Summary: Sometimes we fail to see the monster in the man... But what about the man behind the monster? Akito x Tohru. Oneshot. Updated.
Author's Note: Obviously, this is the anime version. I have read the manga, but some points just irk me... Akito, god? Ha. Also, there is some OCC-ness, especially Tohru, but I find it hard to write her... She is hard character to do justice to. As for this fiction in itself, I have no clue how this started or an explanation for the ending.
New Author's Note: This has been updated and beta'ed! Thank you, TheSorrowfulVampress! Also, be on the lookout for the sequel! :)
Disclaimer: Characters and other recognizable things in this story belong to their respective copyright owners. No copyright infringement is intended, I make no money from this fan work. The only thing I can lay claim to is the original character(s) and plot—or lack therefore.
Monster In Us All
By
Honest Expressions
Sometimes we fail to see the monster in the man... But what about the man behind the monster? This is what I felt about Akito. Yes, he has done so many terrible things, horrible things... But what sufferings did he have to go through to become this way? What happened to twist someone to such a degree? That thought broke my heart and motivated me to want to help him... Motivated me so desperately that I felt consumed, obsessed...
"Honda-san?" Yuki's soft voice distracted me, bringing me from my thoughts. "Honda-san... Are you all right? You seem...distracted."
"O-Oh, yes! Pardon me, I was just thinking." He didn't seem so sure of my answer, but left me to my thoughts nonetheless. Somehow, I felt torn between being grateful and disappointed. Yet, I didn't have time to be selfish, not when everyone else was suffering so. 'Oh, Akito-san...'
"Tohru-kun?" Shigure's eyes were also worried. Apparently, he too had noticed my absentmindedness. It was just the two of us now, Yuki and Kyo were nowhere in sight and I briefly wondered how long I zoned out. "Is there something on your mind?"
"Yes." If anyone could help me, Shigure could. "I want to see him."
All expression left his face, and it was almost frightening, but my mind was still on helping him that I couldn't bring myself to care. "Akito." It wasn't a question, Shigure knew where my mind was, he knew all too well what I was thinking, as frightening as that was.
"Yes... I... I want to help him... I want to see him—I have to see him!" And as irrational as it sounded, I had to see him, I had no choice... No matter what the outcome might be... No matter if I didn't leave with my memories intact, I had to do something.
"Very well," he answered quietly, his thoughts far away as well. "I will contact Akito-san, Tohru-kun... Are you sure that is what you want?"
"Yes." And with that simple word, I sealed my very fate.
Fate is a funny thing; destiny isn't always what it seems to be... The Sohma family seemed fated to be cursed, to be damned to this life—if you could call it a life... As Shigure led me to Akito, I wondered what my fate might be... Just what would become of 'Honda Tohru'?
"Tohru-kun." He paused just outside Akito's room, his tone hovering between neutral and concerned. "Be safe..."
There was something in his tone, some kind of warning, but before I could ask, said object of my new fixation appeared. "Tohru-san, how nice to see you."
Shigure, my only support, left me alone to the beast, left me alone to some unknown fate, and I felt this in my very bones. "Akito-san." I followed him into the unnatural darkness of the room, the oddly chilly air made me think of the state of Akito's heart. 'Lost, alone and hu—'
"Tohru-san, why are you here?" For once, there wasn't a hint of malice, but of some curious intent, as if he was testing me somehow.
"I-I..." To help you, to try and save you... To try and live up to expectations, expectations I do not deserve. Yet, none of those would do... "Akito-san, I mean no offense, but you already know the answer... Don't you?"
"Of course, Tohru-san, of course I do." His steps reminded me every bit of a lion in their elegance and grace as he glided closer... Somehow, I felt like the poor prey. "Tohru-san." Akito's silk of a purr was too close, his breath too hot on my face, on my hair, on my lips... I trembled. "Tohru-san, do you think you are something special?"
Every instinct I possessed demanded I move, demanded I fight, and demanded I do something but just sit there like the proverbial duck. Yet, I did nothing. Nothing but stare at the floor, refusing to meet his eyes, I couldn't see the monster inside... I had to help him, had to save him... Had to do something, anything. "No, Akito-san, I do not." And, I honestly never have.
