Title: Still Here
Fandom: Band of Brothers
Characters: Luz, Malarkey
Warnings: language, angst/anger, the beginnings of Luz/Malarkey

George Luz had been the one to see them die - so close it could have been him too.

But every time he looked at Donald Malarkey - after he received the news - he wished that he had been hit instead. Give Malark his friends back.

Anything to wake the other man up. He didn't seem "there" anymore. His eyes dead and yet filled with so much.

Luz could hardly look into those kind of eyes. He wondered if his eyes were any different.

How could he make jokes when just a few feet away a fellow soldier was nothing more than ghost...He just seemed to drift here and there. Not saying much; his expression hardly changing from a frozen mask of barely contained grief.

Until one day, Luz accidentally bumped soldiers with Malarkey, and the red head gave him a look of such loathing Luz's apology died on his lips.

"What? Nothin' funny to say, smart-ass? No joke? You're nothin' but a goddamn joke, you know that, Luz?" He didn't raise his voice; didn't have to. The words were vicious, resentment running through them.

George couldn't help but freeze up - he was speechless. Malarkey had never been this mean to anybody, least of all to him.

Donald Malarkey looked him up and down, his nose scrunched up as if he smelled something bad. Luz could see something in those eyes, something bordering on tears but anger coating them.

"You're so goddamn useless! Can tell all these jokes and shit but you ever save anybody? Huh? Ever even try?! You didn't try then did ya? You just watched them go, ya fuckin'...fuckin'...", he turned away angrily, shaking.

George was still frozen to the spot until he felt something rise from his gut, push up through his chest and lodge itself into his throat, "You can go fuck yerself, Donald Malarkey!!"

Malarkey stopped and turned to face Luz, his face in surprise and outrage as if he was about to reply. George didn't give him the chance.

He closed the distance between them, grabbing the red head's coat collar, "You think you are the only goddamn person who misses them? The only person who fuckin' lost someone? Lost friends?! You got the goddamn nerve to BLAME ME for that shell that hit them?!! They were trying to save me but I was too slow to get in with them. Is that what you want? That I had been in there with them? Huh? You fuckin' say it if that's what you really wish had happened!!!".

He had come back through his rage to realize he was shaking the other man. Luz let go immediately, shocked and scared at what he had just done...what he had just said...It had all coming spewing forth with no reserve or thought of holding back.

He could get pissed off sometimes or highly annoyed but never enraged to the point that he had been...His chest felt so heavy now, like there was lead in it...Maybe that shell had landed on him, smack dab in the chest.

Seeing Malarkey's face, he wished it had. The red head was frozen to the spot, tears were in his eyes now, his mouth hanging open slightly. The look he gave Luz...

It was starting to snow again.

The flakes were too gentle for the weight Luz felt on him then, oppressive and wanting to break free but Luz was afraid to let it out. Malarkey was still staring at him - that look of complete devastation breaking through the mask.

Luz had to turn away, he couldn't bear it anymore.

Walked away.

It was bad enough he felt guilty for living after seeing Skip and Penk die...

George felt a little push in his chest: that was why Malarkey was so mad - he had survived his friends. His closest friends.

Luz sighed, trying to light a cigarette.

Whether they liked it or not they were alive. Alive and well, not so much. But they were here, still here...