Theo: Of we go on another wacky adventure, straight fromFirekid's brain tohis computer tohis documents to your screens!

Joe: I'm not even in it.

Theo: So read on for flashbacks, wacky outfits and the greatest mysteries of the universe - why is Omi a bald yellow midget? And WHO INVENTED XIAOLIN SHOWDOWNS? (answers sold separatly)

Joe: I'm not in any of it!

Theo: Joe not included, terms and conditions apply.

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A Lucky Penny, a Golden Tunic and an Eye on String

Flashback… (despite nothing has happened yet). Grandmaster Dashi and Wuya had a big fight. 'Xiaolin Showdown', it was later called. Now that name was invented by Omi after Wuya was locked away because Omi went back in time because Wuya got out because… Wait. That's the next series. Okay. So, Dashi and Wuya, Xiaolin Showdown. Dashi has magical objects called Shen Gon Wu, giving him a bit of an advantage. That, and the fact he can trap Wuya in a wooden puzzle box. Also magical. And he has Chase Young and Master Monk Guan on his side. Wait. They're next series too. That's the problem with flashbacks. ANYWAY! Dashi won and used his handy dragon (in two sizes!) to hide the Shen Gon Wu.

Back to the present. Omi, a bald, yellow midget monk (it is unexplained why he is a bald, yellow midget. No offence to anyone who is bald, yellow or a midget. Or all three), is jumping around in the rain trying to blow up trees. The tall bald non-yellow non-midget monk Master Fung calls him inside before he gets wet. Bit late for that. Omi comes in (claiming his attack was a few inches to the left) and has a little chat with the handy dragon (in two sizes!) who also tells him his attack was a few inches to the left. Master Fung makes up a stupid name for the handy dragon in two sizes (Dojo Kanojo Cho) and tells him to 'guard the scrolls'. Master Fung, as we now learn, doesn't actually know what he's talking about, because he's a very old man, and thinks that the scrolls are trying to escape. And the wolves are after him.

One hero isn't enough. So let's form a multi-cultural group. Master Fung whips out his abacus and does a calculation. 1 Omi + 1 Japanese Kimiko + 1 Brazilian Raimundo + 1 Texan Clay + 1 Evil Boy Genius + 1 Handy Dragon + 1 ancient Heylin Witch + a heck of a lot of Shen Gon Wu Xiaolin Showdown Series One! So there you go! Kimiko, Raimundo and Clay join the temple. Five down, three to go!

So let's go to Jack Spicer's mansion. Where to conquer? Africa? Europe? He hasn't yet realised he's not Hitler II, so he's convinced he can conquer these continents. Oh yeah, he has robots. That changes everything. Oh, dad's sent a puzzle box. Click click click groan getfingertrapped screaminpain click box is open! And the prize is… a mask? Pretty ugly, too. Not worth screaming in pain for. He goes back to his 'Conker Map' and doesn't notice the purple haze lifting the mask out of the box. The Jack-bots (the robots) have never heard of brain chips. Emotion chips, sure, but not brain. They just blow things up. The purple haze/floats through Jack and gives him some advice on world domination. He is of course totally unfazed by the experience, and they fly off to San Francisco to look for a penny.

Back at the temple, it's getting a bit windy. 'What caused the wind?' asks random unnecessary monk. The scrolls flap around a bit and everyone realises they are trying to escape. Master Fung decides someone was blowing the temple down. Dojo takes him to his padded room.

Back to the scroll. That penny Jack was after? The monks want it too. So Dojo grows into super-size while the 'Transformers' theme tune plays. Kimiko apologises and switches off her phone.

San Francisco. Jack thinks he can rule the world with a penny. Dojo lands and the four monks jump off. Omi asks for the penny. The purple haze makes an appearance and Dojo screams 'Wuya!' while jumping in Clay's hat. Experts have decided it is an ancient Dragon swearword. The Jack-bots come back and the monks start beating them up. The Xiaolin Showdown theme tune plays. Kimiko apologises again. Omi decides blowing up Jack-bots is less fun than blowing up trees and tries to find a trampoline. He bounces on some wood and metal. Clay throws a robot at Raimundo. Raimundo notices his shoelace is untied and bends down to tie it. The Jack-bots bounces off Omi, who lands in mud. Which isn't bouncy.

Well, they lost. So, what do you do when you're sad? 'Go shopping!', says Kimiko. Yeah, go shopping. Of course, being Xiaolin monks, they can't just shop anywhere. How about an old wooden pier in Venice? They all agree and go to the afore mentioned pier.

Oh damn, Jack got there first. And he found a wonderful golden tunic. He decides he looks better in black and gives it to Omi. Only then does he find out it's useful, like the penny. He faints into a boat. Omi presses a little button on the tunic (which he is suddenly wearing) and the pier collapses. Clever.

But no time for sarcasm! Next place to go is a tree in the middle of a random field to complete the 'Journey of a Thousand Miles' outfit. One tunic, a lucky penny and an eye on a bit of string? But both Jack and Omi want it. Dojo thinks of a silly name for a contest (Xiaolin Showdown) which just happens to be the name of the show. Now, the strange thing is that Omi told Dashi the name, who told Dojo, who told Omi so Omi could tell Dashi, who told Dojo etc etc. So the big mystery is… WHO INVENTED XIAOLIN SHOWDOWNS? Well, three series in and we still don't know. But right now we think it's Dashi.

Okay, jump across the amazingly high rocks. Whoever's fastest gets the whole outfit. Gon Yi Tampi! Jack uses the lucky penny and jumps really high. As in

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high! Omi uses the golden tunic and jumps. Well, it ends up as more of a stumble. You try jumping on amazingly high rocks weighing two tons! So Jack, being an idiot, decides to cheat for the heck of it. He sends two Jack-bots. Then (this is the stupid bit) he stands there watching! Omi jumps out of his armour and rides on the Jack-bot. That particular one is allergic to Omi's, and dies. He falls back into the tunic and the other Jack-bot hitsthe armour. Clever. Jack keeps watching. Omi pulls down Jacks trousers for some reason and wins! Then he falls over.

Back at the temple, Master Fung has broken out of the padded room and tells them they can control water (Omi), wind (Raimundo), fire (Kimiko) and earth (Clay). Dojo drags him of again.

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Me: That was a good intro, Theo.

Theo: Yeah, that was a good story. Well, synopsis.

Joe: It was awful! I WASN'T IN IT!

Theo: Where are we, then? Same place as for reviews?

Me: Dunno. No reply from UXD yet.

Theo: Ah well. R&R, people!

Me: We'll be back soon!

Joe: (grumpily) I won't.

Note for the uneducated/unlucky: Ultimate Xiaolin Dragon, or UXD, is the author of the amazing 'Legend of the Thunderchild' trilogy, featuring Ryan Young. The point about 'where are we' is a reference to a review we gave to the story. We recomend you read the review. But first, read his stories.