The Unexplained Mysteries of...
Zelda 64: The Ocarina of Time!!
Disclaimer: No, I obviously don't own Zelda. If I did, Mido would be dead now would he.
So would Navi. Ahem...anywho...here's some stuff I couldn't answer about OOT, so I just decided
to do so. Make sense? I didn't think so. Anywho, ON WITH THE SHOOOOOOOOOOOOW!
Oh by the way. If you read my Majora's Mask fic, you should know about the Deku Princess beating
up her dad. I have the solution. SHE JOINED THE LUMBERJACK SOCIETY!
Now...on with the show....
I shall put each mystery into sections.
Kokiri Forest
Q: What the HELL is up with Mido? HE'S A BITCH! _ (Oh and by the way, I like using anime faces)
A: Here's a hint: Ever wonder why when he looks at you, the thing that is sticking out the most
is his pelvic area?
Q: Why doesn't the elf from the store get a chair or a stoop or something?
A: He has Richard Simmons tapes volumes 1-16
Q: The Great Deku Tree is scary!!
A: Yes, but then again, would you rather have that or be destroyed by the only male gypsy in
existance?
Q: NAVI WON'T LEAVE ME ALONE! WHY?!
A: COFFEECOFFEECOFFEECOFFEECOFFEE!!!
Q: Can't I get her to shut up?
A: Unless you have a mute button, you cannot because unfortunately, Miyamato (the creator of Zelda 64
didn't include the technology of obliterating your fairy by all the 2583 ways to kill her.
Q: Is something wrong with Saria?
A: Seriously, I don't know, but I think she has a link with Termina and their depressants.
Q: Why did the Deku Tree want me to lift the curse if he was STILL going to die?
A: Apparently, the whole game started on April 1st...
Lost Woods
Q: Those skull kids are creepy
A: Hey! At least they aren't the one wearing skirts now are they?
Q: How come the Deku scrub prices are so high?
A: They're ex-laywers. The one that sold the the upgrades worked for Johnny Cochran!
Q: Whats the point of a deku scrub upgrade?
A: The same point for being asked to single handedly save the world: ABSOLUTELY NONE!
Q: Why do the scrubs keep pelting me with deku nuts?
A: They don't like cross dressers.
Q: Scrubs bother me! What should I do?
A: Sing this song "I don't want no scrubs. A scrub is a deku, who's ass I kick alot"
Q: How can I beat the Wolfos in the Meadow?
A: Ring the doorbell and run! RUN RUN! Oh, too late! -_-
Q: I see no point in the Saria's Song! Why do you have to learn it?
A: 'Cause if you don't you'll get a spankin'!
Ahh, the Great Hyrule Field, and Market!
Q: AHH! OWL! Get it away!
A: You can't get him away. He's attracted to cross dressers and seems to be turned on by someone
with a wooden shield
Q: Ahh! Too many skeletons!!
A: Hmm...and you wonder why a sword was necesary for this...
Q: How do I get into the castle at night?
A: Turn into spider man and use your SPIDY WEBS (in other words, you can't ^_^)
Hyrule Market/Hyrule Castle
Q: Why would someone keep an unguarded (well it's guarded, but the guard doesn't care) room filled with rupees?
A: Same reason someone would live in a TREE for 10 damn years!
Q: Those 2 dancers are making me dizzy... @_@
A: 911! 911!!!!!!
Q: Too many doggies there in Hyrule Market! How do i get rid of 'em?
A: Put on the Dog Catchers Mask, and let the chaos commence!!
Q: Why do they allow bombing in Hyrule?
A: Same reason they allow you to bowl with them!
Q: How is Zelda able to have prophetic dreams?
A: (in a jamaican accent) Call me now for your free terot card readin'! ^-^
Q: Ganon's ugly!
A: So is that damn fairy you hang around with!
Q: Is Malon hitting on me?
A: No...but that fairy ya got there sure is hot... :P~~
Kakariko
Q: Dampe's weird lookin and ugly!
A: Hey, don't judge people by their looks! 'Cept for Dampe, laugh your ass off!
Q: That kid in the graveyard is a wannabe! Can you get him to stop acting like that?
A: Yeah, tell him that the poltergeist lives their.
Q: AHH! MUTANT SKULLTULA DUDES!
A: AHH! A CROSS-DRESSER WITH A FAIRY!
Q: Why is that woman allergic to cuccos?
A: Vegetarian!
Q: The guy says the Keaton Mask is for his son, yet he wears it 24/7!
A: Can you say "Pokemon Fan?"
Q: Why do the carpenters keep running?
A: And in other news tonight, Richard Simmons spreads thru Hyrule like wildfire!
IT'S THE GORONS!!
Q: They're stupid! uh-huhuh!
A: What do you expect from people to eat rocks?
Q: Is the vase in the middle have any other purpose than supplying you with free stuff?
A: Yes, it's a priceless relic that they allow you to throw bombs into! ^_^
Q: WHAT THE HELL IS DARUNIA DOING?!
A: He's dancing...but it doesn't matter seeing as his limbs fly like rubber...and he's half
made of rock. Did that make any sense? Nah, I didn't think so!
Q: Why do they keep groaning when they get up?
A: What do you think they're doing when they're curled up?
Q: That Giants knife is bootleg! It gets broken so easily!
A: Well, why are using it to slice creatures that can endure BOMBS? It IS just a knife
Sorry, there will be more to come, but it's too late right now, and too much in Zelda to do in one fic
without losing insanity. To all, a good fight, good....umm....er....uhh....MORNING! ^_^
Peace out my brodahs!
