Okay, before you rant about the name, I wasn't actually clever enough to come up with a good name and the amazing people that helped me proof read this and encouraged me to upload it sooner than I wanted to helped me with the title. So yeah, shout out to my awesome friends, flashyfactor and BeBrave236 on Twitter for being so rad and supportive and they have no idea what's in store for them in reading this fic anymore than any of you who read it do. I wanted to tell you about Four in this fic; I felt compelled to explore a tender, more softer side of him because I bet he would become precisely this if Tris would have lived. If you have any comments or want to ask me anything about this fic, you're more than welcome to message me or through Twitter tinycophine because I'm in hella fandoms and I changed it. Enough talk and enjoy! (Or hate, because that's what's probably gonna happen anyways.) Lots of love and stay rad xo
A wail pulls me from slumber. I struggle to rub the sleep from my eyes single handedly. My other arm is being used as a pillow by Tris. She lifts her head - a small, light yellow tangled haze surrounds her face - without opening her eyes.
"I got it." I say thickly. I clear my throat. "Go back to sleep, Tris."
I get up slowly, not wanting to do it, but knowing I have to. Natalie needs me, and she could wake up Will. If she does, this will be a long night. I rush over to the next room, hoping to quiet down my beautiful daughter before she gets to her brother and, later on, to her mother.
"Hey, Natalie." I croon softly. She loves it when I talk to her like that. Immediately, her cries die down, and I see her struggling to find me in the darkness. "Daddy's here." I groan a little, a private joke for myself, because she isn't close to being heavy. "Come to papa." I don't need to fumble for her. Something as precious as her can't be messed with, and I hold her softly in my arms. "It's okay. I have you." I keep whispering, throwing love and protection and warmth onto her with just words. She's not squirming or crying anymore, and I smile. I walk out of her room, and head for the living room. I keep walking, cradling the precious, tiny baby in my arms. At least Will's not awake too. How do you handle two crying babies at the same time? I don't want Tris to wake up too much, so I'm the one to usually take the nights. I can feel Natalie settle into some sleep. I let out the smallest sigh; she didn't put up a fight. I also realize I won't need to walk around to lull her to sleep. My eyes begin to get drowsy. I can't fall asleep on my daughter. I walk over to the couch and lay her on my chest, near my heart. I put my hand over her. She rolls around too much, so this is a precaution to keep her safe during her sleep. I can never be 'too safe' for my children. Not when they're concerned. Before I know it, I'm asleep too.
I wake up to the sound of the frying pan hard at work. The smell of fried eggs wafts through the air. I grin, straining my neck to find her.
"Where are you, Tris?"
"Kitchen." A short reply. To others, it may sound like she's angry, but I can hear the smile in her voice. She's not angry at me; she's mocking me.
"What's so funny?" I play along. "Why are you laughing, Tris?" That's when she comes over, and before I know it, snaps a picture.
"Because you should see yourself." Tris is stifling her laugh, a hand over her mouth. She turns the camera to me, a gift from Caleb, and I see what's funny. I look like I got attacked by an angry bird - at least, my hair does. The curls look insanely tangled. I'll be needing a haircut soon. But that's nothing to how Natalie looks. She's too small in my arms, even for her age. Like a puppy. She rises and falls along with my chest as I breathe. I put my hand through my hair, causing Tris to laugh even harder. "Stop it, Tris." But I have to admit we look ridiculous. I change the subject quickly, putting the attention away from my horrible hair.
"Is Will up yet?" A shadow passes across her face, but it leaves just as quickly. I recognize it for what it is. Pain. Then her eyes light up. She nods, small tears escaping her eyes. They light up with not only happiness for having children, but they also shine with tears from the pain of not being able to share this joy with her parents or some of our friends. I can. Except I don't want to. I mean, I can't say Evelyn is a better person, but she's not bad. The thing is, if I take my kids to Evelyn, something tells me I'll have to take them to Marcus too. And I don't want my children anywhere near that monster. To me, he will always be that hollow man - the man who nobody truly knew who he was except for my mother and me. And Tris; after walking alongside me in my fear landscape.
"Well, go get him." I struggle to avoid a silence that will only make Tris sadder. "He could start crying." She nods again, both of us ignoring her tears. Maybe if we try hard enough, it'll be like they were never there. It doesn't work. I get up slowly, not wanting to wake up Natalie. I transfer her from my chest to my arms in one swift motion, and then sit up in the couch, contemplating on whether I should take her to her crib or if I keep her in my arms. It's not a complicated choice. Tris' eyes are still red when she comes back, but at least she's smiling now, and her smile widens when she sees me with Natalie. I'm playing with my daughter's hand, and when I put my little finger on it, she grips it tightly. I let her hold it, not wanting to disturb her sleep by pulling away my finger. I hear Tris laugh.
