My life was fucked up right from the start. Growing up poor Georgia trash was the first knock against me. We moved around the state all my early life that I can remember so we were always taught not to put down roots. We moved just outside of Atlanta when my twin brother and I were ten. My mother had just died so amazingly my father was making a feeble attempt to comfort me and my siblings with what he considered normalcy. Of course even living in the same place for years couldn't change the fact that we were not normal. I'd have been surprised if my father even knew how many children he had much less what our names were. There was my oldest brother Michael who'd taken off at age sixteen (just after our mother died), and we never heard from him again. Then came myself and my twin brother Casey followed by Zachary two years later, then Mariah sixteen months after Zach and finally the second set of twins Annabelle and Dean three years after Mariah. So being a single father to six children under the age of twelve wasn't exactly my dad's idea of fun so ten months after my mother died he dumped us on our "uncles" porch and took off. I guess he could have just run and never thought about what happened to us but life with my uncle wasn't a whole lot better. He was an abusive drug addict alcoholic with a part time prostitute wife, not exactly an awesome father figure.
It wasn't a week after my dad ditched us that the beatings started. It could be something as simple as one of the little ones spilling their juice and whooping's all around. As the oldest Casey and I ended up stepping up and taking the punishment for everyone. Even at twelve we both knew we were already broken beyond repair and we'd be damned if that happened to our little brothers and sisters. My "aunt" kept us out of school by telling everyone she was home schooling us, but that was just code for using us as indentured servants. We cooked, cleaned, and watched the four younger kids while our "aunt" worked and our "uncle" got drunk while dealing drugs out of the garage. So many things in my life are a blur but I'll never forget the first time I met the Dixon's. Oddly enough they were the only people I ever felt I could totally be myself around. They knew the life I'd come from and they'd seen the abuse and had suffered through it themselves. We understood each other in a way no one else could.
It was a blistering hot July day the summer I turned thirteen when Casey and I were cleaning the house before letting the little ones out to play in the yard. We finished early so I took the four youngest into the front yard while Casey swept the driveway. I'd blossomed early but instead of flaunting my new figure like any normal girl my age would've I was always bundled up hiding cuts and bruises. This day I just couldn't stand it so defying "the rules" I was running around in one of Casey's undershirts and some cutoff jean shorts while I supervised my siblings. Casey had given me a loving talking to that morning, trying to make me change my clothes but as the heat rose into the triple digits I couldn't have cared less about my future punishment. Casey and I were closer than close from birth, it wasn't just the twin thing; we relied on each other and took care of each other always. Our siblings were more like our children since we practically raised them from the days they were born. That day was like any other Casey and I were woken up at the crack of dawn to cook breakfast for our disgusting "parents" before bathing and dressing all the children. The housework needed to be done, we cooked dinner, cleaning some more, putting the children to bed before going to sleep ourselves. Every day was the same the only thing that ever changed was that as Casey and I got older the beatings became more frequent and more severe. The only real boundary my "uncle" James and "aunt" Stephanie seemed to have was that they tried not to break bones, it didn't always work and we made more than a few solo trips to the local ER. Eventually we learned how to set our own bones and do simple sutures on each other.
That hot July day as the kids ran around playing tag and being silly like kids do at that age I sat on the front stairs taking an unusual break. When Casey was finished with his work I snuck around back to have a quick cigarette while he watched the kids for me. I had barely lit up when I heard a low gruff voice beside me say, "Too young to be smoking little girl." I almost choked on my cigarette as I let out a small squeal and whirled around to see a younger man leaning on the corner of the house watching me. I started sputtering on the verge of tears as I mumbled, "Just forget you saw me please Jimmy will crack my skull if he….." My sentence was cut off as I heard my "uncle" call for me. "Jennifer get in here" from his work room in the garage. I was frozen staring at the handsomely scruffy man in front of me. I heard Jimmy raising his voice when his chair scraped along the ground, "Goddamint Jenna don't make me call you again girl." I ran until I got to the door quietly knocking like I was taught to and slowly entering when I was told.
