Watch Me

A Red Light ep tag

CM fanfic

Reid K+

©mccabebabe (Reidfan)

Special thanks to my anonymous friend for the insights into PTSD; to Droogie for Irish sounding names; and as always, to Aut for dropping everything else to beta read and fix as required.

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"Do not underestimate the determination of a quiet man." –Iain Duncan Smith

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"You should've seen it, Emily," Jennifer Jareau enthused as she reported to the Unit Chief. "Cat pretty much told him that they were the same. The same, Emily. As if! She said that he'd crossed that line into psychopath like her, and that there was no turning back."

The two of them walked side by side towards the roundtable room where the other members of the team awaited them.

"Yeah?" Emily prompted.

"He took a couple of strides towards her, practically ripped his watch off her wrist and shoved her hand back at her," JJ was relishing the memory as she recounted it, "And then he dropped down to her level, eye to eye."

Emily stopped in front of the conference room door causing JJ to halt as well as they locked eyes.

"And?"

JJ's voice dropped to almost a whisper. "Then he stared at her, Emily, that glare. He looked her right in the eye and said, 'watch me!'"

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"Can you tell me about your feelings when she said that, Spencer?"

Reid's psychologist sat back in the armchair. He was seated across from her in its twin, having opted not to lie down. Dr. Flanagan had noted his choice on his chart and now listened attentively as he told her about his verbal altercation with Cat Adams.

"Part of me was mad," he told her honestly. "I mean she had my defenseless mother kidnapped! And when her plan didn't work out like she wanted, she gave the order to kill my mom." He paused for a moment, then lifted his eyes and made eye contact with Dr. Flanagan.

"She was right, though, Doctor. I—" his eyes cast downward again, "I liked hurting those men."

"Why?"

"Because they hurt me. And they killed Luis," he whispered. "And I wanted it to stop."

"Wanted what to stop, Spencer?"

"All of it," he started, "The beatings, the drug running," he swallowed hard and continued, "and the fact that I was starting to act and think like them."

"And you felt-?"

"I was scared. Scared of becoming like them. Scared of them like Luis was. But scared I was gonna become the next Frazier or Duerson." He took a deep breath and met her eyes with his own, "Scared that Cat is right, I am like them."

"But you're not," she led.

"I want to think that. I mean, JJ said she would've done whatever was necessary to survive. She would've done the same thing."

"The fight or flight response is strong in us, Spencer. You were in a position where flight was impossible."

He considered this for a long moment and then nodded his head in agreement.

"I wanted to kill Cat, Doctor Flanagan. I lost it thinking she'd just had my mother killed."

"But you didn't," Dr. Flanagan reminded him gently.

He sighed. "No, I didn't." He paused thoughtfully, "I couldn't. It's—it's not who I am."

Dr. Flanagan nodded and made some notes and Reid took the opportunity to sip some water from the glassful provided.

"We've already determined in your previous visits, Spencer, that you have nothing to be ashamed of or to feel guilty about from your time in the prison."

He nodded again as he watched Dr. Flanagan flip through her notes, make some additional ones and then look up at him.

"Would you like to see Frazier and Duerson prosecuted for the murder of Luis Delgado?" Dr. Flanagan asked.

Reid's brow furrowed as he thought, that came out of nowhere. After taking a moment to consider, he answered her, "Yeah. Yes, I would."

"And would you be willing to testify in court as to how it happened?"

"Why wouldn't I?" he countered, genuinely puzzled. Dr. Flanagan wrote a few more notes, then asked,

"Are you still having nightmares, Spencer?"

"Yeah, but it's no longer several times a night. Or even every night," he managed a tiny smile.

"That's good. Good. The relaxation exercises are helping?"

Reid nodded. "I've been doing the deep breathing you suggested, and Grace suggested chamomile tea. It helps me get calm and relaxed."

"Well that is very good news," she replied, making more notes. "I have one more question for today, Spencer. Do you think you're ready to go back to work?"

He smiled, met her gaze and said, "Watch me."

