Disclaimer: I don't own any of these people. They belong to the wickedly creative minds who brought them to life.
I just have them say things that they wouldn't otherwise say for my own amusement. No characters were harmed in the making of this fan-fic and no ill-will was intended.
A/N: I don't claim to be able to write Santana or Brittany particularly well, or even, at all. But this was a request and it interested me so, with that.. play on.
Yes, there was another request as well. I haven't forgotten. Just polishing the edges smooth and, well, it will basically just be CHMS. Not that that is a bad thing mind you.
Strawberry Shortcake's Tales Around the Campfire and the Front Porch Swing
Rachel shares about her wilderness adventure with Charlie with Brittany and Santana.
But things get confusing because: Santana thinks Charlie is a man. Brittany knows Charlie is not only a girl, but actually Quinn, but doesn't realize Santana doesn't. Rachel is so in love she really can't think about anything.
·:·:·:·:·:·:·:·:·:·
"It's not her yet," said the pretty blonde girl with the denim-blue eyes disappointed as she took her eye away from the peephole on the door.
"I told you it wasn't. Just like I told you it wasn't the last five times you went to check, "said the lanky brunette moving easily abut the kitchen. She was slender and graceful and oozed with a take-no-prisoners attitude, even when doing simple things like stirring sauces.
One look at her sleek dark hair, olive skin and flashing brown eyes there was no denying her Latina heritage, even before she ever introduced herself.
"Santana Lopez, Yes, that Santana Lopez," she would say with a tight smug smile and then relish the reaction. Watching people flail and fawn never failed to amuse her. But then, how could it?
"Brit, baby," Santana said with a patient sigh. "Come back in here and sit down."
The girl was still stationed at the front door, eye glued to the peephole watching the world go by on the sidewalk outside in weirdly curved perspective. That was pretty much Brittany's normal take on things, actually. Where most people's vision stopped, she could bend her gaze ever so slightly and see around corners. It made life interesting, particularly for those she shared it with.
"She'll be exactly right on time," Santana told her, pointing out what to her was the obvious."She is always exactly right on time because she's just a little weird freak."
"I don't think Rachel's a weird freak," Brittany said, seriously, walking down the hallway. "She's just Rachel Berry."
"Maybe it's a leprechaun thing," Santana said suddenly mostly to herself, eyes brightly amused, hoping Brittany didn't hear the remark.
"Leprechauns have to be on time," Brittany said. "Otherwise people would steal their gold."
"That's true, Britts," she agreed, because how could you not?
"But Rachel's not a leprechaun," Brittany said, shaking her head. "She's just very tiny. If she was a leprechaun we'd all be rich
Santana smiled and shook her head.
"Because she'd have a pot of gold, right? Santana asked, indulging her gladly while she washed dishes and put them neatly away.
"No, silly," she scoffed. "Because she'd be a leprechaun and she'd be in a circus. Or a forest, maybe and we'd know her and could take pictures and sell them and you could be her manager. Sort of like you are now, but she'd be a leprechaun."
"Okkkaaay, "Santana said, because it was just easier.
She loved talking to Brittany. After all this time, it was still one of her favorite ways to pass her most precious time. She hoped to be sitting on a porch somewhere years and years from now listening to Brittany S. Pierce, still holding her hand, while rocking contentedly and looking back on a long life well loved.
"Good things come in small packages. Rachel says that," Brittany explained.
"I'm sure she does," Santana chuckled. She didn't bother offering her theories on not-so-good tiny things.
"I'm excited, " Brittany said, eagerly, sweeping up behind Santana and putting her hands around her waist. She tucked her chin over Santana's shoulder and kissed the beautiful girl on the cheek. Santana smiled and patted her hands. Brittany liked it when Santana was like this, relaxed and unguarded. She wasn't in "professional, bitchy Santana mode."
"I know you are," she said, smiling.
"You are, too," Brittany said, knowingly. "I can tell."
"Uh, no, Britts, I am not," Santana said with a frown. "It's just Rachel and I get more than enough of Little Miss so Berry annoying on the regular, thank you very much."
"Be nice, Santana," Brittany said, her eyes flashing at Santana with a mixture of pleading and warning.
"Besides, I know you're excited. You're actually cooking all her favorite special food," Brittany said.
"Yeah, we had all these leftover vegetables and weird cans of stuff with no discernible flavor," Santana muttered, "It was just a good excuse to get rid of it all. Besides, if I talk about business, I can write it all off, too."
