Man In The Mirror
Victims of a sudden impact are some of the hardest to treat. It's not just the collision that injures them, it's everything after, the centrifugal force keeps them moving; tossing them from vehicles, throwing them through windshields, slamming their internal organs into the skeleton, their bodies are injured over and over again. So there's no way to know how much damage is actually been done until they stop. You can't prepare for a sudden impact. You can't brace yourself. It just hits you. Out of nowhere. And suddenly the life you knew before is over. Forever. Meredith Grey; Suddenly
Meredith and Alex were on the way back to Seattle Grace Hospital. The ride seemed to last forever. It was dark and it was raining. Suddenly the ambulance slowed down noticeable and stopped after a few metres. "What happened to the engine?" Meredith wanted to know when the ambulance suddenly stopped and the driver opened the doors. "Don't know, I already called for another unit. However, since we're in the middle of nowhere, it's probably gonna take forever. I'll put cones outside and run back to a store or something half a mile back." He suggests they get out of the ambulance."I recommend that they leave the ambulance. "It's full of oxygen tanks. You should get out of the damn rig. If the ambulance get hit this will blow up like the roman candles."
"But what about the baby? She'll die." Meredith exclaimed. "We can't do that, there is not even a place for incubator and look at the weather. There's no way we can go outside with the 'll die." That was Meredith, Alex nodded in affirmation. The paramedic replied: "Do you wanna all die? We're on a hill and in a curve and you better hope that people will see them." Alex and Meredith look at each other, deciding to not leave the baby.
"We can't ..."
They can't understand them, the connection wasn't that good. In the OR it was perfectly quiet.
"... regulate her temp without the incubator." Alex said, his voice far away.
"Swaddle her so that she stays warm."
Arizona tells them what to do.
"They're sitting on a powder keg." That was Mark joining the upheated conversation about the well-being of two of their colleagues and family.
"What do you want them to do, flip a coin." Derek interjected, a bit snappy. He was worried, Meredith was in that ambulance. If they got hit, he didn't even want to think about it.
"At least one of them should get out." Mark suggested.
"We're not leaving the baby." Alex and Meredith heard everything they were talking about. And they don't want to leave the ambulance, not without the baby.
"Get out." Alex said, the phone still in his hand.
"Alex."
"There is no reason for both of us to get killed." He reasoned with Meredith-
"I am no safer in the middle of the damn road. If you wanna go, you go." Meredith objected.
They were arguing about which one of them leaves.
But before anyone could come to point everything happened in slow motion, at least it feels that way ...
... CRASH ...
Then there was a crash, silence followed in the OR as they lost the connection.
Then Jackson entered the OR, the phone still in his hand.
"Emergency Dispatch sent another embulance, helicopter wouldn't help, police are on their way, are we still on speaker?"
"Get out!" Alex ordered, he had the phone still in his hand. "Alex!" Meredith cried in horror. "Get out, there is no reason that we both get killed in the process." Meredith stared at him blankly. "But it is just as dangerous as to be in the middle of the road. I am no safer there." "Meredith, go. Leave the damn car." He shouted. "Alex, if you want to go, then go. I will not let that you fight your feelings of guilt by sacrificing you and you die so that I ..." Meredith never got to finish the sentence, for this very second it happened.
Some car had hit the ambulance with full force. It was unexpected. The impact was hard.
Meredith was abruptly from the seat thrown on which they had to been sitting, slamming her head against the incubator and simultaneously trying to brace herself against the impact when she got smashed in the opposite side. Meredith bumps her head into the incubator before falling to the ground as well while supplies fly all over the place. Alex was also thrown from his seat. They had no control over things. The ambulance spun out, crashed into another thing in the process ...
He had no chance to react, it just hit him out of nowhere.
He hit his head against a side door. A lot of material was thrown from his seat, it flew across the wildly fluctuating ambulance, the lights flickered wildly. Alex and Meredith were desperately trying to cling somewhere, to get a hold. "The baby." Alex yelled somewhere far in the distance, at least it was, what Meredith felt at that moment. Meredith was ejected from the impact back on the seat and then she finally came up on the ground. But the descent was not yet over, now it really started. The ambulance crashed slowly stumbling toward the flank of the hill and was finally stopped by a tree.
Then an impact and then silence. Only two seemingly unconscious figures were lying in the ambulance.
