Author Notes: Hello! This is a song fic to New Found Glory's I don't wanna know. I don't want to have my account deleted, so I will say this once: I do not own the lyrics, band, or anything about the song, just the story. I don't own the characters from Shaman King, so you can't sue me. This fic includes the pairings Yoh x Anna, as well as a bit of Yoh x Amidamaru. But predominantly Yoh x Anna because it is their wedding day and night. I am not bashing Anna; it's just that pent-up lust can make someone lash out every so often, so that explains THAT. Please R&R! Thank you!
He had endured the ceremony, choreographed precisely to the long and strict plan that had been in development for years. Every wedding tradition imaginable had undergone close scrutiny as they were performed, the occasional murmur or sharp look letting the couple know they had done wrong. In this instance, the bride would glare at her husband, informing him that he had done something to make an unpleasant mark on her special day. And then the groom would just inwardly sigh, declaring how he would never do anything like that again.
It was a pity that it had not been a good day for everyone. Amidamaru distanced himself slightly from the group, his body language letting those who knew him well know he was open to conversation, but that he would not be engaged for long, his mind elsewhere.
The venue for the wedding had been a very beautiful, old temple in Izumo, close to where Yoh's parents lived. The traditional vows and rituals were spoken and performed, and when Yoh and Anna were finally joined together as husband and wife, they prayed to the Gods for the promising years to come before leaving, indulging in a meal and then a dance.
It was just a few days after Anna's sixteenth birthday - meaning that it was summer – classifying this almost as a joint celebration. She was sitting with her new family, her white dress standing out in the semi-darkness of the room. Close to Amidamaru's hearing range were those commenting on the dress, mumbling words of praise and also envy. The samurai rolled his eyes and turned his thoughts back to his Lord.
The only person Yoh had refused to dance with had been Anna, preferring to do so with his friends rather than his ill-tempered wife, and was now dancing with Hao. The twins looked happy, neither thinking about what Yoh's duty would be to his wife later on in the evening.
Hao had, after the Shaman Tournament, survived, a broken, lifeless child, moments away from death before Faust operated on his body, treating the patient with every utmost care. After reassuring his friends and family that Hao would do nothing to harm them, now rid of the evilness within that was causing him to act so rashly, he was invited, and was now even living with Yoh back in Funbari. Amidamaru couldn't help a smirk as Hao skilfully and purposefully avoided meeting Anna's fractious gaze, worried that if he did, he would be forced to stop dancing. Noting this, Yoh pulled them into a corner, continuing the ungraceful movements there.
After a short moment or two or staring, Amidamaru sunk back into himself, a thoughtful and solemn look setting onto his handsome features.
The sole reason why he had hated this day was because Yoh hadn't wanted this. He was being himself, his all-loving, caring self, just going along with this to make other people happy, and for once, it made the renegade's stomach burn.
That was why he said nothing for a moment when Yoh approached him, controlling emotions he had never allowed to surface before facing the teenager.
"Hello, Yoh-dono." Was all he could manage for now. Yoh seemed to understand and so leaned closer to the man, lowering his voice somewhat amidst the loud music and chatting friends.
"I need to talk to you."
The samurai nodded once and jerked his head towards the exit, not looking back to see if his young liege was following. He stepped out into the warm night air, pleased to find the car park completely devoid of people. This would, hopefully, make for a quicker confession.
It would also, consequentially, give the samurai less time to be with his liege, something he hated in usual circumstances, but this was a night he did not want to remember above all others.
Seconds later, Yoh emerged from the dusky venue, sidestepping the beaming Mikihisa and Keiko in the process. The music dimmed and the man knew he wasn't alone anymore, considering the thousands of reasons why Yoh had singled him out of all the friends around him to talk.
"I'm a married man." Yoh said quietly, his voice as graceful as ever, no underlying tone implying his real opinions on the marriage.
Amidamaru watched as Yoh leaned against the white railings before them, his arms folded against the warm air around them. "It sounds, Yoh-dono, like you're having trouble coming to terms with that." His voice was harsh, almost in an angry way, but when Yoh's eyes moved to check, the emotion was gone, Amidamaru's face just another blank canvas of nothingness.
He was hiding something.
"I am," Yoh confessed after a moment of staring, smiling, "But I'll have to learn to accept it fast. It's my wedding night."
Amidamaru's train of thought was cut short with those four words. Knowing how much dishonour and lack of respect his heart held for Yoh's wife would not help this matter, although it seemed although the emotions were doing their best to make themselves known.