"It turns out Will went back to sleep. You should put Natalie down before we eat. She's better rested when she's in her crib. Plus, we have to eat breakfast before we get to work."
"I know, Tris, but I love holding her. Can't you tell?" Tris laughs more at my answer. But she's right. Natalie sleeping longer and I get to eat breakfast in peace all into one? I can't turn this golden deal down. "And how did you manage to beat me in waking up before me and making breakfast?"
"I didn't. You overslept." I look at her, wide eyed. "And before you get angry at me, Four, I'm gladly going to remind you it's our resting days. Our work today is to clean the house and take care of the kids."
I take Natalie to her room and set her down before she wakes up. "Okay." I grin, resuming the conversation. "Then let's enjoy breakfast." I sit down as Tris puts a plate piled with eggs in front of me. It's weird to think that we can eat all we want now. Even though the faction system has been eradicated, letting go of our previous beliefs is complicated. If it was hard in Dauntless, it's harder now. We get to choose what we eat; nobody tells us anymore. Besides burgers and cakes and muffins and some other select junk foods, we really haven't gotten to try anything else. Especially Tris – she spent less time in Dauntless that I did. For now, we enjoy simple food, like eggs and chicken. Uriah makes fun of us for being too Abnegation. We usually ignore him and feed him extra chicken just to make fun of him.
It's a competition. I finish eating before her; but before I can even pull off so much as a smile, two small cries emanate from the twins' room. I get up and rush to their room before Tris can look at me. Both Will and Natalie are officially awake. I sigh. In the past couple of months, I've been reminding myself to get used to my children's cries and other noises, because they've become more frequent and active. It's hard considering I'm never going to get parenting advice from my still alive parents. With almost two years of helping Tris take care of these babies, I still struggle when I hear them cry, or see Tris stressed out because they need to eat, or they haven't slept, or they need a shower. I want to help as much as I can, and be good at it too.
I pick up Will and pat him in the back. Natalie sees me and quiets down, but puts her arms up. I go to her crib, and since its morning now, she can see me without a problem. She's smiling at me when I put my arm out. I shift Will, and this way, I can carry both. Natalie climbs my arm, but I take my time, always cautious with my children. I sit on their rocking chair, and it groans with our combined weight. Well, it actually groans under my weight, but still. I'm not sure if they're supposed to eat now or go back to sleep, but Will's already settling on my shoulder and Natalie's gripping my other one tightly. I push my feet lightly, and we begin to rock back and forth. It's enough to put anyone to sleep.
Tris finds me rocking them back to sleep fifteen minutes later. "You left me with the dishes, Four," I know she's angry with me because she only calls me Four when she's angry, pretending to be angry, or when she's mocking me. And each time, I know exactly how she's using it. "And you know it was your turn to wash them today."
"They were crying." I sigh. "You know I hate it when they cry."
"You pamper them too much." Her voice softens.
"I'm sorry." I whisper.
"No, no, that's alright." She smiles widely. "Are they asleep again?"
"Maybe." I say slyly. "Why?"
"Just asking." She's about to grab Will when she looks at the time. "Oh, no!" She says it too loud, and covers her mouth. Too late. Natalie squirms and Will starts to kick. "It's because they're supposed to eat. I mean, I think they are. Remember how their doctor said they need to eat to get used to breakfast and wake up hours because of their age and…" She says it all so fast, in a hushed voice, tears peppering her eyes.
"Hey, it's okay. Tris!" I don't scream, but I am loud enough to get her attention. "We have to do this slowly, okay?" I look at her and she nods. "You're a great mother. You don't need to worry. Now, here's Will. Come on, let's do this together." Before she can speak – or cry, for that matter – I pass our son onto her arms and lead the way out of the room. I motion for her to put Will on the couch and I take care of them as Tris makes them cereal. I don't want to do that yet. I feel like I'll get it wrong. And I can; I could burn the milk, or mix the ingredients the wrong way, put the wrong cereal flavor.
