Genderbent, Role-Reversal version of HTTYD. What if Astrid (Asher) was the fuck-up and Hiccup (Hicca) was the badass. Enjoy my little rendition.

'This is Berk. It's about twelve days north of Hopeless and a few degrees south of Freezing to Death. It's located solidly on the Meridian of Misery. My village. In a word? Sturdy, and it's been here for seven generations, but every single building is new. We have fishing, hunting, and a charming view of the sunset. The only problems are the pests. You see, most places have mice, or mosquitoes.'

We have dragons.

I slammed the door shut behind me as a super bright red dragon shot a big cluster of fire straight at it. I could feel the burning heat through the door as my back pressed into it, and though I wasn't strong at all I managed to keep the door shut. Then I peeked out, checked that the coast was clear, and dashed outside into the chaos.

Fighting dragons is everything around here. Most people would leave. Not us. We're Vikings. We've got stubbornness issues.

A giant brown dragon that looked like a cross between a pig and a bumblebee flew past me. A Viking was hanging off its head, whacking it with a stone hammer. It was having absolutely zero effect.

There's me. Asher River Hofferson. By the way, great name, huh? It's not the worst, I'll admit; parents think that if their kid has a hideous name then it'll scare off trolls and dragons and shit. I don't know my parents, so I wouldn't know this for sure.

I tripped over a rock and landed on my back on the grassy floor. I gasped as a large, menacing looking Viking landed almost on top of me and let out a loud battle cry. When he saw it was just me, he gave me a sloppy grin and said, "'Mornin'!" before springing up and dashing off back into battle.

I got up too and kept running, trying to find a place where I could be safe and help out at the same time. As I ran, every single person I passed yelled at me. "What are you doing out here?" "Get back inside!" "Get in the house!" I ignored them and keep going, but before I could get any further, a large hand grabbed my vest from behind and pulled me back, my feet dangling about two feet off the ground. The hand belonged to a huge Viking with a large red beard and a moustache. "Asher?" he said in quite the annoyed tone. "What are you—who let you out? Get in the house!" He threw me on the floor, and I quickly got up and ran away from him.

That's Stoick the Vast, chief of our tribe. They say that when he was a baby, he popped a dragon's head clean of its shoulders. Do I believe it? I don't know, ask him.

I glanced back behind me and saw him punch a dragon right in the snout. He turned to one of his men and asked in a commanding voice, "What have we got?"

"Gronkles, Nadders, Zipplebacks. Oh, and Hoerk saw a Monstrous Nightmare," the Viking reeled off.

"Any Night Furies?" demanded Stoick.

The Viking shook his head. "Not so far."

Stoick nodded and absent-mindedly brushed a flaming piece of wood off his shoulder. "Good. Hoist the torches!"

The Vikings lighted large braziers and raised them on poles into the air. The firelight revealed dozens of dragons flying overhead.

I finally reached my destination and dashed inside the blacksmith's cabin. "Nice of you to join the party!" a burly Viking with a long braided moustache greeted me, using his artificial hand (replaced with a hammer) to hammer a piece of red-hot metal into shape. "I thought you might have been carried off!"

"Nah, you know me," I boasted, "Those dragons can't handle...all of this," I finished, trying to conjure up a few muscles. Hey, it is true, no one can handle all of this masculinity. It's virtually impossible.

"Well, they need toothpicks, don't they?" the Viking asked innocently, grabbing a sword and a couple of axes and tossing them out the window to a few more Vikings approaching. He tugged the hammer off his hand and replaced it with a wrench to work on another project.

Way to ruin my moment. Way to freakin' ruin it!

This huge dude with the interchangeable hands and the attitude is Gobber. I've been his apprentice, and he's been like my guardian since I was little. Well, littler than now, anyway.

As I rushed forward to help with something, a small group of people dashed past the window, arguing and shouting. I dashed up to the window to look. They were all kids my age, about fourteen or so, swarming around a cannon, all carrying buckets of water to dump on a nearby fire. Oh, and that's Fishlegs, Snotlout, the twins, Ruffnut and Tuffnut, and then, there's her.

A girl with long, auburn hair dashed forward with her bucket and chucked the contents straight at the fire. As she swung herself around to walk forward, a dragon shot a big missile of fire right behind her, creating a big dramatic burst of flames behind her as she walked, almost in slow-motion, away from the cannon…

"Hmph, showoff," I commented to myself.

This was Hicca. Let me tell you about this piece of work. She's the chief's daughter, and she tragically lost her mother at a young age. When I was younger, I had, like, the biggest crush on her. Emphasis on the had. Hicca was hot, tough, brave, and overall, perfect. It was her attitude that eventually ended my crush on her. That should be me saving the day out there, dammit!

Now there all happy, laughing, and giving each other high-fives, despite the fact that it looked like the apocalypse out there. 'There job is so much more awesome than mine.'

Darting my eyes back and forth to make sure Gobber wasn't in sight, I climbed over the table and put my legs over. Suddenly, because fate is a bitch, something grabbed me and pulled me back in the shop.

"Come on, let me go, I have to make my mark," I exclaimed.

"Oh you've made a lot of marks all right," Gobber began, "all in the wrong places."

"Look, just two minutes. Give me two minutes and I'll kill a dragon. My life will improve somewhat. Maybe I'll even get the respect I so justly deserve." I left out getting a date, but that too!

Gobber shook his head and sighed. "You can't lift a hammer, you can't swing an ax, heck, you can't even throw one of these," he explained while picking up a bola. A Viking came and stole it from him and used it against a Gronkle.

