- warnings -
humor. OOC on Kaiba.
- author does a jig -
This was inspired by the actual toy mentioned herein - it was just too funny a visual to resist. ^^;; It's OOC, I imagine, and it's goofy, but we can all have fun anyway, ne? But I've never actually played with said toy (though I was very tempted to buy it, lol).
So this is another *gasp* pairingless fic. o.O Hey, that makes four in one lifetime. Haha! Right… Thankies go to Sammi-san, who helped with the visual, lol. And who proofread it for me. ^^ Anyway, laugh! I command you. And Happy 2004. Hope everyone isn't coming in with a headache like me, lol. XD
He would sue them for every dime they had. After all, they didn't have a legal leg to stand on; they had reproduced his image and his name without his consent, and made money off it. They might as well have held up a neon sign: "SUE ME PLEASE!"
Kaiba hadn't known that Duel Monsters had extended to the realm of toys until Mokuba came home with a figurine, holding it up and saying, "Look, Seto, it's you!" At first Kaiba thought he was kidding, and - upon further examination - realized that there was no joke. Someone had turned Duel Monsters into a child's market. Even worse, they were exploiting real duelists as a basis of their product.
And their product didn't look a damn thing like him.
Kaiba's first reaction was simple: send underlings to buy out these toys, bring them for examination, and then sue the pants off the makers. He hadn't expected to have such a MASS of toys piled in his office; there must have been hundreds of stupid little figurines and big figurines and - good god! - was that a t-shirt he saw underneath a building kit? He rolled his eyes - eyes that fell on the one box that had made its way to his desk. Mokuba had set it there, saying that Kaiba might enjoy playing with it. Kaiba had shooed the boy off to school, but left the toy. Now he that he looked at it, it was a figure of Blue Eyes - pretty pathetic likeness, if Kaiba said so himself. His technology did better. And was that little blue plastic missile an example of Blue Eyes' attack? The whole thing was terrible, in no way worthy of projecting the Blue Eyes' majesty.
And then Kaiba's eyes fell on something much more interesting.
A small flat thing - a small flat thing that had a picture of Yami on it.
Was the point of the toy to shoot down Yami? Kaiba grinned almost maliciously. Maybe the toys didn't look much like him, but there must have been hundreds of kids shooting Yami down at that very moment - Kaiba wondered which of them had more fans. Not that he really wanted fans…
Come to think of it… shooting at Yami would be fun.
Kaiba looked around the room, almost as though he expected someone to be watching, before he tore into the box, pulling out the toys eagerly. He moved, setting the little figure of Yami on one end of the desk, and kneeling down at the other, the plastic Blue Eyes resting opposite of the figure of Yami. Kaiba aimed, considered the aim, re-aimed, grinned, and fired the stupid plastic missile.
And missed.
Kaiba growled - he had barely missed! It had only been an inch too far to the left. He stood, retrieved the plastic missile, and tried again.
Didn't hit; sailed too far to the right. Kaiba glared and retrieved the toy again. Aimed, fired.
The stupid missile bounced off the desk; he had aimed too far down. And it STILL didn't hit Yami! Was it just Kaiba, or was that stupid toy mocking him? He remained as composed as possible as he retrieved the toy and knelt back on the floor, eying the other figure warily, as though it was real and mocking him, daring him to try to hit.
Kaiba fired - and almost hit! He swore he could see the little toy sway, but the blue missile passed just over the top of it. Maybe he needed a bigger figurine; surely there would be one in that massive pile…
No! He was Kaiba - he could hit a stupid, one-inch toy. He went to retrieve the plastic missile for fifth time, and when he returned, he focused solely on the toys, examining the distance between the two, the sizes… When he was finally sure that he couldn't miss, he fired.
The figure of Yami went flying off the desk, and it took all of Kaiba's self-control not to do something of a small victory dance… or at least point and laugh. Instead he went to retrieve the missile - but left the figure of Yami on the floor. He found himself by the pile of toys, staring down at it. Was that a little figure of the mutt that Kaiba saw in there? He grinned and reached down for the toy. These toys could be more fun than he had given them credit for.
Of course, he still intended to sue the pants off the makers.