by Julimond
Title: Jealousy is the key
Author: Julimond (that's me)
Rating: PG-13 - for language
Disclaimer: Joss owns it all. I do not.
Author's Note: Set after Season 4 (with a slightly different ending to the season, read it and you'll figure it out). Dawn Free Zone here!
"What exactly are you trying to prove?" Here we go again. I've heard that exact question from just about anyone in the gang, so I know what's coming. "You got ten minutes, Xander. Spill your guts and then leave me alone so I can go hunting." - "Well, it's not just me. There are a few other people who would like to talk to you." With that he opens the back door to Giles' Magic Shop which he guards at night. Only if he needs money though, all the other nights demons and any other crooks are invited. So if you want to shoplift here all you have to do is write Xander a check. Strange world.
The team he has brought together for our little talk is even stranger. The whole crew: Giles, Willow, Anya, Tara, even Spike and ... "Mom? What are you doing here? Conspiring with the enemy?" - "We are not the enemy", Willow snaps. "Yeah? Then why do you keep giving me a hard time instead of just letting me do my job?", I snap back. As if we haven't been through all this before.
Mom tries her worrying face and soothing voice: "We know it's been a hard year for you, Buffy, but at some point we have to start analyzing your behaviour in the past twelve months. We are all here to help you." - "Except me. I was just coming along 'cause I thought it would be a fun event to watch", Spike kicks in. "Of course", everyone sighs. Noone knows why Spike still refuses to just admit to something everyone could see: That he had fallen for me. The way he was following me around like a dog it was hard to ignore. It was actually him that gave me the best Change-your-ways-before-you-die talk one night. However, not good enough. I was still out every night from sunset to dawn.
"Help me? Then just make a few stakes for me and get out of the way." - "No! We are not stepping out of the way. You've pushed us aside so often but this time you'll just have to listen." Willow looks at me triumphantly. "So? What do you have to say?" The redhaired witch stops smiling and makes a half step away from me leaving it up to Anya to make the next attack.
"Look, Riley was a nice guy. I never quite knew why you fancied him, but he was nice. And he got killed by a vampire. His bad luck. How many people in Sunnydale have been killed by vampires? He knew it was a dangerous town. It wasn't your fault that he was so drunk he couldn't even stand when those three jerks attacked him." Oh yes, it was. "Anyway, you didn't even love the guy. Then why did you just totally lose it after that? Could you please put it all in perspective so everybody can stop worrying so much?" What was that? I didn't love Riley? Who said that? "I didn't love Riley?", I inquire. "Xander told me that." Anya doesn't seem at all phased at what she is telling me. "What do you know about my feelings for Riley, Xander? Are you all nuts or what?" Very reluctantly Xander answers: "Riley himself told me that. And the way you acted around him told me he was right. I've seen you with Angel. It was so different." - "Don't even get me started on Angel!" Everyone falls silent for a moment.
Then it's my mom's turn to attack: "I didn't say anything when you left the university. I didn't say anything when you told me you were devoting your life to extinguishing all demons. And believe me it was hard, just when I believed you could have a somewhat normal life. I tried talking to you when you went on these insane trips to San Diego, Las Vegas and Phoenix. But when you didn't want to talk, I accepted that. But if it isn't to late already I have to talk to you now. I believe it's not some unselfish instinct that sends you onto the street at night, I think you're just trying for an easy way out. Plainly you want to get yourself killed." - "Oh yeah? And why don't I just slit my wrists then?" - "You did that, don't you remember, honey?" Oh shit, that was real? I seem to have a problem lately telling which of my memories are real and which are dreams.
"You slit your wrists?" Everyone seems shocked at this revelation, so she never told anyone. "Apparently I did." - "Without her slayer healing powers she wouldn't have survived it, although I was there immediately to bandage her." Noone says anything for quite some time and I'm getting ready to bully my way out of here when finally Tara speaks up.
"You've helped me in so many ways, and I, everyone here wants to help you ..." - "Except ..." - "Oh, shut up, Spike!", Tara scolds him with totally unexpected harshness. "But we can't do it if you keep denying the obvious. You have to tell us what is bothering you deep inside." - "What's bothering me? What bothers me is that bloodsuckers are currently out there, maybe only a mile away, killing people and you are here preventing me from saving them." - "No, that's not it", Tara softly says and of course she's right. "If it was just that then why are you pushing everyone away from you? Your family, your friends?" - "I have to concentrate."
Xander joins in: "Do you want to be another Kendra? Living only for the fight and then dying with your boots on?" I don't answer and Spike asks: "What do you do anyway when the sun is up? Sit around in your room and brood about the hundreds of people you couldn't save instead of remembering the hundreds or even thousands you actually saved. Apart from saving the world a few times. Brooding like your ex, is that it?" - "Don't even get me started on Angel!", I explode, turn around and kick down the frontdoor to the shop although it's not even locked.