Derek, Arizona and Mark heard the bang, then the connection is lost. It just beeped. There was no signal. The line went dead. Dead. Shepherd, Robbins and Sloan stood as if paralyzed. Shocked, he stared into space. This could only mean that something happened to them, and nothing good: Someone crashed in the ambulance and it will most likely explode.
The only sound was the soft whistle of the ventilator.
Derek could not believe what he just heard.
He can't lose Meredith now, he can't. They just got back together. This can't be how they end.
He hoped that Meredith and Karev were still alive and they were unharmed. Meredith. Even if they both had made mistakes lately, he loved her and he was worried. He absently looked straight ahead. To look at the phone directed. Tut. Tut. Tut. Tut.
Jackson entered the operating room. "I justgot off the phone with emergency dispatch. They sent a replacement ambulance. It's on the way now but because of the storm it can take long before it arrives. The police are on the move, the helicopter would have needed any longer. Are we still connected with them or not, "Arizona said:" We have spoken with them, then there was a loud bang and now they're gone." She swallowed. "Avery." Mark said slowly, not taking his eyes of the neurosurgeon.
Derek couldn't think clearly. Everything was blurry. He still had a scapel in his hand. Mark and Arizona are both looking at him worriedly.
"Dr. Shepherd now puts his tools back and leaves the OR. The hard part is over, we guide you through the rest." Mark slowly said, watching his friend's features. He saw his face expression showing sheer disbelief and worry. As if he couldn't believe that this was happening again. Why does this always reiterate? Wasn't Callie's and Arizona's car crash enough? Why also Meredith and Alex and a baby? A newborn baby? The world just wasn't fair.
Jackson nodded without many words. "Derek," he urged his friend. Derek was like frozen, then he put the tools back and the head lamp he also decreased He tossed the gown in the garbage and left the operating room.
The ambulance finally came to a halt. It was below the road. Meredith had lost consciuousness due to the hard impact and the injuries. Alex sat up, squinting for a slight moment, trying to remember where he was and why it was so quiet. Alex was luckier than Meredith. He appeared to be unhurt, except for a bleeding laceration nothing had happened to him. The baby also excaped the accident unscathed. Only Meredith was hurt, she was lying face down on the ground, not moving. "Mer. Answer me."
There was no reply coming from her. She seemed to have caught the worst it, Alex realized in horror.
She was unconscious, had numerous cuts spread across the blood-covered face.
"Shit, damn." Alex yelled. This was bad. "Damn, Meredith." He had to get her out of danger, she and the baby. First the baby. He took the baby in his arms, disconnected it from the antibiotics and wrapped the baby in a blanket and took the bag with the infusion solution. It would have work like that, he glanced at Meredith before he stepped out of the ambulance, in his arms the baby and the oxygen tanks for the baby.
He opened the rear doors and stepped out in the rain. It was still raining which made the situation a whole lot worse than it already was.
Alex left the ambulance, the baby in his arms, Meredith still inside the ambulance. It was more than risky but the patient comes first. And stood there, shell-shocked. A crashed van, dead people lying on the street. Glass was shattered into hundreds of pieces. Then he heard someone climbing out of the van. A young girl, about sixteen. She stared at her dead relatives and then over to Alex.
"Why aren't you helping them, you are a doctor." She cried out. Alex felt his heart beat hollowly in the chest.
"Take the baby." He said. "What, no I can't." She stammered wide-eyed.
"You have to, listen, my friend is still in there and she's alive but not awake. I need to get her. There are oxygen tanks in there, it will explode. I will help your family as soon as I have her stabilized." Alex looked over to the blinking lights of the ambulance, then to the totalled van. "But I have blood on my shoe." The girl looked at her shoe that was covered in blood, she didn't seem to have realized what Alex had said. "You're in shock." Alex said, he felt sorry for the girl but he also worried about Meredith, how she can hold on without proper medical attention.
Alex decided to check on the girl's relatives, feeling for a pulse. The sister had one, it was faint but still there. He needed to get her to side of the road. Also, her brother was alive. But the parents and the grandmother was dead. They were DOA. Dead on arrival. The poor girl, she would never forget this.
"My parents and my grandmother are dead?"
Alex nodded in reply.
Lilly just stared at him in pure shock. "I know it's hard but you can't break down now. Your siblings, they are alive. Watch their breathing and bag the baby. One, two, squeeze. You can do it." "Lilly, is's Lilly." The girl told him, her cheeks tear-rimmed. "You can do it, Lilly. One, two and then squeeze. Count loudly so that I can hear you." Alex said reassuringly. Then he made his way over to the ambulance.