While I wait for Tris to come back, I wake them up softly. I begin by tickling Will, the heavy sleeper. His giggles wake up Natalie, and soon all three of us are laughing. I make faces at them, and Natalie tugs at my curls while she tries to climb around the couch. Will falls onto the couch pillows and then does the same thing his sister is doing. I try not to yell as they pull on my hair. "Alright, you little monsters, I'm going to kiss you to death." I start to tickle them again, and soon, their bellies are exposed, and I'm blowing raspberries on them. Their loud laughter reminds me of the kids that ran around the Dauntless compound, near the Pit, where nobody bothered to look if they were safe or not. But here, they are safe; my children are safe because they are here with me. I kiss their noses and they laugh at the sound, so I start making noises again. I end up on my back, and Will is crawling on my stomach as Natalie refuses to let go of the curls. I turn from loving father into unexplored mountains, with high unclimbable peaks (my legs) and tickling monsters (my hands) at every corner. We're loud and joyous. This is what a family is supposed to be like. Not Marcus.
"Oh, God. Tobias, they could get hurt." Tris almost drops her cereal bowls as she finds us all sprawled around the living room.
"I'm not saying I'm not being careful, but stop overreacting, Tris. You know I won't let anything happen to them." I smile. And then groan. "Ow, Natalie, this is getting out of hand." She's attacking my curls again. "Tris, I think I need a haircut again."
Tris is laughing now, worry temporarily forgotten. "That's what you get for doing what you're not supposed to."
"Let's just feed them. I think Natalie wants to walk today." With that said, Tris and I sit on the floor, our legs crossed, while Natalie and Will crawl around, and come back to either one of us to get a spoonful of cereal. We're done feeding them with laughter and encouraging words that I ask Tris something. "I thought you would have your camera out, considering you're recording everything they do. Even when you're changing their dippers."
She gives me a shy smile, something I haven't seen in a long time. "Don't mock me, Tobias." But she gets up either way and runs for the camera. Just as quickly as she turns it on, and goes to video, Natalie does what I had a feeling she would do sooner or later. "Oh, God, Tobias, look." Tris says with tears in her eyes. And I wouldn't believe it even though I'm right here myself. Natalie stops, looks at her hands, and slowly starts to get up. Will looks at Natalie.
"Nana?" He asks. And she cocks her head to the side, her body language implying 'Why not?'
"Ill. Up!" She tells him. I laugh, proud of my children. They're having a conversation. I find it hilarious that Natalie refuses to say Will's name correctly.
By now, they are up, but they aren't walking; they're balancing. I look over at Tris. It seems she won't stop crying. Ever since our children were born, she's never stopped crying. I kiss her softly. "I love you, Tris Prior. Thank you for this beautiful gift." I gesture to our children. It occurs to me that I need to marry her now, and if I do, she won't be a Prior anymore. I'll be her family, and she'll be mine; just like that promise a long time ago. I'm suddenly grinning too broadly.
"Papa!" Natalie and Will say it at the same time. They hold hands, and together, make their way towards us. They begin slowly, uncannily aware that if they go too fast, they could fall. When I extend my arms, they've already tried to walk quickly. The living room is ever so big, but with them learning to walk, it will become something new. Unmarked territory, so to speak. They fall onto me like domino pieces, and Tris is both laughing and crying at the same time and all I can do it hug my children and kiss them and be proud of them. I'm not saying it's harder for Tris, but it's complicated. She needs time, so I'll give her some.
"Go kiss your mom." I tell them. "Hey, Tris? Could you pass me the camera?" She gives me a nod. They walk up to her and kiss her tears. It is both beautiful and agonizing, and I choke back a tear or two myself as I see Natalie and Will trying to understand what's happening to Tris.
"Mama?" Which just causes Tris to sob violently. "Mama!" Now they're all crying. I stop recording and hurry in putting the camera away. I come back to Tris kissing their foreheads with an immense ferocity.
"Okay, babies, I think you've stressed out your mother enough for today. You gotta go play in your room. Who wants to go first?" I don't even get to finish my question, because Will is already reaching for me. "How about we walk, huh?" He nods, smiling. He might have understood some of what I said. I put his feet on top of mine, and we're off. He's having too much fun by the time we get to his room that he doesn't want to get off.
"Papa, more!" He yells with delight, and when he looks up at me, I can't resist saying yes.
"Think we should go get your mother and sister?" I ask, but I'm already thinking of a way to cheer up Tris. Yes, our children make her cry, but more importantly, they make her smile and remind her of who she can become; for them, she can – and will – become anything. "Tris Prior!" I scream wildly and Will joins me by yelling 'Mama' every time I say her name. Back in the living room, Natalie has joined our crazy chant. Tris starts to smile, even though she's using a tissue to blow her nose and wipe her tears. "Tris Prior, how about we forget about the cleaning and talk about something more important."
