Dearest Onyx,
I miss you, my Little Goddess. It has been a month since you slipped away in your sleep, but it still feels like yesterday. The space in my life where you existed is has become cold and dark without your warmth to keep it bright.
Ah, I can remember the first time I held you in my arms, just an hour after you were born on that pitiful planet. You almost died right there until I ordered my men to keep you alive. That fool Sanquin had said you wouldn't survive the night, and yet you thrived for five years. Five wonderful years of watching you grow and hearing your distinctive giggle in the halls. Sometimes I can swear I still hear you laughing when I'm not looking.
Of all things, that sound is what I miss the most.
I would give anything to hold you now, my Little Goddess. Just to have you jump into my lap and put your head down on my shoulder like you did the day you died. I'd put my arms around your little body and hold you until you fell asleep. To be with you like that, even for a moment…
There are so many questions I wish I could ask you now, my little darling. Ones I'm sure will never have answers. Why did you insist upon loving me when I pushed you away and put up a wall to keep you at bay? How did you stay so…so…innocent? Did death sting you as it whisked your spirit far from this wretched place? Where are you now? Are you happy there? Are you watching me now, perhaps reading over my shoulder?
I suppose I'll never know. I just have to believe what I think is best and hope you're experiencing what I'm imagining.
Can I tell you a secret, Onyx?
I was a lot like you when I was a child. All I used to do was laugh, play and annoy my father until he locked me in my quarters for being too hyperactive(something I vowed never to do to you). When that didn't work, he started to beat me within an inch of my life until all I wanted to do was hurt other people until they felt as sad and angry as I did.
Then, when I was old enough to begin training, my mother started to beat me up as well. My father's beatings had greatly increased my power over the years, but I was afraid to use it. My mother finally forced it to the surface by beating me until I was in a blind rage.
I killed my mother that day, Onyx, and my innocence died with her. Now killing has become an addiction, like a drug. Just knowing that I hold the fates of planets and people in my hand is something I can't describe. With the movement of my finger or the flick of an eyelid, I snuff out the lives of anyone I want.
That day, on the last remaining Saiyan moon, you stopped me from killing a father and his two children. I had to fight against everything in my nature to stop myself, and I never would have been able to if you hadn't looked at me with those innocent eyes of yours. I would have done anything for you, my Little Goddess. It took your death to make me realize that, and there are times when I wish I'd told you I loved you sooner.
There is a woman you'll never get to meet, my darling. She is taller than me and very exotically beautiful. She has eyes as large and innocent as a dove, pure skin and flawless carapace. She has a wonderful figure and a contagious giggle. She is someone that everyone wants to talk to because she always seems to understand their feelings. She has character…nobody can fake that. People just want to be around her because she is so wonderful, so untouched by the darkness around her. I can see her…
The woman you'll never get to meet, Onyx, is the woman you would have grown up to become. Perhaps in another lifetime, but not this one. Why you came into my life for such a brief time is still and always will be a mystery. All I know is that I miss you, now that you're gone, and I'm sorry I wasn't a better father to you. But wherever you are, you know you were loved. I know you do, you told me that yourself.
You always have and always will be my Little Goddess, Onyx.
Love,
Daddy