"Wait where are you going?" The girl called out, frightened. He sprinted back to the ambulance as the call of the girl stopped him.
Alex turned around and answered: "I need to check on Meredith, she's still in there." He pointed toward the ambulance whose front was held at its place a tree that was preventing the ambulance from rolling, only the back wheels were still touching asphalt. The rest of the car was in a tilt. He just hoped the replacement ambulance would be here sooner rather than later.
He had a bad feeling. That the tree wouldn't be able to take it anymore and gives way.
He rushed back to the ambulance that was still on the curve threatening to fall over the edge into nothing, calling Meredith's name frantically, hoping she was now awake and response. But there was nothing. She was still the way he had left her. He had to get her out of there.
The place was full of rubble, the rear lights blinked yet. The laceration on her head was yet bleeding profusely.
The front part was completely crushed. He checked her pulse and respiration. Weak, but ok. Pulse was faint as well. "I need a monitor." He muttered, and looked for the supplies, they needed to get out of there before something happens.
There were more injuries below the surface, he was sure of that. They needed to check that when they were in the hospital.
"No, no, no. That can not be true."
"Hey." Meredith whispered, who became slowly more and more aware of what was happening around her, even if she was still pretty out of it. Alex turned around when he heard the weak word coming from Meredith.
"Meredith, you're back. Thank God." Alex exclaimed. "You had me worried."
"'m sorry." She got out, had talking always been that difficult? She didn't feel any pain but that was probably just because she was in shock and therefore she didn't really feel the extent of her injuries.
"Where are we?" She asked. "In the ambulance. I need to get you out of here, this rig is full of oxygen tanks ..."
"... that can explode and we will blow up." Meredith finished his sentence.
Alex picked her up and carried her outside. Then after a look at Meredith he knew he needed something to monitor her. A cardiac monitor - they had one in the ambulance. He needed to get that one. He laid Meredith down, whispered a quick 'I'll be right back.' Meredith only nodded weakly, trying to breathe equally. Alex hurried, rummaging through the ambulance. Finally he got what he wanted. Then he came back with a portable monitor and ECG leads and electrodes. He connected her with it, now able to monitor her heartbeat and blood pressure which wasn't real good.
Then Alex desperately tried to explore the extent of her injuries.
"What happened?" Meredith wanted to know, her voice hoarse and raspy. She made an effort to even talk.
Alex cleared his throat. "We've had an accident, our ambulance was stuck on the 2 in the middle of the storm. Then some idiot crashed into us and we are trapped on the road, we need to get away from here. I hope that Arizona has a sent spare-ambulance." Alex laughed nervously.
"How are you feeling?" Was his next question.
Meredith never got the chance to answer Alex's question. Her breathing shallowed out over the next minutes and she she had trouble staying awake.
"Ow." Meredith coughed. "You okay?" Meredith could not answer, she coughed up blood. "Shit, damn, Meredith, stay calm." She nodded.
It was cold, and very dark.
The perfect situation for everything going wrong.
"Breathe. Breathe calmly." Alex was on the verge of panicking but he knew he needed to stay calm in this situation.
Shortly thereafter, she lost consciousness again and the monitor sounded the alarm. Cardiac arrest. Flatline. He made her chest free and began with cardiopulmonary resuscitation. "Meredith, please do not do this to me." Alex did CPR on her like crazy. After a few minutes a heartbeat reappeared on the monitor. He may needs to intubate but here's the thing.
It's just too risky, since they only have ET tubes and laryngoscopes in the ambulance. Why hadn't they thought about that in the first place.
Sinus rhythm.
He got her back. The baby and the girl and the her sister and brother - he needed to check on them."Hold on, Mer, I'll be right back." Alex said to the uncounscious stabilizing her by positioning her in the recovery position he went to check on the other he should look for a thermal blanket for Meredith, to help regulate her temp. To avoid hypothermia since he had no idea how long search and rescue's gonna need.
Arizona, Mark, Jackson and had finished the surgery. Derek leaned against the wall opposite the ORs and looked again nervously on his pager. On his cell phone in the hope that Meredith could have tried to call him. Nothing. There were no calls, no missed calls. Meredith hadn't called him. That doesn't have to mean anything, she can still be okay, Derek tried to tell himself but he didn't believed it.