Hunting is pretty uneventful as it has been for months. Two or three vamps a night, seldomly five. Today it's only one young one that hasn't been told that a crazy slayer is on the loose. At five in the morning I decide to call it a night. Deep inside I realize that last night was really the last time my friends reached out for me. It's painful for them too to see how I'm losing it. I would like to talk to them, to explain, but I'm so afraid. It has taken this whole night to come to a decision.
It's 5.15 when I knock on Giles' door. I prepare myself to have to wait for quite some time, but he opens after a few seconds. "Come in", he says with a sigh. He sits down on his favourite chair and points to the couch. After I have taken a seat he asks: "Tea?" I can't remember ever accepting tea from him, but he still asks. "Yeah, why not." His surprise shows clearly on his face. "Actually I haven't any tea here. I would have to ..." - "Don't bother. Sit down. Please." He adjusts his glasses and sits down again. So he's as nervous as I am, only acting on reflexes. "You were expecting me?" - "Let's say I was hoping you would come to see me." - "This is my last chance, right?" He takes a few seconds to answer that one. "I believe so, Buffy." - "I'm so afraid, Giles." - "We can all see that. But we don't quite understand just what you're afraid of. At least I can't." - "It's not easy to explain." I expect him to encourage me but his only encouragement is to lean back and give me as much time as I want to find the right words.
"Maybe it's like something I read somewhere: I'm Midas in reverse. Everything I touch dies. At least if I only care enough for it. I broke up the marriage of my parents. The people I loved - Angel, Riley and ... " - ups, don't say the F-Word - "... everything. Everything dies." I am ready to counter some rationalizing from him, something like 'It wasn't you that broke up the marriage' but he just sits there and lets me do the talking. "I'm so afraid that it would happen again. I don't want any of you getting hurt. I'd rather kill myself." - "That is exactly what you are trying to do." Maybe it's true. Fuck the maybe. I know it's true. I travelled to Phoenix and San Diego to encounter two of the most powerful demons on my own. But I'm a survivour. Still here, suffering.
"So you are distancing yourself from us so some higher being cannot identify the ones you love and harm them. Do you really think you are that important?" Good one. "No. Maybe I did for a while. And now I don't know how I can make it up to all of you. I've been so insulting to all of you. Why would you even reach out to me again and again? And if you don't do it anymore, what would there be left for me to live for?" Was I making any sense? I don't think so. Anyway, the tears are flowing freely now. "This is your last chance, you realize that, don't you Buffy?" I nodded. "If you hadn't shown up here until seven, I would have called the others to see if you chose to talk to one of them and then I would have packed my things and flown home to England. Xander and Willow are ready to throw in the towel too. Anya and Tara are just annoyed at your actions. Joyce is slowly going insane. That leaves Spike. Have a lot of fun." I laugh at that thought and slowly the tears dry out.
"Will you be here when I come back tomorrow? I'm just totally drained now." - "I think it would be best if we both thought it over and tried to find a way to get you back into this life. Big words, hmm?" Yeah, but still true. On leaving, I hug Giles like I never have before. I miss physical contact with other human beings and I thank him for not being british at all then and there, instead returning my hug and caressing my back like a father would do when his daughter has had a bike accident and she's crying more from the shock than the pain.
I skip hunting and go right to Giles' house the next evening. I truly hope he hasn't invited the whole gang. No way am I listening to them once again. Giles could be my psychotherapist, but the others ... well, I would deal with them later. "Tea?" - "Do you have any?" - "Yes, it's hot and waiting for you", he smiles at me.
I get myself a glass of applejuice instead and flop down on the couch. My mood really has improved. "So, any good ideas?" - "I contemplated two very different approaches." He sips on his tea before continuing. "The first involved a certain mix of chemicals which would allow you to find a more stable equilibrium ..." - "Prozac?" - "Well ... actually ... among other things, yes." I give him a look and he continues. "The second involved maybe the only person you haven't been able to unnerve and who could still be called a friend." Dramatic pause. Am I supposed to be guessing or what? It's noone that lives in Sunnydale, that's for sure. And it sure as hell isn't Angel or one of his gang. I pissed them off for good the last time I visited. Which leaves ... blank. Noone. Not a pleasant thought.
"That's my line, right? I am supposed to have my dramatic entrance as the saviour of Buffy's mental health, hmm?", someone states behind me. She has come out of Giles' bedroom where she listened to the conversation. I turn around slowly and there she stands in all her leather-clad glory. All the time I remembered how beautiful she was but as I realize now I didn't remember just HOW beautiful.
