I am back! Woo! NaruSasu! It's been awhile, huh?

Okay, I DO NOT OWN NARUTO. All rights belong to Masashi Kishimoto. Woo-tah.

(I forsee an epic battle to the death for Naruto and Sasuke in the series. Who's with me? Who agrees?)

Anyway, this fic was supposed to be funny, but it turned out a bit more serious than I would have liked. OH WELL.

ENJOY.

WARNINGS:

NaruSasu goodness, ohm-nohm-nohm (Don't like? Please don't read.)

Lots of curse words; sorry, they actually fit I think

Uhm... hmm. OOC? I think. Sasuke's a bit more talkative.

ALTERNATE UNIVERSE! (Because, otherwise, it'd be SUPER ANGST-TASTIC. No thanks.)

Implied Sex, but, you know, nothing explicit.

A Sin in Red

"Pleasepleaseplease Sasuke. Pleeeease."

"No."

"But Jiraya said I had to bring a date! And I'm dating you, so I figured it would be appropriate to bring you. Pleeease? It's supposed to celebrate the debut of his new book!"

"Naruto," Sasuke said, cradling the phone in the crook of his shoulder, "I've been to almost every single one of Jiraya's, quote, 'parties.' They all sucked. It's usually just a bunch of half naked girls, men who want to get lucky, Jiraya included, and lots of liquor disguised as punch, or hell, a bar in the hotel or wherever. I hate his parties Naruto. Especially the women there."

He heard Naruto sigh, a sad, depressed sound, and then a small "okay." There was a long pause and Sasuke knew that Naruto had not hung up and Sasuke huffed through his nose. Naruto was waiting and Sasuke knew what he was waiting for because he knew that he'd cave, just like Naruto knew he'd cave. He was pathetic.

"Fine."

"What?"

"Fine. I'll go. But you owe me. Tomorrow, which is Saturday in case you want to mark it on your calendar so you won't forget, you are going out to dinner with me and my parents." Sasuke smiled in satisfaction as he heard Naruto sputter on the other end of the phone.

"B-but! But!" Naruto was searching for words, Sasuke could tell, "But your father hates me! And your mother thinks I'm a," Naruto lowered his voice, "a male escort, if you know what I mean."

"My mother doesn't think that actually, because I made her come see your restaurant in town, and even if she did, so? And so what about my father? I'm dating you right? Why not bring you out to dinner?"

"...fine."

"Fine what?"

"Fine I'll come to dinner with you tomorrow."

"Thank you."

"See you soon?"

"Yeah..."

"Thank you so much Sasuke! Oh, and wear something nice! It's a nice party! Like... like... tux nice! Goodbye! Love you!"

"'Bye."

Click.

Sasuke sighed, put the phone on the receiver and moved to his closet.

'Something nice...'

———

Sasuke straightened his tie as he waited outside his rather lavish house in the nice part of the city, not far from where Naruto dwelled, seeing as how he'd started a booming ramen shop business.

He checked his ensemble in the window of his front door and examined the red tie on the white shirt with the red vest and black coat and slacks. He was sure this qualified as nice.

A nice, black car pulled up to his driveway and he slid in the back, finding himself next to Sakura, with Ino in the passenger seat and Naruto driving. Ino appeared to be the co-pilot his gave directions.

Sasuke rolled his eyes.

"Hey Sasuke," Sakura said, smiling. Not the flirty smile of high school, but the 'hello-how-are-you-and-I'm-sorry-Ino-took-your-seat' smile that was often common on party occasions such as this.

"Hi."

And that ended that conversation.

———

Naruto was talking to Jiraya and Sasuke was reading in the corner of the hotel's large ballroom with a bar on one wall, as Sasuke had predicted. He'd kept the small novel in his in-breast pocket, and had settled himself as far away from the perverted old man and the women in the room as possible.

Sasuke muttered the words to himself over the music in the room as it was interfering with his literary experience. "'Please, I'll trade back! Let me trade back.' 'It doesn't work like that. There's nothing either of us can do. This time, it's Elene.' Kylar woke on a cold slab in a cold room-" (1) Sasuke pushed his glasses up on his nose. He hated wearing them, but he needed them sometimes to read certain things. It came from staring at computers and school books too long, he guessed.

"Ah look, here's a scholar." Sasuke glanced up from his book and set his jaw. Women. Ugh. Gross. He stood up to leave, but a buxom blonde with lipstick that was far to pink for her face slapped a wet kiss onto his mouth. She was smashed. He pushed her away, into her friends, and scowled.

"Do not touch me."

"Aww," an equally buxom brunette, who was showing far more of her bosom, whined, "We just want to have some fun. That's what Jiraya-san invited us for." She left a three bright red lipstick stains on his white collar. He probably wouldn't be able to get them out if he didn't wash them off in an hour. Shit.

