipe. It hurt, but the force of the water massaged his muscles, and for just a few minutes, he allowed himself to relax. When he washed his hair, he watched the blood run down the side of his body, before disappearing down the plughole. A new day, he thought. A new day, with no blood. A clean start. He was almost hopeful that today would be better than the day before had been.
Together with Eduard and Raivis, he ate breakfast in the kitchens, quickly and quietly. They all finished before Ivan or Natalia appeared. They were sat in a living room, when Ukraine, more commonly known as Katyusha, poked her head around the door. "I'd advise that you all get upstairs…Ivan's guest just got here."
They nodded and rushed upstairs and into Raivis' room, lest they incur Russia's wrath. Peering behind a curtain out of the window, Eduard and Raivis watched Ivan's guest arrive.
"Oh, it's him!" Raivis said.
"He's familiar. I can't place him, though." Eduard turned to Toris. "See if you recognise him."
Toris shook his head from his place on Raivis' bed. "I don't want to. Ivan might see us in here, and come up and-" his face paled, before he cleared his throat and quickly shook his head. "Just…come and sit down. Do you have a pack of cards, Raivis?"
Raivis nodded, and ran to his bedside table to get them. For most of the morning they played. Eduard won most of the games, and it was evident that he was the best player.
By lunchtime, Toris could hear his stomach growling. "I'm starving." He murmured. "Do you think we could ask Katyusha to make us some lunch?"
Eduard shook his head. "If the guest saw her bringing up three plates of food, he'd get suspicious."
Toris had to admit that Eduard was right, and they played on a little longer. Half way through a game of blackjack, and Toris realised he was shivering. "It's so cold in here, Raivis! How do you stand it?"
Raivis shrugged and nodded to the mountain of blankets on his bed. "Usually I just bury myself under there."
Toris wrapped his arms around himself in an effort to get warm. "I'm going to get a jumper from my room. I'll be back soon."
"Be careful." Eduard said, and Toris nodded. Carefully, he crept out of Raivis' room, and went as quietly as he could in the direction of his own room.
Toris' bedroom was on the other side of the house to Eduard and Raivis'. It was very near to Ivan's bedroom, and the reason for the positioning of Toris' room was obvious. To get to his bedroom, however, Toris would have to pass the grand staircase, the one that had a balcony running around it. Anyone who were to venture into the entrance hall would easily see Toris pass.
However, this thought didn't occur to Toris as he walked along. It was only when he heard a gasp from the bottom of the stairs, a gasp that was definitely not from Ivan, Katyusha or Natalia. He turned slowly, to see who was standing at the bottom of the stairs.
When he saw who was there, he drew in a ragged breath, covering his mouth with a pale, scarred hand. They stared at each other for several minutes, before Toris found his voice. In a whisper, one full of disbelief and shock, he said, "Feliks?"
And it was. It was Feliks. The one person that Toris was sure he would never see again. Feliks. He was here. And staring at Toris and his disfigured face with something akin to horror. Before Feliks could say anything, Toris had ran across the corridor and stumbled into his bedroom, slamming the door behind him. He stood there for several seconds, breathing heavily. He ran a shaking hand over his face, wincing when he inadvertently pressed his swollen eye. Suddenly there was a knocking on his door and he jumped a foot in the air, letting out a sob without really meaning to. "Toris? Like, are you in there?" Toris relaxed when he knew it wasn't Ivan. He didn't know why he thought it had been, Ivan was never one to knock.
"Toris? Please, open the door."
"No." Toris said quietly, his voice distorted and thick with tears. "You're not meant to see me. Please, go downstairs before Ivan notices you've gone."
"Toris." Feliks was almost pleading.
"No, Feliks." Toris said, letting out a ragged breath. "Please. Go away." There was no response, but Toris knew Feliks was still there. "Please, Feliks. Get away from here, before you get hurt." He heard Feliks' retreating footsteps and sighed.
He steeled himself, determined not to break down. He grabbed the jumper he had come for, and ran back to Raivis' room, slamming the door behind him.
"He saw me." He said quietly, and Raivis dropped the cards he was holding.
"He did? Oh no, what did he do? Did he hurt you?"
