Im screwed. I'm so totally screwed, said my thoughts shouting back at me.

"Get in my bathroom now!" I whisper as loudly as I can to Blake who was still lying next to my bed enveloped in his own horror written all over his face. "Now!" I say more aggresively. He then quickly rushes to the bathroom as I close the door in on him as soon as my mom walks in. "Alessandra whats going on?" she asks. Screwed. Screwed. Screwed. I think to myself. "Nothing Mom" I say as calmly as possible.

"Honey I know the past few months have been harsh, Michaels death was devas.."Stop it! I can't deal with this right now, you don't understand, nobody does , ok? Please go, I just want to be alone" I responded bluntly, I knew it would hurt her, I knew it, but like the selfish human I am I continue to hurt people because my hurt is too much to bare. "Honey..." she continued.

"Please..." I replied.

She walked out my room turning back only once, but that was all it took for me to see the tears starting to stream down her face. And after a few moments Blake walked out of my bathroom his face full of judgement. I couldn't take it from him either so I just said "Don't you see Blake? Don't you see? I'm not a good person, maybe I used to be but i'm just not that girl anymore, I WILL NEVER BE THAT GIRL AGAIN. I destroy my parents more each and every day, but I can't be anything more than this Blake. I. Just. Can't." I said pained

He looked at me for what felt like years before he softly said, " Alessandra I'm not going to judge you, I don't know what you've been through, I don't know you, but I would like to."

"Why?" I say with my traitor tears overflowing my eyes again.

"Because underneath it all you're so much more" he says sincerely.

I wish I could beleive that, I wish I really could, but I just can't it. Because beleiving beautiful lies is more painful than knowing a harsh truth.

"I can't deal with this right now" I say no longer caring about his feelings being hurt because mine were overbaring.

"You don't have to, meet me at the pond at 12:00 PM sharp, ok?" he said while he made his exit through my window. "Ok?" he said again questioningly.

"Fine" I say, it's not like I have anything better to do with my life, oh wait I do.

He then quickly jumped down grunting as he hit the hard grass and ran towards his house down the curb, looking back just once.

I paced and fidgeted as I waited for the long hours to pass, theres truly nothing to do when you find no purpose in living anymore. I kept watching the clock it was exactly 12:00 and with nothing but endless time on my hands I was still questioning whether I should actually meet up with him. Then with a sigh of defeat I got up rushed down the stairs, slammed the front door and walked myself down to where we had met last time, which was Michael and I's place. Blake was an intruder there, it felt wrong with him there, but I couldn't tell him to go somewhere else without explaining why, so I just dealt with it as I found him sitting under Michaels tree with all the ease in the world. There it was, that huge pang in my chest again reminding me how wrong this all was. But I went forward and quitely sat down next to him. He then stood up and offerred me his hand in assistance, I just sat there questioning his intentions until he said "I'm going to show you a fun time Ms. grumpy" he said in a way most girls would think is cute. "Come on, if you completely hate it I promise you never have to talk to me again" he said too confidently. I went through all my options in my head then took his hand finding it to be the least painful. "Thanks" he replied.

He then walks me to his blue Nissan Altima, I get in hesitantly wondering what the heck I had just gotten myself into. "I just cleaned it" He said proudly talking about his car, it was rather clean, and smelled like fresh leather. We then headed out, I didn't ask many questions so the trip there was full of akward silence. Blake tried to small talk but I never gave him any answers that could keep a conversation going, so it seemed longer in the silence.

"We're here" he said.

I looked around me and found nothing but trees and shrubs and nothing of interest so I looked at him and said, "what exactly is here?" He didn't respond instead he practically tackled me out of my car and dragged me towards a huge open area, it went on for miles on endless miles. "What is this?" I asked again. "Paradise" he replied. I obviously didn't get it, this 'paradise' he spoke of must have been password protected for only his own eyes because all my eyes could register was an endless green field. "Over there don't you see it?" He asked me. I shook my head no in response. He then found the nearest tree and helped me climb up its closest limb, I got up on my fifth try embarassingly. He got up on his first. Showoff, I thought.

"Now do you see it?" he asked, so I squinted and looked in the direction he was pointing and there it was this huge wall rising out of no where. My jaw drops, not from the wall but the sight the wall contains, it's completely graffitied, theres not one spot on the canvas that isn't. I looked to the left side of the wall and found a small boy drawn with a beer bottle in his hand and his father next to him handing him another. To the right of the wall I saw two telescopes, one showed darkness, the other light, one showed beauty, the other death. Everything on the wall was so intriquitly spray painted it brought emotions to my mind.

"Isn't it beautiful?" he said. "Breathtaking" I replied.

"I found it about a month ago on a hiking trip, I've come back many times since, coming here clears me head" he continues.

"It's amazing, I love it, it tells a million stories" I reply.

"That's exactly what I wanted to hear you say, it does tell a million stories, everybody has a story, some harder then others, but all still of worth" he intervenes.

I knew exactly where he was going with this, I was expecting it, I was dreading it.

"Who's Michael?" he asks.

My heart plummets.