1 Author: Spike 'n Cordy
Title: Nothing We Can Do
Summary: Based on a possible spoiler from Couplet (sort of). Cordelia and Angel realize their feelings for each other and that there's nothing they can do about it.
Author's note: This is just a really short, angst-filled piece that I would love for you to review. A special thanks to Razz who posted this spoiler giving me the idea for the story.
Disclaimer: I own nothing.
This is the spoiler: Groo saves a majority of the gang while Angel is not around. Blah blah, he goes all freaky on Angel when they get back to the hotel, actually rushing Angel while he is holding Conner. That bastard.
Angel passes Conner off to Lorne, and commences to throw Groo through Wes' office window. Sounds like fun. Needles to say, Queen C comes back full force at this moment. Badgering and yelling at Angel for hurting Groo. He snaps at her, because she didn't see how Groo attacked Angel WHILE he was holding Conner. He tells her to get her head out of her ass long enough to see that the walking Ken doll is not perfect, and attacked him first. He then takes Conner and tells them to get Groo out of HIS hotel.
~*~*~*~
"Get your head out of your ass and see that your Ken doll isn't perfect." Angel was so angry he could barely see straight as he pulled Connor from Lorne's grasp and ran up the stairs two at a time. What the hell was that bastard thinking, attacking him while he was holding his son. If he wants to attack him, he'll take him on any time any place. But putting his son in the middle of it. That bastard. Angel slammed the door to his hotel suite shut. Connor's scream of indignation brought him back to reality.
He took a deep breath in an effort to calm down and gently cooed to his son, "I'm sorry, Connor. But you don't have to worry, I'll never let that bas- guy near you again. No, I won't." The baby gurgled at his father's voice and closed his eyes. His mouth opened wide to release a yawn and he was fast asleep. Angel kissed his forehead and lowered him into his crib.
He smelled her before she entered the room. Cordelia opened the door absolutely livid, "What did you just say to me?"
Angel closed the door between Connor's nursery and his bedroom before answering his seer snidely. "You heard me. Would you like me to repeat it?"
"Where the hell do you get off yelling at me like that?"
"You yelled at me first."
"That was because you threw Groo across the room."
"After he attacked me while I was holding my son. I was defending us, not that it would concern you," he was trying to keep from shouting at her, but not succeeding very well.
She adjusted her weight to one leg, crossed her arms across her chest and raised an eyebrow, "What's that suppose to mean?"
Angel noticed her defensive stance and was, truthfully, beyond caring. "It means, that ever since Groo showed up, you no longer have time for Connor or Wes or Fred or me."
Cordelia raised her voice to match his, "Why does that upset you so much?"
"Because I love you." All the blood drained from his face. He had imagined telling Cordelia that a thousand different ways but never in anger. It was always a romantic situation, followed by 'my soul is permanent' and a long bout of lovemaking. But that wasn't going to happen. If he was lucky she won't leave any permanent scars.
"What?" Shock was evident on her face.
She didn't believe him. Should he try to convince her or not even bother? What did it matter, really? She was in love with the Groosolugg. She said it herself. And now they could be together and he should be happy for her. But that bastard just rubbed him the wrong way.
"I…" He was going to say that he didn't mean it but couldn't. He had these feelings inside for a long time and now seemed as good as any to get them all out. "When we were possessed, I got a taste for what it would be like to be with you, but I can never have that. I know that if we made love I would turn evil. Let's face it, we wouldn't even have to make love. Just lying on the bed with you and Connor was enough to make my soul shift and that scared me more then anything. Just being near you is perfect happiness. When you smile at me or when you hug me I have to think of demons and violence because if I don't I'm afraid that I'll get caught up in the moment and turn. But he doesn't have to worry about that. He can have you while I never can and I hate him for it. I hate him." Angel's last words were punctuated with a sob. He quickly wiped his watering eyes and turned away from Cordelia. He somberly slipped into Connor's nursery leaving a bewildered Cordelia in his wake.
Tears brimmed her eyes as she repeated what he had just said to her over in her head again. He loved her? Wiping away the tears with the back of her hand, she opened the door to the nursery. He was sitting in an armchair that faced Connor's crib. "Angel?" she said gently but he ignored her. She moved to stand in front of him. "Angel, look at me," again he didn't respond. Using the arms of the chair for balance, she kneeled down in front of him. Rivulets of tears already marked her cheeks as she began, "Angel, I love you, too. I tried not to. I tried to convince myself that you were a eunuch so that I would never act on my feelings for you. But since the possession, I know first hand that you're not, and it scares me. I'm afraid that we won't be able to stop ourselves and Angelus will be set free. I'm afraid that it would ruin out friendship. But most of all, I'm afraid that it won't last and you'll leave me," she let out a small sob, but continued. "I love you so much, I'd rather never be with you but stay friends, then have a relationship and loose you altogether."
