Just a little context here. This abomination of a fanfiction series started off on Tumblr as a piece of troll writing (it still is though) based on a prompt provided the-keionbu and her #PensReadyMusicSteady, but people actually liked them so I've wrote some more and alas it's kinda a series now. Also, I warn that at least 75% of the things I've written probably don't make any sense because that's what happens when you write on the fly at 2am in the morning. This is pretty much 99% memes and 1% attempt at competent writing so yeah... Anyway here's the introductory stuff that I wrote on Tumblr:
So the other day, Kim from the-keionbu made this K-On fanfic prompt thing and I decided to give it a try, before realising that I couldn't write fanfics if my life depended on it and proceeded to give up on it. And yes, this is a pretty troll piece of writing which is obviously 100% serious and in line with canon. Honestly, I've always imagined this AU where Ritsu is a dank memestear, Yui has the female equivalent of a bromance with her, Mugi is the leader of a self-worshipping cult known as the imuginati and Mio is just sick of everyone's crap (there's also Azusa but i don't know where she would fit in).
Houkago Meme Time I: Thus Bribed Ritsu Tainaka (At The Studio)
Midnight approached at the recording studio, and it seemed like the light music club's preparatory drink session had turned out worse than usual. It was one of those things that the girls had adopted as apart of their club sessions, a routine act to prepare themselves for the grueling labor of band practice. After all, there was nothing better than hard liquor to psych yourself up to write up some sappy lyrics or render yourself numb to the finger pains from constant shredding.
At most times, these sorts of things went out fine. Sure the girls would be a little dazed after a shot of orange juice but they were still ready to go, ready to play until the Jazz club next door told them to shut the hell up because they did not appreciate such sophisticated songs about ballpoint pens, curry rice and fuwa fuwa times (whatever the hell those were). In fact, they played a little better with a bit of booze in their system, don't ask me why.
However, it seemed that today that the crew had drunk more than their fair share (two shots of orange juice and a glass of water to be exact) and everything had gone to crap. Ritsu was passed out in the studio's bathroom, Azusa was off fighting with the owners of the recording studio (it was one of those ones that you can hire for a period of time. I think they used one in one of the episodes), and Tsumugi, the leader of the Imuginati and the righteous queen of the universe, was nowhere to be seen. The only two left standing were Mio, because she doesn't drink (what a wimp) and Yui, who was still standing albeit a bit tipsy and with bloodshot eyes from smoking that dank weed.
It was late as a release of Mighty No.9 (it's better than nothing), but Mio wanted to practice no matter what; after all, she did use her allowance to pay off the hiring fee for the recording studio. She also wondered why they weren't kicked out of the studio yet (they only hired it for 2 hours starting at 5), maybe it had something to do with a drunk Azusa having a 5 hour standoff with the staff outside. But that mattered little to Mio at the moment, she needed to practice.
"Yui!" Mio called to her drunken guitarist friend.
"Mio, *hic* waddup my homie?" Yui responded.
"Get your guitar and practice with me! I didn't use up a week of money I would usually spend at the Leftorium for nothing"
"Yeah yeah Mio-chan, just let me get mah boi Giita"
And with that, Yui went off to get Giita, her beloved Gibson Heritage Cherry Sunburst Les Paul Standard which was released in 2008 and brought on the basis of being "kawaii desu ne". After that, the Hirasawa girl proceeded to tune it (by ear of course, because anime bullshit) and then hug it, prop it real nice on a chair, set up a candlelit dinner for it, feed it some cake Mugi had brought (somehow) and marry it at the nearest church.
"Yui stop messing around" Mio shouted "do you have any idea what time it is?"
"It's Fuwa Fuwa time motherfu–!" .
Mio was not all amused with Yui's response and proceeded to kick away the table and chair that Yui set up as part of her candlelit dinner with Giita, who was flung up into the air by Mio's act of violence against antique furniture from IKEA. Yui leapt in the air before crashing down to the floor, catching her newlywed husband Giita and moving in for an embrace.
"Yui please, can we get on to practising, even if it's for a minute or until the staff take down Azusa outside!"
Muffled gunshots could be heard from behind the studio walls. Looks like their Kouhai wasn't going to let up.
