I was ready to go. I had my bag packed, I put on my medieval getup so I can fit in, I asked the few nurses that still bothered to show up for work to cover for me in my absence, I even had a little chat with the Wicked Witch to make sure her portal won't land me in the kingdom I came from instead of the kingdom of Dun Broch where I had unfinished business.
But walking through the hospital corridors I had the oddest feeling that my unfinished business was actually right here. Which was pretty strange considering that I only stayed in this town as long as I had because it had indoor plumbing - something that almost made up for the fact that we were getting attacked by some sort of creepiness about every other week. I sighed, breathed in the antiseptic smell of the place and turned to leave.
And stopped. It only came to me when I passed by that familiar door.
I couldn't go yet… I wasn't done with my goodbyes.
"Gemma," he started, giving me one of his usual looks. Which I blamed on the dress. The sword. The whole thing… "And I thought you were hot in nurse outfit…"
"Victor," I said, for once feeling amused rather than annoyed by what he was saying. Standing in the door of his office I realized I would actually miss him. Not just those obviously appraising looks and highly inappropriate comments I sure as hell won't have to suffer in the fairy tale land I was headed for – I would miss him. The creepy sense of humor, the traumatic past he pretended didn't exist, even the hair I was pretty sure he dyed on a dare.
I stood there watching him, wondering where the hell was all of this coming from after some three decades of barely tolerating him. The silence grew long as we looked at one another and it was only seconds from turning weird. I decided I better say something before it did.
"My name isn't Gemma. You know it isn't. You know every single one of us has a real name and a real life. And you don't talk about your real life, which I totally get. This isn't me telling you I'll be calling you Doctor Frankenstein from now on, because I had a breakdown and decided to return to my fairy tale roots…"
"You sure look the part?" he said, stopping my rambling.
"I'm here to say goodbye, Victor," I said. And saying that out loud helped a great deal. Suddenly this whole conversation almost made sense. "And you don't even know why I'm leaving… But I can't really explain myself without beginning at the beginning. So – ready for some backstory?"
He only nodded, trying to conceal how much my news shocked him, and failing.
"My name isn't Gemma. It's Lock. Which is short for Goldilocks," I said feeling the familiar expression of disgust creep on my face. Oh yeah. My parents actually thought that name was a good idea…
"Goldilocks?"
"Yeah," I sighed. "And there's more. First of all, the story you heard in this world is wrong in one pretty big detail. There were no bears…"
"I can tell. You have no missing limbs or scars," he said. I gave him a just let me talk look.
"But there was a witch. That specialized in turning people into bears. That's where I really broke into – a witch's hut."
"Right…" he said in tone that made it clear he didn't quite understand why I was telling him all this.
"And… you remember that girl that was here for check-up to see if she didn't have any side effects from being turned into a bear? You know… ginger, refused to put her bow away… couldn't wait to get back to her kingdom…"
"When she goes you'll be going with her," he said, finally catching up.
"Which will be in an hour," I said and took a breath. "I already got someone to cover my next shift so that shouldn't be a problem and… why are you smiling?"
"You're going on an adventure and you're worried about keeping your job?"
"Of course."
"Isn't traveling between realms really problematic these days? That's the part I'd be worried about."
"Oh, I've got that all figured out," I said, waving my hands in a dismissive gesture. "The part I'm really worried about is how you'll take it. Which is weird, I know. I really shouldn't care. I mean when was the last time we had a normal conversation? One that didn't involve you hitting on me in the creepiest way possible…?"
"Never," he admitted.
"Exactly. So I really shouldn't care. But… I do. And," I hesitated for a moment, "I think it might have something to do with Ruby leaving and how you don't seem to be overreacting…"
"She went to look for her pack. It's a werewolf thing. Why should I overreact?"
I gave him a come on look. "Isn't she the only person around here that at least kind of gets you? Don't answer that, nothing you can say can convince me I'm wrong about that one. And now that she's gone I don't want you feeling like people are just disappearing from your life. And I'm not just saying that because I'm worried you might revert back into mad scientist. I'm saying it because… I really will be back. And for whatever reason it is important to me that you know that."
He gave me a long, serious look I really didn't expect. "You're serious. You really don't know why are you here telling me your life story."
"No. And don't think I didn't think of the obvious. Still not my type…" I said. He didn't even look disappointed this time around, which might have something to do with how often I said that in the past. "But if you have a theory I'd love to hear it."
"You're right. I don't know your story. Whatever your real story is… Goldilocks," he added supressing a grin. "So don't take this the wrong way. Could it be that you've done something that might qualify you as a monster…?"