Toris shook his head. "Not Ivan. Feliks." He watched the comprehension dawn on their faces. Suddenly he felt anger boil up inside him. "It's Feliks down there!" He cried. "Why? Why in god's name does Ivan have to choose Feliks? He trying to persuade Feliks to become one with Russia! He can't have Feliks! He just can't!" The tears were coming again, but this time they were silent, and he let them fall as he stared at the floor. He briefly wondered if Ivan had heard his outburst through the floorboards.
Ivan's smile widened as the smaller nation slipped back into the room. "Ahh, Feliks, you've returned. I trust you found the bathroom alright?"
"Yeah, yeah. I, like, found it alright." Looking slightly distracted, he took his seat on the sofa opposite Ivan.
"Anyway." Ivan began, a gentle smile on his face. "As I was saying, there will be numerous benefits for the both of us, if you became one with Russia. I can help you out financially, and provide you with military aid, should you require it. I really can't see a downside."
"I, err…" Feliks began, unusually awkward. "Which other countries have, like…become one with Russia?"
Ivan looked surprised by the question, before he smiled again. "There's my sisters, Belarus and Ukraine. And there's also Estonia and Latvia."
"What about-" Feliks began, and hastily silenced himself. "Never mind. You have, like, an awesome house." He said, after a few minutes of awkward silence.
"You like it?" Ivan said, smiling. "I'm so glad. After all. If you accept, you could be living here."
And what? Feliks thought. Get beat up like Lithuania? Not a chance in hell! Ivan, you're a monster. If only I had an army big enough to take you on. I'd destroy you for what you did to Toris. I'm going to help you, Toris. Any way I can.
"I'm sorry." Feliks blurted out. "But I, like, simply can't become one with you. I'm a totally important trading partner with a lot of other countries…I'd, like, lose all that if I joined you."
Ivan's face fell, and for about half a second he glared at him with a fury that Feliks didn't know the tall nation possessed. The glare was almost over before it began, before it was replaced by a sad smile. "If that's how you feel, Feliks Łukasiewicz. It'll be such a shame, to not have you live here. Still. I suppose I can't force you." There was a glint in his eyes that told Feliks he was perfectly capable of forcing him. After a brief pause, Ivan spoke again, addressing Feliks in that strange way that he did, calling a person by their full name, instead of just their first. Feliks always felt uneasy at the sound of his surname coming from Ivan's mouth. It sounded so strange, so abnormal. "It's been nice seeing you, Feliks Łukasiewicz. I trust you can find your own way out?"
Feliks nodded and hurriedly left, but not before casting one look up the stairs, to see if he could see Toris again. How he wanted to be able to take him away from here, but he knew that while Ivan and his deranged sister were still around, it was impossible.
Upstairs, in Raivis' room, they heard Feliks' car drive away.
They also heard Ivan's heavy foot steps on the stairs, and suddenly the door to Raivis' room crashed open, and he was stood there, the smile absent from his face. He strode over to the three of them and grabbed Toris by the scruff of his neck and hoisted him violently to his feet. Without a word, he dragged him out of the room and along the corridor into his own bedroom. Toris was thrown onto Ivan's vast double bed, and he could only watch with terrified eyes as Ivan closed the door and locked it behind him.
"Things did not go to plan." Ivan said, his smile sinister. "And I need cheering up. Come now, Toris, will you cheer me up?" Toris had no time to answer because Ivan had strode up to him and grabbed his chin, ignoring Toris' flinch as he pressed down on the bruises along Toris' jaw. He crushed their lips together, the grip on Toris' face never lessening.
And that was always how it was, when Ivan took Toris to his room. It was always pain, and hurt, and obscene words whispered into Toris' ear. It was always the bruising of Toris' skin, and Ivan's sinister, breathless laughter. It was also Ivan taking from Toris, never giving. It was always like this, so why did Toris cry every time? Why wasn't he immune to Ivan's bruising grip, or his vicious smile and unnatural violet eyes? Why did Toris cry? He didn't know, but it provided endless entertainment for Ivan.