The universe had screwed with them too many times.
All his hopes shattered in little pieces. Why does life keep doing this to them? Why?
"Derek." Suddenly a voice said his name. He looked up, seeing Hunt. "What are you doing there? Weren't you operating on that boy who mauled by a dog?" Derek looked up, despair in his eyes.
"They got hit." He said.
Now he had Owen Hunt's undivided attention. "Who's they?" He asked. "Meredith, Karev and a baby they were supposed to bring here for getting treated properly. And now they are dying because of that. Damn it." He shook his head. This has to be a really bad dream, a really bad one. Except it wasn't.
"This is just great, Teddy's husband just died in Cristina's OR, she'll never forgive me, neither of them will. And now you're saying tow of our surgeons are missing? This can't be true. Are they on the phone with emergency dispatch?"
"Avery was. He is now finishing up my part of the surgery since the tricky part is over and I am in no condition to operate. You have to tell Cristina."
"Can't. She's in OR 2, operating on Laura Lewis. Pedicle screw penetrated and teared her ventricle. They're about to put her on bypass." Owen said, dismissed him. "But there's something you gotta do. I mean, Cristina has a right to come to know what has happened. It has a great affect on both of our lives. You can't not tell her."
"I am chief of surgery and I call the shots. And you can't tell her, she'll storm out of that OR and without her and Teddy that woman dies. Do you want to be responsible for that?"
"No." Derek ran his hand over his face- "What if Mer's dead?"
"She isn't." Owen said, trying to be supportive. Helpful. He hated this. He needs to tell Teddy Altman about the death of her husband. That's his job and he knows she'll never forgive him for doing that to him. This was an awful situation.
Cristina sees Meredith sitting on the gurney, glancing at her phone. Cristina asks the question: "What did Janet say? Meredith?" Meredith answered with sadness in her voice: "We're not getting her back." Cristina didn't know what to say: "What do you mean? What exactly did she say?" Meredith said in tears: "That we're not getting her back."
Cristina looked at her person, couldn't believe what she was saying: "She said that?" Meredith answered: "She said that the court cancelled our hearing date, and when they do that, it means either one or two things. Either they look at our file and they love us and they're giving her to us, in which case they call Janet and they tell her that. Or... that they hate us and they're giving her to another family. And she didn't get the 'I love us' call." Cristina: "Well, maybe they didn't get around to it." She tried to cheer Meredith up but failed.
Meredith shook her head: "She said that we should move on. That's what she said. You wanna know her exact words, were, 'I think it's time that you and Derek start thinking about moving on.'" "Oh, how can they do that to you." Cristina said, shocked.
"Alex, you need to prep the ambulance for a neonatal transport. And take someone ith you. Hey, Grey." Arizina called over to Meredith who was still sitting on the gurney. "I am waiting for Derek." "Make it fast. A newborn's life is hanging in the balance. Come on." Meredith jumped up from they gurney and made her way over to the ambulance. She talked to Derek for a few seconds before the ambulance set off to the roads.
"Zola was our baby and she's gone. And I don't want another baby." Meredith said before she entered the ambulance that should bring her and Alex to Bentley Hospital to pick up a baby and bring it back to this hospital so Arizona can treat it.
Derek didn't know that this might be last time he sees his wife alive.
Derek starts confiding in Cristina: "Meredith didn't want kids. I pushed her... She opened herself up. Now I feel like I... I did this to her." Cristina answered reassuringly: "She wanted it, too. Or it wouldn't have happened." Derek answered helplessly: "She'll blame me... like I've been blaming her. We lost Zola and now if I lose Meredith..." He sounded desperate. Cristina smiled reassuringly: "She always comes back. She might need a minute to back away, but... she comes back." Derek looked after when she left.
Then Arizona came out of surgery. They had finished the surgery. The kid was on his way up to pediatric Intensive Care Unit, being monitored. "Have heard of them?" She asked, pulling of her scrub cap. "No." Derek said resignated. "Damn. We have to do something." She replied, worried. Worried about her colleagues and friends. "Yes, but what?"
"We have radio contact with the spare ambulance, perhaps, they know something specific." Arizona suggested. "What if they are not found? The car slid into the abyss and is completely destroyed?" Derek was desperate. Meredith can't be that injured, right? That isn't possible. He had all these worstcase scenarios in his mind although he didn't even know what the actual situation was.
He was worried.
They've lost Zola.
Now he is losing Meredith too.
