Note: I play the shell game with the episode order, so several events that happened in season 2 happened before a season 1 episode in this story. This includes Amok Time and Journey to Babel.
Disclaimer: I only wish I could own the awesomeness that is Star Trek.
It Happens Quite Logically
Spock lay on his bed, the lights turned off, but unable to sleep. His mind was buzzing with the recent events of 1930s New York. A part of him had been glad, glad that Miss Keeler was lying there in the street. It was illogical. Upon reflection his entire mental state had really been unbalanced while there. He wondered if maybe he had been exposed to something, an allergy or an illness perhaps that would explain his state of mind. He had not liked Miss Keeler and he was unable to determine why. She had been a lovely woman, helpful, and generous. He should not feel a need to be hostile or angry, if one wanted to use such terminology, towards her and yet he did. He felt she was too close to Jim and it wasn't from a logical course of him being too close to her and unable to let her go if it was needed. It was the fact that Jim acted close to her at all, in a way he had never really seen before, that was frustrating. Edith Keeler was interfering with something, something personal, something he couldn't name.
Just then there was a buzz at the door.
"Come."
The doors whooshed open and James Kirk stepped into the room. Spock sat up.
"Captain, is there an emergency?"
"No, no, Mr. Spock, nothing to worry about I just…well to be honest I just couldn't sleep."
"I believe there is a human remedy for that known as warm milk."
"I tried that."
"Then I am at a loss as to how I can help the situation."
"I just want-I just need to be with someone just for tonight."
Spock cocked an eyebrow, intrigued. "You wish to spend the night here, with me?"
"Well I…wouldn't put it in such intimate terms, but yes…yes I do."
"That is illogical, Jim."
"Spock, indulge my weak, illogical, human emotions just this once and don't make me make it an order."
Spock didn't say anything and merely slid over to make room on his bed.
"Thank you."
Jim lay down facing away from Spock and surprisingly drifted off to sleep with ease. Spock on the other hand was now more awake than before thanks to this recent turn of events and looked at him for a while. He decided that indeed it was logical that the captain would seek comfort after all. Humans often had difficulty with grieving and being with another seemed to ease the process. Logical that he would come to him as well as they had shared the experience, and a bed, before.
Spock closed his eyes and thought back to that night. It was only once the 'stone knifes and bear-skins' computer had taken over the other bed and after four days of working at least ten hours at the mission and then coming here to work on that hopeless machine he was tired. He had put down the tools and turned in his chair to look at the bed Jim was dozing in and noticed that there was room for another. Calculating that he would need 4.56 hours of sleep he concluded that it was acceptable to take rest. He lay down as gently as he could and tried his best not to disturb Jim. Jim's eyes did flutter open though despite his efforts and he looked at Spock puzzled for a moment before nodding slightly and going back to sleep. Despite never sharing a bed before Spock found it easy to drift off that night, and found it easy to do so again.
In the morning Jim woke up and, as had happened in New York, didn't discuss the previous night events. He merely thanked Spock and went to breakfast.
XXX
Despite Jim's assurance that their arrangement was a singular event he came back several times over the next two weeks. He didn't come every night, but he did continue to come. As it went on words were no longer exchanged about it. He came in, Spock would shift over in bed, if he hadn't left enough space already, and Jim would go to sleep. It was an unspoken agreement.
During the day Jim was quieter than he had been before Edith, but he did eat and performed his duties as usual and Spock was content with that. The bridge was quiet at the moment and Spock took the opportunity to turn his chair around and look at him. Jim lounged in his own chair, the barest hint of a smile beginning to be seen on his features again as he looked at the view-screen. He was recovering at an acceptable rate. Soon Jim would no longer need their nightly interactions and Spock, as he turned back to his station, found he had a strange feeling of longing for that day not to arrive. Odd. It should not make him despondent that his captain was getting back to his normal pattern of behaviour and yet it did. Perhaps he had adjusted to the new pattern to the point where it was comfortable for him and that was odder still. Spock frowned, making a mental note to study this development further.
XXX
Zarabeth Spock's mind was filled with images of her and he shivered and knew it wasn't all due to the lingering cold. He knew now how Jim must have felt, forced to choose between what must be done and one's own desires. It was highly distracting. There were reports to be made about the planet and he should perform a short healing trance to ensure his body had not suffered any long term ill effects from prolonged exposure to the cold climate.
He did manage to fill out a short report and then he tried to meditate, only to find he did not wish to be alone. He found he desired to go to Jim. He went wandering around the halls trying to alleviate his restless and it seemed almost without realizing it he stood in front of his captain's quarters.
"Come."
Spock came in and saw Jim and McCoy sitting at the desk drinking what appeared to be Brandy between them.
"Forgive me, captain, I did not realize you already had a previous obligation excuse me."
"Not at all, Spock, come on in Bones and I were just discussing our recent escapades."
They spent several hours sitting around Jim's desk and Spock found he did like the feeling of warm Brandy in his system, but it wasn't what he had in mind in terms of spending time with Jim. When it was all over Spock and Jim helped guide McCoy back to his own quarters.