"And what could that be?" She's mocking me now, again.
"These beautiful children of ours need some motivation to walk. So I say we put them on our feet and walk around. The first one to give up loses." I smirk, daring her to forget about our problems and concentrate on what makes us happy. Our family. I can see her thinking about it. "Oh, come on. Your family needs you. We need you. Right guys?" Some understanding gets to the twins and they both, miraculously, say yes. "You can't say no to these highly manipulative babies." I keep on smirking, enjoying how I can tease her.
"Alright. If you lose, you're sleeping on the couch for a week." She picks up the game pretty quick.
"And if I win?" I emphasize.
"Easy. You clean for a whole month."
"And how is that even a reward?"
"It's a reward because when you clean, you don't take care of the kids."
"Then I'd rather take care of the kids."
"Then you better hope I win."
"Not a chance."
I forgot we're all still in our pajamas, so Tris and I go around carrying the kids with shorts, tank tops, and socks. We spend the entire morning goofing around with the kids, and the only reason why we even stop is because someone knocks on the door of the house.
"I won!" Tris screams wildly. "Tobias Eaton is going to be sleeping on the couch for a week. I need to write this down!" Natalie squeals along to her mother's happy screams.
"We lost, Will. Can you believe we lost? God, we were so close." I laugh when I see Will's face. His mouth is in a perfect O. He's shocked. "Okay, little guy, we have to see who it is." I pick him up and groan. My back feels like it could break any second. But I was having so much fun, I'm only noticing now. "You got lucky, Tris. Saved by the bell!" I tell her as I open the door. Standing on the threshold are Uriah and Christina.
"You just woke up?" Christina asks, while at the same time, Uriah's confused. "Saved by the bell? What the hell is that supposed to be? Did we interrupt something?"
"No, we've actually been up for hours. We were playing with the children, and we lost track of time. Tris won this game we were playing because I was the one who answered the door."
"Who is it, Tobias?" Tris yells from the kids' room. "I need you to bring Will to me; he needs to be changed."
As if on cue, Will begins to look for Tris when he hears his name. "Mama?"
"I'll take you to her. I'll be right back. Come on in, you're in your house." But when I say this, I can't look at Christina. We'd decided the kids' names a while ago, but the last time Christina was here, Tris was still pregnant. It's not because she doesn't want to come often. It's just that because of her demanding job, she can't come as often as she'd like. Natalie's in a yellow dress that has a bubbly red print when I walk in. It reminds me of the Amity. "It's Uriah." I say, tense.
Tris smiles a little. "Why so tense? Is it bad Uriah is here?" Then she turns serious. "You haven't fought with him or anything, have you, Tobias?" She asks as she takes Will and begins to change his shirt.
"No, no, it's not that. And when we fight, it's us joking. It's never anything serious. But Tris..." I stop her midway of changing Will's pants. "Christina is here, Tris."
"But she never comes. And she calls when she does. Besides, her last visit was two years ago. I mean, I was still pregnant."
"I know, but she's here now."
"She heard me, didn't she?" Now I'm not the only one who's tense. She goes back to putting Will's pants on.
"Yeah, she did. But I couldn't look at her. We'll explain. She'll understand. I'm sure of it." I say this because I truly believe she will. Christina isn't one to hold grudges against Tris. They're too close as friends. And they've been through so much, their loyalty towards each other is unwavering.
Once we're all changed, including myself and Tris, and we head out to the living room, Natalie reaches for Uriah and he starts playing with her while Tris rushes to the kitchen and prepares lunch. I sit with Will, both of us feeling uncomfortable under Christina's stare. "Would you...?" I start awkwardly.
"May I?" Christina looks ready to cry, her eyes wide.
"Will? Be nice to Aunt Christina, okay?" I make a serious face, and Will is serious too. He nods, and I hope he understood me. "He might be heavy, but he likes to talk a lot. It's mostly just babbling, but he can get intense about. If he makes you uncomfortable, just hand him over to Uriah and carry Natalie. She's easy to carry. I'll be right back." I look back to the living room when I'm at the door of the kitchen. Uriah's on the floor, chasing a screaming Natalie around while Will is 'talking' to a shocked Christina. "I came to help you." I scare Tris. "Hey, are you okay?"
"Yes." She's making chicken sandwiches. That's something new. "Help me with the bread?"
"Yeah." We work silently and quickly. We can hear Natalie's giggles and Uriah's roars. Tris smiles, but she's still tense. "We'll be okay. I promise."