"Yeah yeah I know Mio-chan, but it's Giita who needs time to get ready" Yui responded with a surprising fluency, putting her guitar's strap around her shoulder. Guess she sobered up quite quickly.
Mio could not comprehend why Yui's guitar, an inanimate instrument, needed to be given a candlelit dinner to get "ready" but at this point she didn't care. With Ritsu POBAR (passed out beyond all reason), Azusa fighting off the studio staff and Mugi (the queen of the universe) nowhere to be seen, the two guitarists set off to practice. Despite the lack of a drum beat, Yui and Mio went well with their practice, going through the riffs of their greatest hits and giving each other help where needed. Even with all the crap she has to deal with, it was moments like these that made Mio glad she was a part of Houkago Tea Time. To see the likes of Yui Hirasawa, an airheaded schoolgirl who had little direction or musical experience prior to joining the light music club, improve by leaps and bounds brought a manly tear to Mio's eye.
The two girls practiced and practiced some more, Yui surprisingly showing some form of concentration as she shredded out Van Halen's "Eruption" without being distracted like usual. It was then that Ritsu, wearing nothing but a "supreme" sweater (cause she was swag AF yo) and holding on to that Frog thing that Yui found in the closet of the music room that one episode, staggered herself out of the bathroom.
"Here come dat boi" shouted Yui to her sister from another mister, Ritsu "Ritsuber" Tainaka Akiyama.
"O shit waddup" Ritsu responded before falling to the floor, clearly still messed up from the drinks she drank and the weeds she danked.
Mio looked down on her drunken wife, who was standing and falling sorta like those baby giraffes that are trying to walk for the first time on those funny animal videos on youtube.
"*Sigh* Ritsu, how did I end up married to this?"
"Tsk tsk Mio, you know you love me"
Ritsu tried standing up one last time, soon regaining her balance but wobbling a little still, and proceeded to look out the door of the studio.
"Oh hey is that Azusa with a gat?" she said with a mouthful of doritos and mountain dew "or is this high still on me?"
"To answer your question, yes that is Azusa but that doesn't matter now, it's time for practice Ritsu" Mio said with a stern voice.
"Yeah yeah whatever. You know Mio, I think you're the best partner a lousy shitposting memelord drummer like me could have but you gotta loosen up sometimes. And besides, this school festival thing isn't for another 2 weeks."
"Yeah yeah Mio-chan" Yui chimed in "the Ritsu cracker is right".
As much as she wanted to practice, Mio felt her will to argue her bandmates into practice waning amidst the stupid crap that was happening around her. She trembled and sniffed a bit, as if she was to break down into tears, but restrained herself from showing any more weakness to the others.
Mio's sadness was picked up on by Ritsu, who wouldn't be so easily tricked by her friend since childhood.
"Mio…" she said as she headed to her drum kit "it's time to practice".
The Akiyama girl was surprised by Ritsu's gentleness and willingness. It usually took a lot to get the drummer to practice, something along the lines of a food bribe or a questionable act.
"But still Mio" Ritsu continued "You gotta loosen up a bit first, And with that, I'll only practice if you hop along for a trip on the pineapple express. Heh, get it? because I'm a freaking pineapple".
Ritsu proceeded to puff out her cheeks like that time she impersonated a pineapple to help Mio get over her nerves about reading her essay a couple years back. Mio had expected Ritsu to give her a joint or something but instead, the drummer's bad impersonation of a tropical fruit summoned a pineapple shaped train which crashed through the walls of the studio like the Koolaid man.
It was then that Mio, sick of everyone's crap, didn't give into the bribe and chose to stop thinking as she rolled into fetal position. Following that, Tsumugi Kotobuki entered the fray and I'm going to end this here because I don't know what else to say to be honest.
*** some time later ***
"Earth to Mio-Chan! You okay there Mio?" Yui said, looking down on the fallen bassist.
"What is wrong with you guys what is wrong with you guy what is wrong with you guys what is wrong with you guys..." Mio muttered to herself.
"Ayo!" Ritsu shouted from the studio "Azusa's in jail Mio, so Imma some of your savings to bail her out...actually make that all your savings, because I've been busted for some property damage"
Since then, the Keionbu never went near Orange Juice again.