"That's it." Ivan said, leering at Toris. His hair was ruffled, his cheeks flushed, and he was grinning down at the brown haired nation underneath him. "Why aren't you crying, Toris?" He thrust particularly hard, and Toris let out a whimper. "I want to see you crying, Toris." He grabbed Toris' arm in a bruising grip, but he was slightly disappointed to see no tears leak from Toris' eyes. He placed his hand over one of the welts on Toris' stomach. With a tug of skin, the wound was torn back open, and dark red blood started to seep down Toris' side. He let out a cry of pain, and with that, the tears could be seen glistening in Toris' eyes. "That's it, Toris. My god, that's it!" He began muttering hastily in Russian, his arms trembling, and with a burst of colour behind his eyelids, Ivan let out a shuddering breath, as everything that had built up was suddenly let go again. He rolled to Toris' side, breathing heavily, and smiling, as he always did. "Wasn't that fun." He looked to Toris for a response, only to see that Toris had his eyes closed and was lying quite still, unconscious. Ivan just grinned.
When Toris awoke in the morning, he was still in Ivan's bed. His clothes were in a heap on the other side of the room. He half expected to be handcuffed to the bed, but then again, he never knew what to expect from Ivan. He wondered as to the time, but the way the light streaming in from outside was so pale, he guessed it couldn't be more than eight o' clock. He couldn't hear any of the normal morning bustle, and when he rolled over he nearly screamed. Ivan was still in bed with him, sleeping peacefully, a serene smile on his lips.
No one got out of bed before Ivan. Even if Toris were to try and wake up early, he would descend the stairs to find Ivan already up and about. But now…maybe this was Toris' chance. He crept out of bed, ignoring the pain that rattled around his thin frame, and pulled on his clothes. He found the key to the door in Ivan's coat pocket, and once he had unlocked and opened the door, he cast one last glance at Ivan. And with that, he was gone.
Of course, Toris didn't get far. He had gotten as far as the front gates when he heard a door slam. He froze, spinning around to see if anyone was after him. There was silence for a while, before he heard Ivan roar. "Where in the hell is he!"
And suddenly, Natalia's pretty face appeared in her bedroom window, looking straight at him. She sneered at him, and it quickly changed into a grin. She was speaking too quietly for Toris to hear her. Had he been inside, he would have heard her say, "He's by the front gates, he can't get out. Brother, will you let me break his fingers again?"
And all of a sudden, Ivan was in the doorway, striding towards him, carrying what looked like -
"Oh, no." Toris whispered. "Ivan, please! I'm sorry! Please, Ivan, please don't-" Ivan ignored his cries and raised the pipe above his head and swung it at Toris. It hit him soundly in the side of the head, and Toris blacked out, and fell to the floor, blood flowing steadily from his ear.
I'm dead. This is it. I'm dead, and this is the afterlife. It isn't Heaven. It must be Hell. I've done so much to deserve it, after all. It's quieter than I would expect. Darker, too. It feels like there's only me here. I can't move. Is that normal? Maybe it is, I don't know. But…should being dead hurt this much? I didn't think it did.
Slowly, extremely and excruciatingly slowly, Toris began to realise that he was not dead, and that he was instead in the cellar of Ivan's house. Oh yes, Toris remembered this room. It was the one with the chains on the walls. He couldn't tell if his eyes were opened or closed, as he tried to find any sort of light source. There was none.
Toris was breathing heavily, his heart pounding in his ears. He was shivering from the cold, but he was far too warm at the same time. He didn't know what was going on, and tried to pull his hands from the manacles they were strapped to. Had he been calmer, and the rush of blood through his veins hadn't seemed so loud to him, he might have heard something else, someone else.
And suddenly, there was a hand clenched around his throat. He screamed, and he kept screaming, like he didn't have to stop for breath, because Ivan had been in the room the whole time.
When he spoke, his voice was low and dangerous, and Toris could tell that Ivan wasn't smiling, for once. "Didn't I say, Toris, that if you were to leave, I would find you, and I would bring you back." The hand tightened, and Toris began to gasp frantically for air.
