Up Where We Belong

Jane

"Peter," the boy smiles back at me with his hand extended. I watch him warily as the ship tilts under my feet with every wave. I glance at the door to watch for the grumpy old governess, and then back at Peter.

"You don't have a last name?" I take a cautious step towards the boy. He shrugs and looks up at the ceiling like I was just a shadow on the wall. I frown at the gesture and open the door to let him out. "You can leave now."

"I have no last name that I remember," Peter replies, not paying attention to the opened door. "No parents, no life really…" he looks down. My mouth stretches into a hard line as I watch him feel obvious discomfort as he drums his fingers on his thighs.

"Are you… okay?" I lean against the doorframe and cross my arms firmly across my chest, feeling a sudden chill. Peter nods stiffly and slips out of the door. I watch him climb the ladder to the main deck with that feeling of loneliness… The aft turn's bitter cold and I step back into the cramped cabin once I hear the laughter of my governess and the first mate, Mr. Slank, laughing just above me. She appears at the top of the latter just before the door clicks shut. I reopen the door to pear out at the adults.

Mr. Slank bends down to kiss her hand and she blushes violently. Both of them are unattractive people, but together they seem… nice. She turns towards the latter, and Mr. Slank gives her bottom a good pinch causing her to laugh in high pitched squeals, and for me to stick out my tongue.

Before the couple can catch me I run to my bed and cover my face with the quilts. The cot squeaks as I try to find a comfortable spot on the sea worthy bed. I sigh and roll over onto my back as the door opens and I close my eyes quickly.

"Molly?" I turn my head to the familiar voice and look crossly into the darkness. A set of bare feet scampers across the wood and a thud signals that the boy is kneeling beside my cot. A hand clasps over mine and my skin turns cold. "Is it an awfully bad thing that I have no last name?"

"Yes." I reply. The moonlight catches on the boys red hair as his head hangs low, obvious shame spread across his features.

"How do I get one?" he mutters.

I tap my chin and turn my head towards him. "Well, why don't you make one up? Like, Johnson! Or maybe Greyson… those are all handsome names Peter," I smile.

"But they're all boring." he grimaces. "I know twenty each… I don't want to be like everyone else… Haven't you ever wanted to just be special?"

"No." I turn away from Peter and towards the porthole on the wall. Rough waves rush past the Never Land. I think about the trunk a mere fifty feet away or less. The magic… the starstuff.

"Never a single dream?" Peter presses.

"Dreams are for children," I say to the wall.

"What are we then?" Peter squeezes my hand. "I even know adults who have dreams… believe me."

"I said no!" I sit up, bent up frustration coursing through my veins. I search the dark room with my adjusting eyes. I turn to Peter with a huff. "Well if you're going to be nasty about it, your last name shall be Pan."

"What?" an appalled look comes across his features. "Like the metal thing that the cook makes slop with?" I think about the worms and maggots that the cook puts in pots and pans for the lower class sailors on the ship. Not that I've stooped to that level…

"Yes," I reply. "What a lovely name… Peter Pan," I smile into the darkness.

"Well I don't like it," Peter says. "But if you-"

The door swings open across the room. I flop down in bed as Peter scampers to the small closet full of the governess' fur coats and linens. I imagine Peter gaging at the scent of her perfume over all of her clothes. She thuds across the floor ungracefully still giggling at whatever Mr. Slank had said. I close my eyes and wait.

I'm pulled violently from my cot and I look at the governess in surprise. She grips my hair with vengeance and throws me to the ground. "What have you done with Miss Aster? Where's Molly?"

"I'm Molly!" I scream as she puts her foot to my throat.

"Liar!" she pushes harder. I glance at the closet but the door doesn't budge.

"Peter!" I scream, an odd British accent coloring my language. "Peter Pan!"

The door to the closet opens a little bit and a head of red hair shows itself. The governess is beside herself… not only do I appear to me an imposter, but there's also a boy in my room. She presses down harder. "Who are you?" she demands.

"Yeah," Peter agrees. "Who are you?"