"Nope," I said. After I gave it some serious thought, because frankly I wasn't sure how I qualified as a fairy tale character in the first place.
Last time I checked I was a thief. Until I got caught… things got a little complicated after that. So complicated that these days I thought myself as a nurse simply because it didn't involve half an hour of explanations just to put it in context.
"Well, there must be some logical explanation."
"I know. Hopefully I'll figure it out before I get back," I sighed, not exactly pleased with that answer myself.
"Are you sure I'm not your type? Is it the hair?"
"Goodbye Victor," I said with a smile. And before I realized I might be giving him an excuse to go all inappropriate again I crossed the distance between us and hugged him.
"So you really have a way to come back…?" he asked when I let go of him.
"Oh yeah. Can't really talk details, but trust me. I'll be back."
He did. He didn't have to say it, I could tell just looking at him. And as we stood there, having nothing more to say, for the briefest of moments all of this seemed to make perfect sense. Which was strange. We really have been mostly strangers here in Storybrooke. Strangers that just happened to work in the same hospital. So why was I so hesitant to leave…?
"You're giving me a weird look."
"I know. I'm sorry. I just keep… thinking…"
"That's where you're going wrong," he said, taking my hand and leading me out of his office. "Don't overthink it. Go and enjoy your fairy tale adventure – you can admit you're madly in love with me when you come back."
I rolled my eyes at that. He did have a point though. I really better hurry unless I want to miss my portal.
"Just make sure I don't get fired just because I ran off to confront a witch," I yelled back his way when I made it halfway down the hall.
"You'll have your job waiting for you. Unless you get turned into a bear, of course. That just wouldn't be sanitary…"
So when Zelena said the portal will take us home she was not kidding. Following Merida through the magic door I found myself literally in the middle of her throne room. One doesn't get any closer to home than that.
"Nice place you've got here," I said. Or tried to say, rather. The second people in the room came to terms with us turning up like this they started reacting with the most incredible roaring. If I wasn't able to tell they were pleased their queen has returned in one piece I would suspect we'll be attacked any second. Funny how their exclamations of happiness sounded like a battle cry.
Grinning I stepped back, letting the queen to be group-hugged by her family. Touching scene if I ever saw one.
But I wasn't here to witness people in kilts getting emotional. I was on a mission. So I started slowly, stealthily backing towards the nearest door – suspecting that sudden movements were a bad idea around this bunch.
"Where you think you're going, witch…?"
"Oh, come on," I sighed and slowly turned to see who was the owner of the sword I could feel against my back. "First of all, put some shirt on. Second of all…"
"She's not a witch."
"What she said," I said, agreeing with Merida's attempt to prevent me from getting stabbed. And just like that, the sword disappeared. There sure were some perks to being a queen…
"My apologies," said the no longer threatening clansman.
I nodded dismissively and proceeded to try to think about an excuse to get out of the castle. Growing up in a kingdom not much different from this one – except maybe for the skirts everyone seemed to be wearing – and I knew how little excuse people needed to throw a party. A queen returning from a land she was spirited away into by magic, now that was some excuse…
So I needed to finish this quickly. Having sudden urge to return to Storybrooke as soon as possible. Which was funny considering I only left it a few minutes ago.
"I hate to interrupt," I said, and I really did. The royal family looked incredibly happy to be all in the same room once again.
"I know. You have your business with the witch. I shall accompany you…" started queen Merida.
"Hell no. You're staying right here," I said before she could even finish that thought. And I was only one of quite a few people that said something in the same vein. Some of them using a lot more colorful expressions…
"I promised you to…"
"You didn't, actually" I stopped her before she could go all valiant on me. "There's really no need. You just point me in the direction of witch's hut…"
But of course it wasn't that simple. With good guys it never was. I had to have a two hour long discussion about how it really wasn't necessary to offer me any more aid, because despite how much time I spent in a world that required a completely different set of survival skills than this one I didn't forget how to move through the woods without getting seriously injured. But by then it was decided I was to stay for diner and spend the night in the castle and there was no way to talk my way out of that one. Elinor insisted.
So my plan changed to waiting for someone to get drunk enough to tell me where to find the witch – but not drunk enough to point me in the wrong direction – and then disappear into the night. Which was very much in spirit of the good old times…
"Did you really travel all this way just to make a deal with a witch?" surprised me a voice from the shadows of the dining hall.
I turned around expecting I'll be faced with a sword again. There wasn't one – but that was about the only change. He still didn't manage to find a shirt.
"Lord Mackintosh," I nodded, deciding against a curtsy at the last moment. I might be wearing a dress but there were limits to how medieval I was willing to go. "I never said I'll be making a deal with the witch. All I want is to talk to her."
