No Life To Live
Prologue: Suicide Attempt
By: Fantasim Soldier
Anime series: Gundam Wing
Romance/drama
Not a lemon or a lime
Yaoi: Heero and Duo
Story blurb: Heero lives by himself. This is after all of the wars have been fought and won. All the pilots live by themselves. It's been a year since they all went separate ways and Heero can't find a meaning to his life anymore. He decides that his soul purpose for being alive was to fight in the wars. Now that they are over, he has served his purpose and is no longer needed. He decides that it's time for him to die, especially since the emotions that wont leave him be are very painful.
Dedication: This fic is dedicated to my good friend SkyLark, who inspired me to start writing yaoi/shounen ai.
Disclaimer: I don't own Gundam Wing or any of its characters. The only characters that are mine are the ones that don't belong to or in Gundam Wing.
Heero sat on his bed thinking. He wasn't needed anymore. All the pilots had gone separate ways and, true he hadn't tried to contact them, but their silence must have meant that they didn't want to see or hear from him and didn't care, either, so Dr. J had been right after all. He was here for the soul purpose to fight in the wars and now that he had done that and peace had finally been attained he was no longer needed or wanted. Duo lived on Earth as well, but he had originally planned to go back to L2 and his junkyard. He loved it on Earth so much, especially at night, that he decided to stay in America, where his ancestors were from. He'd once said that he could have even been born in the states, himself, but had somehow wound up on L2. There were numerous possibilities supporting it. He could have traveled there with his parents or parent or some relative as a small baby and somewhere along the line, something had happened to the person that had taken him there and he'd been left alone and he'd blocked it all out of his memory and couldn't remember. Or something had happened and he'd stowed away on a carrier to L2 and he'd blocked that from his memory or he was still so young that he was just old enough to get on and not be noticed by anyone and was never found and just couldn't remember because he'd been three or four at the time. Maybe even five. Most people he knew didn't remember anything from when they were five. He'd never shut his mouth the whole time Heero knew him and all of this had come out of that mouth of his. Something had happened to Heero. He had so many mixed feelings that he wasn't familiar with and didn't understand in the least and it was hurting. Whenever he thought of Duo he had an ache in his heart. Sometimes he suffered from insomnia at night.
"No, no one cares. So, Duo liked to hang around me all the time. He was probably just seeing me as a challenge. He wanted to see how long it would take him to get me to open up and then what I'd spill out to him. Besides, he argued with Wufei as well. Trowa just wouldn't talk or get into an argument of any kind with him. I suppose I was more fun, because I'd eventually say something, but he wanted more than one word sentences. A challenge and a machine. That's all I was to anyone. The Perfect Soldier." Heero had said this to himself, millions of times and he began to believe it.
This was it, he was going to kill himself. But, he had to do something first. He had to say goodbye to the other pilots. He didn't know exactly how he would do it without them knowing, though. He did know that if he took too long talking to Duo, he wouldn't do it, so he was going to make Duo's message short, sweet and to the point.
"Yeah, Quatre? This is Heero. I was wondering how you were." Heero said, and started a long conversation, since this would be the last time he was ever going to talk to the fair haired boy. "Yes. I need to go. I want to call the others as well. Goodbye, Quatre, thanks for talking to me." Heero said. He waited, just this once, since it would be his last, for Quatre to say goodbye, then he hung up the phone. He repeated the process with all of them. Wufei and Trowa had asked questions, suspicious of why Heero would call them and want to be so talkative. Heero just said that he must have been hanging around Duo too much while they were partners. They'd accepted that answer. He didn't know if they believed him, but they accepted it. They'd know that they shouldn't have believed or accepted that answer, though, when news reached their ears about him committing suicide. Heero would call everyone today and sleep one last time in his bed, sleep in a bit and then have one last meal and kill himself. But, right now, he had to call Duo.