"Oh?" His hands moved, grasping my chin and forcing my gaze to his. "Surely the savior of my Zodiac is something special. The way the animals love you, surely I am not wrong... So, tell me, Tohru-san," His eyes like fire were no comparison to his lips moving over the sensitive skin of my throats "are you special?"
"I-I thi-think we are al-all spec-special..." As his head dipped lower to my collarbone, I knew my answer was not the one desired as his teeth nipped in warning before ripping through the thin flesh as if it were nothing. The pain was quick and intense, but I prided myself that I did not let it show other than a few shaky tears.
And as soon as he appeared, he was gone. He did not face me, did not even acknowledge that he marked me—not that I expected him to. The faint light glinted against the trace of thick liquid that dripped down his chin, blood... My blood... "You would think so."
It surprised me how well someone who seemed to hate me, seemed to want me to suffer so, seemed to ignored my existence for the most part, could know me so well, and my mind whirled with the possibilities. "Akito-san, why?" He didn't answer, didn't pay anymore heed to the lone bleeding and crying girl... Not that I blamed him. 'Why are you this way?' or 'Who made you this way?' might have been better questions, but I am not so good at thinking on my feet.
Finally, he did acknowledge my weak question. "Why?" He sat out in the faint sunlight, allowing a small sparrow to settle on his index finger with ease. "Such a vague question, don't you think, Tohru-san?"
"Akito-san, why are you this way?" The words slipped out before I could stop them or take them back, yet, I had to know... What other reason would I have for being here?
My regret was immediate as the poor bird he had perched on his hand took the blunt of his wrath, and I silently cried for the loss of life, loss of something beautiful in Akito's dark realm. "I do not answer to some pathetic girl. I am god."
"No." His eyes meet mine, the monster simmering beneath the surface scared me, and I almost ceased breathing at the withering look he sent me... Yet, I am Honda Tohru, and I am not so easily broken. "God isn't so cruel; He wouldn't punish the ones He claims to love so easily..." And I waited, my eyes closed to my fate.
Nothing...
My eyes flutter open against my will, and I gasped, he was close—too close. His nose nearly brushed along mine as he bent over me with a dark, unreadable expression. "A-Akito-sa-san?"
He brushed his knuckles along my cheek so gently, like a butterfly's kiss, as his eyes bore forcefully into my own. "Tohru-san, do you really believe that? Do you really think you can stand against God?"
"No, I would never undermine God... However, you aren't Him..."
And the fingertips that had been caressing me so slightly, so intimately dug into my skin brutally. He smirked as he drew blood, smirked as he tried to break me. "I am, and you will obey me."
"No," There... There was a faint trace of venerability, the fear of losing something, the fear of being out of control, of being wrong... My hand unwillingly found his hand—the one with my blood covering it—and I was surprised when he didn't pull away. "You aren't God, but you aren't a monster either... You are a man, you are human... As we all are." 'Oh, Akito-san, how broken are you?'
He didn't move for a long time, merely stared bitterly into my eyes as if he expected me to back down or break. When I failed to do either, he growled lowly. "You know nothing... You are nothing!"
"If I knew nothing and if I was nothing, then... Why do my words hurt you?" When he stilled, I knew something had changed... Time would only tell if it was for the better, time would only show us what our fates might be.
"I-I..." The venerability was there again, perhaps stronger now than ever. He studied me before slamming his lips against mine. He wasn't gentle - not that I expected him to be, and he wasn't kind - I wasn't sure if he knew how, but I let him draw me closer all the same.
My eyes fluttered closed and I went limp in his tight hold, my lips pressing back timidly. Hope, it is what I have held onto, it is what kept me going, it is what helps me believe that he can be healed. There are all sorts of monsters, all sorts of devils, and all sorts of people. All humans fight some sort of battle, some sort of sin...
Yes, I saw the monster in Akito today, but I also saw the man... Therefore, I have hope.