"Why?"
"Because last time I did it didn't go exactly well," I said, frowning. "And… well, it's a long story. And after all this time it still doesn't have an ending."
I knew what he was going to say. The way his expression changed really said it all…
"No. Hell no. And why is everyone around here acting all noble? Seriously. You just met me… We're not going on a quest or having a bromance or whatever the idea is. Just point me in the direction of the witch," I said for the hundredth time that day. I wasn't even bothering to hide my frustration anymore.
He stayed quiet for the longest moment, studying me. What ended the silence in the end wasn't some patronizing speech about how a lady shouldn't go to the woods unaccompanied. He just pointed north and said. "If you hurry you might be there by sundown."
I felt relieved smile touching the corners of my mouth. I gave him an awkward bow of someone who didn't have much practice these last few decades and grabbing the front of my skirt to make running easier I headed for the nearest exit.
Sneaking around the guards went pretty well and I was at the edge of the forest in no time. Trying to figure out how long it was since I last entered these woods I started down an unfamiliar path. Things went pretty well from there. I mean besides the fact that I tore my dress on literally the first hedge I encountered. And I scared off a lot of wildlife. And stumbled about every five minutes. To put it simply my instincts were returning only very slowly… It took me almost half an hour before I realized I could hear a horse on the path behind me.
"Seriously?" I said turning. Not one bit surprised that he followed me. Of course he did…
"You can get there before nightfall if you ride."
"Well, why didn't you say so then?"
"I didn't think it was necessary."
"I've been out of the woods for too long," I sighed. And here I was thinking it will be like riding a bike. Turns out all that time spent outside of the usual fairy tale territories really changes a person. "So how are we going to do this? Am I keeping the horse and you walking back to the castle, or…"
And there was all that really needed to be said. It was most certainly the option number two, going by his expression. And there was more, too.
"You need to see the witch too, don't you?"
"Just happen to be going in the same direction," he said, helping me up on the horse.
This was the moment to point out that according to the map I glanced back at the castle these woods were nowhere near his territory and by being here he was almost definitely missing a party – not something people around these parts did willingly I bet. In the interest of not getting lost in the woods I kept those comments to myself. If he wanted to pretend to be all noble why not let him? It wasn't as though he could keep up the pretense much longer once we reached the witch's hut.
But the thing was – the thing about riding through the woods that I managed to completely forget – there was a certain boredom to it all. After a few minutes I couldn't keep my mouth shut if my life depended on it.
"So Merida is really popular, isn't she?" I said innocently. The only answer I got was a noncommittal grunt. "People totally lost it when she reappeared."
There was only silence following that observation. So I made another...
"People lost it when she just disappeared, didn't they?"
"How do your people react to losing your queen?"
I thought about that for a moment. "I don't think that many of us would be too upset. I mean she has magic and we totally need that because something magical threatens us every few minutes. Though a lot of it is her fault too… I see what you did, by the way. We're not changing the subject. Queens don't just disappear every day. How quickly did you realize you won't find her using the usual means…?"
I got no answer of course. Not that I needed one – it was pretty clear that I hit the target with that one.
"So… How bad was it?"
"What?"
"You trying to make the witch help find Merida. Please tell me you didn't kick her door in…"
"I didn't," he said reluctantly. But something stopped me from breathing a sigh of relief. "But…"
"Yes…?"
"I might have been… threatening."
"Oh, she'll be thrilled to see us…" I said. I'd facepalm if it wasn't so uncomfortable while sharing the limited space on the horseback.
The rest of the way we rode mostly in silence. No clue what Mackintosh was thinking about – me, I was trying to remember if I actually promised to Victor not to get turned into a bear. Because right now I felt like I might have hard time keeping that particular promise.
"I won't take much of your time," I said when door of the little hut opened. "I just came to say… thank you."
"Say what, dear?" said the witch that for all her magical powers clearly didn't see this coming.
"Thank you. For what you did for me," I said, feeling all sorts or strangling emotions rising in my chest. And here I promised myself I won't get emotional. "Also – this guy," I said, moving aside so he could see the other figure, indistinct in thickening twilight.
Not apologizing just yet he only nodded his greeting and waited in silence. The witch studied us carefully before opening the door and letting us in. Into a house full of carvings that brought all kinds of memories back to me.
"Are you really here to thank me, lass?" asked the witch. "That is not the response people I cursed usually have."