"No one told you to speak!" she screams back at him.

"Peter!" I choke. "It's me!" he shakes his head and runs out of the room. The ship shifts under us as I scream in agony. I turn to the governess and desperately claw at her ankles. She bends down to swat my hands away, but I sink my teeth into one of her perfectly manicured fingers. She howls in surprise and steps back. I get to my feet as fast as I can manage and climb the aft latter to the main deck.

Time seems to stand still. Not a living soul is out on the deck tonight and to my surprise, my governess isn't after me anymore. I turn to the starboard side of the ship and look down at the glass like water. I do not see Molly Aster looking back at me. Instead of long blond hair I see short auburn hair that's been tossed by the sea winds. My face has turned round, and my brilliant green eyes have turned to a pale blue…

"Jane?" a voice from behind me whispers. I turn to the other side of the Never Land but no one is there. My shoulder feels like someone is shaking it, but no hand appears. I try to shake it off but it only shakes harder. "Jane?" the voice calls again.

I shoot up in bed. My familiar room looks back at me. I turn to look eye to eye with my mother. I throw my arms around her neck only to find my little brother Danny already in her lap. Danny gasps from between us and I push off from his shoulders and kiss the top of his head. He smiles back at me sleepily. "Jane?" my mother starts. "Is everything alright? You were yelling in your sleep…"

"Just a very… very strange dream," I explain quietly.

"Was Peter Pan in it?" Danny looks up at me with renewed excitement. I laugh and grab both of his cheeks making him laugh.

"I think he was," I tell him a hint of a smile.

Mother smiles from beside Danny and pushes him gently aside to give my cheek a quick kiss. I give her the usual 'I'm fine,' and she leaves the room to settle Danny back down. I make my way to the window and open the latch. I stare out at the moon and the stars… especially one in particular. If only I could fly up there and see him again… just one more time. I really screwed up my last visit to Neverland… the Never Land… does it mean something? Who is Molly? Why couldn't Peter fly? Where was Tinkerbell? What is starstuff? The questions buzzing through my head make my dizzy and I sit down on the window seat. The room seems to shift but I keep my sights locked on a certain rag doll. I hold on to the waist of the Peter Pan doll and look him in the eye.

"Why don't you ever come back?" I shout at his face, tears threatening my eyes. "Do you ever think of anyone but yourself? What about me?"

"Jane?" my mother steps into the moonlight cast across my room. "You know that he's never coming back right? I don't want you to get your hopes up…"

"You saw him twice!"

"But not until I was a grown woman with children…" she trails off. I throw the Peter Pan doll to the ground in front of her feet. She takes a deep breath and bends down to pick up the doll. "Peter Pan is more than a story, but sometimes he doesn't act like it."

"Mother…" I look at her blanched face. The moonlight casting across her face makes her look pale. "Mother, are you alright?"

"Never better!" she stands up straighter but a ragged cough erupts from her throat. She takes a staggering step backwards towards my bed. I leap from the window seat and help her to sit down carefully.

"Mother… what happened?" I choke on tears of fear. My mother turns her head carefully to look at me.

"Go…" she coughs. "Go get your father… don't let Dan- Danny come in."

I run out of the room and down to my parent's room. The large bed holds one lump and I jump for it. The lump squirms a bit then laughs when we meet eyes. "There's something wrong with mummy!" I cry sounding small and scared. Father steps out of bed and grabs his robe in one swift motion before he heads back down the hall. I trail closely behind him.

"Wendy!" he gasps as he enters my room. "Wendy, darling, what happened?"

My mother places a hand on her chest, seemingly with great difficulty, and cries. Before he can turn to me I'm down the stairs and holding the phone to my ear. The operator seems tired and bent out of shape but the doctor is supposedly on his way. Father trudges down the steps as I'm about to run up them.

"It's all taken care of sir!" I stand up straight.

