If I were a Boy:
Chapter One: Every Now and Then I Fall Apart
Jenny sat in her office, her face hidden behind the giant pile of paperwork she had to get through in the next few hours before Lester expected her to run a few tests on the ADD and the Locking Mechanism. She peered around the side of her giant pile and saw Sarah and Abby in similar situations.
She sighed and returned to her file. The words seemed to run into one and no matter how many times she tried to read the same line, it made no sense. She screeches and dropped her head into her arms.
"What?" Sarah said, running into the office after hearing her friends scream. Jenny didn't look up and she heard her friend approach and tug on her black dress, which she was wearing with tights. Her face was the opposite of her outfit: completely casual and bare of make-up. She had tried to do something with her hair, but in the end it had failed miserably and it hung, wavy, around her shoulders and down her back
"Jenny?" She heard, soft in her ear, and Sarah patted her on the shoulder, "Jenny speak to me!"
"Is she OK?" Jenny head Abby ask, her voice sounded weak and Jenny noticed that she wasn't the only worn out one here. They, all three of them, were under extreme amounts of pressure. Nick, Connor and Danny had been gone for three weeks today, and they had left a tremendous amount of paperwork in their wake, not to mention three women with incredibly heavy hearts and incredibly short emotional spans, at the moment.
Jenny raised her head, slowly, and looked at her friends.
She barely recognised them. Sarah's eyes were darker than usual, underlined by the large bags that had started to form. They were constantly red now, as if she were always crying. Jenny knew, from looking in the mirror, that she looked exactly the same. She didn't know about Sarah, but she had been crying.
Abby's eyes were wide, as they always were now, as if she were on constant alert for something dangerous or strange. Her body was constantly upright and she never relaxed. She sat in her office, going through and through Connor's work and trying to figure out the complicated workings of her flatmates mind. She had confided in Jenny, a while back, how she felt about Connor and Jenny could see the way Sarah felt about Danny.
They were all in the same boat.
"Hi," She said, simply, pushing hair out of her face and looking back down at her paperwork.
"Jenny," Sarah said, yanking a pile of paperwork from the desk despite Jenny's protests, "Let us help you!" And she turned on her heels and marched out of the office, with Abby following her.
"Sarah!" Jenny called, but when her friend didn't turn around, Jenny shoved herself up from the desk with a groan. She followed her friend into Sarah's office, where Abby had perched on the desk, and leaned on the door.
"Sarah, give me back that pile of paperwork!" Jenny said, her head in her hand.
"Nope!" Sarah said, simply, slipping a pair of glasses on her face and looking down at the files in front of her.
"Sarah, I don't wanna argue with you!" Jenny said, quickly, stomping her foot on the floor.
"Well, Then don't!" Sarah snapped, standing up and slamming her hands on the desk.
"Whoa!" Abby cautioned, standing up and holding up her hands, "Guys, we can't fight!"
"Sarah, you have enough to be getting on with!" Jenny said and Sarah raised her eyebrows. Jenny mimicked her and walked forwards, attempting to take the pile back, but Sarah placed a strong hand on top.
"And you don't?" She challenged her friend and Jenny rolled her eyes, digging her hands beneath the pile and attempting to pull them from her friend, stubbornly, sending the pile flying in all directions when Sarah dived for them.
"See! Well done!" Sarah said, harshly.
"Aaaaargh!" Jenny exclaimed, frustrated. She turned on her heels and stormed out of the room. Sarah and Abby exchanged a shocked look and then, leaving the files on the tiled floor, followed her. Jenny went into her office and yanked her long, cream coat from the back of her chair, pulling it on roughly and shoving her arm in the wrong hole.
"Jenny!" Sarah said, rushing in and standing in front of her friend, "Jenny, where are you going?" She asked, worriedly and Jenny just looked at her.
"Jen," Abby pleaded, "Don't be like this!"
"Like what?" She yelled, making her friends jump, "I'm sorry OK! I'm sorry that I didn't stop Connor and Danny from leaving and following Helen! I'm sorry that I can't know everything that went on in Connor's mind!" She turned to Sarah, "I'm sorry you didn't get to tell Danny how you feel about him before they left! I'm sorry about all of that!"
She pushed past her friends, who didn't try to stop her, understanding how she felt. Jenny stopped at the door and looked back at her friends, who looked up at her sadly.
"But you know what I'm most sad about?" She said, slowly and her friends took a step towards her, "I'm sorry that I'm not Cutter!"
She grabbed her bag from the chair beside the door and stormed off along the corridors, leaving Sarah and Abby to exchange a worried glance before they each grabbed a pile of her work and went back to Sarah's office, determined to take some of the burden off Jenny's shoulders.