The phone rang and rang. Finally Duo answered the phone. "Yo, talk to me!" came Duo's voice. Heero smiled to himself. "Duo, this is Heero." Heero said. "Heero! I didn't expect ya to call! What's the occasion?" Duo asked, smartly. "Ha, ha, Duo. I just called to tell you something, then you can go ahead and forget I called." Heero said. Duo rolled his eyes, though Heero couldn't see it. But, he knew Duo well enough to know that he had done it anyway. "Don't roll your eyes at me Duo." Heero stated. "How'd you know? Last time I checked you or I didn't have a vid-phone." Duo said. "Never mind. I just wanted to say that you were a good friend in the wars and since I've known you..." Duo cut him off. "Wow, thanks, buddy, but why're you tellin' me this? Come to beg me to come back to Japan to make your life complete, because you've just found out you can't live without me?" Duo asked, adding more than he needed to, just in case Heero was still as brain dead as he used to be about most of Duo's jokes or he just didn't care. Sometimes Duo just wasn't sure, but he could see flickers of emotion in Heero's eyes sometimes and knew he wasn't being ignored. "And....to tell you.....goodbye." Heero said. Heero listened for a few minutes to Duo's wild chatter about 'what the hell that was supposed to mean' , before he hung up on him.
Duo's eyes widened as he heard the click and then that annoying noise, like a busy signal, but a little different on the phone. He was sitting there babbling so long, he'd caused Heero to hang up on him. He'd just have to go see him then. He had a theory as to why Heero had said goodbye and prayed he was totally wrong and in any case, just wanted to see Heero again.
The next day, Heero was in the bathroom, about to kill himself. He had briefly toyed with the idea of taking pills and just going to sleep and never waking up again, but he thought that for what he had done, he should have a death that he would feel. He didn't want to inflict any wounds on himself that would make someone upset to see them. He knew that Quatre would come to his funeral. Because, Quatre had known him and would feel it his duty to at least show up for his funeral, and it would probably be the same if Heero had ever gotten married. And Quatre wouldn't want to see Heero's neck slit or his wrists slit or any sort of wound. No, he figured Quatre would want to just see him as if he were sleeping. Eternal sleep. Eternal rest. He doubted Trowa would come, but Wufei would, because he would consider it dishonoring himself if he didn't go to a fellow warriors funeral, even if he didn't die in battle or in war time and an injustice to the one that was dead. Duo might come. But, he was pretty unpredictable. Though, Heero would like to think that Duo would come to his funeral, even if he probably wouldn't be able to see him, even from wherever he was when he died. Probably Hell. He decided to drown himself. In the bathtub.
The water was warm. Heero got into the tub, clothes and all, and laid back. No matter how much he wanted too, he didn't go up for air and no matter how much it hurt he wouldn't. Soon, he was plunged into darkness. He had also, left the tub running.
Prologue: Suicide Attempt
By: Fantasim Soldier
Anime series: Gundam Wing
Romance/drama
Not a lemon or a lime
Yaoi: Heero and Duo
Story blurb: Heero lives by himself. This is after all of the wars have been fought and won. All the pilots live by themselves. It's been a year since they all went separate ways and Heero can't find a meaning to his life anymore. He decides that his soul purpose for being alive was to fight in the wars. Now that they are over, he has served his purpose and is no longer needed. He decides that it's time for him to die, especially since the emotions that wont leave him be are very painful.
Dedication: This fic is dedicated to my good friend SkyLark, who inspired me to start writing yaoi/shounen ai.
Disclaimer: I don't own Gundam Wing or any of its characters. The only characters that are mine are the ones that don't belong to or in Gundam Wing.
Heero sat on his bed thinking. He wasn't needed anymore. All the pilots had gone separate ways and, true he hadn't tried to contact them, but their silence must have meant that they didn't want to see or hear from him and didn't care, either, so Dr. J had been right after all. He was here for the soul purpose to fight in the wars and now that he had done that and peace had finally been attained he was no longer needed or wanted. Duo lived on Earth as well, but he had originally planned to go back to L2 and his junkyard. He loved it on Earth so much, especially at night, that he decided to stay in America, where his ancestors were from. He'd once said that he could have even been born in the states, himself, but had somehow wound up on L2. There were numerous possibilities supporting it. He could have traveled there with his parents or parent or some relative as a small baby and somewhere along the line, something had happened to the person that had taken him there and he'd been left alone and he'd blocked it all out of his memory and couldn't remember. Or something had happened and he'd stowed away on a carrier to L2 and he'd blocked that from his memory or he was still so young that he was just old enough to get on and not be noticed by anyone and was never found and just couldn't remember because he'd been three or four at the time. Maybe even five. Most people he knew didn't remember anything from when they were five. He'd never shut his mouth the whole time Heero knew him and all of this had come out of that mouth of his. Something had happened to Heero. He had so many mixed feelings that he wasn't familiar with and didn't understand in the least and it was hurting. Whenever he thought of Duo he had an ache in his heart. Sometimes he suffered from insomnia at night.