"I don't want you to talk business," Brittany pouted. "I want you to talk to Rachel with me and not about work stuff."
"I will, Britts, but I have to talk a little bit of business, too." she explained. "Not the whole night, I promise."
Brittany looked at her, brow furrowed.
"I guess a little bit is okay," she said. "Just don't make her mad... or sad. You can't do that."
Santana sighed. With most of her clients that wasn't a difficult request, but with Rachel that usually meant holding up every single word and looking at it carefully before putting it out there. Rachel could go sideways without much provocation over just about anything. She hadn't always been that way. Fuck, who was she kidding? Yes, Rachel had always been that way, but not as bad as she had gotten over the last 12 month or so.
To be honest, Rachel was probably at the lowest point that Santana had ever seen, and that included high school. In a word, she was broken – emotionally, spiritually, professionally. She was a freaking hot mess.
Santana had really tried everything to snap her back into her annoying, spotlight-sucking self but nothing was working. Rachel was mired in and wallowing, perched on the verge of drowning and Santana had been able to do little more than watch anxiously from the sidelines.
When that script landed across her desk the first person she though of was Rachel. It was everything she needed to take her into circles they had both been wanting for ages.
It was perfect except for the fact that it was totally against type for her. There wasn't a casting director in the world who would seriously consider her for the part based on her past performances.
She was firmly fixed in the ", funny, sarcastic friend, fragile, needy never get the guy ingenue" territory. It was a vicious, over-crowded rut of a label and they'd been eyeing ways to break her out of it. This script could be just the vehicle to break everything wide open but only if they could find a way to make people consider Rachel seriously for the part.
The wheels in Santana's head started to turn and she immediately reached for her Rolodex and pulled out business card. She tucked into her pocket and made a mental note to call when she got home. That had been almost three weeks ago and now she was hoping to see the end results.
·:·:·:·:·:·:·:·:·:·
The oven timer buzzed and Santana's eyes went to the time. 7:29.
"Britts, why don't you check the door again?" she suggest.
Brittany jumped up and ran down the hall through the foyer and pressed her eye to the peephole. Rachel was just raising her hand to the doorbell when Brittany threw the door open wide with an excited squeal.
"Ooofff," Rachel huffed when the air was pushed out of her as she was swept up into Brittany's bear hug. She lifted her off the ground, because she could and because she always did.
Rachel laughed and tried not to flail even though her arms were trapped against her sides and her feet were dangling several inches above floor. She was more or less vertically planking.
"Hi Rachel," Brittany said, squeezing happily.
"Hi Britt," Rachel grunted, hesitant to use what little air she'd managed to save.
Santana walked down the hall, wiping her hands on a towel and smirking at the scene unfolding on their doorstep.
"Put her down, Brittany," Santana said gently, almost wincing at Rachel's pained expression. Santana knew Rachel would literally pass out before she would ever suggested to Brittany that she might be hurting her.
Rachel smiled gratefully and winced.
"Come on, Britts," Santana said again, "Don't damage the talent."
Brittany placed Rachel very gingerly back on her feet again. Rachel sputtered and gulped air, still keeping one hand on Brittany's arm, partially to reassure her and partially to keep her at a safe distance.
"Nice to see you, too, Brittany," she said after regaining her bearings. She held up her arms and Brittany fell into her embrace eagerly.
"I've missed you, Rachel," Brittany said against her cheek. She caught Santana's eye over Brittany's shoulder. She was smiling, softly.
"I always miss you, Britt," Rachel said sincerely as she pressed a soft kiss against Brittany's cheek.
Santana watched for another minute or so and then gave an exasperated sigh and rolled her eyes.
"Two seconds, Berry," she huffed. "You aren't even here two seconds and already your drug-store clearance bin lipstick is on my girl's face."
Rachel rolled her eyes and pulled away from Brittany, her eyes smiling. She reached her hand up and rubbed away the lipstick smudge from her cheek.
"Come on," Brittany said, tugging Rachel by the hand.
"Always a pleasure, Santana," Rachel said catching her gaze as she was whisked into the house.
"For you, I'm sure, "Santana muttered and closed the door.
Brittany had officially declared dinner a business-free, drama free zone so they ate quickly and surprisingly quietly and were happily retired to the living room with their drinks.
"Can I have one of those?" Rachel asked, nodding toward the beer Santana was holding.
"You want a beer?" Santana asked, her brow furrowing. "For reals?"
Rachel nodded.