Not as in her leaving him for good.
As in dying.
As in her heart stopping to beat.
This was a nightmare.
"I'm trying to reach Meredith." He dialed her number. He speeddialed it, hoping she would answer, she can't no answer. He stared at the phone, hoping this was just a nightmare he would wake up from. After some beeping, Alex Karev answered it. Relief flooded through his veins that at least one made it out alive. He hoped Meredith was okay too.
"Meredith?" Derek asked,hope in his voice.
"Derek, is that you?" The voice asked, the connection wasn't good, the line crackled. "Yeah, it's me, Arizona, Mark and Owen. How are you?"
"No, it's me, Alex. Look, someone crashed into us, we are off the road, we're in a ..." No one could understand what he was saying. "Put on speaker." Demands Arizona. A noise was heard. "Alex, you are still there?" "Yes, when does the replacement come and get us, I mean we really need it, here's another kid with shard of glass in her eye. She needs surgery as well as her brother." Arizona and Derek exchanged a worried look. But he hadn't said anything about Meredith. Mark and Jackson also came out of surgery.
"Are you hurt? How's the baby?" Arizona asked. "What about Meredith?" Derek cut her off. Silence. At the end of the line someone clear their throat. "The baby is alive." Alex said, glancing concernedly over to Mer who had her eyes closed.
"Hey don't sleep, stay awake, Mer." He said, shielding the receiver with his hand. She nodded weakly, trying to stay awake.
"The baby's unharmed, she's good although she started to develop pneumonia. There are three kids from the car that crashed into us, they're alive but we also have three DOAs. I am okay ..." He said, leaving one person out.
Three DOAs. That could mean Meredith was one of them.
No, Meredith can't be dead.
"How is Dr. Grey, Karev?" Derek waited nervously for his answer. No answer. Derek was fearing the worst. "Meredith?" He asked.
Before Alex could answer, Derek heard some noise in the background. Heavy breathing, a few painful coughs and a reassuring voice. Alex was talking to Meredith, while covering the receiver of the phone so that Derek couln't hear what he said but from what he heard it doesn't sound all too good: "Hey, I know it hurts but you gotta pull through, Mer. Derek's on the phone. He'll be here soon."
Derek felt his heart beat havily in his chest. "I love you Mer." He called through the phone, gripping it tightly.
"What is about Dr. Grey, Karev?" Derek asked, fearing the worst and hoping for the best.
"She ..." He got no further, the ambulance skidded toward her.
"What's happened, Alex answer."
Rubble and boulders rolling down dull down the slope. "Damn, we need to get away from here." Alex responded.
The girl looked up in panic, registering what was happening. "Oh, god." She shuddered, when seeing the ambulance skidding toward Meredith and ...
"Just squeeze and count." Alex' voice sounded far away. This was not good. Stunned, Alex saw the ambulance losing halt and falling onward. And dragging Meredith down with it. "Noo." He screamed loudly. His breath hitched. No. Then there was a bang, the ambulance had hit ground a few metres lower. But where was Meredith, why hadn't he thought about a safer place for her?
"Meredith." He said.
God, he was officially an idiot.
Also, the phone went dead.
He needs to look for Meredith, he has to find her.
It happened within seconds.
He was looking for his colleague, but he could never find it. The moment he heard sirens from above. He climbed up the slope with the baby, went missing and slipped. After a few meters he lay. The baby was his first thought. It lived, and was, thank God, unharmed. Once again, he started a try and this time he climbed the hill without contacting and slipping fail. He ran off into the dark street.
The car would not be seeing him soon enough.
Behind the curve he saw flickering lights. He stood in the middle of the street with raised arms, hoping that they would see him and waved his arms over his head to signal that they should stop.
"Stop." He called as loud as he could although he knew they wouldn't be able to hear him.
The lights came closer, the replacement ambulance turned the corner and stopped with screeching brakes, lights rotated silently over the trees. The hazard warning lights were turned on, a paramedic jumped out.
"What do we have?" Another professional asked him, eyeing him. "The baby needs to be treated quickly." Alex explained the whole situation. "What about the other doctor who was with in the ambulance?"
Meredith.
"She's missing, got dragged down by the ambulance." Alex answered. The medic nodded and took radio contact with the Seattle Grace Mercy West Hospital on: "What we need here is a medical team on the 2." It roared and crackled in the line. Alex needed them to start searching for Meredith. She was missing.