"I know. I just didn't think this would come so soon."
"So soon? She hasn't been here in nearly two years. And we would have had to face this eventually, Tris. I think this is the perfect time."
"Well... you didn't kill him."
"That has nothing to do with this."
"Yes, it does." She going to cry again.
"Stop." I say, a bit harsh. "Don't do this to yourself, Tris. I know this is hard for you, but I'm here with you, to help you through it. Don't do this, please." I kiss her hard, holding her face until she kisses me back. It doesn't take long. "Together, okay?"
"Thank you."
"You're strong." I smile at her.
"What's next? 'Be brave'?" A small smile is tugging up the corners of her mouth.
I grin. "Maybe." I put the finished sandwiches on a plate and help her build the rest. "Come on, we've got Christina and Uriah to feed." I take the plate of sandwiches to the coffee table near the window. Tris gets the chairs and I get the pitcher of water and some cups for all of us.
Uriah, same as always, begins to joke around. "Abnegation food again?"
"Shut it, Uriah. Did you come to eat, or criticize?" I tease him back. "Unless you want to cook?" That comment makes Tris fully smile.
"No, he would burn the whole house." Tris' sarcasm gets us all to laugh. Well, all of us except for Christina. We have to keep talking. I don't want to keep this terrible silence going.
"Yeah, and if you burn the house, we're would we live?"
"Hey, Four, not that I want your house to burn, but you're kinda insulting me here. If I do burn your house, you can come live with me." Uriah says that like it's no big deal, but I can hear the sincerity in his voice; I couldn't be happier to have a friend like him. He keeps talking. "Umm, Four, your daughter keeps saying something, but I've got no idea if it's good or bad." I smile, because the only person who calls me Tobias is Tris. Everyone else finds it hard to do it, so 'Four' has stuck around.
"What do you mean?" I walk over to him as I see Tris walk over to Christina. Apparently, Will started asking for her. "Did she cry or something?"
"No, but she just says the same words over and over." Natalie's standing up on Uriah's legs, but she moves around until she's sitting.
She points at me. "Papa!"
I laugh. "Yeah, that's me."
"Calm down there, Four. Your smile's getting too big for your face." Uriah's jokes and teases never stop. I ruffle his hair and push his head lightly. He laughs, which causes Natalie to laugh too.
"Nana." After she stops laughing, she points at herself and says her name. Will nicknamed her well. I grin as I understand what she's doing. Thanks to Tris, my kids are too Erudite. Oops, I'm not supposed to think like that anymore. It's hard to let go. I'm about to explain to Uriah what she's doing, when she points at him. "Uuh." I chuckle, but she's not done. "Ra!"
Uriah gets it then. "Oh. She's saying our names! Is she trying to say mine too?"
I nod and call Tris. "Hey, Tris, come here. Natalie's got something to say. Oh, and get the camera!" I says as an afterthought. Tris, Christina, and Will – in Christina's arms – come to us quickly. "Listen to her."
At first, Natalie's shy. We're all gathered around her. Tris is about to turn off the camera when Natalie starts to talk. "Papa." A tiny finger points at me. "Nana." She points at herself. I hear Tris gasp. I wrap my arm around her waist and kiss her forehead. "Isn't she wonderful?" I whisper to her. Tris nods. Everyone else, except for Will, who has no idea of what is going on, is staring at Natalie in amazement. "Wait for it..." I tell Tris. Natalie finally points at Uriah. "Oh, God." I hear Tris' voice shake. "Uh. Ra!" Natalie grins.
It comes out sounding like 'you are' but Uriah grins and lifts Natalie above his head. "Yep, Nana, that's me!" Then he starts tickling her again. Too much laughter is making her cheeks turn pink. I look at Tris. She's crying again. I'm going to pretend it's the post-pregnancy hormones. The doctor told me that Tris could still be sentimental and emotional a couple of months after the pregnancy. It would wear off. I'm still giving her time. She can do this on her own, I know she can. She turns off the camera and goes to put it away. Uriah's frowning, but not for long. Natalie keeps him busy.
"You're going to eat?" I ask Uriah, to speak over the silence.
He shakes his head. "No, this kid of yours demands too much attention." He sets Natalie on the ground and she crawls to the couch. "Though I'll eat afterwards. Thanks, Four."
"Hey, Christina, are you going to eat?"
"Yes," she answers in a distant voice. Then she snaps out of it. "Are you going to eat, Will?" Her voice catches, but Will grabs her face between his little hands and looks at her straight in the eye. "Will?" Christina's voice cracks. He's still grabbing her face, but he turns to me.
