Half empty or half full?
They say that way you look at things will decide the way you live your life. They say that if you try hard enough one day you'll accomplish your goal. They say perseverance is victory. But they've never given me a chance to speak. I've never said anything, but the truth is…
I'm tired of fighting.
I'm sick of loving him when I know he loves another. I could never bring myself to hate her because she's my best friend but- the way he looks at her, the way he speaks to her. The little things that he does to try to please her. They never fail to pierce a jealousy within me.
Its not that I don't notice.
I'm not stupid. His love for her is so obvious, that I'm surprised that she hasn't noticed yet. It's not that I don't know. It's not that I can't see it. It's just that- I'm hoping that its not true. Everything in my being tells me that he love another but my heart just wont accept. It's not willing to give up the fight. Even tough my soul is.
It hurts.
It hurts to know that whenever I'm thinking about him he's thinking about her. Whenever I'm longing for him, he's longing for her. Whenever I'm missing him, he's missing her. And whenever I stay awake at night dreaming about him, he's also awake- dreaming about her. It hurts to know that no matter what I do he can never love me. Its always Kyoko first and- if he remembers Haru last. And above all it hurts to know that no matter how much I love him , how much I fight for him, he will always love her, want her , more than he'll ever love me.
Is it wrong…?
To want him to be mine? To want to kiss him? To want to hold him? To want him to hold me? To want him to tell me that he loves me? To want him to want him to want to be with me?
Is it selfish…?
For me to love him? For me to want him to want me? Need him to need me? To want to give my all to him? To be willing to love him? To hurt? To ache for something that can never be mine? To dream that he might love me, the way that I love him?
My Name is Haru and to be honest my glass is half empty.
Ok so this is how i imagine Haru would be feeling. Personally i love Haru shes one of my favorite characters and shes not as useless as kyoko. It really pisses me off how they half ass every other female character. Its ridiculous. Chrome is a guardian and she doenst even get as much air time as kyoko. And Lal, the said crap about her for like 6 episodes after they got back into the future AFTER she risked her LIFE to save them. Its always kyoko this kyoko that. I really hate her.
now that my little rant is done. what do you think about it?