Author: Ally
E-mail: Insanechica14@aol.com
Notes: Crazy crazy crazy... Anyway, don't really know what I'm writing here. Btw, Not mine, I don't own it...
It's 2:00 am, and here I am, just sitting here in the dark. I'm writing due to the light that's shining into my room. God, it's so quiet, and peaceful. I grab the remote and turn on my CD player, which is blaring now. Looking around the room, I see touches of us. The walls we painted, the furniture we chose, the bed we slept in, the closet we shared. It's only been a month, but to me, it seems longer.
We slept in this room together
but now you're gone
It's so quiet, I'll turn the TV on
We lived in this room together
We painted the walls
Now time doesn't stand still -- it crawls
The whole thing is screwed up. In the past month, I've only gotten a few hours of sleep. I won't sleep. Every time I lay down, I see them. I see him, with her, kissing her, telling her he loves her... Like we used to do.
If I sleep, I see us. I see him holding me, sitting with me... Everything we used to do as a couple. And now it's her. She's the one he chose over me. I was always the prom queen, the spoiled princess... She was his best friend. What can I do, other than cry, curse them, curse the person who chose our fates.
And I'm afraid to sleep
cause if I do
I'll dream of you
And the dreams are always deep
on the pillow where I'll weep
It wasn't until after that I realized that he was more to me. He wasn't just Xander. Oh, no... I got him back, though. I left for L.A. and ten years later, while coming back to Sunnydale, I fell in love with him all over again.
We were happy, for a while, anyway. Then she came back. She didn't mean to fall in love with him, and he didn't mean to, either. I pick up the glass sitting next to me and hurl it, relishing the shattering sound.
I never realized how much I was in love with you
till you started sleeping with someone new
Last night I dreamed again, and you were there
You kissed my face; you touched my hair
There's always going to be something with us. Whether or not he picked her, there would be something. You don't forget your first love. You don't forget that feeling, of knowing that someone cares, that someone wants to be with you. It fades over time, making you afraid to fall out of love.
And I'm afraid to sleep
cause if I do
I'll dream of you
And the dreams are always deep
on the pillow where I'll weep
I set down the paper, and lay back down. The darkness is amplified, but the sounds of the city are coming through my window. The faint sounds of music from the clubs, the sounds of traffic, the police or the ambulance... This city doesn't sleep. Neither do I, so it's perfect.
Lying alone in the darkness
with a memory in my head
There's a big hole where my heart is
and a lonely feeling rolling 'round my bed
I've made the big time. I'm Cordelia Chase, the actress, the star. He's Xander Harris, married to his best friend. I'd give up everything, just to be there. With him. The lights, the sounds, the life of this city mean nothing anymore. I can't sleep, can't eat... But he's happy. With her. Buffy Summers, his best friend, his wife, his world.
And I'm afraid to sleep
cause if I do
I'll dream of you...
And I'm afraid to sleep
cause if I do
I'll dream of you
And dreams are always deep
on the pillow where I'll weep
on the pillow where I'll weep
I'm going to try to live, to try to put the past behind me. I've loved and lost, but maybe I can love and win. He's not mine, and he won't be. Clicking off the CD player, I turn over. Closing my eyes, I listen to the sounds I've gotten used to lull me to sleep. Maybe tonight I won't dream... And maybe tomorrow, I won't dream of him.
I'm afraid to sleep