Angel found his voice, "What about Groo?"
She raised her tear-filled eyes to his, " He was a safety net. A trap door. I used him to push you away. I tried to transfer my feelings for you onto him because he's safe. He won't turn evil and if he leaves it won't brake my heart. I…Angel, I just don't know what to do." Sobs wrack her body as the emotional roller coaster she's riding hit a drop.
Angel pulled her into his lap and wrapped his arms around her. He stayed silent not knowing what to say that could help her. That could help him. He tried to think of something to say. Something to help, but there was nothing. Nothing either of them say or do can change the fact that they can never be together.
Cordelia's sobs eventually decreased to sniffles as she rested her head on his shoulder. "I'm so scared that I'm going to lose you one way or the other."
Angel nodded, "Me too."
"This can never happen."
He knew this but it hurt so much more to hear it said aloud. "I know."
She lifted her head and searched his eyes, "We just have to hold on to what we have. Friendship is all that this can ever be."
Try as he might, Angel couldn't keep the tears from reappearing. He tried in vain to blink them back. Cordelia's hand caressed his face and pulled him closer to her. After a few minutes of silent crying he captured her gaze, "I love you."
"I love you, too." She leaned down and softly pressed her lips against his. The kiss was passionate but not sexual. It was saying good-bye to something they'd never know. It was full of desperation as they tried to catch a glimpse of it as it flew overhead. They knew that when they pulled away they could only be friends. This was the last time they could ever hold each other like this, because from now on it would be different. It would be hinting at more. At something neither of them were willing to pay the price to have. Cordelia was the first to draw away. She stood up and let her tears fall unchecked. "I have to go."
"I know," Angel watched her walk out of Connor's nursery sending one last mournful look his direction. He heard her close his suite door and shut his eyes remembering the feel of her lips on his. Committing it to memory because from now on it was all he had.
The End
Title: Nothing We Can Do
Summary: Based on a possible spoiler from Couplet (sort of). Cordelia and Angel realize their feelings for each other and that there's nothing they can do about it.
Author's note: This is just a really short, angst-filled piece that I would love for you to review. A special thanks to Razz who posted this spoiler giving me the idea for the story.
Disclaimer: I own nothing.
This is the spoiler: Groo saves a majority of the gang while Angel is not around. Blah blah, he goes all freaky on Angel when they get back to the hotel, actually rushing Angel while he is holding Conner. That bastard.
Angel passes Conner off to Lorne, and commences to throw Groo through Wes' office window. Sounds like fun. Needles to say, Queen C comes back full force at this moment. Badgering and yelling at Angel for hurting Groo. He snaps at her, because she didn't see how Groo attacked Angel WHILE he was holding Conner. He tells her to get her head out of her ass long enough to see that the walking Ken doll is not perfect, and attacked him first. He then takes Conner and tells them to get Groo out of HIS hotel.
~*~*~*~
"Get your head out of your ass and see that your Ken doll isn't perfect." Angel was so angry he could barely see straight as he pulled Connor from Lorne's grasp and ran up the stairs two at a time. What the hell was that bastard thinking, attacking him while he was holding his son. If he wants to attack him, he'll take him on any time any place. But putting his son in the middle of it. That bastard. Angel slammed the door to his hotel suite shut. Connor's scream of indignation brought him back to reality.
He took a deep breath in an effort to calm down and gently cooed to his son, "I'm sorry, Connor. But you don't have to worry, I'll never let that bas- guy near you again. No, I won't." The baby gurgled at his father's voice and closed his eyes. His mouth opened wide to release a yawn and he was fast asleep. Angel kissed his forehead and lowered him into his crib.
He smelled her before she entered the room. Cordelia opened the door absolutely livid, "What did you just say to me?"
Angel closed the door between Connor's nursery and his bedroom before answering his seer snidely. "You heard me. Would you like me to repeat it?"
"Where the hell do you get off yelling at me like that?"
"You yelled at me first."
"That was because you threw Groo across the room."
"After he attacked me while I was holding my son. I was defending us, not that it would concern you," he was trying to keep from shouting at her, but not succeeding very well.