"Faith", I mumble. "Hey, you remember me. That's a good start." She jumps over the couch and crashes down beside me. The piece of furniture makes a sound that resembles a sigh, causing another sigh from Giles. I never take my eyes off her and realize that my mouth is slowly spreading into a smile. I probably look mentally less gifted but I just can't help it. "God B, you really look like you need a good brain specialist." Giles probably expects me to ask why Faith isn't in prison but frankly I don't give a damn. "How've you been?", I get out. "Well, I was in prison for a few months and that's not something I really wanna talk about. Thanks for visiting, girlfriend." - "I had ... issues to deal with", I reply defensively. "So I'm told. Anyway, since I got out it's been mostly good for me. The council leaves me alone, they have an effective slayer guarding the hellmouth, I have enough money and ... wait for it ... I have a girlfriend." Ouch. My smile falls so hard from my face I believe I can hear it crashing through the floor.
"Does that shock you? I know you remember me as a man-eating hurricane when it comes to relationships. But with Sheryl ...", she gets a dreamy look on her face, "it's just more. You know when we're in bed together, ..." - "Save the details for later. Please", Giles interrupts her rather ungentlemanlike. "Sorry, G-Man. I promise I won't mention this special thing she does with her big toe when ... Ups." My watcher simply reaches up to cover his ears while Faith is laughing so hard she nearly falls off the couch. I manage a half smile.
"Who is Sheryl?" - "She's my lawyer. The one that got me out of jail. She's a bright one, that's for sure. I didn't understand half of what she was talking about in that courtroom. Just like the district attorney that got his butt kicked." She snickers to herself. "She's here. Maybe we can meet her later tonight." Yeah, wouldn't that be fun. Another half smile.
My brain begins to work normally again and I remember all the times Faith and I tried to hurt one another. All the times she brought misery for my friends. What was Giles thinking bringing her back to Sunnydale? It's a wonder we are not already rolling on the floor trying to rip each others hearts out. And why is Faith so damn happy and comfortable around me? As far as I remember she had no indication she could call me `girlfriend' - especially after the last time we met.
"Whatcha say, we go slaying? I haven't done that in a while." Giles doesn't seem too happy with the idea of having us two alone, but he stays silent. "Let's go."
The night is even more quiet than usual. It takes us three full hours to find one single vamp. "What happened? Did they move the hellmouth without telling me?" - "The idiots finally got the message they are not welcome in my town", I reply lost in dark thoughts. "Your town, huh? Did you allow the Bronze to stay open?" - "I haven't been there in ages." Faith waits for me to continue but that's all there is to say. "You prefer a dark cemetery to a half decent club now? Come on, let's go." My legs seem to want to follow her.
"Get that booth, I'll get the drinks", Faith screams over the music. Five minutes later she returns with two glasses of transparent liquid. The band quit playing and we are able to talk. "Let me guess, vodka?" - "Pure as a newborns soul", she grins and raises her glass: "To the Chosen Two." I'm not used to the alcohol anymore and it kicks in pretty fast. It's a good thing Faith does all the talking.
"Thanks for giving me another chance. I'm not gonna blow this one. Actually I was pretty scared before I came out of Giles' bedroom. You could just have gone balistic again and ... well, it turned out how G-Man said it would. And I'm happy about that. Man, I'm happy we are sitting here at the Bronze simply chatting and having a good time." - "Why are you here, Faith?" - "Giles called me in L.A. yesterday and said he needed my help. He didn't elaborate what big evil was trying to destroy the world, but I figured if Supergirl can't take care of it on her own I better follow his call." She thought for a moment. "Actually that's a pretty good question. I'm not exactly sure why I'm here." Me neither. I want to tell her I'm happy she's here, I don't want her to go away as there is no demon to fight, but my mouth won't open. "But I'm sure happy to be here and I'm not leaving anytime soon", she adds. "Come on, let's dance. You need to brighten up."
How long has it been I felt so good? Too long, that's for sure. Oh Buffy, that's so cliche. Just have fun, I tell myself. We are dancing, pretty close just as Faith likes it and I surely don't object, the eyes of quite a few other dancers on our show. The alcohol helps, our little show gets raunchier and my movements less sure. "Girl, you're spent. I better take you home to Mommy." She actually walks me home while I bring her up to date with the things that happened to Xander and Willow.
Oh right, that was the reason why I stopped drinking alcohol. It's hard to get out of bed with a head that weighs as much as the entire rest of the body. I consider taking a shower first but it's not really an option. Aspirin time, shower later. My thinking is not very elaborate. As I enter the kitchen, mom screams out in shock: "Buffy, look at you!" Her voice is so shrill I have to put my hands to my head to soothe the headache. "Did you sleep in your clothes?" I search for the aspirin instead of answering. "Did you drink? You never drink, Buffy!" I can tell she believes my last days on earth are here. "I'm fine, Mom. Or rather I will be." She opens her mouth to argue but I cut her off: "Later, okay? I promise."
