The Legend of Zelda: Link the Pimp
Disclaimer: I don't own Zelda.
The moon shone through the peaks of Death Mountain. The fog gathered as humidity dispelled from the land. Owls could be heard in the distance as they serenaded the night.
A tall thin figure strutted through Hyrule. He adorned a fresh, untatered green tunic, baggy brown boots, and a green hat perched a top his head. A pair of fuzzy dice hung like testicles on the hilt of his sword. He jerked his head up to random woodland creatures expecting them to return his gesture.
He approached 3 females standing in front of Lon-Lon ranch. One had long red hair that ended in the small of her back. She wore a light blue mini- skirt and a white holter top with light blue pumps. She went by the name Malon. The second one was half the first one's size and had short green hair warring green hot-pants and a tight green shirt showing her mid-drift accompanied with knee-high brown boots. And she was Saria. The last one was Ruto and she wasn't warring anything but no one minded.
"LADIES!"
"Link!" they said in unison
"Hey hoes where's my money?"
"I got 50 rupees!" chimed Ruto.
"Yeah baby that's what I'm talkin' 'bout" He took her earnings "Anyone else?"
They looked down.
"Ladies you've got to work harder be like Ruto here." "And be naked?"
"Hey I'm not saying that. But clothes do limit some" he said as he pulled on Saria's sleeve.
"Forget it! I may be a lowly prostitute but I have more dignity then that!" shouted Malon.
"Listen whatever you feel that will make you more money." He said as he strutted toward Hyrule castle.
There standing alone was a tall gorgeous blond woman. She sauntered back and forth in a pink brazier and a white mini-skirt with white stockings on with pink high-heals in front of the market place.
"Hey Zelda how's business?"
"200rupees"
"Hell yeah!"-
There was a tall dark man standing in the shadows against the wall that Link noticed. He walked over with his territory dwelling in his mind.
"Hey playa' I say you lookin' at my hoe" He said as they did daps. "You like what you see?" He said as slipped him his "Mack Daddy Link" card.
"As a matter of fact I do. In fact I think I'll take her off your hands." Zelda gasped.
"Nah Playa it's cool, she's my number one hoe. And can't jus' be givin' her to no one."
"Heh I don' think your seein' what I'm sayin' dog. I ain't askin' you it's jus' how it's gonna be."
"Alright Playa. If that's how you want it then you gotta go through me."
Link said as drew his sword with the fuzzy dice hanging on the hilt.
"Fine bitch it's go time. I'll take you ass down."
Gannon got poised to fight Link as the scene skips and shows Gannon dead and Zelda on Link's arm.
"Oh Link you're my hero!"
"Shut up baby I know."
Sucked right?
Disclaimer: I don't own Zelda.
The moon shone through the peaks of Death Mountain. The fog gathered as humidity dispelled from the land. Owls could be heard in the distance as they serenaded the night.
A tall thin figure strutted through Hyrule. He adorned a fresh, untatered green tunic, baggy brown boots, and a green hat perched a top his head. A pair of fuzzy dice hung like testicles on the hilt of his sword. He jerked his head up to random woodland creatures expecting them to return his gesture.
He approached 3 females standing in front of Lon-Lon ranch. One had long red hair that ended in the small of her back. She wore a light blue mini- skirt and a white holter top with light blue pumps. She went by the name Malon. The second one was half the first one's size and had short green hair warring green hot-pants and a tight green shirt showing her mid-drift accompanied with knee-high brown boots. And she was Saria. The last one was Ruto and she wasn't warring anything but no one minded.
"LADIES!"
"Link!" they said in unison
"Hey hoes where's my money?"
"I got 50 rupees!" chimed Ruto.
"Yeah baby that's what I'm talkin' 'bout" He took her earnings "Anyone else?"
They looked down.
"Ladies you've got to work harder be like Ruto here." "And be naked?"
"Hey I'm not saying that. But clothes do limit some" he said as he pulled on Saria's sleeve.
"Forget it! I may be a lowly prostitute but I have more dignity then that!" shouted Malon.
"Listen whatever you feel that will make you more money." He said as he strutted toward Hyrule castle.
There standing alone was a tall gorgeous blond woman. She sauntered back and forth in a pink brazier and a white mini-skirt with white stockings on with pink high-heals in front of the market place.
"Hey Zelda how's business?"
"200rupees"
"Hell yeah!"-
There was a tall dark man standing in the shadows against the wall that Link noticed. He walked over with his territory dwelling in his mind.
"Hey playa' I say you lookin' at my hoe" He said as they did daps. "You like what you see?" He said as slipped him his "Mack Daddy Link" card.
"As a matter of fact I do. In fact I think I'll take her off your hands." Zelda gasped.
"Nah Playa it's cool, she's my number one hoe. And can't jus' be givin' her to no one."
"Heh I don' think your seein' what I'm sayin' dog. I ain't askin' you it's jus' how it's gonna be."
"Alright Playa. If that's how you want it then you gotta go through me."
Link said as drew his sword with the fuzzy dice hanging on the hilt.
"Fine bitch it's go time. I'll take you ass down."
Gannon got poised to fight Link as the scene skips and shows Gannon dead and Zelda on Link's arm.
"Oh Link you're my hero!"
"Shut up baby I know."
Sucked right?