Jenny hurried towards the nearest car park and rooted in her coat pocket as she went. She found what she had been looking for and extracted a cigarette from the expensive packet she had purchased that morning. She shoved it into her mouth before she reached the doors and frantically tried to light it, finally succeeding and taking a long, deep drag.
She sighed when she reached the car park and began to pace. The cigarette calmed her and she remembered her clever little piece of logic: If you convinced yourself they were calming you, you would become calm. She tried to force her face into a smile, failing miserably as she did so. She stopped pacing, her best coat swaying around her legs and her face turned up to the ceiling of the car park.
She closed her eyes and breathed out a long puff of smoke, making it drag out. She folded one arm across her stomach and flicked the ash from the end of her cigarette, taking another long drag afterwards. She finished her cigarette and, still not feeling like going inside, she turned away from the doors and started walking towards the ramp that led to the highest level.
When she neared the wall, she aimed a good kick and earned herself what she was sure was a broken ankle. She was also sure she was overreacting and didn't have so much as a limp. She kicked the wall twice again before sinking to her knees and beginning to sob.
She never cried in front of her friends and she tried to hold her emotions in as much as possible, which was why she was so frustrated with herself. She had allowed herself to become angry and upset towards her friends, which was something she tried so desperately not to do!
It wasn't just herself she felt angry at. She felt angry at Lester for being so inconsiderate and bloody selfish, making her do all of her own work along with Nicks and Danny's. She had made Sarah and Abby share only Connor's work, because they had their own work to do. She was angry at Helen, who was just someone that everyone was angry at at the moment, because she was the reason Connor, Nick and Danny had gone missing. And she was angry at Nick, Connor and Danny for leaving them, which she knew was selfish, but she couldn't find it in herself to care!
About a month ago, they had found an artefact. It was just a strange object to Jenny and she hadn't thought anything of it, until Nick started spending all of his time in his office with the stupid thing. Even when there was an anomaly call, he wouldn't come, refusing and demanding to stay with the artefact. Then, Helen had turned up and tried to burn down the ARC with Nick trapped inside. Jenny, luckily, had gone in after him and it had been quite an intimate few moments before she'd been able to get Becker and Danny, who had just been an annoying policeman who happened to be in the ARC at the time, along with Connor to carry him out.
He had spent a week in hospital and the moment he got up, he demanded that they follow Helen wherever they could, so when they found an Anomaly in Christine Johnsons HQ, he had been convinced that it led to wherever Helen was. And, the day after they found the anomaly, they had been called to the HQ where Christine was being tortured be Helen.
Helen had forced Christine through the anomaly and they had tried to follow, unfortunately, Helen closed the anomaly. Nick, though had taken a reading from the model and was certain that the anomaly led to the future. So when, only hours later, an anomaly opened to the same location, Jenny had been convinced it was a trap. Nick, however, had pushed her pleas for him to stay aside and left anyway.
"Nick!" She said, running forwards and roughly grabbing his arm, making him look at her.
"Nick, I've got a really bad feeling about this!" She had seen a flicker of something in his eyes and hope had been ignited in her for a millisecond before he turned back to the anomaly.
"I'll be fine!" He said, not looking at her, and she was sure she heard a slight sob in her voice. She had stumbled forwards only to be held back by one of Lester's soldiers on Nick's command.
"Get them, too!" Connor had said, pointing to Sarah and Abby, who he seemed unable to look at, "Don't let them through!"
"NO!" Sarah had yelled, being held back by one of the taller soldiers and aiming kicks for his shins.
"CONNOR!" Abby screamed and he turned away from her, tears in his eyes, "CONNOR YOU LOOK AT ME!"
He turned to her, reluctantly and looked into her eyes.
"You don't leave…" She stopped struggling, "Until you kiss me!"
The soldier had let his guard down and she was able to yank herself from his grip and run forwards, throwing her arms around Connors neck and kissing him with as much passion as was humanely possible. He flushed when she pulled away and smiled, awkwardly at her.
"Come back!" She pleaded, leaning her forehead against his as she caught her breath. He nodded, stiffly, turned and practically ran through the anomaly.
Jenny had caught Nick's eyes from where she was being detained and she was certain she saw more than he let on in the slight, pained nod and wink he gave her. She let her head drop as sobs wracked her body and a moment later, she had been dropped to the floor, where she sat, unmoving.
When she looked up next, the anomaly had gone.
That had been three weeks ago and there was no sign of the boys. Jenny knew she should stay positive, but she was beginning to lose hope.
What do you think? I'd really like to update this, but I wont unless I get your opinions!
Please review! Thank you, hope you enjoy it!
Stephanie x