"Yes, well, I'm not desperate enough to have 'fun' with you, and besides, I hate women." The brunette and blonde and company blinked their wasted eyes and tilted their heads, confused. "I'm gay." They blinked more, still not getting it. Sasuke's anger at Naruto, at Jiraya, at women in general popped out of his throat in a yell, "I suck dick! Do you get it? You do not appeal to me! I can't stand you! Breasts are gross! Lipstick is gross! You're gross!"

All five girls burst into drunken tears and ran off. Sakura moved up to him laughing.

"That was funny."

"No it wasn't. I want to go home. I need to get this lipstick off my collar before it sets and stains. I like this shirt." Sasuke looked at all the desperate men and desperate women and liquor glasses and Naruto chatting it up with Jiraya, cheeks pink from alcohol. Sasuke looked at the weird lighting and the raunchy dancing and the bookcase with Jiraya's latest porno for sale. "I want to go home. Now."

"Okay. I'll take you home. I'll tell Ino. Wait here."

Sasuke knew he was being a brat, but this place was gross and crowded and he hated being touched by strangers, even if they didn't mean to and especially when they did. (Naruto said it was because he didn't get enough hugs as a child. Sasuke thought it was because he had boundaries.)

"Right, okay Sasuke. Ino's going to take Naruto home. I'll hail a cab."

"Public transportation?"

"Come on," Sakura said, rolling her eyes, "it's not like we're going to have sex in the back seat."

Sasuke remembered the time Naruto had coaxed him into doing such "activities" in the back seat. He felt it was best not to mention it.

"Okay."

Sasuke glanced back to see Naruto gesturing for a joke and laughing.

'Asshole.'

———

"We're home!"

Sasuke woke up, startled, not realizing he'd fallen asleep, not realizing he'd stayed out so late. "Ughh," was all he managed as Sakura gently shoved him out of the passenger seat and guiding him to the door.

"Sure you can make it upstairs?"

"Mm," Sasuke replied. "Thanks for taking me home."

"No problem. Do you know how many guys thought I was 'paid entertainment'? I wish telling them I sucked dick would scare them off. You're lucky you're gay."

"Hmph. Whatever. Goodnight Sakura."

"Goodnight," she said, but paused on the way toward the car. "And, wear the red tomorrow for that dinner Naruto was telling me about. You're a sin in red." Sakura smiled, waved, and left.

As Sasuke shed his dress clothes (the lipstick did, in fact, stain, so he tossed the shirt) he wondered if looking good in red was Naruto's thought or Sakura's.

As soon as he hit the bed, he didn't care much.

———

Naruto woke up with a headache, his phone blaring at him to get the hell up, because Sakura was calling (she'd recorded her voice for the ringtone).

"Heh-o?" Naruto asked, sleepily, hungover.

"You idiot! Open the damn door! We need to have a talk and you've slept all day! Jesus, the dinner's in an hour!"

"What the fuck?!" Naruto hopped out of bed, his head pounding. "Shit! Sasuke's going to kill me!"

"Damn right! Now let me in the house!"

Naruto tripped down his stairs and flung open the front door to find Sakura standing there, furious. "You're the dumbest boy on the planet! You left Sasuke in the corner the whole night last night, even as he got molested by a group of women! I can't be-lieve you Naruto!" Her fist came right into his temple and just-shy-of-lethal force, making his headache worse. "Ughh! Hurry up and dress nice! You can't look like a slob when dining with the Uchiha's! Gogogo!"

Naruto went.

While he showered, Sakura yelled and yelled and yelled about what an awful boyfriend Naruto was. Sasuke hated parties like that and still Naruto socialized the whole time, and Sasuke missed it, but he wasn't pushing girls away from him, that's for sure, and he better get Sasuke something because Sasuke was not going to cut him any slack tonight, or maybe ever again.

Sasuke came by fifteen minutes earlier than expected.

Sakura stalled.

Naruto's head still hurt.

———

Sasuke was pissed, Naruto could tell. His knuckles were white, squeezing the steering wheel and he would not look at Naruto, not at all, nopenope. He went out of his way to ignore him. Naruto even tried to start a conversation. Sasuke did not want a conversation started. That was that, he supposed. (Maybe he should give Sasuke his present now...)

Ohh, if Sasuke broke up with him, he was sure he'd die. Ohhh man, he'd screwed up big time, worse than when he forgot their two-year. Shit. (But Sasuke did look delicious in red. Did he tell him that last night? No. He'd told Sakura. Double shit.)

When they got to the restaurant (with a name in French Naruto couldn't even begin to pronounce) Sasuke was all smiles and hugged his mother and lost the smile and shook hands with his father, introducing Naruto. Fugaku did not smile or shake Naruto's hand, but Mikoto gave him a hug. Naruto felt a little better.