"So, what happened?", she asks as I come down the stairs for the second time today. I am feeling much better. "Faith is back", I state matter of factly. The shock registers on her face and she has to sit down. "Oh no. Not again. You should have killed that bitch the first time." That's a shocker for me. "What? Mom! You can't be serious!" - "That little devil almost killed me. She almost killed you more than once. You know the whole list. And if she was dead there would be a new slayer to help you out." The hatred is intense. I never realised that, maybe because we never talked about her. "But she's here to make amends." I'm on the defensive again. "Says who? Anyway, she should be in prison." - "Giles called her back." - "Is he out of his mind? I've got to call him!" She reaches for the phone and puts it back down again. "No, I better talk to him personally."
As I try to decide what to do after breakfast I realize I have no idea where Faith is staying. Mom has taken the car to get to the Magic Shop, so I have to walk. "Sorry about that", I say pointing at the new door to the shop. Apart from two customers Giles is alone. "That's alright. Just give me the 540 dollars the next time you have some money." What? 540 Dollars for one door? "I'm just kidding. Xander repaired it for free." I can't help a little smile. "Giles, you ..." - "Your mother was here half an hour ago. I think she understands now." - "That's great. Especially 'cause *I* don't even understand why of all people you called Faith. Maybe you can explain it to me too." My watcher sells a few strange items before he turns back to me. "Who else should I have called? Besides, I wanted to see what progress Faith has made since she's out."
He gives me Faith's address, not a motel this time but a house they rented. My heartbeat is picking up pace as I climb up the three stairs to the door and ring the bell. There is enough reason to be nervous: Seeing Faith again is one, meeting the mysterious Sheryl for the first time the other. It was she who opens the door a few moments later. I have to look up to her, she is standing an impressive six feet - flat-heeled. A few more things are impressive about her - her curves in all the right places, the straight light-blonde hair flowing down her back, the soft complexion of her pretty face offset by moderate use of black mascara. Everything about her screams class and one word flashes in my mind - flawless. The next thought I have: How can I compete?
"Hi." I force a smile on my face. "I'm Buffy. You must be Sheryl." I hold out my hand. She doesn't take it but just stares at me. Just when I believe I have come to the wrong house she finally answers: "I always thought you were taller." Her stare has turned from indifferent to icy. I smell another difficult relationship. Still blocking the doorway she continues to stare at me. Slowly hands come around her body and Faith's face appears above her right shoulder. After giving me a quick smile she whispers something in her girlfriend's ear.
The two move back inside the house and I am allowed inside. Not welcome, just barely tolerated. It's not a nice feeling. "How's your head?", Faith smiles at me. "Not so good. Yourself?" - "Actually, that thing is hurting surprisingly hard. Prison made me soft." Sheryl takes her head in her hands lovingly and gives her three quick kisses while Faith closes her eyes and enjoys. The jealousy I feel makes me clench my hands and I have to hold myself back. Sheryl turns to me and asks in her low, sexy voice: "A happy get-together after a year, hmm?" - "Yeah, something like that." - "After we made the trip down here I now understand why you never visited Faith in L.A. It must almost be a one hour drive." There's nothing I can say to defend myself, so I don't. Faith touches Sheryl's calf to show her she doesn't want us two to get into a fight right now.
"How did you get Faith out of jail? I thought the case was waterproof?" - "They never had any physical evidence. I mean they didn't even have the bodies. All I had to do was to show that this Detective Lockley used Faith desperate state of mind to bribe her in exchange for a confession. She gave her the human affection Faith needed and Faith gave her the false statement which she needed. A business deal. I busted it." False statements? Does she believe Faith is innocent? "Are they hunting for the real killer - or killers?" - "No, they still think my darling did it. I had to put up a reward of 50.000 $ myself. But noone has come forward." And now she's rich too. Just great.
"So how's school going? Picked a major yet?" - "I ... I don't go to college." - "Oh, ... it's just that ... Faith told me ... whatever. So what do you do?" If she doesn't know what I do, she probably doesn't know anything about ... anything. Vampires, demons, slayers. Faith has kept that all hidden from her. Obviously she doesn't trust her the way she should be able to trust her one and only love. That thought actually brings a smile to my face. "Must be quite a fun job?" - "Hmm? Oh, I'm a patrol guard. Nightshift." Faith snickers at that, Sheryl is not amused. And she is not finished trying to put me down. "How's your boyfriend? His name was Ryan something, right?"
Before I can answer, Faith explodes: "That was totally unnecessary. If you want to play around a bit and have fun - alright. But this is not funny at all. Riley seemed like a nice guy and there was no reason to mention him now. I'm not going to just sit here and watch as you try to hurt Buffy." Faith stands right before a sitting Sheryl and screams. "But I, ...", the older woman begins. "No! I don't even wanna fuckin' hear it. Let's go!", she yells at me, taking her leather jacket and leaving the house with a banging of the door. Sheryl looks at me almost apologetic as I shrug my shoulders and follow after my counterpart.
