a/n: so this happened. i got the idea of an almost famous-esk radio announcer thing in the 70s and this sort of just popped out and it was really fun to write. but i'm not from the 70s nor do i know anything about how radio shows work, so let's just pretend this is quality, alright? and thranduil is kind of weird but it's okay shhh
"Looooooookin' good tonight, Middle-Earth! Elven King here, and man do I have a bitchin' show for you this evening. Exclusive interviews, and announcements from… hold up - I'm not going to spoil the whole of it all for you right here right now, no. Where's the fun in that? So sit back and relax. Let the rhythm flow into your bones and heal you.
The wooden stairs creaked and groaned underneath Bard's boots as he stomped his way up to the second landing of their small bungalow. He grumbled under his breath as he toned out his mother's condescending voice.
"Don't you walk away from me, young man."
Bard huffed, and didn't stop. "Sorry Ma, but I'm exhausted and I've got an essay to work on."
"You can't just stay out hours on end, come home past dinner time and expect…" she droned on and on and Bard made faces. Thankfully, she was to his back.
"Ma, I've really gotta work on this, I'll talk to you later."
Finally reaching the sanctity of his own room, he was just about to close the door when he heard her call up one last thing. "And don't forget, you promised me you'd have your room clean by curfew tonight!"
Bard huffed, "Why do I even have a curfew, I'm 23 years old!"
"As long as you live under this roof, you'll have a curfew young man," her pitch raised about 3 octaves and Bard knew it was time to let her cool off.
"Take a chill pill, Ma!"
So maybe he shouldn't have slammed his door, but it was done now and he paced around his room trying to let off some steam. Bard loved his Ma, he really did, but she just didn't understand. She didn't understand his friends, his view on life, and his passion for music.
In a burst of rage, he kicked the leg of his desk, wincing at the dull throb it caused in his toe.
Well, it's not that she didn't understand his passion - his late father was a musician for Pete's sakes - but it was more the specific music he had found a passion for. Ah yes, the new "devil music" as she had taken to calling it like the rest of the po-ta-toe parents.
He just needed her to understand.
And Bard did have a good reason for being out so late, and not telling his Ma about it (if she knew why she'd never let him back out of the house). He'd skipped classes, having interview after interview for an internship at multiple rock magazines and radio stations, but none had either agreed with him or caught his interest. After today, it seemed like he'd be stuck doing something completely bland and academics related.
Bile rose up in Bard's throat at the thought. University was horrible. Fuck the man.
With a sigh, Bard collapsed back onto his bed and stared up at his ceiling. After lying in silence for a few moments, essay completely forgotten, Bard's rage had barely subsided. Irritation biting at him, he reached across his bed to grab the radio off his side table. Some tunes would mellow him out.
He flicked on the old box and static crackled through the speaker. Idly, Bard spun the dial in his fingers, flipping between stations of monotone voices and colourless music. There just weren't any good stations anymore.
Bard was about to give up and drag out his record player and hidden collection of rock vinyls when he stopped on a particular station. The smooth sound of electric guitar drifted into the room and Bard sighed at the comforting melody
"…'all that is gold does not glitter'…"
As the music engulfed him, Bard felt his hands start to shake and his pulse start to race. The radio dropped onto the comforter beside him and he reclined back, folding his hands under his head, letting his eyes drift shut as the rhythm flowed over him in waves.
Barely after the song had ended, another floated out of the box and Bard grinned. Now, this was a station he could get used to. Song after song played, all bands that truly understood the true essence of rock and roll, making Bard's heart soar at how they made him feel completely exhilarating. They took him to another place, un-worldly all together, impossible to describe, but only feel.
One of Bard's favourite songs had just finished and his skin felt alight with joy when a voice started to speak. Bard groaned and almost changed the station, expecting another fumbling and plastic poser to spew out something they thought would entice young people, but when he heard a vibrant tone he caught himself hesitating.
"…Ah, yes, always a classic, 'Not all those who wander are lost' by the Riddle of Strider. A personal favourite, I must add. Now, I know I promised all of you some mind-blowingly amazingly killer news earlier, and… it's almost time till I can let you know! Ah, don't wig out on me just yet guys, and stay stoked because trust me – it's worth it."