Santana held up her hand.
"Whoa, back the fuck up." she said, eyes wide, before she walked into the kitchen and returned with a cold bottle.
Rachel took it with both hands and swiveled the cap off. She took a healthy pull and then, putting her hand to her chest, offered up a healthy belch. She followed it up with a little tiny more Rachel-Berry sized burp.
Brittany grinned excitedly, her eyes flashing to Santana.
"She sounds just like you, Santana." Brittany chirped.
Rachel laughed.
Santana squinted at them both, less than pleased.
"Now maybe she can..."
"Brittany!" they both said at the same time, cutting her off in mid-thought.
"I hope that isn't the extent of your newly acquired skills," Santana said, unimpressed.
"No, Santana," Rachel said, shaking her head. "In fact, I have your checklist for you."
Santana squinted at her, shaking her head.
"Wait," Rachel got to her feet and walked over to her things on the couch. She reached inside her purse and pulled out the neatly folded list Charlie had given her. She walk over and presented it to Santana.
Santana took it, side-eyeing Rachel warily.
Rachel sat back down beside Brittany and picked up her beer, sipping deeply. Brittany ran her fingers through Rachel's long hair and Rachel patted her knee affectionately.
Santana sighed and unfolded the paper, her eyes scanning over the details quickly. She was frowning before she reached the end.
"Are you fucking kidding me?"she asked, looking skeptically at Rachel.
"What do you mean?" Rachel asked, her brown knitted heavily.
"Am I supposed to believe you can do all this shit?" she asked, laughing.
"Well, yes, actually, you are," Rachel said pointedly. "Wasn't that the whole point of my going out there?
"Come on, Berry, " Santana chided, sipping from her own beer. "The point of going out there was to build your confidence. When you didn't die on the first day, everything after that was gravy. Rich, meat-flavored gravy."
Rachel scoffed.
"Nice to know you had so much confidence in me, Santana,"
Hair flip, Santana said to herself.
Predictably, Rachel tossed her hair over her shoulder.
Defiant pouting, Santana called out in her head.
Rachel folded her arms across her chest and set her jaw.
It was like Groundhog's Day, only more annoying and without residuals.
Brittany put her hand on Rachel's shoulder.
"Can I see what Rachel can do now?" she asked, cutting her eyes up at Santana and reaching for the list.
Santana and Rachel glared at each other, but eventually Santana looked at Brittany, smiled slightly and then handed her the note.
"You learned all this?" Brittany asked with a grin as her finger trailed down the list on the page.
"Yeah," Rachel muttered deflated and nodded her head.
"Can you teach me?" Brittany asked, pointing at something.
Rachel smiled.
"A little bit," she said with a chuckle. "I didn't get very good. Charlie said it would take time and practice."
Brittany jumped up and ran into the house.
"Where are you going?" Santana called, looking after her.
"I gotta get something," she said and pounded her way up the stairs.
Santana stared after her for a minute and then turned back to Rachel. Rachel looked at her and then turned away. Santana sighed.
"Shit," she muttered to herself. She'd already made her mad, right in front of Britts, no less. If Rachel was crying and Brittany came back and saw it Santana's life would become a totally fucking miserable, not to mention sex-free, mess.
Santana walked into the kitchen pulled two beer out the refrigerator and walked back to the couch. She sat down next to Rachel and placed one in front of her. After a moment, she picked it up again and swivel off the top, then set it back down.
Rachel watched her, eyes wide, and her heart lurched painfully in her chest.
Santana watched her reaction, completely baffled.
What the fuck? See, she told herself, it always pays to be rude.
She smacked herself on the forehead for even trying and the sighed, regrouped, and tried again.
"I don't make things easy for you, Rachel." she said quietly. "I'm sorry for that. I push you too hard. I know that. But I push you because you need it sometimes. I push you because I know you are at your best when on the raw edge. It's a curse, but a fact. I've seen it. You're amazing when you have to be, every time."
Rachel smiled fleetingly and nodded, still looking away from her.
"You're not in a good place right now," Santana continued. "I know that. I've known it for a while now. What I don't know is how to make it better for you."
Rachel smiled.
"It isn't your job, Santana, " Rachel said quietly, trying to give her an out.
"No, you're right," Santana said. "That part isn't really part of my job. But, sometimes, and if you tell anyone I said this I will deny it and make your life totes fucking miserable. Sometimes it's just about being your friend, Rachel. And as your friend, I should want to do that. I should be able to find a way to do that and it bothers me that I can't."
