Summary:

Like the movie She's the Man, but doesn't follow storyline exactly. Jasper and Alice want to get married, so Bella and Rosalie have to fill in for them. Things get more complicated when they start falling for classmates Edward and Emmett.

Disclaimer: Obviously not Stephenie Meyer…. I don't own her characters, either, so….

Chapter One: The Plan

I was just lounging around on the lawn, enjoying one of the last days of summer winding down to the school season, when I was conscripted into the hapless and doomed scheme. Totally unaware of what was coming, I was contemplating giving my best friend, Rose, a call, when an easily recognizable car pulled into my driveway with a screech of tires. I jumped about a foot in the air. My other best friend, Alice, hopped out of the car, unperturbed as usual to her characteristically ostentatious entrance.

She unfailingly spotted me and made a beeline straight for me. "Bella!" she squealed. Instinctively, I backed away from her enthusiastic advance. How could someone even more vertically challenged than me move so quickly?

A small but unstoppable force interrupted my musings. Alice was squeezing me around the middle as if we'd been apart for years instead of hours. She had slept over here just last night. I self-consciously patted her frantically bobbing head, unsure of what brought this attack on. "Um . . . hey, Alice. What's happened in the past . . . let's see . . . two hours?"

"What's happened?!" she screeched. I winced, wishing I could somehow dampen Alice's happiness. It would be a lot easier on my ears. And my ribs. Ouch.

Finally, she released her death grip and danced away from me, screaming something incoherently to the sky. "What?" I asked with the ease of long familiarity with this type of situation. Although she had released me, it seemed my ears were still to be subject to torture.

She came at me again, and I regretted my innocent query. Alice got right up in my face and yelled, "I SAID JASPER PROPOSED!"

I gaped at her, momentarily stunned, all my awkwardness long forgotten. "He . . . did?" They had been together for two years, but I hadn't anticipated anything like this until they both had graduated high school at least. But her elation was contagious; I could feel an exuberant smile forming on my face even as I spoke. "That's great!"

"I KNOW!" Alice's voice no longer seemed amplified tenfold; it was just appropriate under the circumstances. My happiness only seemed to exacerbate her own, if that were possible. We were both hopping up and down like idiots now, laughing giddily.

But then reality caught up to me. The drunk-on-happiness feeling was leaving me as soon as it had come. I stopped bouncing. "Alice," I said hesitantly, "what about school? And your parents? And Jasper? He's transferred to that overnight school with Taylor, remember?"

She stood immobile as well. Discomfort was etched on her face. "Taylor and Nicole are getting married as well. I have a solution . . . but you may not like it." She shifted uncomfortably. "We want to be married as soon as possible."

"How can you do that?" I demanded. "A wedding takes months to organize! Unless . . . oh." I frowned. "Alice, Vegas isn't usually constituted as the most ideally traditional location for a marriage, unless you consider it romantic to have a room across the hall from a stripper." I began to get really fired up, finding every fault possible that existed with her plan. "What do you even plan to tell your parents? Jasper's school starts in three days! You can't possibly" –

"Bella," Alice interrupted. "Would you please calm down? I told you I had a solution, and I do. This will happen like I want it to. I love Jasper. More than anything." She looked at me solemnly, and I found myself falling for her pity act as stupidly as I'd watched others blunder into it unsuspectingly. "This can work out, but I need your help to make it happen. Will you do this for me? Please?"

I inhaled sharply through my nose. I already knew I would regret this promise; I didn't want to know what she was going to make me do for her. "I will," I found myself saying. I couldn't believe I let this insignificant little pixie have this degree of control over me. It was unhealthy. I was readily agreeing to lie to both her parents, and mine, and our friends, and help her to marry her high-school boyfriend, albeit legally, as she turned eighteen a month ago. But she was cutting it kind of close. Close enough to turn heads and raise eyebrows. Close enough so my parents would futilely encourage me to rethink my friendship with Alice.

The serious expression vanished, to be replaced by a cheerful one beaming up at me. I was glad; the grave countenance unnerved me. For Alice to be solemn was as rare as a kid being solemn on Christmas morning. "Thanks Bella! Now, first, we need to go to Rose's house and get her in on this, too. I have to have her help, as well, for this to happen."

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"Okay," Rosalie said finally. "I'm in." I reflected on how surprised she had been at our sudden appearance, and even more baffled by the tortured and pleading look on my face the moment she had opened her door. She understood, now, but like me, she would never leave her best friend to drown in matters far over her head.