Jimmy was leaning against his desk looking very pissed off as I quickly glanced at his most recent customer, who sat on the ratty old couch flipping through one of Jimmy and Steph's many skin magazines they randomly left lying around. I saw his gaze pass slowly over me from head to toe as I quietly stood awaiting my punishment. Jimmy followed the other man's gaze as he finally took notice of my outfit. "What the fuck do you think you're wearing?" I hung my head knowing nothing I said could win me this argument. 'Clothes, what does it look like?" I was hot, tired, and frustrated so the words flew out of my mouth without thinking of the repercussions of my actions. The color started rising in Jimmy's face as the other man burst out laughing. "You got yourself a little pistol there Jim." "You mouthy little bitch" Jimmy roared as he lunged at me. I knew I was in for it no matter what I did so I quickly sidestepped making Jimmy run into the door behind me with a thwack. I heard a low growl of anger come from Jimmy as his customer was laughing so hard I thought he'd choke. Before I really had a chance to plan my next move Jimmy grabbed my ankle causing my legs to out from underneath me, I smacked my head off the pavement and literally saw stars for a moment. As I was trying to shake the cobwebs from my brain I could see Jimmy coming toward me before he hauled me off the ground by my hair. "Your mouth is going to get you into allot of trouble someday girl" he growled in my face before punching me hard. The smack to the head sent me flying into the couch against the opposite wall. I knew what to do now; I was supposed to stay put and act beaten until Jimmy allowed me to get back to my housework. So I laid on the floor feeling the blood pouring down the back of my head and running down my face. I just wanted to round up the kids and finish my housework so I could suture myself up before Casey and I had to start dinner. The two men were discussing their transaction casually as if I wasn't lying at their feet blood and bruised.
I was zoning in and out of conscienouness when I realized I was being talked to. I turned toward the voices as Jimmy shouted, "Are you listening to me? I said get your ass in the house and grab us some beers. Stop acting drama queen you're fine, get off your lazy ass and get the beers. Change your fucking clothes while you're in there." I slowly got to me feet and left the garage, trying not to pass out in the process. I again ran into the scruffy young man who appeared to be waiting paitiently for the man in Jimmy's "office". He looked me over quickly, "What the fuck happened to you?" I waved him away as I walked past him toward the side door to the house. I felt myself pulled back by the elbow until I was standing facing the young man. "What's your name?" He asked quietly while watching my eyes carefully. "Jenna" I replied flatly. "You got a nasty concussion there Jenna; your eye's jumping all funny." I hung my head, "Thanks mister. I've gotta get them their beers before he comes looking for me." He nodded quietly like he understood before I heard him say softly, "It's Daryl not mister." I threw my best attempt at a smile his way, "Thank you Daryl." He simply nodded again.
I went about throwing on a large t-shirt of Casey's before grabbing them their beers and returning to the garage. I was covered in blood and could feel it drying to my skin and hair as I patiently waited to be released. As I stood quietly the young man from outside, Daryl, walked in and leaned against the opposite wall. The "customer" smiled affectionately at him, "Jim that there is my kid brother Daryl I was telling you about." The men nodded toward each other in greeting before the other man started laughing while swigging his beer before turning his gaze toward me. "So Jim when you putting that pretty little thing to work for you? Have Steph teach her a thing or two, I bet you'd be raking in the dough." I saw Daryl throw a disgusted look at his brother, "Jesus Merle she's just a kid." The man, Merle's, eyes turned to ice as he looked Daryl over, "I don't remember asking you a fucking thing boy." I still stood silently against the wall as I saw the wheels turning in Jimmy's head before he broke into a wide smile and called me to him. "C'mere Jenna." He mumbled as I stumbled toward him feeling like I was going to throw up and pass out all at once. He grabbed my arm tightly as he appraised my body turning me from side to side. "You really think I could get some money for this smart mouthed little shit?" Merle chuckled darkly, "Hell yeah. You're going to have to clean her up good and keep them bruises to a minimum but she's got some perky little tits and nice lips. I know some guys down the bar who'd pay nicely for a few hours with her. How old are you sweet thing?" I knew he was talking to me but was zoning out thanks to my concussion. Jimmy shook me hard when I didn't answer, "Merle asked you a question you little bitch how old are you?" I glared at him through blurry eyes as I thought about the question, "I'm ummm I'm thirteen." "Well hell Jim I guess that is a little too young but give her a year or two to fill out that figure, and you're set man. Between her and Steph you'll be on easy street." I pulled my arm away from Jim, thoroughly disgusted that they could so casually talk about selling me into prostitution like it was a finishing school. "I have housework to do and children to feed can I go now?" I got a quick slap to my bloody head as he snapped, "Watch your mouth, you're right though. Clean yourself up and get back to work, can't have you hanging around all day." I felt a warm hand touch my arm softly as I stumbled to the door. I turned quickly to see Daryl looking at me with the tiniest hint of a smile.