"Goodnight, captain."
"Goodnight, Spock."
Back in his quarters Spock ran over the night's events. He had felt the same stirrings of want that he had felt when Jim had been with Edith. Not that he wished to see the good doctor dead of course, but that he would simply go away when he wanted to be with Jim alone. Spock raised an eyebrow. He wanted to be with him and he didn't want anyone else to share that, he was experiencing jealousy. This was new. Jim was a highly proficient captain and a good friend, and if Spock was feeling jealousy, as he now knew he was, that meant he desired something new from their relationship, but what?
It was not merely lust he knew that because it had been slaked on Vulcan much to his ongoing shame. It did not matter that they had been in combat a Vulcan could choose themselves as a challenger after all and the blood fever would not break. Now of course the battle wasn't to the death in that case merely overpowering the other was sufficient and that was indeed exactly what he had done. He had told McCoy that it was the combat that had pulled him back to himself, but he knew it went beyond that, and truthfully he had never been so grateful that the federation issued slacks were black. Having it be more than that though would explain his complete apathy towards T'Pring. They had been mentally compatible as children and yet he had felt no desire for her when the pon far arrived and, as became obvious when he arrived on Vulcan, she felt no desire for him. She had found Stonn. They were compatible. T'Ping had wanted him and worked to have him. She loved him and used logic to ensure that she could continue to do so.
So, there was a precedent for this behaviour. Even his own father had said that after a time it seemed the logical thing to do, to marry his mother. He loved her, so perhaps love was an acceptable emotion to have and to express outwardly, discreetly of course, but it could be expressed none the less. Vulcan laws of marriage were strict and firm, and it was illogical to spend the majority of one's life with someone one hated after all. It may even be logical that he would need it more than most being half-human and the emotional threshold that came from that was different from other Vulcans. Perhaps medically that release of certain emotions was even critical. There were conditions such as Bendii syndrome that could be brought on by emotional suppression. Dealing with certain waves of emotion in a constructive manner was far more preferable than shoving them down and have them exploded one day at an inconvenient time and in an unpredictable manner. Satisfied that the situation had now been approached at all angles and a logical conclusion had been reached Spock bowed his head in slight shock at just what that conclusion would mean before at last making an announcement to the empty room
"I believe I am in love with James T. Kirk."
Saying it out loud somehow made it more permanent more real. Now another question lingered in the air, what was he to do about it? Just because he felt as he did not mean Jim was under any obligation to feel the same. He was inclined to flirt with him yes, but Jim more often than not flirted with anything that moved. His behaviour was not conclusive. So, was he content with that then? If it never moved beyond this, if he simply felt and nothing more, could he live with that? His feelings of jealousy regarding Miss Keeler and others would indicate that no he could not, but neither could he simply blindside Jim with his desires, he was the captain and his superior officer first and foremost. This was still a professional working relationship and disruption of that had to be avoided at all costs. Watching Jim with others knowing he felt as he did would hurt certainly, but not nearly as much as ruining what they already had, a wonderful friendship and a working environment that gave him a reason to get up in the morning. He couldn't risk that. For now he would observe and if, if conditions turned out to be favourable he would he act.
XXX
For the next several days Spock did exactly that and noted that Jim used 2 percent more muscle movement to smile at him than he did with anyone else and touching was up 24.3 percent from last week alone. He felt the risk of rejection was low.
Jim looked up at him from the other side of the chess board.
"You've been rather quiet our last few games, Mr. Spock, is anything wrong?"
"Not especially."
"But you do have something on your mind."
"If you desire to know I can tell you."
"Proceed."
"I have recently developed a romantic interest in you and have spent the last several days observing your behaviour to properly determine my next actions, if any."
Jim dropped the chess piece he had been holding and sat there slack jawed; feeling rather stupid for asking an innocent question.
"Do you have any thoughts on the matter?"
"Well…well I'd be lying if I said I wasn't shocked. I'd have thought…love being a rather strong emotion was something you would not be so open about."
"I have come to the conclusion that this emotion is one to be expressed outwardly to provide proper mental balance and stability, and enrich the life of the individual. It is all perfectly logical."
"Of course it's a logical course to take," Jim said, trying to keep a smile off his face, and failing "you love me?"
"I do, Jim, and do you reciprocate my attraction?"
"I do."
"I have a sense of relief at that."
"Why, Mr. Spock, am I to understand that there was doubt in you as to my feelings?"
"Momentarily."
Jim chuckled and put his hand out in front of him on the table.
"The first two fingers right?"
"Indeed."
He put his own fingers out and reached for Jim's. The feeling of touching Jim in such an intimate way was electric. Fingers moved along each other in slow even strokes. After a moment Jim leaned in and kissed him gently on the lips while their fingers continued to intertwine. Spock was unsure which sensation was the most enjoyable. As Jim pulled back he decided he would need more empirical evidence to make a proper analysis and leaned in himself to continue the activity.
The End