I have to run to catch up with her. "What was that all about?" - "She knew. She knew about you giving up college. She knew about Riley." What else does she know? Was this all a charade to fool me? "And I explained to her why you couldn't come to visit me. Mentioning Riley was *so* not okay. Sometimes her jealousy is freaking me out." - "She's jealous? Of me? That's a laugh", I speak my mind. "Is it? The way she sees it we moved to Sunnydale because of you - which is partially true - and the only thing I talked about the last few days was you. When I realized how that flame flared up every time I mentioned your name it was already too late."
"So this whole conversation was bogus? She knows all about us? She knows what you did?" Faith suddenly stops and I bump into her. "No, she doesn't." - "No ... no nothing?" - "No nothing. As far as she's concerned I am just a girl from Boston who was lost in the big bad city and turned to the wrong cop for help. Sweet innocent Faith. Well, not innocent innocent, she figured that out pretty quickly, if you know what I mean ..." - "Yeah, yeah, alright."
We make our way back to the Magic Box, Faith still expects Giles to tell her what she is here for. My watcher tells her he's been officially reinstated as her watcher as well. He gives us the order to go out and get to know each other a little better again. The day is spent mostly in Karl's Cafe, Sunnydale's version of a Starbucks, where we talk and talk and talk. After she has opened up about what happened to her at prison it is possible for me to talk about what I did after Riley's death. And more importantly how I felt. I go into great detail talking about the fight I had with one vamp the night after Riley's funeral. I wasn't out to kill him, I just needed a moving punching bag. After I had seen how I turned him into a bloody mess, I was disgusted with myself. And still I sat by his side, hearing him whimper until the sun killed him in the most painful way for a vampire. I take a step back in time and talk about the last time I saw Riley alive, how we didn't even get a chance to say good-bye.
Through a fog of tears I see her moving towards me, then stopping and asking: "Can I ... Can I hold you?" I nod and she moves onto the bench with me, softly holding my hands between her hands, hardly touching me at all. She doesn't say anything, she just lets me run out of tears. "Only stupid people say: It will be alright. Cause it won't. The trick is to live through all the pain. If I can do it you can. You were always so strong, B." I master a smile and nod, looking up at her. Slowly I reach out and tuck a strand of hair back behind her ear. "You're so darn beautiful, you know that?" - "Well, I ... thank you." - "Are you blushing?" - "Me? Nah! Just not used to that sweet talk coming from you." It must have irritated her, she moves back to her place on the other table-side. "Please don't talk to me like that if you don't mean it, okay?" - "But I ..." - "Don't play me. Not again. I have to go, I'll pick you up tonight."
As usual in the past months I sleep in the afternoon to be fit for a full night of patrolling. Today finding rest is not so easy when I remember touching her soft skin, inhaling her scent, the way she held me. A doorbell wakes me up, I must have fallen asleep after all. Shit, already eight. I jump out of bed and into my clothes. Before rushing downstairs I take a quick look in the mirror, straighten my hair a little and straighten up myself. It's been awhile since I did that.
"I take it we do understand each other?" - "Yes, Mrs Summers, perfectly." - "I'm not too sure I'm happy about that. It would really serve the community better if ..." She falls quiet when she hears me coming down the stairs. "Out", is the last thing she says to Faith before she turns and walks into the kitchen.
"Hey." - "Hey." We are both unsure how we should greet each other, a hug maybe? A handshake? It's an awkward situation which finally ends with both of us facing the road ahead and making no physical contact at all. "So, what was that all about?" - "Your mom threatened to kill me if I ever showed up at her house again. More precisely, to get some people who would do it for her." - "Are you serious?" - "Yep. And she was too." Great, Giles must have explained his plan really well to her. The plan he doesn't have. "I guess I'll not come round your house anymore." - "I'll talk to her." - "Forget it. I've done a lot of stupid things, I can't expect everyone to be as forgiving as you are."
We just walk around town, checking the cemeteries. "This really beats watching paint dry to the top spot of boring activities. How could you have done that every night? What is wrong with you, girl?" Oh no, another of these sessions? That's why Giles brought her in. A fresh face and mouth to annoy me. "It is a sacred ..." - "Whatever. Let's go dancing." - "We will not go dancing. There's always the one vampire who hasn't gotten the message yet. I will not let him ..." - "Ah, I see. You need a fight to burn some energy. I could use one too. Would be nice if you didn't stab me again, just a little sparring, hmm?"
The idea of simply giving up the search for the night is quite tempting, especially if it means we are going dancing again. I would just love that. However ... "We will do this my way, tonight. No alcohol, no neglecting of our duties. OUR duties. Have you changed or are you still in denial that your powers come with a price?" She stares at me, a grin trying to sneak on her face several times. I stare back and finally she gives in. "Alright then. We do it your way - tonight. Lead the way."
