"So," the voice said over the vid comm., "How is your project going, Minister Dorlain?"
"Oh, it's going," Relena Dorlain said, mischieviously. The voice on the other end laughed lightly.
"I haven't heard anything about any moreGundam Pilots tying the knot, so it must not be going that well."
Relena sighed, "I really wish everyone would just see what's right in front of their faces and get married already. I'm tired of all of this."
"What's making you tired, specifically? I know it can't be Maxwell. He's living with the girl you think he should marry."
"Well, that's the best news. But even that isn't good. He takes her for granted," Relena said, tapping a pen against the desk, thoughtfully, "What's really bothering me is who to fix Quatre up with."
"You mean you don't know?" the woman asked, incredulously.
"Well, I have two in mind for him. I just don't know which one to push for," Relena nibbled her bottom lip, "Although either would be nice."
"Who are you thinking of?"
"Well," Relena pondered, "Dororthy Catalonia would be the classic Gundam Pilot girlfriend, I suppose."
"Didn't she stab Quatre?" the voice asked, having trouble speaking over her own laughter.
"Of course," Relena said, as if it made perfect sense, "That's why she's the classic Gundam Pilot girlfriend."
"You're going to have to explain that one to me, because I just don't see it."
"Okay. I'll start with Duo and Hilde. How did they meet?"
"When he tried to pull one over on OZ and she caught him, right?"
"Yes. And she shot at him, tried to capture or kill him, and so on," Relena filled in, "But they worked it out and now they are together, like they should be." Except he still needs to marry her, darn it, Relena thought, miffed that he hadn't already proposed.
"Alright. Go on."
"Then there's Trowa and Midii Une. You don't know about her, not very many people do," Relena said, leaving out that she knew from the files she'd collected on the pilot of Heavy Arms when Heero and Quatre had visited the Cinq kingdom during the war.
"What happened to them?"
"Well," Relena said, having since found and discussed this with Midii Une, "She was actually a spy sent by the Alliance. She did her job but fell in love with Trowa. Back then he was called No Name, though. She nearly got him killed, but at the last minute saved his life."
"Uh huh," the voice said, and the woman was beginning to notice the pattern so she guessed at Relena's next example, "And with you and Heero he tried to kill you the first several times the two of you met, right?"
"Exactly," Relena said, beaming.
"What about Wufei?"
Relena's expression abruptly fell, "Oh, I can't fix him up. He's a widower."
"Uh huh." If the voice failed to see the significance of this, she did not say so.
"So," Relena concluded cheerfully, as if the subject of Wufei had never been brought up, "Dorothy is perfect for Quatre, because she almost killed him once."
"And you don't think that marrying the people that have almost killed them is unhealthy?" the voice asked, almost afraid of the answer.
"The ones that nearly get killed and not only survive, but stick with the Gundam Pilots are the only women that are certain to stay married to the Gundam Pilots, no matter what," Relena said, and her voice softened, "This way even when Duo's braid has turned completely gray instead of chestnut brown and his butt is all wrinkly instead of cute, he'll know Hilde will still be beside him. If your relationship can survive all of the stuff theirs has, there isn't anything that will take them away from each other."
The voice on the other end was quiet for a moment. As much as she hated to admit it, the little pink minister made a twisted sort of sense. Only the sort of sense that would apply to Gundam Pilots, of course, but still. It was a little frightening.
"Are you sure you're not just bored?" she finally asked the Vice Foreign Minister.
"Oh, it's not that," Relena said, offhandedly.
"Is it perhaps because if all of the other pilots start getting married you think, maybe, Heero will be more inclined to marry you?"
"Heero isn't one to succumb to peer pressure," Relena assured the voice, "If he was that sort, I don't think I'd love him the way I do."
"Besides," Relena asked, innocently, "Would I be that devious?"
"Yes," the married Lucretzia Noin Peacecraft said, laughing softly, "Yes, you would be. My husband and I know for a fact you are just that devious, little sister."