Dear Artemis Fowl,
We have been observing you for the last few weeks, and to say the least we are not pleased. You have transformed from the intelligent, obnoxious boy we used to know and love, and into a soft-hearted airhead. Therefore, we have decided to take it upon ourselves to intervene and cause some chaos in your household. If you decide to take heed of our advice, than the incidents will cease. However, if you decide to ignore this letter, than be prepared to experience unpleasant surprises later.
Sincerely,
Evelyn Forester
Artemis looked up from the letter, and stared at the large cardboard box perched on his doorstep. The box itself seemed harmless enough, disregarding the creepy letter that came attached to it. It was a standard FedEx package, with the address clearly printed in large black text. Of course, the holes punched in at the top and the caution sign written in red ink certainly made him wonder what the box could possibly contain. But what really worried Artemis was the fact that the box had no return address. Any number of organizations could have sent this ominous package, intent on murdering the young genius, or humiliating him at the very least.
Doubts aside, he bent down and picked up the package with great caution, in case the box turned out to be a motion-sensitive bomb. Surprisingly, the box seemed to weigh a ton, considering its overall volume. He ambled his way back inside, struggling to get a grip on the edges of the package the whole way. He placed the box on a nearby coffee table and prayed that the poor table wouldn't collapse under the sheer weight. Artemis then stepped back a couple of feet, keeping a good distance between him and the mysterious box. He waited about several seconds before approaching the box again, in case it was to suddenly explode in his face. Grabbing a pair of scissors from a drawer, he began to rip the tape with the blade of the scissors, making sure to not accidentally scratch the contents.
Once the tape had been cut, Artemis carefully opened the top of the box. A putrid smell seemed to bellow out of the opening, assaulting Artemis's nose like a sharpened knife. He quickly turned away, coughing loudly into his elbow. He wiped away the tears from his eyes and peered into the box, wondering what could possibly produce such a horrid scent. What lay innocently inside the box caught Artemis by surprise: a small, white rabbit was crouched at the bottom of a wire cage, its ruby eyes flashing at the sudden disturbance.
Artemis stared at the rabbit; its eyes were now wide and alert, and its nose was now sniffing the air as if in search of danger. He approached the cage, unsure of whether or not creature was friendly. Slowly, he opened the door of the cage, waiting to see if the rabbit would come forth. In response to the sudden offering of freedom, the furry creature poked its skinny head out of the opening. Assuming this action as an indication of friendliness, Artemis outstretched a pale hand towards the rabbit. Unfortunately, the rabbit's response was anything but friendly; letting out a bloodcurdling scream, the rabbit lunged at the hand, sinking its teeth into the flesh. Artemis let out a yelp, shaking his arm violently in a desperate attempt to make the rabbit let go of his hand. Eventually, the ferocious creature let go of its hold; it fell to the floor, and after giving a final glare at the boy, swiftly hopped away. Artemis swore loudly, cradling his mauled hand with his sleeve. Gritting his teeth, he noticed something written on the inside of the box. Leaning in closely, he realized it was a note, written in the same handwriting as the letter. Squinting his eyes, he read:
P.S. He bites.