So I can still win arguments. Passing her, I beam with pride and try to decide which graveyard should be next. Plus, Faith has changed, she finally opened up to reasoning and ... I'm flung through the air and hit the ground hard. "Yes!" Slayer number two is doing the victory dance while I plan my attack. "I can't believe you fell for that - literally", she laughs. "'Lead the way' - so obvious." - "Funny. So, are you gonna leave me in the dirt or are we going dancing?" - "So you're up for it?" - "Sure", I say, offering my hand to her. She takes it, expecting me to try something. Clever girl.
A few minutes later I've finally wrestled her down. "That left hook is vicious, B." - "You had enough then?" - "Enough of the fighting? Yeah. But not enough of you." In a quick movement she forces me into a kiss as wild as the fight. As passionately as I fought back I now kiss back. Suddenly she breaks the kiss and backs away from me. "Sorry, I ... I shouldn't have. It's just that ... damn." Her hands clench a fistful of earth and she throws it back to the ground. Before she turns her face away from me I can see the moonlight in her face, the first tears already on the verge of falling.
"I don't wanna ruin it again, B. Just forget I did that. Please?" - "It's okay, Faith. Really. When I kiss back it usually means I enjoy the attention", I try a lame joke. Turning her face back towards mine, I force her to look at me. "We do it my way tonight, that's what you said. This is my way." Slowly I sink into another kiss with her, not wild like a fight this time, but soft and lasting.
"Wow, B. I never knew ..." - "I'm a little surprised as well. I knew I had some feelings for you, I just didn't know if it was hate or pity or something else." - "Wanna finish what you started?" I suddenly realize just what we started and my feet are getting pretty cold. "Dunno ... Not here, that's for sure." We apparently chose the muddiest part of the graveyard to have our little tongue wrestling match and we look the part. "I have some things you can wear at my place. Clean up, shower, take it from there?" - "Maybe I should just ... I don't know with Sheryl and all." - "She's out of town tonight. Business." - "But still ..." Faith holds my gaze and slowly nods, reassuring me. That settles it.
"You can pick something out while I shower, okay?" She waits for a second, I wait for the offer to join her but it never comes. "Okay, I'll find something." - "I'll be right back."
The moment I hear the shower start I also hear the keys in the front door. Sheryl is coming back. Oh great. "Oh look, who we have here. The college failure. What are you doing here, girl?" - "Faith invited me in." - "She did, hmm? I don't know what the deal between you two is and why Faith thinks she owes you anything. I only know that you will never steal her away from me - and you better not try." - "I'm not trying to ..." - "Good for you then. And good for us. Cause I don't want my Faith to end up like your other friends. I heard you pushed that Riley guy so hard in his job that he finally took too many risks, is that right? And the other boyfriend, Angel, did you really almost kill him yourself? Good for him it was somebody who can't do anything right in her whole life. A pathetic failure." She is getting to me, I find myself desperately looking for the bathroom door to open so Faith can help me out. But will she take my side?
"You don't know anything about me! Shut up!" - "Then why are you crying, little girl? You know it's true. And why don't you shut up and run back to your loving family which can soothe you? Ups, my bad, you wouldn't know anything about that since you broke up the marriage of your parents. Slipped my mind for a second. And now you're living with your mother. Your mother, who is so sick of you that she ..." I finally snap and slowly walk towards her, yelling: "My mother? My mother? Let me tell you something about my mother!" The lesson I'm about to teach Sheryl will be a painful one, but before I can reach her, I'm tackled to the ground and held there. Faith holds me down in an unescapable hammer lock. The smell of her freshly washed hair lets me come to my senses. "Get her out of here, Faith." The flame is still burning and I try to escape my fellow slayer, but she has the advantage.
"If you touch her, you die. You got that, B.?", she yells at me. "You don't need to hit her or hurt her. Just touch her and someone will be after you to kill you. Am I making myself clear?" A pain in my arm forces me to answer: "Yes!" - "Good. I think you better leave now." She helps me up, still holding me in a grip. When my ear passes her mouth she very softly whispers: "I'm sorry." Even I nearly missed it. Then she commences to throw me out into the street.
My head is buzzing with contradicting feelings. I'm angry, I'm sad, I'm still happy about the scenes that played out earlier in the evening. Do I mean as much to her as Sheryl? She is willing to kill for her? And wait, there's another person close to me ready to kill. Let's have a talk, mom.