"No, no one cares. So, Duo liked to hang around me all the time. He was probably just seeing me as a challenge. He wanted to see how long it would take him to get me to open up and then what I'd spill out to him. Besides, he argued with Wufei as well. Trowa just wouldn't talk or get into an argument of any kind with him. I suppose I was more fun, because I'd eventually say something, but he wanted more than one word sentences. A challenge and a machine. That's all I was to anyone. The Perfect Soldier." Heero had said this to himself, millions of times and he began to believe it.
This was it, he was going to kill himself. But, he had to do something first. He had to say goodbye to the other pilots. He didn't know exactly how he would do it without them knowing, though. He did know that if he took too long talking to Duo, he wouldn't do it, so he was going to make Duo's message short, sweet and to the point.
"Yeah, Quatre? This is Heero. I was wondering how you were." Heero said, and started a long conversation, since this would be the last time he was ever going to talk to the fair haired boy. "Yes. I need to go. I want to call the others as well. Goodbye, Quatre, thanks for talking to me." Heero said. He waited, just this once, since it would be his last, for Quatre to say goodbye, then he hung up the phone. He repeated the process with all of them. Wufei and Trowa had asked questions, suspicious of why Heero would call them and want to be so talkative. Heero just said that he must have been hanging around Duo too much while they were partners. They'd accepted that answer. He didn't know if they believed him, but they accepted it. They'd know that they shouldn't have believed or accepted that answer, though, when news reached their ears about him committing suicide. Heero would call everyone today and sleep one last time in his bed, sleep in a bit and then have one last meal and kill himself. But, right now, he had to call Duo.
The phone rang and rang. Finally Duo answered the phone. "Yo, talk to me!" came Duo's voice. Heero smiled to himself. "Duo, this is Heero." Heero said. "Heero! I didn't expect ya to call! What's the occasion?" Duo asked, smartly. "Ha, ha, Duo. I just called to tell you something, then you can go ahead and forget I called." Heero said. Duo rolled his eyes, though Heero couldn't see it. But, he knew Duo well enough to know that he had done it anyway. "Don't roll your eyes at me Duo." Heero stated. "How'd you know? Last time I checked you or I didn't have a vid-phone." Duo said. "Never mind. I just wanted to say that you were a good friend in the wars and since I've known you..." Duo cut him off. "Wow, thanks, buddy, but why're you tellin' me this? Come to beg me to come back to Japan to make your life complete, because you've just found out you can't live without me?" Duo asked, adding more than he needed to, just in case Heero was still as brain dead as he used to be about most of Duo's jokes or he just didn't care. Sometimes Duo just wasn't sure, but he could see flickers of emotion in Heero's eyes sometimes and knew he wasn't being ignored. "And....to tell you.....goodbye." Heero said. Heero listened for a few minutes to Duo's wild chatter about 'what the hell that was supposed to mean' , before he hung up on him.
Duo's eyes widened as he heard the click and then that annoying noise, like a busy signal, but a little different on the phone. He was sitting there babbling so long, he'd caused Heero to hang up on him. He'd just have to go see him then. He had a theory as to why Heero had said goodbye and prayed he was totally wrong and in any case, just wanted to see Heero again.
The next day, Heero was in the bathroom, about to kill himself. He had briefly toyed with the idea of taking pills and just going to sleep and never waking up again, but he thought that for what he had done, he should have a death that he would feel. He didn't want to inflict any wounds on himself that would make someone upset to see them. He knew that Quatre would come to his funeral. Because, Quatre had known him and would feel it his duty to at least show up for his funeral, and it would probably be the same if Heero had ever gotten married. And Quatre wouldn't want to see Heero's neck slit or his wrists slit or any sort of wound. No, he figured Quatre would want to just see him as if he were sleeping. Eternal sleep. Eternal rest. He doubted Trowa would come, but Wufei would, because he would consider it dishonoring himself if he didn't go to a fellow warriors funeral, even if he didn't die in battle or in war time and an injustice to the one that was dead. Duo might come. But, he was pretty unpredictable. Though, Heero would like to think that Duo would come to his funeral, even if he probably wouldn't be able to see him, even from wherever he was when he died. Probably Hell. He decided to drown himself. In the bathtub.
The water was warm. Heero got into the tub, clothes and all, and laid back. No matter how much he wanted too, he didn't go up for air and no matter how much it hurt he wouldn't. Soon, he was plunged into darkness. He had also, left the tub running.