Suddenly, Ivan let go, and shifted to the side. How he could see in the dark, Toris didn't know. He felt Ivan's fingers on the manacles holding his hands, and with two clicks they opened and his hands fell to his sides. He looked around cautiously, unaware as to where Ivan was. Suddenly Ivan had grabbed him by his hair and had thrown him down onto the ground. "Didn't I say, Toris!" Ivan yelled. "Didn't I say! I would find you! I would bring you back!" A heavy boot collided with Toris' side, and he yelped in pain. "How dare you!" Ivan cried, raining kicks upon his sides and his back. "How dare you leave me, after everything I've done for you! You're just a spoilt, selfish, ungrateful little child. Did you actually think you could get away from me?" He laughed bitterly into the darkness. Toris lay, curled up into a ball, his fingers searching his body for any bleeding. "For once in your life, stop crying!" Toris hadn't realised it, but uncomfortably hot tears were streaming down his face, and for a good few minutes he had been sobbing quietly. He felt Ivan put his foot on his stomach, pressing down gently. When he spoke, his voice was much quieter, but no less terrifying. "Don't you understand? I can't let you go, Toris, not ever! I love you…you mean too much to me…I am never going to let you go!"
"No!" Toris suddenly cried. "No! This isn't what I want!"
The boot on his stomach suddenly pressed down a lot harder, and Toris gasped. "It doesn't matter what you want."
Toris chose to ignore this. "I don't want you!" He shouted it, but he had no idea how loud his voice was. "I don't want you, I never have! Whenever you touch me, I'm repulsed! You make me hate myself, you make me feel sick when I look at myself in the mirror! And when you drag me to your bed, I want to die, because death, and an eternity in Hell would be better than watching you take everything I have, leaving me with nothing! I hate you! I hate you!" The pressure of Ivan's boot from his stomach vanished, and Toris could vaguely hear what sounded like Ivan stumbling a few steps back. And suddenly there was pain in the side of his head, a perfectly aimed hit from the toe of Ivan's steel toed boot, and Toris fell into unconsciousness.
"He's going to kill us, Eduard."
"I know, Raivis, just shut up for a minute!"
"We shouldn't have done it, it'll be us next!"
"Raivis! Be quiet, please!"
Raivis fell silent.
"I think his fingers should heal alright."
"She didn't break all of them, did she?"
"Not the thumbs."
Toris opened his eyes. He was in his bedroom, and Eduard and Raivis were stood, leaning over him with matching concerned expressions. "Toris!" Raivis breathed. "You're awake!"
Toris opened his mouth, but his throat was sore, and he caught sight of a glass of water on his bedside table. Eduard saw him looking and fetched it for him. "Raivis? A little help?"
"Oh yeah, of course." He rushed forwards and hooked his arms around Toris' back, and lifted him into a sitting position, so he could take a drink from the cup that Eduard was holding to his lips. The water was cool and refreshing, and when the cup had been replaced and he had been lowered back down, he managed the tiniest smile, but to Eduard and Raivis it was extraordinary. They couldn't remember the last time Toris had smiled.
"Where is he?" Toris whispered, his voice quiet and hoarse. There was excruciating pain pounding all over him, in his fingers, his waist, his head, everywhere, but he tried to ignore it as best he could.
"At a meeting. He won't be back until the afternoon. And Katyusha's taken her out of the house…you're safe."
"He just left? Wouldn't he think I could…could just…"
Eduard and Raivis shared a glance that Toris didn't like. Eventually Raivis spoke. "He thinks you're still in the cellar, Toris. When he left you were there, but Eduard found a key and we brought you back up here."
Toris' face went white. "He's going to kill me. He's going to kill you, too! Please, put me back down there, please."
Eduard shook his head. "No. You need medical attention, Toris. You're really badly hurt."
"No I'm not, really! Please get me back down there before he comes back!"
"No!" Eduard suddenly shouted. "Don't you understand how hurt you are? A black eye, severe bruising all over your body, horrible welts all over your back, at least two broken ribs and eight broken fingers! And you nearly died from loss of blood! I've been working all night to make sure you didn't die! Now please, Toris. You're seriously hurt. I have to make sure you're treated properly."
"At least…" Toris' voice had dropped to a whisper. "At least…bandage me up, and then put me back down there. We have to keep him happy."
Eduard was confused. "He'll know you've been out. He'll be furious."
Toris shook his head. "Because I stayed…because I didn't escape when I had the chance…he'll think he taught me a lesson. By going back there, he'll think I've realised there's no hope of an escape." He looked at Raivis, who was evidently confused. "Don't you see? He doesn't care if I'm covered in bandages. Just me being there, that's all that will matter to him. if I don't escape, he'll think…he means something to me." His lip curled at his own words.
Eduard clearly wasn't appeased. "But he might-"
"I don't care what he does! He can't take anything else from me, he's got it all. Please. Just…just do this for me."