She adjusted her weight to one leg, crossed her arms across her chest and raised an eyebrow, "What's that suppose to mean?"
Angel noticed her defensive stance and was, truthfully, beyond caring. "It means, that ever since Groo showed up, you no longer have time for Connor or Wes or Fred or me."
Cordelia raised her voice to match his, "Why does that upset you so much?"
"Because I love you." All the blood drained from his face. He had imagined telling Cordelia that a thousand different ways but never in anger. It was always a romantic situation, followed by 'my soul is permanent' and a long bout of lovemaking. But that wasn't going to happen. If he was lucky she won't leave any permanent scars.
"What?" Shock was evident on her face.
She didn't believe him. Should he try to convince her or not even bother? What did it matter, really? She was in love with the Groosolugg. She said it herself. And now they could be together and he should be happy for her. But that bastard just rubbed him the wrong way.
"I…" He was going to say that he didn't mean it but couldn't. He had these feelings inside for a long time and now seemed as good as any to get them all out. "When we were possessed, I got a taste for what it would be like to be with you, but I can never have that. I know that if we made love I would turn evil. Let's face it, we wouldn't even have to make love. Just lying on the bed with you and Connor was enough to make my soul shift and that scared me more then anything. Just being near you is perfect happiness. When you smile at me or when you hug me I have to think of demons and violence because if I don't I'm afraid that I'll get caught up in the moment and turn. But he doesn't have to worry about that. He can have you while I never can and I hate him for it. I hate him." Angel's last words were punctuated with a sob. He quickly wiped his watering eyes and turned away from Cordelia. He somberly slipped into Connor's nursery leaving a bewildered Cordelia in his wake.
Tears brimmed her eyes as she repeated what he had just said to her over in her head again. He loved her? Wiping away the tears with the back of her hand, she opened the door to the nursery. He was sitting in an armchair that faced Connor's crib. "Angel?" she said gently but he ignored her. She moved to stand in front of him. "Angel, look at me," again he didn't respond. Using the arms of the chair for balance, she kneeled down in front of him. Rivulets of tears already marked her cheeks as she began, "Angel, I love you, too. I tried not to. I tried to convince myself that you were a eunuch so that I would never act on my feelings for you. But since the possession, I know first hand that you're not, and it scares me. I'm afraid that we won't be able to stop ourselves and Angelus will be set free. I'm afraid that it would ruin out friendship. But most of all, I'm afraid that it won't last and you'll leave me," she let out a small sob, but continued. "I love you so much, I'd rather never be with you but stay friends, then have a relationship and loose you altogether."
Angel found his voice, "What about Groo?"
She raised her tear-filled eyes to his, " He was a safety net. A trap door. I used him to push you away. I tried to transfer my feelings for you onto him because he's safe. He won't turn evil and if he leaves it won't brake my heart. I…Angel, I just don't know what to do." Sobs wrack her body as the emotional roller coaster she's riding hit a drop.
Angel pulled her into his lap and wrapped his arms around her. He stayed silent not knowing what to say that could help her. That could help him. He tried to think of something to say. Something to help, but there was nothing. Nothing either of them say or do can change the fact that they can never be together.
Cordelia's sobs eventually decreased to sniffles as she rested her head on his shoulder. "I'm so scared that I'm going to lose you one way or the other."
Angel nodded, "Me too."
"This can never happen."
He knew this but it hurt so much more to hear it said aloud. "I know."
She lifted her head and searched his eyes, "We just have to hold on to what we have. Friendship is all that this can ever be."
Try as he might, Angel couldn't keep the tears from reappearing. He tried in vain to blink them back. Cordelia's hand caressed his face and pulled him closer to her. After a few minutes of silent crying he captured her gaze, "I love you."
"I love you, too." She leaned down and softly pressed her lips against his. The kiss was passionate but not sexual. It was saying good-bye to something they'd never know. It was full of desperation as they tried to catch a glimpse of it as it flew overhead. They knew that when they pulled away they could only be friends. This was the last time they could ever hold each other like this, because from now on it would be different. It would be hinting at more. At something neither of them were willing to pay the price to have. Cordelia was the first to draw away. She stood up and let her tears fall unchecked. "I have to go."
"I know," Angel watched her walk out of Connor's nursery sending one last mournful look his direction. He heard her close his suite door and shut his eyes remembering the feel of her lips on his. Committing it to memory because from now on it was all he had.
The End