Rosalie sent me a small, rueful smile at the look of relief I shot her way following her acquiescence to help out. But her eyes retained the confused expression. I anticipated what was coming, and eagerly turned to Alice, for I was abominably curious as to the nature of our "help" as well.

"What do you want us to do, Alice?" Rosalie inquired of her smug friend, who was currently grinning like the cat that ate the canary. But at her question, the nerve-inducing countenance vanished, to be replaced by an anxious one. I had a sudden burst of intuition that this was the first but most certainly not the last instance where I would curse myself for agreeing to help.

"Well . . ." Alice bit her lip, staring at the ground as if trying to fathom why it was there. She said her next words in a rush. "We're going on our honeymoon directly after the wedding, of undisclosed destination. For a few weeks. And, like I said, we're not the only ones getting married, either. Nicole and Taylor will be taking their vows at the same time."

I raised my eyebrows. "An extended absence? That's going to be hard to pull off, Alice. The four of you may be attending overnight schools, but they're both prestigious high schools. They will call your parents, wondering what's up. And then they'll sharpen their pitchforks, light their torches and come after you."

"What if we're not absent?" Alice said slowly. "What if someone's there? Sleeping in our beds, going to our classes . . . No one would suspect the difference, as no one's met us there yet."

"But who would stand in for you?" Rosalie persisted.

Alice raised her head to stare us in the eyes for what seemed like an eternity. She seemed desperate. And then I got it.

"No, no, NO!" I said, getting up and pacing around Rosalie's bedroom. I could feel my face turning a brilliant shade of red, just imagining myself trying to impersonate Alice. "I CANNOT pretend to be you for a month. It just would not work. I don't look anything like you! And I'm not perky or bubbly! I'm not obsessed with shopping, I'm not deathly afraid of cows—,"

"Stop!" Alice interrupted me yet again. "You don't have to be me."

I breathed a sigh of relief. Thank goodness.

"Rosalie can be Taylor," Alice continued, "and you'll be Jasper!"

I started hyperventilating. "I-can't-be-a-GUY!"

Rosalie let out a hysterical giggle, but when I turned my eyes on her, which no doubt looked as though the devil had hell to pay, she said immediately, "I agree. Are you insane, Alice? There is no way I can pass as a guy, either. And if you haven't noticed, we have very . . . er . . . feminine features! Bella blushes every five seconds, she's too short . . . this could never work."

I breathed a little easier – a very, very small bit – knowing Rose was irrevocably with me on this.

"But guys!" Alice cried. "This would be SO EASY! When we come back, you can go to your respective schools, and Jazz and I can take care of everything! Please!"

"And what are we supposed to tell our 'respective schools' while we're impersonating Jasper and Taylor? Who's pretending to be you and Nicole?"

"Okay, first of all, Rosalie is out of high school, and her college doesn't start for two months, so she'll be back in plenty of time. Tell your parents you're going on a road trip! Bella, tell your school you're sick, and give them a phoney number to call. That's what Nicole and I did."

Rose threw up her hands. "And why didn't you do this for Jasper and Taylor?" she demanded.

"Because their school is retarded! If you don't show up on the first day, they COME TO YOUR HOUSE! Stalker, right?" She ran her fingers through her spiky hair, tears of frustration pouring down her face. "Please, guys! I'll never ask you for anything ever again! Just this once! Just . . . please."

I closed my eyes so I could logically think this through without being moved by Alice's distress.

Technically, her plan was infallible. But in reality, there was so much that could go awry. On weekends, the parents would expect to see their children, which would undoubtedly present a problem. Maybe we could lie to them about a school function demanding our presence each weekend . . . I shook my head, trying to clear it. I was thinking like I was going along with this.

"Alice?" Rose said softly. I opened my eyes to see a resolution forming in hers. Before I could intercede, she lifted her chin and said, "If it really means that much to you, I'll be proud to help you have a fantastic wedding."

Alice wiped her eyes, but kept the miserable expression. "Thanks, Rose," she whispered, hugging her knees. Poor Alice. She must feel awful for acting so selfishly. But friends are supposed to help each other out. It's in the job description. I paused, divided. Thanks a heap, Rose, for leaving it all up to me.

And I was still absolutely undecided.

I caught Rosalie's meaningful stare, urging me to comfort the small, defenseless girl in front of her. And I knew only one thing would make her feel better now. And as a friend, I was entitled to give it to her. I took a deep breath and steeled myself.

"Alice . . . ?" I said hesitantly. I cherished my last obligation-free moments of life for the next month. "I would be happy to help you out with this." I half-smiled. "What are friends for?"