"What were you and Faith talking about?" - "Whaa? Get out, Buffy, I was sleeping. Turn off the light at least." - "So, what did you tell her?" - "That is between her and me. I needed her to understand something." - "That you would kill her?" Mom grunts and turns away from me. So it is true. "Are you out of your mind?" She turns back and grabs my wrist: "Listen, Buffy, I don't know what she did to make you believe she is your friend. I know you're suicidal, but that doesn't give Giles the right to quicken up the process." - "What do you mean?" - "Did Faith tell you why she is here?" - "Not really, she doesn't know herself, just that Giles called her and ..."
"Yes, Giles arranged for her to come here. I did my homework, Buffy, it was quite a task the private investigator told me, but he finally figured it out. Faith has been out of jail for a week. And her sentence still stands, officially she is about to testify against some crime king. She is scheduled to return to prison in four days. So we can safely say she has a job to do. Who is powerful enough to get her out of jail and also has Giles' support? The council, maybe? And what job would the council have Faith do?" - "Maybe an apocalypse is coming." - "Right. And Giles is waiting til the last second to warn you. Makes perfect sense. Or does it? She is here to kill you, Buffy. They cannot have one slayer in jail and the other not really caring wether she lives or dies. They need a new one. Which means one of you has to die. I would prefer if it wasn't my daughter." - "No. No, it's not like that. She was so ... We kissed tonight."
"She's playing you, Buffy. I bet she is enjoying it, too." - "It doesn't make sense. What about this Sheryl, how does she fit in?" - "I don't know. I told you everything I could gather. If you don't believe me, why don't you go down to Giles and ask him if I'm lying?" Either she has the strongest nerves ever or she is really telling the truth. Deep down I already know it's true. I've known her all my life and I could always catch her on a lie. "You should probably do that. But don't go unarmed and don't let him fool you. He is a very convincing liar."
Another door gets kicked in. No need to worry if I'll have to pay him for it. One of us won't be around long enough to give a damn about the bill. "Giles!", I yell. "What happened, Buffy? Is it something serious?" He still seems a little sleepy, coming towards me in his house-coat "My door! What happened to my door?" He takes both my hands in his, pretending to care about me. "It's about Faith." - "What is it?" - "Who did you call to send Faith here? And when?" - "I called Faith herself right after you came to me for help." He is so good at making it sound unimportant and making me feel like I've gone insane. "Now what is it about Faith? Did something happen to her?" - "No you didn't", I ignore his questions. "Hmm?" - "You didn't call Faith in L.A. You called the council, a week prior to Faith's arrival. They got her out of jail and sent her here." - "What are you talking about, Buffy? I know full well who I called and when I called them." - "Them?" - "It's just a saying! Can you now please tell me what is wrong with Faith?"
"She still has life in prison to look forward to, that's what's wrong with her. How could you do this to me? You were like a father to me, I trusted you unconditionally. And now you're trying to get me killed?" He jumped from the sofa like he had been stung. "Get you killed? Whoever told you that?" - "That's what she is here for. To kill me. What's in it for her? Will the council help her get out of jail, maybe in five years? Or is she just in it for the fun? For payback?" - "You don't understand, Buffy." - "Did you call the council?" - "Yes I did. Noone else could have gotten her out of jail." - "But how could you?" - "She is not here to kill you, believe me. I just felt that she was the last hope you would show some human emotion. Whatever it was, hatred maybe. Although I was thinking more like jealousy."
Some time passed and we didn't speak. "Jealousy? I should be jealous of her?" - "Not of her. Of Sheryl. There was something between you and Faith, I felt it. Maybe it was just the slayer bond, maybe it was something else. You two never acted on it, probably because of Angel. But it was worth a try. You would show your jealousy faster than you would show your ... I don't know, love? for her." - "I showed her some emotion, another word beginning with an l. So she was to be the proof I could still feel human emotions. Do you really need that? And now she is going back to prison and I'm left with another ..." wound in my heart. Thanks, Giles, if I don't kill you for trying to get me killed maybe I should kill you for that.
"No, I didn't need the proof. The council did. They ordered your removal within the month until I could prove you still cared for this world." Oh my god, this is worse than I thought. "Did I pass?" - "It's not up for me to decide." - "And who will decide?" - "Agnes Winterbottom." I stare at him. "You know her as Sheryl."
I pace up and down letting fly all the curses I could remember until Giles yells at me: "Stop it!" I nod, sit down again and bury my face in my hands. "How did you behave when you were with her?" - "I certainly showed her some emotion. I just don't think that I came across as a positive person." - "That's not important. We were aiming for jealousy here." Had I showed her enough emotion? Probably yes. But somehow this still felt wrong. It wasn't a good feeling that this woman should decide about my life. "Giles, maybe I'm crazy, but this Sheryl ... Agnes ... either she is the best actress in the world or she really despises me. From the first moment I saw I felt she really hated my guts." - "That was her role, Buffy." - "No, Giles, it was genuine. She's never gonna let me live." As I speak those words I realize they are true.
