i believe
(come to me when my tears are dry.)
"Just stay close to me."
Nod. Smile. Beg forgiveness.
Ri-no-a. She takes her mother's name, because she wants to remember her better (because Rinoa Heartilly sounds so much prettier than Rinoa Caraway and besides, who wants to be associated with The Esteemed General, anyway?) and because it takes her that much further away from home. Heartilly, it sounds so exotic, like she can't be from here.
Only she can't hold up that facade, because she's no exotic, demure maiden. Seifer laughs outright when she says she always wanted to be a dancer (like a ballerina, you know, the pretty ones in the lovely dresses who get up onstage and they just move, you know, and they don't talk or anything, but they're so beautiful and ever since I was a little girl I wanted to be one of them), and tells her that she's much too brash.
And besides - he says and leans closer, smirking - what do you want to be a dancer for, anyhow? Get up onstage and twirl around like a fool?
"I always wanted to be a dancer, you know."
"...Then why don't you learn?"
Quistis, Quistis, Quistis. Don't you understand?
Ri-no-a. She doesn't remember, later, ever telling Squall her name. It just always seemed like a given.
"My mother's dead," Seifer says suddenly, "long time ago. I don't know the whole story. Some kinda disease. I wonder if it's hereditary. Wouldn't that be great? I could be dying and I wouldn't even know it."
"That's scary, Seifer, don't talk like that."
"What's scary?" He replies, leaning back. "I don't want to know when I'm going to die. Takes all the fun out of risks."
"You know, Zell, I always wanted to be a dancer. Ever since I was little, I always thought ballerinas were so beautiful. I thought... I thought I could do it. But I'm too tall. And I'm no good at dance, anyhow."
"Those are pretty lame reasons for not going for it."
Maybe. Maybe not.
Ri-no-a. What are you so afraid of?
"Just stay close to me."
(This is what I fear: loud noises and dead silence and cockroaches and mice and spiders and fireworks and old women and snakes and pregnant ladies and babies and falling and long distances and needles and sharp things and the dark and sudden movements and big monsters and car crashes and cars and sorceresses and dead things and - )
(Just stay close to me.)
(This is what I fear.)
"What did you want to do with your life, Selphie? I mean, did you ever have any goals?"
"...I wanted to be a dancer when I was a little girl. But there's no dance program at Garden. Wouldn't it be funny if there was? Could you imagine, Zell or... or Squall! In a dance class? Oh, I would pay to see that!"
Or Seifer. You didn't mention Seifer.
"You aren't going anywhere tonight, young lady. You made a fool out of me at that party."
All she did was talk to people and maybe she ran halfway across the room to stop the famous ballerina from leaving before she could talk to her. And maybe the ballerina smiled and nodded when she introduced herself ("Rinoa Heartilly, you know, like Julia, the singer who wrote "Eyes On Me," that song that they were playing earlier that you said was so pretty, because she was my mother, yeah?") and then politely excused herself because she was on her way to the bathroom.
But it wasn't a total loss, right, because Miss Ballerina did remember her name; she overheard her talking to Dad. So maybe - maybe, maybe - Miss Ballerina will talk to her fellow actors and maybe - maybe, maybe - Miss Ballerina could get her into some school for dance, and that would be great, right?
Of course, it never occurred to her to catch Miss Ballerina's name. But that wasn't important, because Dad was talking to her.
"You aren't going anywhere tonight, young lady."
Miss Ballerina wasn't impressed, was she?
Ri-no-a. Sounds almost exotic rolling off Seifer's tongue. He laughs outright at her dreams.
Ri-no-a. Sounds almost romantic rolling off Squall's tongue. She doesn't tell him her dreams.
"Quistis tells me you want to learn to dance, like a ballerina or something, right? See, I know this lady in Fisherman's Horizon, she teaches dance, and I'm sure she'll take you in. She's a real nice lady, you'll like her."
"Oh, don't worry about it, Irvine. It isn't that important. How would I get to FH anyway?"
Don't you understand?
Her mother's last words to her: "You don't listen to a word anyone tells you, my darling Rinoa. You do what you think is right and damn them all."
Father: "Why do you insist on being so belligerent?"
Seifer: "Who asked them?"
Squall.
Squall.
(Just stay close to me.)
Ri-no-a.
"I'll take you," Squall says quietly, "if you want to go to FH. I'll take you and I'll sit through all your recitals."
"But you don't like dance."
He shrugs. "I've done things I didn't like before."
"But you don't like ballet, Squall. I'm not going to make you sit through recitals if you're going to hate every second of it."
"What is this really about?"
(What are you so afraid of?)
What do you want to be a dancer for, anyhow? Get up onstage and twirl around like a fool?
(I've done things I didn't like before.)
Who asked them?
(What are you so afraid of?)
This is what I fear.
What if - and she's a little girl again, a child in mother's lap, watching lovely long fingers play beautiful notes on the piano, a little girl listening to a heartbeat and a melody - What if they all laugh at me? What if they tell me I'm not good enough? What if they tell me I'm wrong?
You don't listen to a word anyone tells you, my darling Rinoa.
Squall: No one will tell you you're wrong. By the time you perform, you'll have done it a thousand times anyway.
Squall: I'll take you, if you want to go.
Squall.
Just stay close to me.
Nod. Smile. Beg forgiveness.
(Don't you understand?)
ETA, August '10: I just realized that they removed all my lines. I went back to try and re-add them, but it's been a while since I wrote this and I've since had to reformat my computer, so I had to work from memory. I apologize if I messed anything up.