My first day back to Degrassi for my final year. Six years I've been coming here, regularly, every morning.

My first year, seventh grade. I met Sean. I fell in love for the first time. Then, he did something violent and we split.

My second year, eighth grade. Sean and I got back together at my mother and teacher's wedding. It's disturbing to even think that my mother is married to my teacher but he's not just a teacher to me anymore. He's my father.

My third year, freshman year. Sean met up with Jay and his Crew. They undoubtedly pulled him away from me. Or at least that's what I tell myself because I don't want to even think that he left me out of his own will. Or maybe I did already admit it and that was the first step on my downward spiral into the dark pit where I now reside.

My fourth year, sophomore year. The year of the shooting. That's something that if I talk about I might as well just start digging deeper into my pit of despair. Sean left. He couldn't deal with the fact of being a hero for saving my life. I probably could've left too and people wouldn't have blamed me. I was almost shot, for God's sake! And with the stress came Jay. He's like fire. Wherever there's smoke, there's Jay. And there wasn't just smoke at the ravine. There was the van. He brought me in, showed me around, and then kissed me. One thing lead to the next and I ended up getting a vaccination against my disease—gonorrhea.

Then there was my fifth year, junior year. I met Peter. He filmed my best friend, Manny, drunkenly flashing his camera. As if that wasn't bad enough, he e-mailed it around school. I wish I could've hated him forever, because then things wouldn't have gotten so out of hand. He started to like me, and boy was he persistent. We started to secretly date. Things were going great until I had the genius idea to 'take control'. I put Manny and myself on a drastic diet that included not eating and purging frequently. Manny stopped, saying it was crazy, but I was determined and also, without realizing it at the time, really stupid. As if almost getting shot and getting an STD wasn't enough, I also had to make myself anorexic and bulimic. When Manny threatened to tell my parents about my disorder, I told her I was only doing it because of the stress of keeping from her the fact that I was dating Peter. She was pissed, which is what I had predicted. Hence, keeping our relationship a secret. But then I had a panic attack. It was brought on by stress, which is what I had told Manny, but the doctor also pointed out, it was caused by lack of nourishment. I was officially diagnosed and put under intense watch. My parents said I wouldn't have the privilege of eating alone for a few years. Just like I didn't have the privilege of having a computer in my room for a few years after I was almost raped by an online sex offender.

I've thought a lot of bad things about myself and I know people have thought things about me too. They probably think I was so scared when Rick almost shot me or that I was so stupid for purging. A lot of people probably felt bad for me too. Maybe I was looking for their pity. But I was too out of my mind to know. People thought I was a slut when they heard about what I did at the ravine. But that died down after awhile. Only a few people still talk about it but everyone's always talking about the shooting and about how I passed out in the hallway from starvation. But I don't get it because the one thing that I'm constantly mentally kicking myself for is getting into that van.

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I didn't want to go back to school. I thought I was so lucky that I was expelled. I wouldn't be going to college so what did it matter what my record said? But when Spinner went back to the school to beg to be let back in, apparently he made it sound like I wanted to go back too. So a few weeks ago I get a letter in the mail telling me that I was starting school in three days. Couldn't they have sent the letter with at least a weeks notice? Of course not. It's Degrassi.

I had pressed the snooze button what seemed like thirty seconds ago but it must have been ten minutes because my alarm started blaring again. I reached up and hit the off button. The irritating ringing ceased. I debated lying back down and sleeping until noon. But I sighed and stood up. I had to go back to school. If I didn't there would be three people standing on my doorstep by 3:30 this afternoon.

The first would be Spinner. He would probably run to oh so humble abode right after final bell and start rambling about how I could just ditch school after all he went through to get us back in. I would slam the door in his face and then within a matter of minutes Liberty Van Zandt would be standing in the same place. News travels fast in Degrassi. I mean, news travels fast in all schools. But it travels faster than light in the hallowed halls of Degrassi Central School. Van Zandt would've heard that I was let back in and then would've come to my house wondering why I wasn't there. She would probably have a broken nose from the door hitting her in the face as it closed. The third and most awaited person would be none other than good old Mr. Simpson. I heard he was helping out the new principal while she was getting situated. He would come to warn me that if I didn't show up for three days in a row I would be put in detention. Like I cared. As far as I knew, detention could be where I eat and sleep.

But none of that is going to happen because about five minutes after I got out of bed I sniffed three pairs of jeans to pick which smelled the cleanest, found a tube of toothpaste that wasn't sealed with rust, and ate something that resembled food. I got into my orange Civic and drove the long three-minute drive to the front of the torture chamber.