"True, true, but this bad boy," I said, motioning to my latest invention, "will throw it for me." I pulled the damn lever, expecting to hit a dragon, but I accidentally hit a person. Eh, he's a Viking, he'll live.

"See, right here, this is what I'm talking about," Gobber said annoyed. I chuckled nervously at my minor mistake.

"It was a small calibration issue."

"Look Asher, if you ever want to get out there and fight dragons, you need to stop all of...this," he said, motioning to me.

"You just pointed to all of me," I said incredulously. What's wrong with me, I'm freakin' amazing, you just don't know.

Gobber nodded. "Yes, that's it, stop being all of you." So that's how he wants to play, huh? OK, ok, I can play that way too.

"Ohhhhh...you sir are playing a dangerous game! Keeping this much raw manliness contained. There will be consequences!" Yeah that oughta teach him. If you can't realize that I am using sarcasm, you're an idiot. No offense to you all.

"I'll take my chances. Sharpen sword, now," he responded. I closed my eyes, sighed, and did the task. One day, that'll be me out there. Then I'll have my respect.

Let me see: killing a Nadder will sure get me noticed. A few Gronkles will be tough, but surely I'll triumph. Zipplebacks, double the head, double the love for Asher. But there's one that's never been seen before that will definitely give me the number one spot.

"NIGHTFURY!"

No one had ever killed a nightfury before and Astrid was going to be the first.

"Man the forge Asher. They need me out there. Stay. Put. There. Well you know what I mean." With a loud battle cry he rushed into the battlefield.

Making sure he was out of sight, I threw off my apron and grabbed my hand made catapult before running to a secluded area.

I stood there with my weapon poised in front of me "Come on give me something to shoot at. Give me something to shoot at…" Suddenly something black whizzed nearby, which startled, not scared, the hel out of me, causing me to accidentally activate it.

There was a loud roar and I saw that something fell from the sky. Oh, Thor's hammer, Oh Thor's freakin' hammer.

"I did it! Yes! Did anyone see that?!" I cheered. Out of nowhere, my catapult got stomped on and I looked up to see a big Monstrous Nightmare looming over me. I hate you fate, with every fiber of my being.

"Well, except you," was all I said before I took off like a speeding bullet, all the while screaming "Why won't you bitches help me!"

The nightmare was suddenly punched to the side.

The bright red dragon roared at the man who had punched him who was none other than Stoic himself. The nightmare opened its vast jaws and spit out a tiny ember.

Stoic grinned "You're out." The nightmare gave a blood-curdling scream before flying off.

Seeing as how no one was paying attention to me at the moment, I slightly tip toed away from the crowd but for the third time that night someone grabbed the back of my shirt.

It was Hicca, and she did not look happy.

"Hello, Hicca," I said indifferently. Chief Stoic stood behind his daughter, ready for any action.

"Should I handle this daughter," he said. Hicca glared at me; here comes the big lecture. Oh boy, I can't wait to hear what she's gonna say.

"No dad, I think he'll understand if someone his age says it this time. Asher, all we ask is for you to stay inside safe and sound, but you always ignore us, and then disaster happens!" I've heard her yell at other people, but not like this. Honestly, I really don't feel like putting up with her or anyone else's bullshit right now, but I had to defend myself.

"Hold up a second Hicca. D-did I just hear that right? Are you blaming me for everything that's happened? I didn't do that much damage."

"They've stolen half our livestock Asher. How can you say that you didn't do that much damage?"

"I didn't make them steal it, now did I?"

"Everyone was so busy helping you they couldn't focus on the other dragons! Now our livestock is gone! I shouldn't need to remind you that my dad has an entire village to feed and one day I will too!"

"The village can get more and between you and me, the village could go for a while without feeding." A few insulted Vikings put a hand over their large stomachs and scoffed at me. Yeah I said it, who wants some? Come on!

"This isn't a joke!" Hicca shouted at the top of her lungs. I ran a hand through my blonde, matted coils of hair* and put two fingers on the bridge of my nose.

"Don't you think I know that Hicca? Just because I tell the truth you don't think I take this seriously? Are you kidding me? Let me tell you something, at least I'm not out there being a showoff and thinking I'm the best of the best! You know what, you are unbelievable Hicca Haddock. Unbelievable." Good thing is, I hit a NightFury.

"What was that," she said. Damn, did I say that out loud. Oh well, might as well go with it.

"I hit a NightFury," I repeated. She continued to stare at me for a few more minutes, until she had the most unexpected reaction.

She laughed. Yeah, dead serious, she laughed, along with everyone else. You know what, screw this.

"G-Gobber, take him back home an-and make sure he stays there," Stoic said while laughing. Yes, even he laughed.

As me and Gobber were walking back, I heard those familiar jeers that have always tormented me.

Snotlout was just there laughing his stupid ass off. "I've never seen someone fail so well!" I rolled my eyes, fed up with this.

"Hey Snotty, why don't you go wet your pants again?" I can't wait to tell you that story.

His face turned red and he looked away. "That was like, 3 years ago Useless." Yeah, that's my nickname around these parts. I got lots of nicknames for other people that I'll show you later on.

The twins chimed in with "That failure was inspiring! True genius! True! We bow to you!"

I clapped my hands and gave a sarcastic smile. "Well yes, my pitiful followers, that was grand. Now for my next act!" I shouted and put up both of my middle fingers while walking.

So yeah, that's how a day with Asher River Hofferson is.

Those f**king assholes!

AN: So there you have it. My AU of HTTYD.

Asher: Asher is a well-intentioned, but grouchy, sarcastic, and bitter Viking who is not really Viking material. He hopes to one day fight dragons in order to gain respect

(*) I decided to give Asher dreads because hey, it's something different.