Eowyn's thoughts following the death of her husband. I guess it's an AU, in that Faramir dies. It's also a songfic...sorry everyone, I couldn't help it. Lyrics are by OK Go. Really short and pretty cheesy, so break out the crackers! This is my first fic, so please be gentle. Constructive criticism is of course welcomed.
--
For a while, with the vertigo cured,
We were alive, we were pure
--
From the very first, your kindness took me by surprise. As the only woman in my family, I was used to being overlooked or left behind; I didn't know what to make of you, a man who actually seemed interested in discovering the real me, not just accepting the cold front I created for the world. The Houses of Healing, at first a place I abhorred, quickly came to be thought of as my sanctuary with you, a place where I could let down my brave face and be myself. Your charm and easy nature quickly overpowered my defenses, and I have never been happier to be defeated, for your love made me whole. I have never been happier than I was during our whirlwind romance: I experienced our courtship, marriage, and subsequent relocation to Ithilien in a kind of love daze. I would not trade our bliss, however short-lived, for anything.
--
The void took the shape of all that you were,
But years take their toll, and things get bent into shape...
--
To this day, I regret the manner in which we parted. If I had not been so stubborn and petty, I would have been able to embrace you, my husband, one last time. I selfishly tried to keep you at home, out of harm's way, even though I knew that was not your nature. You could never stand by idly while your men put themselves in danger. I know also that it was to be but a simple mission: to resolve a border dispute that had broken out in the southern region. If I had not been pregnant with Theomir at the time, I would not have even tried to keep you out of battle. In a futile act of defiance, I refused to see you off, and to this day I regret my actions. You must know how sorry I am for letting you go without so much as a goodbye. I will never forgive myself for allowing us to part on unhappy terms.
When the news came, I was a wreck, but I can't say I was surprised. You took your duty seriously, and if it would protect your men, I know you would not hesitate to put your life on the line. You may have been the Prince of Ithilien in title, but at heart you always felt yourself a warrior and an equal to the lowest-ranking soldier: I could see it in your eyes. I try to tell myself that I was lucky to have the time with you that I did, but that is small comfort to me or to our two children. You promised that you would come back to me; you broke your vow. How am I to go on without you?
--
Antiseptic and tired, I can't remember your face. Return...
--
As the years pass, I find that I cannot recall your face with the ease that I once could. Perhaps my memory of you has been blurred by my tears, or maybe age and time are overtaking me. Either way, I am deathly afraid that one day I will wake up and not be able to remember the teasing glint held in your eye as you joked with me or the special smile that you shared with me alone.
--
You were supposed to grow old, you were supposed to grow old.
Reckless, unfrightened, and old, you were supposed to grow old.
--
I am not as brave as I pretend to be. I am frightened of the future. I do not want to face the world alone...you were supposed to be here with me, by my side. We were supposed to raise our children together, laugh together, grow old together. I cannot do this by myself.
My world is empty without you, Faramir, Prince of Ithilien and the prince of my heart.
--
You were supposed to return.
--
For a while, with the vertigo cured,
We were alive, we were pure
--
From the very first, your kindness took me by surprise. As the only woman in my family, I was used to being overlooked or left behind; I didn't know what to make of you, a man who actually seemed interested in discovering the real me, not just accepting the cold front I created for the world. The Houses of Healing, at first a place I abhorred, quickly came to be thought of as my sanctuary with you, a place where I could let down my brave face and be myself. Your charm and easy nature quickly overpowered my defenses, and I have never been happier to be defeated, for your love made me whole. I have never been happier than I was during our whirlwind romance: I experienced our courtship, marriage, and subsequent relocation to Ithilien in a kind of love daze. I would not trade our bliss, however short-lived, for anything.
--
The void took the shape of all that you were,
But years take their toll, and things get bent into shape...
--
To this day, I regret the manner in which we parted. If I had not been so stubborn and petty, I would have been able to embrace you, my husband, one last time. I selfishly tried to keep you at home, out of harm's way, even though I knew that was not your nature. You could never stand by idly while your men put themselves in danger. I know also that it was to be but a simple mission: to resolve a border dispute that had broken out in the southern region. If I had not been pregnant with Theomir at the time, I would not have even tried to keep you out of battle. In a futile act of defiance, I refused to see you off, and to this day I regret my actions. You must know how sorry I am for letting you go without so much as a goodbye. I will never forgive myself for allowing us to part on unhappy terms.
When the news came, I was a wreck, but I can't say I was surprised. You took your duty seriously, and if it would protect your men, I know you would not hesitate to put your life on the line. You may have been the Prince of Ithilien in title, but at heart you always felt yourself a warrior and an equal to the lowest-ranking soldier: I could see it in your eyes. I try to tell myself that I was lucky to have the time with you that I did, but that is small comfort to me or to our two children. You promised that you would come back to me; you broke your vow. How am I to go on without you?
--
Antiseptic and tired, I can't remember your face. Return...
--
As the years pass, I find that I cannot recall your face with the ease that I once could. Perhaps my memory of you has been blurred by my tears, or maybe age and time are overtaking me. Either way, I am deathly afraid that one day I will wake up and not be able to remember the teasing glint held in your eye as you joked with me or the special smile that you shared with me alone.
--
You were supposed to grow old, you were supposed to grow old.
Reckless, unfrightened, and old, you were supposed to grow old.
--
I am not as brave as I pretend to be. I am frightened of the future. I do not want to face the world alone...you were supposed to be here with me, by my side. We were supposed to raise our children together, laugh together, grow old together. I cannot do this by myself.
My world is empty without you, Faramir, Prince of Ithilien and the prince of my heart.
--
You were supposed to return.