"You never wanted this and I know that. Why not let this wait for a while until you're ready?" The samurai suggested gently, moving closer to his lord until their arms were almost touching.
What Yoh said next was so out of character, and so against everything the boy believed in that Amidamaru felt like spitting the blood he did not have.
"It's my duty." He said grudgingly, the words making both men hiss. Yoh took another long and calming breath before continuing.
"When we were young, Anna saved my life. I owe her this. I can't make it up to her in the ways I'd want to, so I have to do things her way. I'm indebted to her."
Amidamaru would have gasped, had he not lost the ability to take in air a long time ago. Instead he gaped at the quiet boy he had grown to love in astonished disbelief, his feelings going back to the basics.
He was angry again.
"I understand that you feel you must fulfil what she asks of you," Amidamaru began, searching for the right words frantically, "But this isn't right. It's not fair and you deserve more, whether Anna recognises that or not. She should have enough respect for you to listen to what you have to say, so that she can understand you and take note of your wishes!"
Yoh laughed bitterly, a further sign that he was close to breaking point.
"Anna doesn't know how to do any of that. She doesn't respect me; she just wants to be repaid for something that happened a long time ago. She doesn't care if I don't want to do it because to her, I'm just a nobody who's getting her somewhere with minimum effort. I suppose I'd do the same if I was her, and that scares me."
"Don't bullshit," Amidamaru hissed, and Yoh whimpered. He had struck a nerve. His spirit never, ever swore unless something was truly amiss. This wasn't the way his Lord was, he had changed because of the one women he wished would never have existed, and if he did not have respect for the girl, he would have struck her down long ago. If she was as malicious as Yoh knew her to be… If she was as ignorant of his feelings as they both knew her to be… Then she did not deserve to live.
However, this honour-bound samurai would not allow himself to succumb to hatred. Of course, Anna was hurting him and Yoh, filling the man with the rage that had given him the cursed name of 'The legendary Fiend' six hundred years ago. He took note of Yoh's whimper, and through the red shrouds of anger that were slowly consuming him, eating away at everything that was good inside him, something brought him back to being human again. With rage and reasoning burning throughout his being, Amidamaru reached over and pulled his master into a large, tight hug.
Yoh's arms slowly came around the older man's shoulders, biting his lip so that he would not cry. When he had control of his voice again, he began to speak again.
"Will you hate me for doing this?"
Amidamaru shook his head. "I could never hate you. Only those who do harm to you and make you do things you don't want."
Yoh felt like wincing again, but suppressed the urge and smiled into the man's sculptured chest.
"Sometimes I wish… Anna could be more like you…"
Amidamaru half-closed his eyes as he stared over Yoh's head; his chin resting on the boy's beautifully arranged locks.
"In some ways, I wish I could be more like Anna. She had no idea how envious she makes me sometimes." Amidamaru confessed, realising he was trembling. All of a sudden Yoh was too close, the air was too warm, and he pulled back, only to look into Yoh's confused, narrowed eyes.
"I don't…"
"Yoh. Listen to me." Amidamaru took Yoh's hands in his own, letting the leather straps holding his arm guards upright brush against the Shaman's skin.
"You don't have to do this just to please Anna or your family. Please, I understand what this means to them, but I'm sure a few years won't matter to them, not when they've been waiting so long for the Shaman King to be crowned. Just let them know exactly how you feel… If they have any love for you they'll save you from this, if only for a short while."
Yoh smiled sadly, looking away as he contemplated what the ghost was suggesting he do. How he wished he could do this. How he wished it would work.
How he wished he hadn't already tried.
For another moment, Yoh fantasised this working. He would have two, maybe three years to himself, giving him ample time to pursue something he had always wanted to experiment with – Learning. He would be able to give Anna and himself some room, as well as making himself as happy as he had been when in Dobie Village, enjoying life for its people and for it's pace, enabling the boy to find out who he could have been, had he not been gifted with second sight. He would laugh as a normal person, do normal things that did not result in an intense training session, before returning to who he really was and loving every second of that, too.
And then, when the dream was over, he would return to Anna, falling back into his dutiful self again, repaying her for something he could barely remember happening.
Yoh blinked.
"I wish I could. But I've already asked and the answer was no. I'll get through this, don't worry, I guess it's just jitters." Yoh shrugged, trying to put the whole issue down to nerves, but the lie wasn't fooling him or his guardian.