"What?" I ask him.
"Who?" He ask me in return.
"Oh, that's your Aunt Christina." I tell him, as I sit next to them in the couch.
"Tina?"
"Aunt. But, yeah. That's her name." Will takes his hands off her face. I smile. My kids are full of surprises today. I'm used to them talking, but not this much. I remember their first words. I cried more than Tris that time. Christina is smiling but crying at the same time. "Oh, no, not you too."
"Thank you." Christina tells me, her voice broken, ignoring the tears that keep running down her face. "Thank you so much. He's beautiful. And so much like my Will. Thank you and Tris." Tris comes over and sits next to me.
"I couldn't figure out a more perfect name for him."
"You're right," Christina says, finally wiping away her tears from her eyes. "It's fitting."
"Well, I could have also been Erudite, so yeah." Tris jokes.
"See, this is why the kids are too smart, Tris. I thought they would come out throwing knives but instead, they come out talking." Uriah and Tris laugh at my comment, and Christina cracks a smile.
"They should be eating burgers and muffins and pie, not chicken. I say they're too Abnegation." Uriah laughs again.
"Shut up, Uriah." I mock back. "Besides, there's nothing wrong with that. I mean, we now have this freedom of talking however we want about anything we want." I say, feeling that we'll soon all ease into a conversation. "It doesn't matter if the kids are Dauntless, or Abnegation, or any of the others, for that matter. They can be all of them, or none of them. That trouble is long gone." We stay silence for a while, but it's not awkward or weird. It's the kind of silence that promises thinking, and pondering.
Will squirms in Christina's arms, and she sits him down. We all watch as Will and Natalie crawl and go after each other. It's Christina that breaks the silence. "Aren't you curious?" She looks at us. "I mean, like, of where they would belong? Or if they would've turned out Divergent or not?"
"I admit I am," says Tris. "But I wouldn't want to put them through a test or anything of the sort. I wouldn't want them under any serum. Especially since they are so young."
"Even when they're older. I wouldn't want them to do the test." I say. They all turn to look at me. I look at the kids. "Unless they are willing." I don't want to admit I'm scared of what the results would tell us; what with my broken genes. "I wouldn't want to make that choice for them. I would ask them first."
"Right. You wouldn't want to push that into them. They should have a choice. A choice we never had. And either way, they can choose who they are without the necessity of the test. That would mean we're choosing for them, or limiting their choices. They should be free to choose what they want." Tris agrees with me. I nod softly at her, giving her half a smile.
"Well, if they're willing to do it at whatever age you think is good, I could set them up. There's a lot of serum left, from the old days. It's still useful. We're testing anyone who wants to be tested. Many factionless – I mean." She blushes. "Umm, many people are getting their children tested and some are Divergent. Not everyone, of course. But enough. We're healing slowly."
"Do you think Divergence is still considered dangerous?" Uriah asks.
"No, they're considered to be good." She assures him. "Some people still dress in colors, but most of us mingle. Except for the Abnegation." Christina gives us a look. "They still wear grey. And they still disappear."
"It was expected, don't you think?" Tris says, a little defensive. "They always kept to themselves. It will take a miracle if you want change now. It will take them a long time to realize times are different."
"You guys could talk to them." Uriah suggests quietly.
"Us!?" I say a little too loudly. "Why us?"
"Because you were Abnegation." Uriah says that matter-of-factly.
"Great reason, Uriah." I say, laying the sarcasm on thickly.
"Look, if anyone can lead the Abnegation to change and be part of the community we all are, it's you guys." Now he's trying to be reasonable.
"They think they'll be targeted. I think they're scared." Christina says softly.
"I think they have a right to be. Look, we ourselves say we're open minded, but we're still hanging on to our old beliefs. Imagine how everyone else is." I say a little grudgingly.
"That's true. But isn't it selfish, the way they're acting? They refuse to join us, in this change. They're being selfish by sticking to the old system." The way Tris says it, you would think she was disappointed in the Abnegation. But she has a point. They are being selfish.
"Use that." Uriah says quickly. "It could work."
"But if only a few people understand it, they will be viewed as selfish in turn. We don't want to split them up. We want them all to come. Or at least, most of them. Some people are still thinking of this city as factions. The ones who are truly happy about this are the Amity. Or, you know." Christina argues. "They've even stopped wearing their colors and they're the ones to encourage others to do the same."