Eduard sighed, and eventually he nodded.
While Toris had been unconscious, Eduard had strapped his fingers together so they could start their healing process. All he needed to do was bandage his waist, to treat his broken ribs, and see to the bruises dotting Toris' body.
Eventually, after having many salves and ointments applied, Eduard had done as much as he could do.
"Come on." He murmured. "Let's get you some food."
"But-" Toris began.
"But nothing. He'll be gone all day. You've got time."
Toris eventually nodded. "Will you help me get up?" He asked quietly, ashamed of how little he could do for himself.
"Of course." Raivis said quietly. He helped him sit up, and turn so his legs were dangling off the side of the bed. He wrapped and arm around his waist, as did Eduard, and together they gingerly placed Toris on his feet. "Okay?" Raivis whispered.
Toris nodded, out of breath already, and gently Raivis and Eduard removed their hands. Toris stood still for a moment, but when he tried to take a tiny step he swayed dangerously and nearly fell onto Raivis, had the small boy not caught him in time. "Take it slowly, Toris." He said as he placed him upright again. "We'll help you, okay?" Toris nodded, trying to catch his breath.
And so, rather clumsily and awkwardly, with Raivis and Eduard at either side of him, Toris eventually made it into the kitchen, where he collapsed, out of breath and exhausted, into a chair. "You did well, Toris." Eduard said softly. "What would you like to eat?"
"Anything, thank you."
Five minutes later, a thick potato soup was set in front of him, and despite Toris' pain, he couldn't deny how nice it smelt. "Thank you, Eduard." He said as he ate. "Raivis, you too. I honestly don't know what I'd do without you." And they both just smiled, because that was about all they could do, but for Toris it was enough. For Toris, it was more than enough. He knew how much, or how little, in his case, he deserved. It shamed him to think that his friends had to go to so much effort to look after him. What about their needs? Just because he was Ivan's favourite, and he left the other two alone, it didn't mean they didn't get hurt, or lonely, or upset. It shamed him to think that the both of them worked so hard to help him. What was he doing in return?
The happiness that had almost been present in Toris' heart quickly faded.
When it was the early afternoon, Toris realised they should be safe rather than sorry, and that he needed to get back down to the cellar. Begrudgingly, Raivis and Eduard helped him down the stairs, into the darkness.
"Can't we put a light on?" Raivis asked.
"We could." Eduard mumbled. "If we knew where any of the lights were." From the top of the stairs, the light flooded in. They were stood in the corridor at the bottom of the steps, surveying three identical doors.
"Which one was it?" Toris asked, rather fearfully.
"This one." Raivis said, gesturing to the nearest door. With a push, the heavy steel door swung open, revealing nothing but darkness. "Well, I…" He said after a silence. "There's got to be a light here somewhere." He ran his fingers along the area of wall nearest the door until his fingers came into contact with something. "Aha!" He groped for the switch, flicked it, and the cellar was bathed in dim light. Almost as soon as the light came on, Toris wished it hadn't.
The room wasn't furnished, there was no wallpaper or any carpet. The only thing in this room was a small, almost unnoticeable drain in the corner, like one might find in a bath tub. But this wasn't what horrified Raivis and Eduard. No. In the middle of the room, as clear as day, was a shallow pool of something dark red. "That's…" Raivis said, his eyes wide, his face pale.
"Yes." Toris said, knowing what he was going to say.
"We have to get rid of it." Raivis muttered, going on odd shade of green.
"No!" Toris said, making the both of them jump. "I can't ask you to clean up my own blood. Just leave it. I'll sit in a corner. I'll be fine, promise."
Suddenly, in the distance, almost too dim that they couldn't hear it, they heard the sounds of a car, Ivan's car, roll into the drive. He was home from his meeting, and there were matching expressions of terror on all of the faces of the Baltic countries. "Quickly!" Toris said, and they helped him inside, and lowered him to the ground.
He watched as Eduard and Raivis retreated to the door. Raivis gave a small wave as Eduard turned of the light with a mournful expression, and then the door was shut, and Toris flinched as he heard the key turn in the lock. He could only pray that Estonia and Latvia got out of the way before Ivan found them.