The ghost had raised a sceptical eyebrow. "If you want to cry, I'm here. My shoulder's always free to you, Yoh-dono."
Yoh nodded in acknowledgement of the offer, glancing back through the windows of the leisure centre, watching a very drunk Horo trying to get Ren to dance with him for a moment before sighing. He seriously considered Amidamaru's offer, musing also over the man's words earlier.
"In some ways, I wish I could be more like Anna. She had no idea how envious she makes me sometimes."
What did that mean? He envied the person who was forcing Yoh to fuck her?
… To fuck her…
…
Yoh said nothing for a while longer, both comfortable in the silence, both recognising the other's need for a moment's worth of peace before the papers of emotion and conflict fluttered away in the approaching whirlwind.
"I think I get what you mean and I'm sorry it had to be me."
Amidamaru paused, wondering what Yoh was talking about, but the look of pity and sorrow in the teen's eyes spoke louder words than the boy himself could ever convey. The samurai nodded and the silent rejection, his heart already feeling heavy with loss.
"Then at least understand I'm not just saying this to get you away from your wife."
Yoh nodded. "I know." His eyes went to the floor awkwardly. "I know… And I'm sorry."
"You shouldn't apologise for other people's feelings." Amidamaru berated softly, watching the boy with an intense gaze, eyes hardening when a blush fluttered onto Yoh's cheeks. "What is it?"
The embarrassment within Yoh was evident now. He scratched his head and tried to act calmly, managing a calm sincerity in what he said next:
"I think I'd rather be with you. You show everyone respect and honour, and at least give them a chance to redeem themselves. You're the closest person to me and I don't want to go through with this at all… I don't want you to go through this…"
Amidamaru smiled at Yoh's confession, leaning down to give the boy a light kiss on the cheek, forcing himself not to go any further. He let his lips linger, feeling Yoh's cheeks flame and twitch as he smiled, and the man couldn't resist placing a small nip on the side of his neck before pulling back, smiling. Yoh gazed up at his spirit, admiring the way the moonlight outlined the guardian's silvery hair, casting shadows to highlight the angles of the man's face, causing a small shimmer of light to reflect out of his eyes, the blue brighter somehow.
Sensing he could not just leave things this way, Amidamaru lowered himself onto one knee and sighed, brushing a stray lock of hair away.
"I promise you," He whispered, "You will one day know what love is… And you'll know what sex without compromise is." To seal the vow, he pressed another kiss to Yoh's lips, the boy responding to the tongue licking across his lips. He pulled the older man close, revelling in the pleasurable contact and fearsome possessiveness he could feel through the kiss.
Just when Amidamaru broke off the kiss, regret sinking into his abdomen as he did so, the door behind them opened and out stumbled a very drunk Horohoro.
"Yoh maannn, where you bin, maaaannn!" Horo slurred, dragging out with him a seething Ren. Horo slung an arm lazily around Ren's shoulders, only barely feeling the rough velvet on his fingers. "It's great in there!" He continued, "You goootta come back!"
Yoh nodded, smiling in exasperation at the drunkard as he leaned over the railings and promptly vomited. What a mood killer. Amidamaru straightened before him, casting a wary eye over Horo before allowing himself an almost inaudible chuckle. Yoh heard it however and joined in, grinning like his old self. He only had a few hours of virginity and freedom left, and he would not allow them to be tainted by the thought of what was to come. He swung an arm around Amidamaru and Ren, taking the two back inside, bombarded immediately by Hao and a highly attractive friend of Anna's named Zell, both wanting a dance. Out of the corner of his eye, Yoh saw his spirit familiar move towards a vacant seat, but grabbed his hand instead.
"I'm sorry, but this dance is for me and him. I'll come find you when it's over." Yoh commented, leaving a pouting blonde and brunette in his wake.
Neither of the men had any experience in dancing, but, as they glanced over at Ryu and Lyserg, quickly decided it wasn't an issue. The two shared more than a few dances, gradually letting their worries melt away when their hands met for every type of dance – Solemn, slow, quick, and just goddamn funny. They laughed, relaxing in each other's presence, occasionally darting off for a dance with another before returning to each other once more, in hysterics.
And then, as soon as the fun had begun, it was over. The music ceased to play, and the clock struck midnight. Yoh swallowed, and Amidamaru rested his head on his shoulder.
"Don't forget anything I told you. I always keep my promises."
Before Yoh could answer, the spirit was gone, and the teenager was alone with Anna.