"I'm actually comfortable with that. After the time in the airport, I stopped thinking colors meant anything. But I'll admit I still cling on to black. It means freedom for me." Tris says simply. I grin at her.
"It does for me too. But I find it hard to wear something other than black." I tell them. Uriah laughs.
"It's kinda funny to watch you struggle with that." He smirks. "I don't mind it. I mean, the color change."
"Me neither." Christina says.
"Before we go all political on each other, how about we eat?" Tris suggest, and we all laugh, back to the old days.
With Uriah's help, I pull out more chairs so we can all eat together at the table. "I'll get the kids." I say once we've set up. I notice I'm followed by all three of them to see how the kids do. "Hey, Will? Natalie? We've got to eat. Mama's made some food for all of us." I see them trying to climb the couch, but it's still a little too high for them. Their hands barely make it to the pillows. I hear Christina chuckle behind me, and Tris is joining her. Will turns to me and pulls on Natalie's arm.
"Papa."
"NO! Ill, up!"
"Did she just...?" Christina asks while Uriah joins Tris in laughing.
"She did." I confirm.
"Papa!" Will says again. "Papa, papa!"
"Hey, break it up, over there." Uriah jokes.
"No, no, no." I see Natalie got Tris' stubbornness when it comes to an argument.
"Papa, papa." Will doesn't give up easily either.
"Just go get them, Tobias." Tris isn't laughing anymore, she sounds a bit edgy. "Before they get hurt."
"They won't get hurt." I tell her.
"Papa!" Will says angrily. He lets go of the couch and walks towards me.
"I didn't know they could walk." Uriah's surprised.
"They learned today." I say proudly. "Come here. Be careful, now." I guide Will towards me and the dining room. In the last couple of steps he runs to me, scared he'll fall. "You were amazing." I tell him. He smiles shyly. He has Tris' smile. I kiss his forehead. "Go with Mama. I'll get Nana, okay?"
"Okay, Papa!" He grabs on to Tris' hand as they walk into the dining room.
"Nana, come on. We have to eat." I turn around, prepared with having to convince Natalie to come with me, but Christina and Uriah beat me to it. It's needless to say that Natalie loves the spotlight, something she must have gotten from our ancestors, because Tris and I are not like that. Uriah is encouraging her to walk faster while Christina holds out her arms. I see them, and if Natalie weren't my daughter, I would think she was theirs. But the blonde hair and deep blue eyes betray the scene. Both Christina and Uriah have dark complexes. Natalie takes her time to get to Christina, and she makes it look like she's been walking for a while now, even if she's just learned how to today. Once she's in Christina's arms, we all go the dining room.
Uriah asks to feed Natalie. We're about to sit Will next to us when he asks for Christina. "An Tina, papa." I grin.
"Yeah, okay. But we have to ask her first."
"Hey, Chris –" Tris is about to ask when Will puts his arms out and Christina nods as she takes him. Once everyone's got plates, we all go to different parts of the living room to eat. "Is it weird that I'm happy my kids aren't eating with me?" Tris ask shyly.
"Not at all. I mean, for one, we're eating in peace. And they're our friends. They're with family." I smile widely.
"You're right. Let's eat." Tris grins. I bite her sandwich and she chuckles. "I meant our own food."
"Of course you did."
Uriah and Christina don't want to leave until the kids are sleep, which takes quite a while. By the time they are in their cribs, it's dark outside, and Tris insists that our guests stay. They both try to say no, but knowing how stubborn Tris is, they give in at the end. We offer Christina a bed in the guest room, until Uriah tells us some amazing news.
"We've been kinda hiding something from you guys." Uriah says while he puts an arm around Christina's waist.
Tris temporarily forgets the kids are sleeping and screams with joy. "Oh, God! That's amazing! Why did you hide it from us?"
"Tris, the kids." I say in a whisper. "I'll go check on them."
"Yes, do that." Tris is Tris again, the one cheering for Christina during initiation. "Christina, I'm so happy for you." She squeals as she hugs Christina. Uriah follows me.
"Who would have thought that it would be us taking care of the children instead of them?" He tells me sarcastically.
"Yeah, who would have thought?" I mock in return. "I actually like doing this. Tris is still sentimental. According to her doctor, her past could be messing with her. Or something like that. I'm supposed to let her be."
"I can see that you are. Is it hard?"
"What?" I ask as I open the door to the kids' room.
"Putting up with the mood swings and the cravings and stuff?"
"Why do you ask?"
"Christina wants kids too." He walks over to Natalie's crib to check if she's asleep while I check Will.