Bard found himself utterly captivated by the voice that filled his room. It was youthful, suggesting its owner could not be much older than himself, but it was deep and smooth like running water and it made Bard shiver. He was completely intoxicated by it.
"To be serious for a moment, there are some matters I have to address."
The comical tone was gone, replaced by one much softer that made Bard sit up on his bed and his ears to perk up.
"More specifically, a certain rumor that has been buzzing around about the studio…."
Bard was sitting on the edge of his seat, eagerly awaiting to hear whatever the rumor was about – actually to hear more of the excitement that he could detect bubbling up in the man's voice. Honestly, Bard had only been listening to the man for less than 2 minutes and he was already pretty sure he'd listen with rapt attention as the man listed off his grocery list.
"We had a totally foxy visitor earlier this week here at Mirkwood. A fellow from a little band some of you may or may not have heard of… Of course when The Company called me up, saying they wanted me to do an exclusive interview, I just simply couldn't refuse - I mean, how could I deny them of my beautiful self?"
Bard's shock over the new interview with The Company was momentarily diminished and he couldn't hold back his snort at the arrogant words, but his chest felt warm in a way it hadn't since he broke up with his girlfriend. God, Bard was pathetic, smitten with a voice. When the voice continued, his excitement picked up again.
"Luckily for all of you, I happened to record the conversation and since I'm in a generous mood, I guess I could play it… Or maybe we could just listen to few more songs first… Haha, I'm just joshin', I'll quit teasing. Here you have it, an exclusive with The Company's own lead, Thorin Oakenshield, who had a special announcement he wanted to share with you all, right here on Mirkwood."
There were a few moments of silence that felt like hours to Bard. Then the radio crackled again and the voice was back, this time it sounded a little tinnier and Bard could tell it was a recording.
"Welcome to the studio, Mr. Oakenshield, it's lovely to have you here."
Then the deep and husky voice of Thorin Oakenshield, star and leader of the hottest rock band in Middle Earth, came through the old radio. Bard had to calm his fluttering heart as his idol proceeded to speak.
"Thanks for having me. I was worried with the last minute call we gave you'd be busy. And call me Thorin."
"Busy? Any soul who turns Thorin Oakenshield down hasn't got their priorities straight."
"You flatter me too much."
"Oh no, I only speak the truth. How does it feel to be the hottest rock band in Middle-Earth?"
"Overwhelming in short. But no, the lads and I are truly grateful for all the love we're receiving, it's ace, really, and we're just so thankful to be able to share our love of rock and roll with you all. Because that's really what it's all about, you know brother."
"I feel you, I feel you. Humble and talented - I can dig it. Gunna start a new trend if you're not careful, Oakenshield."
"Haha."
"Speaking of hot, you've also been listed as one of the foxiest men by several major rock magazines."
"Oh no. Yeah… They're really not helping my ego at this point. I'm pretty sure I was ranked 3rd in best ass in one of them."
Suddenly, a shrill voice cut off what the voice was going to say next and Bard was immediately drenched with annoyance.
"Bard, who are you talking to, I thought you had an essay?"
"It's just the radio Ma, I'm working on it," he called back, trying to turn the volume up on his worn radio, but the dial was already turned to the max. When she spoke again, he growled in frustration.
"Are you listening to that sinful music again, what did I tell yo-"
"God, don't have a cow Ma, I'm not! I'm trying to do my work."
Thankfully she didn't respond, and Bard listened in again, hoping he hadn't missed anything important with his mother's heckling.
"…me Thorin, is there someone lucky enough to have you to themselves?"
"There may be someone I hold more dear to my heart than others… but he'd kill me if I spilled his name. Let's just say he's been able to tame me enough to discover something that's worthwhile."
"Ah, well. Though many fawning fan's hearts will be broken, we're glad to hear that you're happy."
"I am quite, thank you."
"Okay, I've got to ask – who's the biggest joker in the group?"
"Oh, Fili and Kili absolutely. Those two are always messing about, causing trouble – you don't find one without the other far behind."
"Kili I can see it – the devilish heartthrob, but I find that hard to believe about Fili – he looks so innocent!"
Thorin snorted and Bard belted out a laugh.