"This is a kind of a special case. Let me tell you a story," I said, sitting down on a wooden chair. Very bear-like chair. "My name is Goldilocks. I know," I grinned saying it, amused by how hard was Mackintosh trying to hide his very natural reaction to that ridiculous name. "And I'm pretty sure the name is the reason a fairy took pity on me when I was a baby. She thought I'll need all the help I could get, having a lifetime of teasing ahead of me. So she gave me a blessing. For all doors to be always open to me…"
The witch nodded knowingly. "Misfired, did it?"
"Oh, it worked perfectly. People were always very kind to me. Always welcoming. And… all the locks always opened for me, too. All the locks. Magical protections meant nothing to me. Old portals reopened whenever I so much as stepped in the vicinity of where they used to be," I said, remembering how freaked out I was when that happened the first time. And how tempting it was. How very tempting… "With a talent like that, there was one very obvious carrier for me."
"The talent alone didn't have to dictate your fate," said the witch. Second time I heard her say those words. And this time I didn't answer her with teenage angst.
"I know. All that happened to me was the result of me always taking the easy way," I said. And admitting it was easier than I thought it would be. "It never even occurred to me not to. I had to be cursed to finally realize I need to get my life together."
"I don't understand," said Mackintosh. "How would being turned into a bear help you…?"
"Oh I didn't turn her into a bear," laughed the witch. "My curse made sure that every time she was about to take something that didn't belong to her she fell asleep."
"Very effective way to put a thief out of service…" I laughed too. Because I could actually laugh about it now. That was one way I could tell I finally managed to put the past behind me. "Right. Your turn," I said, turning to the young lord.
"What?"
"Apologize for throwing your weight around. That's what you came to do right?"
"Yes, I… I'm sorry. I was out of line. I was just…"
"Upset?" said the witch with a little too innocent smile.
"Emotional?" I guessed. There was a knowing smile I had very hard time fighting down right then.
"Worried," he said with a frown that said he didn't appreciate our tone. Or the knowing look we exchanged. Or the way the whole atmosphere in the room changed.
But... though teasing him was fun I had some doubts about my survival if he decided to let me find my own way back. I could always save a few knowing smiles and amused comments for when we're safely out of the woods.
"Now there's just one more thing I would like to discuss with you," I told the old lady. "Could I possibly take a look at some of your woodcarvings? I'll be paying this time," I assured her.
"I can't believe you bought that one," commented Mackintosh as we were leaving.
"It reminded me of someone," I said, grinning at the small wooden bear that had the most curious expression. Like he just delivered the creepiest pick up line imaginable and was really proud of it, too. "Right. We better hurry, or there's not going to be any ale left by the time we get to the castle."
"You never asked her to take off the curse," he said, studying me.
"Weren't you listening? That curse is the best thing that ever happened to me."
Which was completely true. Especially since even though it prevented me from breaking into places it did absolutely nothing to my uncanny ability to find and reopen portals. Good thing since with my business here done I better head home. I felt uneasy about leaving Storybrooke, even for a single day. Considering recent history of that town, it was more than enough time for some new menace to appear on the scene…
"So what will you do now?"
"Go home. But, you know… tomorrow," I said realizing that I wasn't letting go a chance at an evening off. Besides, there were no parties like medieval parties.
Which tended to be loud. Louder in this particular kingdom, as it turned out. Not that I complained. There was something that warmed my heart about the simplicity of the joy I could see on the faces of Merida's subjects. Something that was missing from my world for far too long, I felt.
Of course we had our reasons to celebrate in Storybrooke. And our reasons to stay out off the streets until whatever was haunting them was vanquished by our very own squad of heroes. And they were getting really hard to keep up with… The truth was we couldn't even get a party going for fear some local villain will take offense and show up to shut the whole thing down.
"More ale?" asked Merida catching me in the corner, far from the loud company.
"If you're hoping it might do something about my expression… well, you're not entirely wrong. Though it might take more ale than can be found in your whole kingdom."
"Are you worried about the witch that much?"
"Oh, no, I dealt with that already," I said dismissively.
"You did? How? When?"
"You know, you have a nice kingdom here. It gets a bit chaotic when alcohol gets involved but other than that it's lovely. Really lovely," I said, though her expression said that this sudden change of subject won't work on her. "It's much nicer than the place I live in. More stable I bet. Pretty much anywhere is more stable in comparison."
"Is your land really that bad?"
"You've been there. On a slow week, by the way," I sighed. "And I want to return – no need to worry about where to put me if I decide to stay. Not staying. Just wondering what exactly is wrong with me for wanting to go back to that…"
"It's your home, isn't it?" she asked. And it was a very good question.
"It is now. Some huge part of me wishes it wasn't," I said, finishing my ale. "It's a dangerous place to be calling home."