Zelda 64: The Ocarina of Time!!
Disclaimer: No, I obviously don't own Zelda. If I did, Mido would be dead now would he.
So would Navi. Ahem...anywho...here's some stuff I couldn't answer about OOT, so I just decided
to do so. Make sense? I didn't think so. Anywho, ON WITH THE SHOOOOOOOOOOOOW!
Oh by the way. If you read my Majora's Mask fic, you should know about the Deku Princess beating
up her dad. I have the solution. SHE JOINED THE LUMBERJACK SOCIETY!
Now...on with the show....
I shall put each mystery into sections.
Kokiri Forest
Q: What the HELL is up with Mido? HE'S A BITCH! _ (Oh and by the way, I like using anime faces)
A: Here's a hint: Ever wonder why when he looks at you, the thing that is sticking out the most
is his pelvic area?
Q: Why doesn't the elf from the store get a chair or a stoop or something?
A: He has Richard Simmons tapes volumes 1-16
Q: The Great Deku Tree is scary!!
A: Yes, but then again, would you rather have that or be destroyed by the only male gypsy in
existance?
Q: NAVI WON'T LEAVE ME ALONE! WHY?!
A: COFFEECOFFEECOFFEECOFFEECOFFEE!!!
Q: Can't I get her to shut up?
A: Unless you have a mute button, you cannot because unfortunately, Miyamato (the creator of Zelda 64
didn't include the technology of obliterating your fairy by all the 2583 ways to kill her.
Q: Is something wrong with Saria?
A: Seriously, I don't know, but I think she has a link with Termina and their depressants.
Q: Why did the Deku Tree want me to lift the curse if he was STILL going to die?
A: Apparently, the whole game started on April 1st...
Lost Woods
Q: Those skull kids are creepy
A: Hey! At least they aren't the one wearing skirts now are they?
Q: How come the Deku scrub prices are so high?
A: They're ex-laywers. The one that sold the the upgrades worked for Johnny Cochran!
Q: Whats the point of a deku scrub upgrade?
A: The same point for being asked to single handedly save the world: ABSOLUTELY NONE!
Q: Why do the scrubs keep pelting me with deku nuts?
A: They don't like cross dressers.
Q: Scrubs bother me! What should I do?
A: Sing this song "I don't want no scrubs. A scrub is a deku, who's ass I kick alot"
Q: How can I beat the Wolfos in the Meadow?
A: Ring the doorbell and run! RUN RUN! Oh, too late! -_-
Q: I see no point in the Saria's Song! Why do you have to learn it?
A: 'Cause if you don't you'll get a spankin'!
Ahh, the Great Hyrule Field, and Market!
Q: AHH! OWL! Get it away!
A: You can't get him away. He's attracted to cross dressers and seems to be turned on by someone
with a wooden shield
Q: Ahh! Too many skeletons!!
A: Hmm...and you wonder why a sword was necesary for this...
Q: How do I get into the castle at night?
A: Turn into spider man and use your SPIDY WEBS (in other words, you can't ^_^)
Hyrule Market/Hyrule Castle
Q: Why would someone keep an unguarded (well it's guarded, but the guard doesn't care) room filled with rupees?
A: Same reason someone would live in a TREE for 10 damn years!
Q: Those 2 dancers are making me dizzy... @_@
A: 911! 911!!!!!!
Q: Too many doggies there in Hyrule Market! How do i get rid of 'em?
A: Put on the Dog Catchers Mask, and let the chaos commence!!
Q: Why do they allow bombing in Hyrule?
A: Same reason they allow you to bowl with them!
Q: How is Zelda able to have prophetic dreams?
A: (in a jamaican accent) Call me now for your free terot card readin'! ^-^
Q: Ganon's ugly!
A: So is that damn fairy you hang around with!
Q: Is Malon hitting on me?
A: No...but that fairy ya got there sure is hot... :P~~
Kakariko
Q: Dampe's weird lookin and ugly!
A: Hey, don't judge people by their looks! 'Cept for Dampe, laugh your ass off!
Q: That kid in the graveyard is a wannabe! Can you get him to stop acting like that?
A: Yeah, tell him that the poltergeist lives their.
Q: AHH! MUTANT SKULLTULA DUDES!
A: AHH! A CROSS-DRESSER WITH A FAIRY!
Q: Why is that woman allergic to cuccos?
A: Vegetarian!
Q: The guy says the Keaton Mask is for his son, yet he wears it 24/7!
A: Can you say "Pokemon Fan?"
Q: Why do the carpenters keep running?
A: And in other news tonight, Richard Simmons spreads thru Hyrule like wildfire!
IT'S THE GORONS!!
Q: They're stupid! uh-huhuh!
A: What do you expect from people to eat rocks?
Q: Is the vase in the middle have any other purpose than supplying you with free stuff?
A: Yes, it's a priceless relic that they allow you to throw bombs into! ^_^
Q: WHAT THE HELL IS DARUNIA DOING?!
A: He's dancing...but it doesn't matter seeing as his limbs fly like rubber...and he's half
made of rock. Did that make any sense? Nah, I didn't think so!
Q: Why do they keep groaning when they get up?
A: What do you think they're doing when they're curled up?
Q: That Giants knife is bootleg! It gets broken so easily!
A: Well, why are using it to slice creatures that can endure BOMBS? It IS just a knife
Sorry, there will be more to come, but it's too late right now, and too much in Zelda to do in one fic
without losing insanity. To all, a good fight, good....umm....er....uhh....MORNING! ^_^
Peace out my brodahs!