"It's not hard. Well, not if you feel like you're ready. And if you also want the kids." I tell him. In a sense, I'm wrong. I wasn't ready for Natalie and Will. I did want them, but it was a surprise when we got to the doctor and he confirmed we were going to be parents. That day was possibly the greatest day of my life, because we had created life. Tris and I had done that.
"Well, I do want some too. Ever since I saw you kids. They're so adorable. But I'm not sure I would be a good father."
"You will be. You'll teach them not to be pansycakes." I chuckle. Tris' screams didn't wake up our kids. "And how to throw knives." I cover them with their blankets again – they roll around in their sleep too much – and we go back to the girls. We're laughing and Christina and Tris are sitting on the couch when we go back. Christina's candor is showing, because she's moving her hands a lot as she talks. Tris is listening with intensity.
"Well, I think you should try that." I wonder what they were talking about. "Oh, you're here." Tris smiles at me. "In which case, you guys should sleep well in the bed." She blushes a deep red. "Um, Tobias and I will be in our own room." I smirk.
"What are you thinking, Tris Prior?" She's still blushing. "I hope you're not implying anything with that sentence." Uriah and Christina get it then and start laughing. Which just makes Tris blush more. She still a bit new to the whole intimate thing, so talking about it makes her feel weird. I hug her and kiss her forehead and she hides in my shoulder. "Rest well, guys." I tell Uriah and Christina, who nod and leave to the room, chuckling.
It was Tris' idea to get a second bed in the spare room of the house in case of an emergency. I see that she was right. Not that many people visit us, but there's so many people nowadays that need hospitality. Kindness is not so easy to come for them. Christina and all the others who volunteered to help are working hard to change that, but for the time being, they wander the streets. Tris says we must provide help. It turns out I'm still working on kindness.
I wake up to a crying Tris. She's still dreaming. I shake her to wake her up, but it's not use. She's groaning, trying not to scream. I start to worry. "Tris. Tris." I say her name more urgently the second time. "Tris!" I shake her hard. She has to realize it's a nightmare. She gets these three times a week. If she's lucky. "Hey, Tris, it isn't real! Tris!" That rattles her. With a final whimper, she shudders and slowly opens her eyes.
"Oh, God, Tobias!" She kisses me intensely.
"It's okay. It's just a nightmare." I tell her softly.
"I know. I know."
"Do you want to talk about it?"
She shakes her head. "Could you...?"
"What do you want? Water?" Now she nods. I get up, and run to the kitchen. It's not even six in the morning. I don't see the sun. If it wasn't for the fact that I know my house fairly well, I would have fallen several times over. I take a pitcher and a cup. It's after she drinks that she talks.
"I was lost. And I could hear the kids crying. But I couldn't find them. There were mirrors, like a room full of mirrors. Mirrors everywhere, but it wasn't me staring back. It was Jeanine, and she was me, or I was her, I don't know. Tobias, I couldn't find them. And they kept calling for me. It was like I had turned into Jeanine, and all I could do was look into the mirror and smile while my kids were crying. I couldn't do anything. I was losing myself by turning into Jeanine."
"Hey, it was just a dream. Only a dream." She's starting to calm down. But I could imagine how my mind would scare me with a nightmare like hers. Marcus would be the one staring back at me from the mirror. I would be terrified. "Don't worry, your family – us, your family – we're here for you. And if you lose yourself, I will find you. We will find you. You don't need to worry. Your family is here, you are here. We're not going anywhere. And you are definitely not leaving us." I kiss her forehead, her cheek, her nose, her mouth. She relaxes onto me. We go back to sleep.
When we wake up much later during the day, Uriah and Christina have us beat in feeding the kids. Tris' nightmares usually drain us of energy, but I somehow manage to wake up to feed everyone. Apparently not today.
"Hey." Tris whispers.
"Morning." I grin.
"I think I'll like Uriah and Christina to come more often." I laugh, a solid sound vibrating around the room. "If it means we get to sleep in, I'm more than happy."
"But they're our kids, not theirs." I tease her.
"Are we allowed to just forget them for one second and lay here for a little longer?"
"If you want to, okay." I put my arm under Tris' head and she snuggles closer. Her fear of being close to me in the most innocent of ways is wearing off. I'm so proud of her. My other arm brings her closer. "What if I asked you that I want to have a whole day to ourselves?" I say sheepishly. I know she will probably say no, but she looks like she's in a good mood.
"I like that idea." She pauses, thinking about it. "The kids?"
"Christina and Uriah." I answer simply. She grins widely.
"Then it's settled."