A few minutes passed in the silence. Toris felt like the darkness was pressing down on him, smothering him, drowning him. He was beginning to feel rather claustrophobic when suddenly there were footsteps on the stairs. There was a key in the lock. There was a creak as the door opened slowly, and Toris, despite his terror and pain, found the courage to scowl up at the man who had hurt him for so long.
Ivan was stood there, without a smile, without a frown. He was expressionless, he just stood there, his hand still resting on the door handle. Suddenly it slipped and fell to his side. "You're still here." He said in an unusually quiet voice. "You didn't leave me. You're still here." Toris continued to scowl at him, even as Ivan approached him, just a silhouette against the weak light from the corridor. And suddenly, Ivan had grabbed his shoulders, hoisted him upright, and pulled him into a tight hug.
"You didn't leave me." He breathed. He planted a kiss on Toris' cheek, perhaps the gentlest he ever had, but it caused Toris to stiffen all the same. Ivan noticed this, and let his arms drop to his sides. Toris, without anyone to help him stand, swayed dangerously and would have fallen backwards, had Ivan not reached out and grabbed him before he fell.
"I can see you're all bandaged up. I know the other two helped you. But it's okay. I'm not angry. The fact that you came back down here of your own free will…it shows how much you love me in return." Toris could only nod bitterly. "I have, umm, brought my friend back from the meeting. I'm going to try and persuade him to join us again." This captured Toris' interest. Feliks? "And I want him to see you."
"But I…I'm a mess."
"No, you're not. You're beautiful. You just had a little fall down the stairs, didn't you, Toris." There was silence for a moment. "Didn't you?" His voice was bordering on dangerous.
"Ye-yes. I did."
"Good boy, Toris. Now, come on. Let's get you cleaned up, and then you can meet my good friend, da?"
Toris closed his eyes for a split second before sighing quietly. "Da." He muttered, and allowed himself to be helped up the staircase from the cellars and up the back staircase, so Feliks wouldn't see him. Ivan helped him out of his blood stained shirt and was unusually gentle as he helped him put a new one on. He even kindly pulled a hairbrush through Toris' brown hair. And when Ivan had deemed Toris presentable, he helped him down the stairs, and before Toris could say anything about it, they were at the bottom of the stairs, about to go into the waiting room where Feliks was sat.
"Feliks Łukasiewicz!" Ivan said happily. "I'm so glad you came back with me, because I've got someone I'd like you to meet."
Feliks turned around in his seat to face them, and his mouth fell open.
Ivan apparently hadn't seen Feliks' shock, because he carried on, smiling as always. "I've brought Toris to see you." Feliks could only nod, dumbstruck, as he stood up and hurried around to where Toris was stood, consciously avoiding Feliks' gaze.
"Like, what happened to you?" Feliks asked quietly.
"I…" Toris could feel Ivan's hand tighten around his shoulder. "I fell down the stairs. I'm pretty clumsy."
There was silence for a while, and Ivan's hand relaxed.
"How long have you been here?" Was Feliks' next question.
"Since the 15th June, 1940." Toris said softly.
"It was 50 years last June, wasn't it, Toris?"
Toris only nodded, his eyes on the floor.
"We had quite a celebration, didn't we, Toris?"
Toris nodded again, unable to repress a shudder.
"Apart from my sisters, Toris was the first one to come and live with me here. Estonia and Latvia came together, two months later. And we've been one big, happy family ever since then."
Toris nodded his agreement, feeling Feliks' gaze burning him like a searchlight.
"So, why don't you two get better acquainted? I'm just going to find my sister. Won't be long." With a smile, Ivan left, and quietly, Toris sank onto one of the chairs nearest the door. Feliks remained standing, watching him.
"I'm sorry." Feliks eventually said. "I, like, should have come earlier. I wanted to help you, you know? But I didn't. These past fifty years, I went, like, everywhere, looking for you. I asked England, America, France, but no one had seen you. Last time I was here, Russia didn't tell me you were here, even though I saw you. I've missed you, Lithuania."
"Feliks." Toris' voice was low and soft. "If I am able to get out of here…can I stay with you?"
There was silence for a while. "Of course you can, Toris. You're always welcome. You know?"
Toris nodded, and looked up when he felt Feliks cup his cheek gently with his hand. His touch was so different from Ivan's…it made Toris want to weep with gratitude. "I'm going to try…today. As soon as you've left. So…don't go far, okay?"