I made my way toward the front yard before quietly calling Casey so as not to upset my little ones. It wasn't like they hadn't seen me bloody and bruised before but I still tried my best to shield them from the worst of the abuse. "Case….Casey….CASEY" I called still trying not to alert anyone but him. I saw his smile fade as he walked toward me quickly looking over my injuries, "Aww hell Jenna what happened this time?" "I moved so Jim smashed into the door. Can you make sure I didn't cut my head open when I hit the ground?" Casey looked at my head as I winced slightly. "Nope you didn't crack your skull just another concussion. I'll sew your face up after we feed the little ones." I smiled lightly thanking the heavens that I had my Casey to be with me through this fucked up existence. I headed into the house carefully washing the blood from my hair and face before starting dinner for the kids and our evil guardians. After we cleaned up from dinner and put the young ones to bed Casey sutured my cheek up and sewed my eyebrow back together. I laid awake that night thinking about the scruffy young man I'd met earlier that day. I was so sore the next morning I almost couldn't get out of bed but as always I pushed through it and went about my day. As I was out back washing the dogs I was surprised to look up and see Daryl leaning against the house watching me. "Something I can help you with Mr. Dixon?" I'd gotten his and his brothers last name while I was eavesdropping on Jim and Step the night before. "Tol' you before it's just Daryl not mister. Just wondering what the hell you're doing?" I gestured toward our dogs, "Well these three geniuses' decided to pick a fight with a porcupine this morning. I got all the quills out but Jim wants all the blood and shit washed of them. Don't give a shit how us kids look but these fucking mutts, sorry." I mumbled when I realized I was just rambling. Daryl started to respond but suddenly the dog I had in the washtub snapped at me getting soap all over me, I let out a screech as it got in all my wounds, "Motherfucking Zeus you asshole, fuck that burns." I whined loudly as I held my injured cheek. I heard Merle chuckle as he rounded the corner of the house, "Got a mouth like a sailor little girl." "Fuck yourself" I mumbled under my breath as I went back about my task.
As the days went by the Dixon's showed up more and more. Daryl and I would talk every chance we got, and Merle lightened up once I started putting him in his place. Casey never really warmed to either of them but he could see I was happy around Daryl and Casey always wanted that for me as I did for him. I would sneak out at night running over to the Dixon's trailer to hang out with Daryl. It went that way for a very long time, work all day, put the kids to bed, jump out the window so I could run across town and crawl in Daryl's window. All was going good until just after I turned fifteen it was a normal morning as I snuck back into our room to see Stephanie sitting on mine and Casey's bed with her favorite weapon, the wooden spoon. I wasn't even all the way in the before she started beating me, of course I lost my grip and fell hard from the second floor onto the deck with a thud. That's the last memory I have until my eyes slowly opened what felt like months later. A scream slowly came out of my mouth as I looked around at my unfamiliar surroundings. It hit me like a ton of bricks that I was in a hospital covered with machines. I ripped the oxygen out of my nose and started pulling out every IV I could find. The screaming of an alarm almost brought me to my knees as fire exploded behind my eyes. I grabbed my head in my hands as I struggled to remain standing. Before I could regain my bearings two nurses and what looked like a cop came rushing into my room and started talking to me all at once. Finally as they pushed me back into the bed and started shoving all the IV's back in I threw my arms into the air. "Stop! Would someone tell me what the fuck is going on?" The cop turned on me and let out a loud huff, "Watch your mouth." "Okay what the fuck is going on Officer?" I saw the smallest hint of a smirk as he walked toward me slowly, "Officer Walsh, good to see you awake Jennifer." "Jenna" I barked flatly. He took a seat next to me as the nurses left the room. "Alright Jenna well what's going on is as far as we can tell you fell out a second story window onto your back porch eight days ago. Scrambled your brains good, doctors weren't sure you were going to wake up." I was trying so hard to remember what happened but kept coming up blank then I felt a sinking feeling in my stomach, "Oh my god did you say eight days? Where's Casey, are my little ones alright?" He pulled out a small dog eared notebook, "Umm Casey is your twin and your four younger siblings are all being looked after by two foster families." I could feel rage flowing through my veins as I stared at the young cop. "Are you fucking kidding me" I spat as I again stood up and pulled every tube I could find as I pulled on a pair of jeans I found