Giles and I are sitting in his livingroom, thinking of something to do. We already discussed running away, but it doesn't sound like a real option. "Giles! We have a problem. Giles!" Faith finishes the door with her forceful entry. "I need to find Buf ... Oh, there you are." She rushes over to me and hugs me fiercely. I would like for it to go on a little longer but she breaks the embrace. "They are here." - "Already? They weren't scheduled to arrive until Saturday." - "I know. But they are. I saw them. And they have an order." They both look at me with pity. "Does she know?" - "Yes." - "We have to get out of here, B." - "There is no place to run to." - "We can try or you can sit here and get a belly full of lead. What do you prefer?"
Giles is driving, we are in the backseat. "What happened?" - "Agnes gave you the thumbs down. She shouldn't even report back until Friday, but she wanted you out of the way." - "I guess I've not been very nice to her." - "That's hardly the point. She wanted you out of the way. She was jealous." - "Of me?" - "Yes." Before I wanna think about this another thought pops up in my mind. "Why didn't you ever warn me?" - "I was wired, all the time. Sheryl could hear what was going on between us two. If I would have warned you it would have meant the death sentence for you." - "So you tried to drain some human emotion from me?" I still feel betrayed for being played like this, even if she was doing it to save my life. "That was the number one priority. But noone said I couldn't show the woman I love how I feel about her."
She tilts my head to the side and moves in for a surprising kiss which only ends when Giles "hä-ähm-ähm"s very loudly in the front. "Hey, G-Man, if you're gonna help us escape you'll have to put up with a lot more of this." - "I sure hope so", I mutter under my breath. "You're welcome." I think back to what she said before and my eyes go wide. "So Sheryl could hear all the time we were ..." - "Yeah. Problem is: The council selected the most beautiful woman on their payroll to make you jealous. They just missed that she was about as straight as a boomerang. She hit on me even before we left L.A. and I had to fend her off all the time. When we were back at our little house tonight - she was not supposed to show up, but the jealousy got the better of her. So you two fight, I have to keep you from hitting her - which would have been a death sentence as well, I'm sure - throw you out and tell her flat out that I love you and she will never have a chance with me."
"You love me?", I ask, although technically she said it once before. From the front Giles states: "That was pretty stupid." - "That's right - to both of you." We sink into another kiss which is forceably broken as Giles steps hard on the brakes. "What is it?" - "Roadblock. I suspect this is the council."
In no time we are surrounded by armed men and are ordered to get out of the car. If this is really the council it would be stupid not to comply. The best outcome as Quentin is concerned would be two new slayers. He just needs some justification to not make it look like cold blooded murder. Granted, Giles is with us in the car. But to them he is expendable. So we get out of the car with our arms raised.
Giles is hauled away right away and the big boss himself steps into the light. "Quentin." - "Mr Travers to you, Miss Summers. I take it you have been informed why we are here?" I simply nod. "Personally, I always liked you." - "You have a funny way of showing it." - "Let's rephrase that: I always liked you a lot better than your dark counterpart." - "So you're gonna murder us both. Gun us down like some dogs in the middle of the street?" - "Well, not exactly. What I am going to do is give you a choice: You will decide who will die. I give you my word, the other one will live. If you choose yourself, Faith will get her ticket out of jail and will never be bothered by us again. If you choose Faith, we will ask you to leave Sunnydale. Apart from that we don't care what happens to you. All we want is a new slayer."
"You have to be out of your mind!" - "Take all the time that you want. That is, unless it's not more than five minutes. Tick ... tock." He is Quentin. He is serious. And he has the men with guns to back it up. If we made one move we would be dead the next second. Just a few days ago I would have played the hero and simply said: "Just shoot me" but things have changed. I don't wanna die. Not now. "Noone dies. For neither of us life would mean a thing without the other." - "I'm afraid that is not an option. Make your decision." Some time later he reminds me: "One minute." Then: "So, who is it going to be?" - "Noone will die here." Faith backs me up: "Noone will die here."
We wait for them to start shooting as Quentin gives a signal with his arm. But instead of shooting they all stop aiming and us and take down their guns. "You passed. Congratulations." I look at him dumbfounded. "Explanation please?", the girl besides me asks, taken by surprise just as bad. "You still care for something, for someone. And you care about living. That's good enough for me. By the way: Faith, the governor pardoned you this afternoon." - "What about Sheryl ... Agnes?", I ask. "Oh, she really should stick with the translation of books. She won't bother you again. Of course I wouldn't trust anyone - not even myself - to make a decision of this magnitude alone. I was here with some of the highest ranking members for the whole show - and what a show it was." Is he actually smiling at us and not in his british snobby style but with warmth? "I could go on boring you two with what played a part in our decision and what we expect of you in the future. Or we could drive you back to that house we rented and let you two have a little privacy."
"Privacy!", we both yell out. And so ends the longest night of my life and begins the new chapter.