But even as I said it I felt like taking first chance to disappear back into the throne room and re-open the portal that brought me here. There were no parties like medieval parties, true, but there was also no place like home. Wishing I had a better one to return to I still couldn't deny the terrible truth that I simple didn't. There was only Storybrooke. The place where I never took the easy way.
"Have another drink," advised Merida. "It might not make your worries disappear, but it won't hurt either…"
I smiled at her, seeing she had a point and after some hesitation followed that advice. I deserved one more for the road.
"Oh don't look so surprised. I promised I'll be back. Here, I brought you something," I said, handing over the creepy bear-carving.
"A souvenir from fairy tale land?" Victor grinned taking it from me.
"So what happened while I was gone? Did a new villain rode into town and started threatening everyone…"
"You know I don't know about these things until they get someone seriously injured," he said. Refraining from comment when I started disposing of my weapons, dropping them on one of the seats in the waiting room.
"No crisis then? Seriously? I've been gone for a whole day…"
"A few hours actually. How did you get back anyway?"
"Portal," I said, ending that line of questioning right there. "So we might have a new villain, we just don't know about it. Doesn't that seem weird?"
"What do you mean? Do you want to be in the loop?"
"No but… you should be," I frowned. "It's ridiculous that we don't have villain early warning system, that's for sure. But even more ridiculous that you only hear about what went on when someone's already bleeding all over you."
"Why are you so concerned about me all of a sudden?" he asked. I wasn't sure if he asked something similar before I went to bury my fairy tale past, but right now I wasn't any clearer on my motives than before my little trip.
"I don't know. Someone should be. You're the only doctor in town – we're screwed if something happens to you," I said, feeling even as I said it that that wasn't quite it. "And… you never take the easy way. I don't know what happened to you or what landed you here, to be the one lone monster among all the fairy tales. But I don't need to know the whole story. I know you. I started helping people because a curse made me. You actually chose to become a doctor long before this."
"Did you have an epiphany back there…?" he asked, clearly undecided whether to be amused or take that little speech seriously.
"Not really. All I had was one drink too many," I admitted and sat down in a chair next to all my weapons. "But I still think I'm making solid points. You're not a bad guy. Well, technically… But you know what I mean."
"Just not why you mean it."
"I always meant it. I just never quite understood you actually needed to be told. Maybe that's what changed with Ruby disappearing. I finally saw that you two are really so self-deluded you needed to be reminded you're not actually monsters. You needed it spelled out for you. Fine, here goes: you're not a monster. Neither is she but I can't very well follow her…" I shut up before that train of thought took me too far from the station, since I absolutely could follow her.
But Ruby would be just fine when she finds whatever it is she's looking for. Victor, however, was a different case. He wasn't looking for anything. He might have been once, but something made him stop – and all the drive went right out of him. Now he was just going through the motions, like someone who didn't quite understand how much we needed him to survive in this town forever under attack. To him, showing up for work every day had more to do with enjoying the view…
"Am I getting through to you at all?" I asked.
"Maybe. Not that I need to be reassured. I actually know I've gotten better – by how long it's been since I've been electrocuting a corpse."
I gave him a weak smile and closed my eyes for a moment. It was time to put my medieval costume away and slip into nurse's uniform again. But I wasn't sure he was taking me all that seriously when I was wearing that particular item of clothing. He always seemed to be too busy with his imagination to actually hear what I was saying.
"Well, maybe you'll see what I mean when a proper mad scientist shows up. And one of these days one is bound to."
"Don't even joke about that…" he said in mock horror.
A few hours later, when we finally heard the news about the newest visitor to our fair town all he did was give me a you just had to go there look. "Don't even say it," I sighed, hoping this wasn't somehow my fault after all.
"Careful what you wish for, Gemma. Careful what you wish for…"
"Oh come on. Wishes don't actually come true."
That only got me another, even more meaningful stare.
"Well, at least we have a new doctor in town. You know what that means."
"More free time," he said, surprising me with not exactly creepy smile.
"And you better spend it hitting on nuns rather than laughing maniacally in your secret lab. Otherwise you'll have me on your case," I said, realizing a little too late that this just gave him perfect opening to say something inappropriate.
"Oh really…?"
I rolled my eyes and started walking down the corridor. Why did I even bother…?
But after my little trip, that was no longer a rhetorical question. I knew why I bothered. Because no one else did. And we needed him. Preferably sane, too. This city I unfortunately still called home needed him – and the new doctor in town didn't really change that. There still was only one person I would trust with my life if I ever got caught in the crossfire.
Which made it all the more upsetting that if I turned around now I would see the all too much familiar expression on his face. The one that made me wish my skirt was longer.