Title: Flashbacks
Date: 9th December 2008
Summery: Gibbs is punishing Tony and he remembers something he'd thought he'd long since forgotten. WARNING: Contains corporeal punishment of an adult.
Flashbacks
'I deserve this. I deserve this.' The mantra ran through my head as I quietly walked the hallways to Conference Room 1. While not the optimal place for Gibbs to dole out punishment, it offered privacy, which was the most important part of what Gibbs did. After all, the whole point of it was to be private and off the record. I ran my fingers through my hair, an unreasonable panic welling up in my chest. I thought for certain that my heart would leap out of my ribcage and do a tap dance across the table I would soon find myself bent over.
Gibbs entered the room shortly after I did. He didn't believe in allowing a person to sit and stew for too long. No, the whole reason he spanked was so the punishment would be painful but over with after it was done. Gibbs didn't do the whole torture thing. After all, he was a Marine. I took a deep breath and leaned over the table after dropping my trousers and boxers. I couldn't keep the fear from being written all over my face. I didn't know why I was so completely petrified, after all, this hadn't been my first spanking. I'd done some pretty stupid things while under Gibbs's guidance, and he wasn't prone to letting stupidity slide. Especially life-threatening stupidity.
"Tony, are you okay?" That was another one of Gibbs's rules. Always address your team by their first name when doling out punishment. It was disrespectful to do anything else. I heard the swish as his belt was pulled from the loops. I winced as I couldn't seem to draw in another breath. My eyes opened wide in undisguised horror and I gasped for breath, a memory playing in my mind's eye.. So clear it could have happened yesterday.
Flashback
The room was rather like this one. It was big with wood paneling and a conference table in the center, surrounded by dozens of chairs. It was where his dad held conference meetings when he didn't want to go into work, and as soon as he'd been called in from outside. 'You deserve this. You did something bad.' His constant mantra, every day, every second. Because that's how often it seems his Father Dearest took a belt to his bared ass, hitting him over and over until he was screaming, begging for him to stop. And even then, he often didn't stop then. It was only after he'd made sure to tell Tony how useless and disappointing he was that he let his son go back to his room.
He bent over the table as he'd been trained, and the same fear had been in his eyes then was there now. "Tony, are you okay?" His father had asked, waiting until he had turned to look up at him before flicking the belt over his hopeful face. "Nobody will ever care about you, Tony. You're worthless, useless. You'll never amount to anything." With that, the belt came down, leaving welts on the skin of his ass.
"Tony? Tony! Damnit, son, talk to me!" I hadn't even noticed him calling my name. My heart was still going a mile a minute, and I didn't trust myself to speak.. "Tony, are you okay?" Gibbs seemed to be trying to control his panic as he placed a warm, comforting hand on my shoulder, squeezing slightly. "Are you okay?" His voice was more tender than I've ever heard it, and I shook my head, ashamed of the tears welling up in my eyes.
"Please.. don't use the belt." I quietly begged him. I winced as his fingers dug into my shoulder and I could feel the man behind me tense at my plea. "I.. I don't.. please." I couldn't formulate words to express the terror I felt at the mere thought Gibbs might use a belt like.. like my father had. The rational part of my mind told me there was no way Gibbs would do that, that he wasn't a cold-hearted bastard like my father, but I couldn't stop the panic from wrapping around me like a blanket.
"Why not, Tony? Your father?" I was shocked beyond words that he.. knew. I had suspected for years, but hearing it outright.. I buried my face in my hands. I knew my face was burning and I refused to let Gibbs see that. "Tony, you don't have to hide. Not with me. Never with me." His pulled me to my feet and gestured at me to pull up my trousers and boxers.
"But Gibbs.. You haven't punished me yet." I protested. I had seen Kate get whipped bent over her desk and Gibbs hadn't batted an eye about doing it. After all, it was punishment and we did deserve it. I clenched my fists and bent over the desk again, closing my eyes and willing all the memories back. I knew why they'd come. I'd never let myself actually hear Gibbs take his belt off, and dad always made sure I did.
"Tony, a punishment is meant to teach, and I'm more than sure that you've learned your lesson. I'm not here to torture you." He smiled and I shakily got to my feet, feeling my eyes burn. He placed a hand on my shoulder, squeezing slightly. "Go home and get some sleep. And take the rest of the week off."
"Boss?" I asked, knowing the answer before I'd said it. "It's Friday."
"Ah. Well then, I'll see you Monday." The smile was still on my face as I left the Yard.