Rachel turned and looked at Santana. Santana shrugged and gave her one of her "whatever" hand gestures. Then she shrugged and offered the smallest of smiles.
"Oh, Santana," Rachel said gently. "I would hug you except I'm almost certain that we would both burst into flames."
"Yes, just the thought of your little Berry self all up on me," she said, shuddering exaggeratedly, "O.M. G., I may hurl, for reals."
"Thank you," Rachel said.
"Don't mention it... ever." Santana said. "Seriously, or I'll have to kill you. And that would upset Brit and then you'll really be in shit."
"Got it," Brittany said, bouncing back into room excitedly. She thrust her hand out eagerly.
"What the..." Santana muttered.
Rachel just grinned
She had taken several jump ropes and carefully tied them together to make one long spliced, unbalance length of rope.
"Here, so teach me, Rachel." she said, her eyes flashing brightly. "So I can rope Santana."
Santana actually groaned.
Rachel just howled and doubled over on herself, shaking.
·:·:·:·:·:·:·:·:·:·
Santana was sitting on a lawn chair in the middle of the backyard. To say she was less than happy was an understatement. She had switched from beer to tequila shots.
"Try it again," Rachel said, giggling. She was four beers gone now and her mood had lightened greatly.
Brittany did it like Rachel taught her. She swiveled the multicolored, makeshift lasso lightly three times and then tossed, opening her hand at the very release. The rope uncoiled and spun perfectly, then smacked Santana soundly in the side of the head and fell on the ground.
"Motherf..." Santana muttered.
"Darn, I'm still doing it wrong," Brittany said, dejectedly.
"Oh, but you were so close," Rachel said, stifling squeals of laughter behind her palm. There were tears shining wetly on her cheeks and long lashes, but from laughing now.
"Alright," Santana blustered, long past being amused. "I've had about enough of this bullshit game. I say we play pin the tail on Berry's ass for a while."
"You try it, Rachel." Brittany said, hurrying over to her with the mangled lasso.
Rachel could feel the heat of Santana's glare from where she stood. It was set on stun, thankfully, otherwise she would have melted on the spot.
"Brittany, "Rachel said, gently taking the lasso from her hand. "This is too heavy, sweetie. We'll get you a real one and then you can practice some more, okay?"
Brittany nodded.
"Can we get it tomorrow, Rachel?" she asked.
"Um, I don't know. We'll see, okay." Rachel said, hoping Brittany would find something else to be excited about in the meantime.
"I'm going in the house, "Santana fumed, "Because it's dark out here and because this is fucking stupid. If either of you two decide to join me, I'll be in the den."
She stalked away, swaying slightly and dragging the lawn chair behind her.
Rachel smiled and watched her. Then she ran over and grabbed Brittany by the arm, swinging on her.
"Brittany," she said in a loud, slightly slurred whisper. "I want to show you something."
"Okay," Brittany said, smiling excitedly without even knowing what it was.
Rachel pointed up at the stars.
"See," she said, tilting her head back. The alcohol all immediately shifted to one side of her body and she started spinning in that direction and pinwheeled to the ground. Brittany though it as part of the fun and immediately did the same.
"Are we going to play tilt-a-whirl and spin around until we puke?" Brittany asked.
"Gosh, I hope not," Rachel said.
"San calls it making spin-art," Brittany said.
"She would," Rachel muttered, then laughed.
"I was showing you the stars, Brittany," Rachel said, pointing her hand up.
"San does that," Brittany said, slowly. "Only she's not really showing me the stars."
Rachel frowned.
"You don't want to have sex with me do you?" Brittany asked, whispering.
"What?" Rachel yelped, wiggling away from Brittany. "No, why would you think that?"
Brittany looked immediately hurt.
"Well, that's what San wants when she shows me the stars," she said. "So I thought maybe... I mean, I really like you, Rachel, but..."
Rachel sat up on one elbow and looked at Brittany.
"Brittany, sweetheart," she said gently, "I don't want to have sex with you. I love you very much, but no, I don't want to do that and not just because I don't want Santana to kill me in my sleep."
"Okay," Brittany nodded. "As long as you still really love me anyway."
"I do," Rachel said, falling back down. "I really do. Oh my god, Brittany, can you keep a secret?"
"If you want me to I can, " Brittany said, logically.
"I want you to, Brittany." Rachel said, excitedly, "I really, really want you to."
"Okay," Brittany agreed easily.