All-too quickly the journey from the leisure centre to the hotel was over. All too soon the newly-weds had checked in and, as soon as he slipped inside the room, Yoh's mouth went dry. He held an unwavering gaze with his wife, trying to still the trembling of his heart and body, endeavouring to detach his mind from this situation. He just wanted this experience to be over with.
Anna looked away first, her façade of nervousness fading. She strode confidently towards the bed, taking off several pieces of jewellery and make-up before lying back on the bed, waiting for her husband to come over and bed her.
Yoh swallowed again, trying not to think of his favourite anachronism as he approached the bed, his mind screaming at him not to do this. Instead his lips found Anna's in a moment, tongues imitating the deed at hand when Yoh began to disrobe his wife, eyes closed tightly when they were both naked, knowing what he was expected to do. Anna's breath was coming short in anticipation when Yoh trailed his hands down her smooth body, following every curve with them instead of his eyes, as a lover would.
Yoh was not naïve of what to do in the bedroom. He kissed down his wife's neck, alternating between little sucks and nips before nibbling on her collarbone, his fingertips lightly touching Anna's nipples before moving to massage her breasts, wishing she would be deterred by his actions, wishing she would change her mind.
She didn't.
With Amidamaru.
The samurai was at Yoh's house, hating how unusually quiet the place sounded. Those who haunted the Inn were, thankfully, not making their presence known, leaving behind nothing more than a warm atmosphere.
Horo had gone to sleep immediately, with Lyserg and Ryu following soon after. Ren had decided to sleep in a Hotel with his sister and family. Faust, Choco, and seemingly everyone else, had followed suit. This left Hao and Amidamaru alone. The Shaman smiled and turned on Yoh's computer – A gift for his birthday.
"You don't mind if I play some music, do you?" Hao asked quietly, smiling at the spirit softly. Amidamaru shook his head, hoping that the music would soothe his weary, broken soul.
The soft sounds of a keyboard, or perhaps even a guitar fluttered from the speakers, and then vocals. Amidamaru closed his eyes and listened to the music, somewhat interested in Yoh's ever-changing musical interests.
"I don't wanna know… Your eyes were covered in sunglasses
I don't wanna
know…
When they
first met mine.
I sat there and stared at you…
You didn't
seem to mind…
The awkward ways we meet."
This seemed quite
similar to the way in which Yoh and Amidamaru had met. The man
reflected on this as the chorus rolled on, and his eyes widened at
the words. "First comes heavy breathing, I never cared how I dressed before, First
comes heavy breathing, Framed
pictures start to be put on the walls… First comes heavy
breathing, I don't wanna know… First comes heavy breathing, I don't wanna know…"
Staring
at the ceiling,
What will happen next?
I don't wanna know/
I
don't wanna know…
But
I cared that night;
Anticipation ran through my bones,
And my
clothes never fit right.
I can't wait til we meet again.
Staring at the ceiling,
What will happen
next?
I don't wanna know/
I don't wanna know.
Constant visits while I'm
out on the road…
It's hard to leave sometimes…
But you know
where I lay my head at night…
Staring at the ceiling,
What will happen next?
I
don't wanna know…
I don't wanna
know…
Staring at the
ceiling,
What will happen next?
I don't wanna know/
I don't
wanna know…
Tears filled Amidamaru's eyes in spite of himself. This represented what his Lord would be going through at that very moment.
He could almost imagine it. Anna would be staring at the ceiling, her breathing heavy and laboured, whilst Yoh attempted to block out what was happening, his mind and heart not poured into what he was doing.
The complete opposite of how things would be if it was Amidamaru pleasuring Yoh.
With the burning stings of jealousy, hatred and grief settling in his stomach, Amidamaru silently left Hao to himself, rushing upwards until he was lying in Yoh's bed, his crying muffled by the pillow he had buried his face in. His mind deceived him, thinking the tears he was crying were real and wet, tasting like salt and warmth as he licked at them, the songs lyrics echoing in his mind. Another image of Yoh pleasing Anna flashed into his mind, and he curled into a ball, his throat tightening when he refused to sob aloud, his body shaking from the force of the emotions running through him.
What happened after this was inevitable. It was pointless to deny that Lady Anna would fall pregnant, but after that, whatever happened next…
… Amidamaru didn't want to know.
Author's Notes: I am planning on writing more. Please review me, this is my first fan fiction I deem worthy enough to put on here, let me know what you think. It's my wish to become an author one day so please feel free to use constructive criticism in your review.
X Tsumi – Amethyst X