on a chair, and threw on the flannel from the floor all the while getting yelled at by the cop. As I headed toward the door he grabbed my arm roughly pulling me back. "Listen your siblings are safe and I'll personally check in on them if it'll make you feel better but you need to be released by a doctor before you leave, and then you have a whole grocery list of questions I need you to answer." I pulled my arm away looking at the office coolly, he didn't look allot older than me, "You new on the force Officer uh?" He let me go, "Office Walsh, I'm three months out of the academy, why?" I chuckled grimly "I knew you were a rookie. Listen everyone especially cops in this town now me and my family. They know our story and you've probably seen our rap sheets. I'm a lost cause so not to throw your offer back in your face or anything but I'll get my little ones and make everything right myself." He let a full smile work its way onto his face as he ran a hand through his dark hair, "Well I don't believe in lost causes so you still need to have a doctor check you out and allot of questions to answer." I wasn't really paying him any attention as I started pulled lighters, string, and other random crap out of the flannel I was wearing. "Whose clothes am I wearing? I don't think this stuff is mine." Officer Walsh laughed, "I'm not really sure Ma'am but there were a couple guys in here earlier looking out for you. I think the younger one left that and the pants here for you." I laughed knowing Daryl and Merle were keeping an eye on me, and Daryl had left the flannel I was always trying to steal from him. I sat down trying to placate the young cop into letting me go. "Okay so if I answer some of your questions can I leave please?" He took a seat across from me as he took his King County sheriff's office hat off slowly, "As soon as the doctor says you're alright and you've answered all my boring old questions you can walk out that door free as a bird." "Fine" I huffed.
A doctor came in and did all the stupid reflex tests, asking me what state I was in, all that bullcrap before advising me to take it easy for a few weeks before handing me my discharge paperwork. The annoying Officer Walsh walked me into a small conference room before laying a file and a small notebook on the table in front of him. "Alright let's get all the basic stuff out of the way first….name?" I lay my head on the table as I whined, "You already know that." He smirked at me as a small chuckle escaped him, "Yeah yeah….well we need to do this for the official record or I could bring you down to the station and we can do this there." "Are you seriously trying to scare me Officer? I've probably spent more time in that station than you have so I don't care where we are I just want this to be done with so I can get the hell out of here." He huffed loudly, "Well for someone who wants out of here so bad you're not making this easy on either of us. You stop sassing me and answer all my questions I guarantee we'll be far away from each other in less than a half hour." I slammed my hand down on the table, "Fuck….fine. Jennifer Collins age fifteen date of birth April 20th 1982. I live at 273 W Foxwood Lane Atlanta Georgia. My legal guardians are my father's scumbag best friend Jim and his whore wife Stephanie. I have six siblings, height five one, weight varies, brown hair blue eyes. Anything else?" He was scribbling away in his notebook before he opened the file in front of me, looking it over slowly before turning it to face me. "Yes actually why don't you explain this file here to me. These are your x-rays and the doctor's report from when you were admitted. Over four dozen breaks and fractures in various stages of healing. You've had a severe concussion in the past few weeks, you're missing three adult teeth, burn marks on your back and homemade stitches all over, and that's before you fell from a two story window, so you tell me." I pulled the file away from him as I looked over my x-rays to see all the abuse my body had been forced to endure over the years. "What do you want me to say officer, my life sucks and allot of times I step in the way so my little siblings are spared the pain." His face softened as he reached over closing the file. "What about your parents?" He asked quietly. "My mother toped it when I was eleven; Dad dropped us with the scumbags a couple months after that." He appeared confused as he tilted his head like a puppy, "Toped it?" "Killer herself, seven kids under the age of eighteen with an alcoholic drug addict husband wasn't her idea of heaven." "Do you have any other family that could take ya'll in?" I shook my head as I was starting to get antsy, I didn't like talking about my life. "I have an older brother Michael but he took off right after my mom's funeral, which was almost three years ago, so it's just us. I can look after the kid's just fine." He let out a sigh as he leaned back in his chair, "I hate to tell you this but now that social services are involved there's no way in hell those two are getting all you kids