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"He was so cute when he was little, Grace," Diana told her caregiver enthusiastically. The two women were sitting side by side on the sofa. Diana had her scrapbook spread open on her knees and Grace had brought a tray with tea and cookies, which sat on the coffee table in front of them.

"He was blond when he was very young," Grace noted aloud.

"Yes, he was," Diana agreed, running her finger along one of the images of her son as a toddler.

"When did it become apparent that you had a little genius on your hands, Diana?"

"He was always so bright. Learned to read just about the same time he learned to talk. By the time he was off to school, he was already reading the Classics."

"A five year old reciting Proust?" Grace prompted.

"Oh," Diana smiled, "Not just reciting. He could carry on a conversation about it with you." She reached for a cookie and nibbled on it, then picked up her teacup and took several sips before setting the dainty china back down on the table and reclaiming the scrapbook from Grace's lap.

Grace chuckled, "Sounds like a delightful child."

Diana spent a moment flipping through the pages of the scrapbook looking for a particular photograph. She tapped the picture several times and lifted the book to place it back on Grace's lap.

"Here. Before he was a child prodigy, he was a high wire artist."

A surprised Grace asked, "A daredevil?"

"He wanted to be," Diana laughed. "He'd practice on the fence behind the house. Scared the daylights out of me several times. But I'll never forget the first time. He came into the kitchen, I think I was baking something, and he wanted me to come outside with him."

She smiled at the memory and Grace couldn't help but share the smile. "We walked out into the yard together and he ran ahead and climbed up on the fence." She laughed at the memory.

"And then he called out, Watch me!"

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"Thank you Garcia, I'll take it from here," Emily told her, as the BAU team sat assembled before her in the round table room. She stood up and anchored their discussion about the case Garcia had just presented. A few minutes later Prentiss was interrupted by the sound of her cell phone.

After checking the text message, she looked at her team and told them, "I'll be right back."

David Rossi took a long sip of his coffee and reacted to his own cellphone sending him a text alert. He looked at the message and smiled, then gestured to the others, waving the phone back and forth.

"Morgan. Says he's gonna be a better friend and keep in touch more regularly."

JJ leaned forward to ask, "How's Hank Spencer doing?" and, pulling out her own cellphone, gave it a dirty look and added, "And why isn't he texting me?!"

"It's not that, JJ. He just asked if 'it was done' yet?"

"If what was done?"

"That's what I'm wondering too," Rossi answered and he tapped a text message of his own.

Next to him, Luke Alvez and Tara Lewis laughed. Garcia was tapping away at her laptop and Stephen Walker looked up from his own phone just as the door opened and Emily Prentiss walked in, with Spencer Reid right behind her. She had her black leather purse hanging over one shoulder. He was neatly dressed in a suit and tie, and had a visitor's badge hanging from his belt.

"Spence!" JJ immediately rose to greet him, enveloping him in a hug that he returned. The others all rose to welcome their friend and after a few moments, Prentiss indicated they should all sit down.

Reid gave her a puzzled look as she held onto his arm when it appeared to her that he was going to sit down as well.

"All right, everyone," Emily began, as she stepped around Reid to stand on his left. She waited until she had their rapt attention then leaned forward and took the visitor's badge from Reid's belt.

His eyebrows rose as their eyes met.

"Spencer Reid," she began, as she dropped the visitor badge down on the table and rifled through her handbag, quickly drawing out several items. "I hereby reinstate you into the Behavioral Analysis Unit, Federal Bureau of Investigation. Supervisory Special Agent, Dr. Spencer Reid," She affixed his ID badge to his waistband and stepped away for a moment, then offered a handshake which he accepted.

"Your credentials, and your sidearm," she declared, returning those items to him. Applause sounded from all around the table and Reid fielded several rounds of 'welcome back' and 'missed you' as well as handshakes or hugs all around.

Emily sighed happily. Standing next to Reid, she announced, "We have a case, team." She touched Reid's shoulder and said, "Are you coming with us? Are you ready?"

He smiled at them all, and gave Emily a determined nod.

"Watch me."

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