The Spider and the Pussycat
by Lamashtar
Rated: R. Spiderman, uh, saves the Black Cat and a single joke is beaten mercilessly into the ground. A very dirty, very silly poem. No explicit words. Say it with me-innuendo, innuendo, innuendo.
Disclaimer: Marvel owns them, I do not; if I did, I'd bring back Spot!
Archive: As long as it is reproduced as is, you may copy and share at will.
A Spider and a Pussycat had been going out together
When tragedy struck Our Heroine in her regions nether.
When neither fire brigade nor officers of law could tickle Black Cat's fancy,
Who should step in and save the day but Spiderman, that old Aunt Nancy.
She called the mayor, nine-one-one, called the district attorney;
City services arrived at once and got her on a gurney.
"We'll save this Puss!" the valiant servicemen all cried.
To give them their due credit, indeed, they tried and tried.
The firefighters unrolled their hose, the policemen used their nightsticks,
With a waiver, the lawyers pulled briefs, then came the paramedics.
They palpitated, hand-massaged, used a soothing lotion,
Warmed her with a heating pad, and by keeping limbs in motion.
'Til one young nurse said, "Stop!" and pushed the rest aside,
"We've tried everything! There is no more! Will nothing turn the tide?"
"Well," the doctors ruminated, "there's still Viagra, perhaps bromide."
Grumbled the Cat under their ministrations, "I'd rather cyanide!"
Then someone (I think it was J. Jonah, but my witness could've lied)
Yelled, "Look! It's Spiderman! Quick, get the pesticide!"
Our Hero leapt up to the fore, "You've got to let me in!"
The doctors consulted horoscopes and said, "The problem lies therein!"
News came in of Galactus, Doc Doom, a breaking Kree-Skrull war-
"I've got too much in the kitty! Call the Fantastic Four!"
With a will and a way, the dashing Spider set to,
And if some people peeked (Not me, but perhaps you)
As he petted and stroked her, 'til she practically purred,
(I'll stop with the metaphor, 'cause it's getting absurd)
Well, we had to get the story somewhere, you see!
Now, the Pussy's tale is done, and that's as clear as I'll be.
If this ditty pleased you, made you smile, for the humor in it,
Take a moment, hit reply, it'll only take a minute,
Write me at Lamashtar, @, then a-o-l dot com it.
Encourage writing! And indicate you didn't vomit.
by Lamashtar
Rated: R. Spiderman, uh, saves the Black Cat and a single joke is beaten mercilessly into the ground. A very dirty, very silly poem. No explicit words. Say it with me-innuendo, innuendo, innuendo.
Disclaimer: Marvel owns them, I do not; if I did, I'd bring back Spot!
Archive: As long as it is reproduced as is, you may copy and share at will.
A Spider and a Pussycat had been going out together
When tragedy struck Our Heroine in her regions nether.
When neither fire brigade nor officers of law could tickle Black Cat's fancy,
Who should step in and save the day but Spiderman, that old Aunt Nancy.
She called the mayor, nine-one-one, called the district attorney;
City services arrived at once and got her on a gurney.
"We'll save this Puss!" the valiant servicemen all cried.
To give them their due credit, indeed, they tried and tried.
The firefighters unrolled their hose, the policemen used their nightsticks,
With a waiver, the lawyers pulled briefs, then came the paramedics.
They palpitated, hand-massaged, used a soothing lotion,
Warmed her with a heating pad, and by keeping limbs in motion.
'Til one young nurse said, "Stop!" and pushed the rest aside,
"We've tried everything! There is no more! Will nothing turn the tide?"
"Well," the doctors ruminated, "there's still Viagra, perhaps bromide."
Grumbled the Cat under their ministrations, "I'd rather cyanide!"
Then someone (I think it was J. Jonah, but my witness could've lied)
Yelled, "Look! It's Spiderman! Quick, get the pesticide!"
Our Hero leapt up to the fore, "You've got to let me in!"
The doctors consulted horoscopes and said, "The problem lies therein!"
News came in of Galactus, Doc Doom, a breaking Kree-Skrull war-
"I've got too much in the kitty! Call the Fantastic Four!"
With a will and a way, the dashing Spider set to,
And if some people peeked (Not me, but perhaps you)
As he petted and stroked her, 'til she practically purred,
(I'll stop with the metaphor, 'cause it's getting absurd)
Well, we had to get the story somewhere, you see!
Now, the Pussy's tale is done, and that's as clear as I'll be.
If this ditty pleased you, made you smile, for the humor in it,
Take a moment, hit reply, it'll only take a minute,
Write me at Lamashtar, @, then a-o-l dot com it.
Encourage writing! And indicate you didn't vomit.