back. They're going to split you into foster homes until you age out at eighteen." I kicked the table leg hard trying to vent my frustrations, "Fuck if that stupid bitch has just waited until I was in the window none of this would be happening." Officer Walsh looked startled, "Wait you were coming in the window and your guardian Stephanie caused you to fall?" I almost slapped my hand over my mouth realizing in my anger I was starting to ramble. "No I didn't say that…fuck fuck fuck…..umm no I was screwing around and I fell. Now I'm going to be fine and that's it." The officer's face hardened as he reopened the file before slamming his hand down on the table. "That's not it I can keep going. Looks like your cheekbone's been fractured at least a half a dozen times, you've got a bone fracture floating around you elbow, malnourished, dehydrated. Do you want to know what the doctor said when he looked you over?" "Not really" I huffed. "He said your body showed one of the worst cases of child abuse he'd ever seen. Why would you protect the people who did this to you?" I refused to look at him, hearing the anger and concern in his voice was foreign concept to me and it made me uncomfortable. "Can I go now Officer Walsh?" He stuffed his hat back on his head angrily as he gathered his things. "Sure why not I can see I'm not getting anywhere. Just know I'll be keeping an eye on you Miss Collins." I nodded quickly as I grabbed my meager belongings and took off running out of the hospital and down the street.
I barely got to the corner before I heard a car pull up next to me as I turned to see that damn cop again. "Shouldn't be running around straight outta the hospital Miss Collins." "Piss off Officer Walsh" I spat as I took off running home as fast as I could. As I flew around the corner toward the house I noticed several trash bags on the front step with something written on them. As I got closer I could see they all had my name on them, so they kicked me out what a surprise. I dragged my measly belongings behind me as I walked toward the nearest pay phone praying there was some change in my borrowed flannel. I luckily found some and called the only friends I had. I was a little disappointed when Merle answered the phone but covered quickly. "Hey Merle it's JC, is Daryl around?" He chuckled, "Well hell sugar when'd you wake up?" "This morning I've been held prisoner by the pigs ever since then, some fucking rookie pretending to feel bad for us, asshole. Anyway so is Daryl around?" "Naw he took off outta here a while ago was heading to look in at you in the hospital." I kicked the phone booth, "Damn it, the scumbags kicked me out so now I'm stranded. There any way you'd wanna help me out with a ride? I was heading to your place anyway so I can wait for Daryl." The sleaze was back in his voice as he mused, "Well I might be able to help you but what're you gonna do for me?" "Come on Merle forget it I'll just walk to your place." He chuckled loudly again, "No you aint walking all the way here straight outta the hospital, gimme about twenty minutes I'll be there." I laughed that every now and then I was able to get a human response out of him. "Thanks Merle." "Yeah yeah" I heard him mutter as he hung up the phone. Despite everything I knew deep down that Merle liked me and looked out for me when the mood struck him.
I took a seat on the sidewalk for a while until I heard Merle's truck rattling down the street toward me. We didn't really talk much on the way back to the trailer. Once we got back I made Merle something to eat before going to Daryl's room to drop my stuff and take a much needed nap. I was abruptly woken up by the bedroom door slamming as I glanced at Daryl staring angrily at me. I smiled up at him, "Hey D." You couldn't have called me? I about lost it when I saw that bed empty, then some fucking cop tells me you run off after being discharged." "Well that cop should have told you how he kept me there asking me stupid questions about what happened and about how I look. I'd have been out this morning if not for him. Either way I did try to call but you'd already taken off. Merle came and picked me up." Daryl sat on the edge of the bed as he chuckled quietly, "Still don't know how you got him wrapped around your finger like that." "What can I say it's a talent" I laughed as I lay back down on the bed. I was about to try to fall back to sleep when I heard the mattress squeak, I opened one eye to see Daryl lying next to me staring at the ceiling. I knew him well enough to know he wanted to ask me something but was having a hard time finding the words. "What do you want to ask me D?" He glanced at me quickly, "Nothing just wondering what Jim and Steph are going to say when you go home." I got comfortable on my side of the bed mimicking Daryl with my arms behind my head. "Well no need to wonder they kicked me out. Found all my stuff in trash bags on the sidewalk when I got there. Now that the cops took all the kids I've got no reason to go back there, Merle said I can stay here until I figure something out."