Title: Someday
Author: D. Sollers
Subject: Jake thinking back after Peyton leaves in episode 3.21. What I think he was thinking. Disclaimer: I own nothing to do with One Tree Hill, although I wish I did
Author's Note: Okay, everyone knows I am the biggest Brucas fan of all time. But as I watched thisepisode, my heart broke. Not because Peyton decided she had feelings for Lucas and what that would do to my favorite couple. But because she did it to Jake. There's no taking it back and I hate what the writers did… but this is just me trying to make sense of it.
There are moments in life, that you're sure to remember forever. Memories that will live on, even if you necessarily don't. Moments that effect those around you, whether good or bad. It can be the tiniest action. A simple kiss, a stroke of a hand, a daughters giggle or four words that bring your world crashing down.
I love you, Lucas.
Four words you try desperately to forget. You tell yourself, you imagined it. That she didn't really say it. You tell yourself that you're the only one in her heart and the feelings you have for her, she returns for you.
And then, you let her go.
In a moment of clarity and selflessness, you give her the wings to fly away, knowing that your heart will break as she goes. You hold back tears as she's walking out the door and you whisper I love you to the wind, because she's already gone.
A part of you wants to hate her. To reach inside to the part of your heart that is hurting and grab a hold of it and hate her. But you can't. She's given you so much joy, in a lifetime of pain and you're sure that you'll love her forever.
Even if she doesn't.
You wake up the next morning and take your daughter for a walk. Anything that gets your mind off the hurt you're feeling and the girl that's left. You kiss your daughter and promise her that she'll be back, even if you're not sure that's the truth.
Hours turn into days and suddenly you realize she's been gone for weeks. Weeks without any phone calls. Not that you expected any. Or maybe you did and you didn't want to admit it.
You think about calling him, about seeing how he feels.
Does he love her like you do? Does he dream about her every night and wish for her every morning? Are together right now, making love and begining their life together?
No.
How could he? He's in love with her best friend.
It amazes you, just how much she's willing to lose to be with him. You find yourself reliving all of the things that brought you together in the first place. It had all started with him. You can't stop the laugh that escapes bitterly, because you realize it ended with him as well.
Did she ever really love you?
You ask yourself questions that only she can answer. And you wait for those answers, that are sure to never come. You wait, hopeful that someday does come. And that the person you love, loves you back.
That's all you can do.
And the ache that she talked about, the ache that she wonders if she will feel, you feel. You've felt it for almost a year already, it's not a new feeling. It's in your gut, every time you see her. Because you know, no matter how much you love her… no matter how much you want to stay, people always leave.
You find yourself staring at an onramp. You can remember yourself telling her just how long it would take and you smile briefly at the memory. The look in her eyes, the understanding of the loneliness you felt without her… it almost makes the pain bearable.
Almost.
And then you remember his name.
You remember her words, every song ends. Tears enter your eyes, ones you won't cry in fear that if you do, they won't stop flowing. You wonder where she is, if she's with him and you pray she's not.
And then you pray she is.
Because all you want, is for her to be happy. You know what it's like to be hurting, to love someone so much it makes you heartsick… and you wish that she finds her way. Whether it's him, or it's you.
And you pray, that there is a someday.
And that someday, is today.
The End.
Okay, so that's it. Did it suck? lol, let me know what you thought. R&R!