"Of course, Liet." And Toris had to close his eyes, because he hadn't been called that in 51 years. Feliks was just pulling his hand away from Toris' cheek as Ivan returned.
"Katyusha isn't in the house." Ivan looked puzzled, and Toris cleared his throat quietly.
"She took Natalia out this morning. They are likely to be gone all day."
Ivan smiled again. "I was starting to worry. So, Feliks." He said, sitting down on one of the large sofas in the room, gesturing for Feliks to take his place on another. "Are you sure I can't persuade you to join me…us?"
Feliks blinked, and looked around at Toris. And it all came together in his head. Ivan was showing Toris off. He must know that Feliks and Toris grew up together. Ivan had assumed that upon seeing Toris, Feliks would want to be near him, spend as much time with him as possible. While this was true, it didn't mean that Feliks had to join the USSR to do so. He wanted Lithuania freed, so he could make Toris smile and laugh again. Hell, he loved Toris, he had done for as long as he could remember, and he wasn't about to let him go. Feliks wouldn't join the USSR. He'd help get Toris out of the USSR. Feliks would watch the fall of the USSR. And he'd laugh.
He fought back a smirk and shook his head sadly. "I'm sorry, Ivan, but I simply can't accept." The way his voice was so formal, so different from his normal way of speaking, it caught Ivan's attention. It made him suspicious, but he wasn't sure why. "And I'm sorry you brought me all the way out here for nothing. Really, I'm sorry." Feliks stood up and walked towards the door. Before he left, he stopped by Toris, looking at him with concern in his green eyes. "It's been nice to see you again, Toris. I hope I can seen you again, like, really soon."
Toris nodded, not daring to look up, in case his eyes met with Ivan's. And then Feliks was gone, and Toris was alone in the room with Ivan.
"What you said last night, Toris. It hurt me, you know that?"
"What I said?" Toris asked incredulously. Anger was rising in him again, and for once he couldn't contain it. "I may have said some things that were hurtful, but at least I didn't break all your fingers! I didn't kick you in the side of the head! Are…are you insane, Ivan? Is there something mentally wrong with your brain, that you can't understand how much pain you cause me? And you say you love me, but you don't! Because anyone who loves anyone doesn't cover them in bruises, and knock them unconscious with a metal pipe! And at night when you…you do these things to me! All the time whispering to me how much you love me. You make me hate the sound of my own name, do you know that? Every time you say it, it makes me hate myself that much more. You are insane, Ivan. And for once, I'm standing up for myself. And you can knock me out, or shoot me, or kill me if you want, but I have to say this. I hate you. I never loved you. I never wanted you, no matter how much you deluded yourself into thinking that it was so. I hate you, Ivan Braginski."
He stood up and ran from the room. He was at the top of the stairs when he heard Ivan call for him, his voice unusually quiet and subdued. "Toris."
"What?" Toris cried, turning around to face him. "Can we just get this over with? I'll take myself down to the cellars if that's what you want!"
Ivan looked at him, and the expression on his face was unidentifiable to Toris. "What do you want from me, Toris?"
"I want my independence! I want to get away from this house! I want to get away from you! And perhaps then, I can rebuild my country myself, and make it better for my people. Because you certainly didn't do it!"
"Your independence?" Ivan asked, and Toris suddenly realised that he looked heart broken.
"I should have demanded this 51 years ago, but I was a fool, a coward and a fool. I want my independence, because I don't want to die in this house, with my blood on your hands!"
"You want your independence?" Ivan asked, like he couldn't believe what he was hearing. Suddenly his sorrowful expression turned to rage. "You want your freedom? Fine! Get out of here!"
Toris was caught off guard. "What?"
"I said get out!" Ivan roared. "Get away from me, because I never want to see you here again! Get out!"
And with that, Toris ran down the stairs, past Ivan and out of the front door. He didn't stop running. He didn't stop to look behind him. He just kept going, like the hounds of hell were at his heels. He forcibly dragged the front gate open, and set off down the dusty road, and beyond the trees lining the road on both sides there were barren fields stretching as far as the eye could see. He rounded a corner and nearly screamed as he ran into someone's back. The someone spun around and grabbed hold of his arms, so he wouldn't fall.
