This is the sequel to Our Missing Christmas. If you haven't read that, I suggest you do, it's only three chapters, but you will likely understand this one either way, after a couple of chapters. The prologue is short, but I hope you like it. Let me know what you think!
Just less than three months had passed since Christmas Day, and Regina and the others had settled fully into their routine. They got up each day, most of the men heading out for a perimeter check, while Granny and some of the other women spent time making breakfast and preparing for lunch. Snow often watched the children, though there were only a few of them. Regina and Belle mostly spent their days in the library, the latter searching for ways to save Neal and Rumple, the former searching in vain for ways to get them back to the land without magic.
Regina knew it was impossible, but she checked anyway and searched every book for some kind of answer. She would never give up on finding a way back to Henry, not if she lived a thousand years. She slammed the book she was looking through, sighing heavily and heading out of the library. Her stomach churned, something it had been doing occasionally for nearly a month. Regina had thought it was nerves, but something inside of her felt off.
Making her way outside for some fresh air, Regina settled on a bench. It was late afternoon, and the sun was nearly halfway through its descent in the western sky. She let out a slow and calming breath. She needed to eat, that much she knew. Having ignored more meals than she'd eaten in the last several days, she felt half starved, but she didn't mind. No, she wanted to feel some sort of pain. She wanted to feel something besides the constant emptiness losing Henry had left inside of her.
Perhaps she deserved it, she thought. After all, she was warned that casting the dark curse in the first place would leave her with an emptiness in her heart. And she felt it deep into whatever semblance of a soul she had left after all she'd done; all the havoc she'd wreaked. Alas, she had gotten that hole anyway, even after all the years Henry had filled it. All the joy he'd brought into her life.
Her thoughts were interrupted at the clearing of a throat and her head jerked up to see who had the audacity to bother her. David, no surprise, and Regina sighed and motioned to the spot next to her.
"I assume you're going to invite yourself to sit either way, I may as well pretend to welcome you," she told him, shaking her head.
David gave a snort of laughter, sitting down beside her. "Your usual pleasant self today, I see."
"What do you want, David?"
"Just checking on you. You haven't hardly been at meals lately, and I was just wanting to make sure you're okay."
Regina rolled her eyes and looked away from him. "I'm fine, David."
He looked doubtful, but eventually nodded. "You say that a lot. You tell everyone you're fine but we both know it isn't true. We both know that because I'm not fine, either."
"Then go find your princess and she'll make sure to take care of you. Frankly, I'm not in the mood."
David let out a snort of frustration. "I'm just looking for someone to talk to for a minute. I need a friend for just a minute."
Something about his tone had Regina studying his face and she nodded, finally saying, "What's wrong? Besides the obvious."
"I don't know what to do anymore."
"About what?"
He sighed, shaking his head slowly and running one hand over his face. Leaning forward, he rested his elbows on his knees and stared at the ground. "Snow thinks she's pregnant."
Regina was stunned. Not that she had expected them to be celibate, but she figured they'd have practiced caution. "I see. And she thinks this why?"
"She's late, and she's been feeling nauseous. Her appetite is weak and she says she just… has a feeling. The same feeling she had with Emma."
She felt her body temperature lower and as though all the blood drained from her face. Clearing her throat, Regina cautiously asked, "How late is she?"
"A couple weeks or so. She'd be a month or so along at most. Which means if she's right we'll be expecting a baby around the anniversary of losing our daughter. I just don't know that I can handle it." David sat up straight again and turned his body to face her. "She wants me to be excited, but all I can think is that I don't want a replacement child. I want Emma back." He finally registered her lack of color and frowned. "Are you alright? You look like you're going to be ill."
Regina shook her head. "No, I - I'm fine. The chill is getting to me is all." She cleared her throat again. "So what do you want from me."
Shrugging, he looked down at his feet. "Someone to talk to that doesn't expect me to be jumping over the moon with excitement. That probably makes me awful."
"It doesn't." She felt a small tug of desire to make him feel better. Regina didn't know why, but she knew if her new guess was valid, he wouldn't want comfort from her anyway. "I understand why you feel like that. I can't imagine… there's no way to replace a lost child."
"No," David agreed. "Especially not by simply having another."
Nodding her agreement again, Regina stood. She needed to be alone. She paused, looking down at him and resting a hand on his shoulder. Bending slightly, she pressed a light kiss to his forehead. "You'll be okay. You'll figure it out; it's what you do."
He looked up at her and gave a faint smile. "Thanks, Regina. I know you didn't have to listen to me or anything, but I appreciate it."
Regina looked away. "Of course. It's what friends do." She squeezed his shoulder. "Have a good rest of your day, David."
Placing his hand over hers, he squeezed her fingers before letting go.
"You too."
Regina went up to her bedchamber. Her stomach was clenched the entire way, and she knew, just knew without a doubt that she had to be pregnant. Everything he'd described that was happening to Snow to give her reason to believe she was pregnant was happening to her, too. Covering her stomach with her hands, she tilted her head and sighed. Her breasts had been sore, now that she thought of it, she'd just thought she was getting her period. And now that she put the pieces together, Regina realized she hadn't had a period, well, not since a couple of weeks before she and David had slept together.
She couldn't be. Well, she could, but there was no way she could handle having another child. The thought of replacing Henry churned her stomach. He couldn't be replaced, so all a baby would do was remind her of her loss. And David… He'd be the father to two new babies, and how he could explain that off… Well that wouldn't happen.
It would be unfair not to tell him. He had every right to know. He'd probably hate her for it, and he hadn't even sounded pleased to be having another child with his wife, Regina couldn't imagine how bad he'd feel about having one with the woman he'd cheated on his wife with. It would be a constant reminder of his infidelity, to him and to Snow, if the younger brunette ever found out about it.
That was it. Regina would tell David, and tell him not to tell Snow. He could be part of the baby's life without being known as its father. Snow would undoubtedly insert herself, which would drag David in. That should be enough. It would have to be, otherwise his wife would kill them both.
She sighed again as she sat down, her fingers running over the flat expanse of her belly. How could she not have known? How could she have been so unaware of her own body to not know she was growing a tiny human in there? As if her life wasn't hard enough as it was. How could she raise a baby in a world she hated, without its father, without her son… a new baby.
She should see it as a blessing; that's what babies should be to people who were capable of raising them. And besides the little technicalities, she was quite able. Had already done it. She could look at it as having something- someone that couldn't be taken from her. Regina could love this baby, could give it a fairly happy life, on her own. But she didn't want to replace Henry in her heart, and she didn't want to view the baby as less than the son she'd chosen. Because that's what Henry had been, a choice, a willing decision to be a mother. This one was just thrust upon her without the knowledge she could even have a child in her own womb.
She wasn't ready to deal with it. There was no way she could emotionally handle organizing her thoughts at that moment when she had Zelena to worry about lurking somewhere in the shadows, Snow being pregnant as well, still trying to find a way home (because that was something she'd never give up on), and with David being the father.
David. The man who she'd spent years trying to destroy so that she could destroy Snow. The man who she had tried to deceive into sleeping with her when he hadn't even known who he was. He'd turned her down then, when he'd had no real reason too, aside from the complicated things going on in his life, and yet he'd sought her out this time, when he'd had his wife around, when he knew who he was… who she was. And she'd gotten pregnant. From one time. What terrible chances. Her poor child would be doomed from the start with her as its mother.
Regina couldn't think about it anymore. She climbed into her bed, not even bothering to change, and did her best to fall asleep. After what seemed like hours of trying, she finally managed to drift off, though her dreams brought visions of a baby… the baby she'd never wanted, but couldn't stop herself from loving anyway.