The whoooole dinner, Sasuke would not say more than a few words to Naruto or about Naruto. He would not even hold Naruto's hand, as they had at the few family dinners Naruto had been to (because Fugaku had always made Sasuke nervous).

"You look so handsome in that red, honey. When'd you get that?"

"I got it awhile back for my friend Asuma's wedding," Sasuke explained. Naruto blinked, realizing that he had not gone. He'd been busy that day, editing Jiraya's book. Who had Sasuke taken with him?

"Oh, it looks good."

"Thanks, Mom.

Even when dinner was over, Sasuke still would not talk to Naruto.

———

Sasuke stopped the car at Naruto's house but Naruto refused to get out, not until Sasuke talked to him.

"In case you didn't realize it, because you're still too hungover, this is your house."

'Ouch. Harsh,' Naruto winced.

"I know. But, uh, I wanted to apologize to you, for last night." Sasuke snorted.

"I had to throw away one of my favorite white dress shirts because of some red lipstick stains on it. In case you didn't know, I'd been ganged up upon."

Naruto giggled.

"Yeah, and you told them you sucked dick and that you thought they were gross and they ran away crying. Sakura had it recorded. It was hilarious."

"Well, maybe if you'd been there, you could've laughed about it and, you know, treated me like your date. I thought you just haaad to bring a date, huh? Guess not, because you didn't even drag me to see Jiraya, like usual. You're a jackass, Naruto. I can't believe I went with you, even though I hate those things, but, oh yeah, I'm pretty pathetic because I just can't say no to you, because, usually, you are entertaining, but was I entertained? No."

Naruto blinked, realizing this was the most Sasuke had ever spoken when he was angry. He guessed Sasuke was pretty mad to be ranting.

"And so, Sakura took me home. Sakura. A girl. My not-date. Asshole. I'm never going to anything you invite me to ever again. Understand?"

"Not even to our wedding?"

"What?" Sasuke wasn't looking at him and it didn't appear Sasuke had heard.

"Our wedding. You wouldn't come to our wedding."

"Hn, wedding. Yeah right. Like you'd ever get married and settle down. I'm surprised you lasted almost three years with me, but hey, you forgot our two year. Marriage. Ha! What a joke." Sasuke scoffed and shook his head.

Naruto frowned. Wow, he was a jackass (he, being Naruto himself). He hoped he didn't come off that way to everybody, but, really, he was upset that he came off that way to Sasuke. He was an awful boyfriend, Sakura was right.

"Well..." Naruto said, taking a deep breath and pulling a box out of his pocket, "I was actually hoping to settle down and you know, get married." Sasuke glanced over and his eyes fell on the box, then his expression grew incredulous, and he looked at Naruto. "Marry me. I want to marry you. Very much."

Sasuke looked at the box.

Then at Naruto.

Naruto opened the box to reveal a gold band that actually looked quite masculine. Sasuke appreciated that, Naruto could tell.

Sasuke swallowed and sighed.

"Jiraya can't come."

"What?" Naruto tilted his head, still holding out the ring.

"Jiraya. He can't come to the wedding. He'll fuck it up."

Naruto smiled. He supposed Jiraya could be happy with pictures. The blond pulled out the ring and put in on Sasuke's ring finger on his left hand.

Sasuke smiled, just a little, and Naruto kissed him, full on.

They scrambled, and made it to the bedroom, barely.

Sasuke's tie, dress shirt, and vest did not make it off of his body.

"You're sexy as sin in red," was Naruto's only excuse.

———

Naruto's phone rang on Sunday morning and he reached over to get it. It was Jiraya. Sasuke scowled as he rolled over and saw the caller ID.

Naruto denied the call.

Sasuke smiled.

"Sasuke?"

"Hm?"

"You're wearing red to the wedding."

"Okay."

"Sasuke?"

"Hm?"

"I love you."

"I love you too."

Naruto smiled and laced their fingers together.

(He was so glad he wasn't engaged to a girl. No one could pull off red quite like Sasuke.)

(1) - From Beyond the Shadows, Third book of the Night Angel Trilogy by Brent Weeks. Badass series: READ IT. I DO NOT OWN. ALL RIGHTS TO BRENT WEEKS.

Eh, I wanted to right something funny, but it turned out a lot more serious than I intended. Teehee?

Sasuke sucks dick everyone. Ehl-oh-ehl. ...Please don't get offended, it was just a funny thing for Sasuke to say. I found it funny. Sorry if I offended anyone. (Uhm, I mean, I'm sorry if I offended anyone that, you know, can spell correctly.)

:D

Arr-and-arr?

(R&R?)