"Toris! You did it? Are you alright?"
Toris looked up at Feliks. "Yes. Yeah, I did it."
Feliks hugged him close suddenly. "You're going to be okay, Liet. Come on. Let's go."
Feliks held Toris' bandaged hand as best he could for the entirety of the car drive back to Feliks' house. It was a long drive, and it took about three days. But, neither nation minded. After all, when one is immortal, three days is but a very short period of time.
Toris was asleep when they pulled up through the gates. Feliks turned off the ignition and placed his hand on Toris' shoulder and shook gently. "Toris. Toris!" He said softly. "Like, wake up! We're here."
Toris opened his eyes sleepily. For a few seconds he blinked and rubbed his eyes, before he looked out of the window. They were in a thick pine forest, and mist was hanging in the air. Dew was dripping off the needles of each tree, glistening like diamonds. Nestled in the trees, (and almost completely blocked from sight by them) lay Feliks' house. It resembled a hunting lodge more than anything else, with rich dark brown wood covering each wall. It looked like it was straight out of a fairytale, and Toris loved it. "Welcome home, I guess." Feliks said quietly.
"It's so beautiful." Toris said, his voice barely above a whisper. "I haven't been here in so long. I've missed it."
Feliks chuckled. "Like, of course you have! Now come on. Let's get you inside."
Feliks got out and rushed around to Toris' door, intent on helping him out. He reached for his hand but Toris shook his head. "I can manage. But thank you." Feliks nodded and watched as Toris carefully lifted himself out of his seat. And that was when Feliks caught sight of Toris' bandaged fingers in their entirety, both hands bound together against two splints.
"What happened to your hands?"
Toris' eyes widened. "Nothing. Like I said. I fell down the stairs."
"You broke all your fingers falling down the stairs?"
Toris noticed the absence of Feliks' informal way of speaking and glanced up at him. Eventually he shrugged. "Yes. I did." Toris walked past him, towards the house.
"I know it was him." Feliks called. Toris stopped in his tracks, and slowly turned to face Feliks. "It was him, wasn't it?"
Toris eventually nodded. "Yes. It was him."
"Why?" Feliks said, angrier than he meant to be. "Why did he do it?"
Toris stared at him with steely eyes before saying, "Because he thinks he loves me." He opened his mouth, as if to say something, but when he couldn't find the words he closed it again. Feliks walked over and placed a gentle hand on his shoulder and began to lead him inside.
"Come on. I'll run you a bath, and find you some, like, clean clothes." He thought it best not to mention that Toris' shirt was sticking to the blood that was leaking from some of the wounds on his back, and large red stains were covering most the area.
The rooms inside Feliks' home were large, spacious, but somehow managed to remain cosy. In nearly every room there was a stone fireplace, and heavy curtains and thick carpets meant that every room was quite dark. To compensate, Feliks had placed candles and lamps wherever he could. Toris loved it all, revelling in the feeling of memories rushing back to him.
"Your room's upstairs." Feliks said, beckoning to Toris to follow him up the stairs. The biggest of Feliks' spare rooms, now Toris' room, overlooked the vast garden. The windows were large, letting a lot of light enter the room. The bed was spacious, and looked incredibly comfortable.
"Your bathroom's, through there." Feliks said, gesturing to the door behind him. "Why don't you have a bath, and I'll make us dinner, okay?"
Toris looked at him, and he smiled. Feliks thought he had imagined it, but no, it was true. Toris was smiling. And Feliks thought it was the most beautiful thing he had ever seen. Feliks just smiled and turned to leave. As he was going through the door, he heard Toris clear his throat. "Thank you, Feliks. For everything."
Feliks shook his head. "It's nothing. I'll call when dinner's ready, okay?"
Toris nodded, and Feliks headed downstairs, a smile on his lips.
The room he was stood in was completely dissimilar to the one he had at Ivan's house. This room had not seen his blood, or heard his tears. This room was for Feliks' Toris, not Ivan's Toris. And that thought alone made Toris want to laugh and weep and sing all at the same time, but he did not. All he did was smile, a proper smile of relief and gratitude, because he finally felt safe, damn it, he felt happy.
...Well? Please tell me what you think, even if it's bad. thank you.
Next chapter : Estonia and Latvia. Woo.
~~Allie x