"At ease soldier," he smiles a faint, sad smile. I try to smile back but it's useless. We take a seat on the stairs staring blankly at the door waiting for something to happen. A faint knock comes from the door making Nana Two jump up and bark. Father hushes her and answers the door. An old, tired doctor stands in the entrance rubbing his eyes. He straightens up and heads up the stairs before we even have time to shake his hand.

"I don't know what's wrong doc," dad explains quickly. "She just can't breathe…"

"Breathing is essential for life Edward," the doctor replies in a monotone voice. My father nods as we continue up the stairs to my room. The doctor eyes the clothes on the floor briefly and I scoot them out of the way and into the closet. The doctor shrugs, satisfied, and takes a look at my mother. He turns on a light, making her look paler than ever. Dad gasps and I stare.

"Miss Darling?" she turns to the doctor as he speaks. "Do you know what happened to you?"

She shakes her head. The doctor rummages through his bag and check her throat with a stick. I stand on my tip toes trying to see. Red and white blotches cover the inside of my mother's mouth. "How long has this been going on?" the doctor asks. Mother shrugs. "Because from my observations…" he trails off. He clears his throat once to regain his posture. "Because from my observations you should have known about your predicament for weeks."

"Well," she croaks, glancing at dad. "I have."

"Wendy!" father falls to his knees beside her. "Why didn't you tell anybody?"

"There's a war outside Edward!" she coughs. "I can't be complaining of something small-"

"This isn't small!" he shouts back, desperation leaking into his voice.

"Edward," the doctor steps towards the family. "May I have a word?"

My father nods and follows the doctor out into the hall. I grab the footboard of the bed with both of my hands as I look at my mother lying in bed. Alone. I climb over the footboard and kneel beside her on the quilts.

"Mummy?" I whisper behind tears. "Mummy?"

"What's wrong dear?" She asks softly, lifting a wobbly hand to my cheek. I clutch her hand like a life line and let tears run freely to the bed sheets.

"You!" I cry. "Something is wrong with you!... and I don't know how to fix it," I hang my head low.

"Don't worry about me," she whispers with a smile on her lips. Even the bravest soldier couldn't smile in combat against the toughest Germans. I inhale deeply to try to sustain my crying. "You're a very brave little girl… and I need you to promise me…" she coughs. "That whatever happens to me, you need to be strong for your father and Danny…"

"But they're men!" I protest. "Shouldn't they be taking care of me?"

"One girl equals a dozen boys," she quotes. I gulp, thinking about the prospects of Neverland and Peter Pan. "Can you just promise me?" she asks after a pause.

"If I promise…" I bite my lower lip. "Then you can die."

"I-"

The doctor steps into the room, and I only catch the end of Father's robe disappearing down the hall and into Danny's room. "What's to happen to my mother?" I stand up, trying to look as adult as possible. The old doctor's features soften a little as he gets down on one knobby knee.

"Young lady," he says. "I happen to know a thing or two about growing up. It's a barbarous thing that teaches us not to waste our childhood. Now, your mother needs her little girl to help her get well," he pauses for a moment to look up at my mother. "Miss Wendy, I wish you the best of luck. But I'm afraid there is nothing I can do about your situation," he stands up. "I'll tell my wife to pray for you."

"Thank you," she replies softly.

The doctor steps out of the room and I squeeze my mother's hands, but I don't look at her. "I'll promise you, if you promise me that you won't die."

"I promise."

~So if you couldn't tell, this is going to be my re-do of Maybe It's Finally Time To Grow Up. I'm going to be deleting that story simply because there were so many errors in it and it was moving too fast for me… I want the story to have depth. But now it does! Hurrah! :D

So… you may be wondering why I stuck Molly in there (she's from Peter and the Starcatchers), and the reason I did this was because she was another girl that Peter let grow up… he will explain this to Jane later… I MEAN I HAVE NO IDEA IF JANE WILL EVER SEE PETER AGAIN *cough* ;)

Well, this was a sad chapter to write, but Peter Pan only seems to appear when something bad happens…. So something VERY bad happened! Yeah, I know, I'm a terrible person… REVIEW!