"Which only makes him all the more devious. He's fooled you all – he'll be quite pleased with himself. I don't look forward to hearing about it."
"Haha, he's made fools of us all then. So Thorin, you told me you were coming with an exciting new announcement, one you wanted to share here first."
"Yes, yes I did…"
There was a pause and Bard started bouncing on his bed in anticipation. Come on, spit it out already.
"Don't keep us waiting any longer, out with it man!"
Yes, Bard decided he definitely liked this man.
"Haha, alright, be still brother. So as you all know, The Company has been a little bit low key the past month, and there's been many rumors going about as to why that's been. And I'm here to end those rumors."
"At last – our pain is coming to an end!"
"Before I tell you why we've been hiding in the dark for such time, I'd just like to clarify – No, The Company is not breaking up. And no, not one member has died, I'm thankful to say. And we are all in good health."
"That's solid news to hear."
"Yes, it is. Anyway, so my announcement is on the matter of… new material."
The voice and Bard gasped in unison. Bard bit his lip and leaned closer to the radio.
"Don't yank my chain, Thorin…"
"I won't, I won't – that'd be just cruel at this point. Yes, we've been busy in the forge, banging away at a new album and it's finally complete."
"Woah. Tender news. Do you have a release date decided?"
"We're thinking within the next few weeks, probably mid-April."
"So soon?"
"Well we've had the idea for quite a while actually, so I guess it seems a little fast by the time we got around to announcing it."
"No worries. I can promise you, the lines will be blocks long at the record store."
"That's always the hope, ain't it."
"Can you give us any details about the album?"
"Well I can tell you it'll be our longest yet, and that it's very personal to us. It's about longing for a home, and that journey to find one - just like us, trying to find somewhere to fit in before rock caught on."
"Sounds like it'll be just as captivating as the last. Well, that was quite the news Thorin. I'm glad I got the chance to sit down with you finally."
"Well thank-you for having me. It's good to finally get the secret off my chest. It was hard to keep it, we we're real stoked to let everyone know."
"I'm sure it was. I don't know how you did it, what a weighty secret that would be. Anyway, it was a pleasure, Thorin, and I hope to see you back soon."
"Same. Keep on keepin' on man."
There was a click and the radio went silent for a moment marking the end of the interview. Bard let out the breath he didn't realize he had been holding, the shock still coursing through his body at the massive news.
"How unreal was that. But what more to expect than the most stellar from The Company - from their euphoric melodies, completely erotic in the colours they awaken inside any of their listeners…"
A shiver spiked through Bard, and his mouth hung slack at the way the announcer's voice seemed to drop an octave – something Bard had though impossible with how deep it already was – and grow throaty. The way the man's voice painted words was downright sinful and the tone wrapped around Bard like a blanket, making him entirely more heated than he should be listening to a radio show.
"…to their explosive announcements they really know how to keep the people pleased. As if that wasn't enough excitement for one show, I've got another surprise for you all, and this one is rad as hell. After the interview, Thorin was kind enough to gift me with a single off of their new album, Arkenstone: The Heart of the Mountain. But, unfortunately for you guys, it has now come to the end of our time together."
Bard's chest constricted. He desperately wanted the man to stay and drone on for hours – Bard would listen, whatever it was he decided to talk about.
"I know, heart break as usual. But I know you're all just buzzin' in your seats to hear this wicked new tune, so let me get out of your way. Here's a taste of The Company's new album, Arkenstone: The Heart of the Mountain, with 'Smoke and Ash'. Catch you on the flip-side elflings."
The new song, as expected, was mind-blowing. Bard sat in silence as the music wafted through the room, filling him up to his core and taking him on a ride that would change his soul. When the song finished, with one last impossibly low note, Bard sat in awe for a few minutes; trying to grasp the almost religious experience he had just gone through.
When he noticed a new voice was coming through the radio, he tried to continue listening but it was missing that something that the other voice had kept him so bewitched. Switching the radio off, he laid back in his bed, thinking over the end of the show he'd heard, his heart pounding at the thought of the man on the radio and his electrifying voice.
Maybe he'd stop by Mirkwood studios tomorrow – wherever that was – and try for a position there…