"I am so in love," Rachel said, almost levitating off the ground from sheer giddy happiness over it.
"I know, with... what's his name?" Brittany paused trying to remember. "Santana just calls him "that fucking loser" and sometimes "the giant Berry-sucking leech" and then she says you need to get rid of him, like yesterday."
"No, no, not with..." Rachel stopped. "She says that?"
Brittany nodded. "Yeah, all the time. That and other stuff. I can't remember it all," Brittany confessed.
"Why doesn't she ever tell me that?" Rachel asked, surprised.
"She says it's not her place to tell you who you should love," Brittany explained, "Then she says,"It's your life and you can fuck it up however you want that she doesn't care."
"Hmm," Rachel said, lost in thought.
"Is that the secret?" Brittany asked, confused. She wanted to get the right thing under lip lock and key.
"No, no," Rachel said, shaking her head. "No, I'm in love with Charlie," she said absently, still thinking about what Brittany had just told her.
"That's a surprise," Brittany said, softly.
Rachel pulled herself back into focus again.
"A surprise? Why?" she asked Brittany. "Because it's a girl?"
Brittany laughed.
"No, that's the not a surprise part," she said. "You've always liked girls more than boys. You just acted like you don't."
"That's not true," Rachel said,sputtering. "I don't know why you would think that."
"Because it's true," Brittany said, with a shrug "You just didn't know it til now. It happens like that sometimes. You don't know until you meet the person you're supposed to and then you figure it all out."
Rachel really wished that both Brittany and Santana would share some of this apparent wisdom in much more timely manner going forward. It would certainly make her life much easier.
"Does she love you?" Brittany asked.
"I think so," Rachel said, again thinking bout what Brittany said. "I mean, yeah. She said so, but not in so many words. I think she was worried it happened so fast.'
"That sounds about right for her," Brittany said, nodding. "She worries about everything. San says it's what makes her so goddamned uptight and mean."
Had she really always preferred women to men? She couldn't stop thinking about it now that Brittany had said that.
"Santana's not really mean," Rachel muttered. "She just likes people to think she is."
"That's not what I said," Brittany protested.
"If you two idiots are going to lay out there on the ground in the dark at least move every once in awhile so the neighbors don't think it's a fucking crime scene and call the police." Santana yelled out the patio door.
"Okay, well, she's a little mean," Rachel admitted now, considering. "Okay, a lot, she's a lot mean, but she has her kind moments. If you squint and look sideways just right...on certain holidays and in years ending in 2."
Brittany laughed. Rachel was funny.
"You're funny, Rachel." she said.
"I can be highly amusing," she said, coming back to the conversation again. She had no idea what Brittany had been saying honestly, but it was always risky going back with Brit, so she cut her losses and pressed on.
"It was amazing, Brittany," Rachel said, whispering excitedly. "I've never, ever felt like that before, not with anyone."
"She's pretty." Brittany said, nodding.
"Yes, she's so pretty," Rachel gushed. "And smart and sweet and funny – but like Santa funny, only not mean – and oh my god, I just could not stop... touching... her."
Rachel blushed all the way to the tops of her ears. Even just saying it now made her heart flutter and her stomach tighten with that really good kind of anticipation.
"Rachel," Brittany laughed."I'm so happy for you. Girl sex is always better than boy sex. It's wetter and fluffier and you can do it all the time without stopping."
Rachel didn't know whether she wanted to dig a hole and crawl inside or fly of the ground and tell Brittany every single sordid detail.
"I've never had so much great sex in that short amount of time in my life," Rachel whispered because she just couldn't say it out loud. "It was like one long org..."
"We have to tell Santana," Brittany squealed excitedly and jumped up off the ground.
"Wait, Brittany," Rachel said horrified as she staggered off the ground and stumbled toward the house. "NO! That's not how you keep a secret, Brittany. You're doing it wrong."
"Rachel's in love," Brittany announced breathlessly to Santana, who was happily sitting in the den watching trashy reality television and enjoying the Berry-free zone.
"Yeah, with that fucking loser leech." she muttered, sipping her fresh drink.
"No, with..."
"Brittany..." Rachel yelled, stumbling through the door. "Don't..."
"Lovely manners, Rachel," Santana huffed, "I know you didn't just come in her screaming like a banshee and yelling at Britts. Cause I'd have to kill you if you did. I'm just saying."
"Rachel got laid," Brittany blurted out, determined to have her say. "A lot."
Rachel groaned and folded herself onto the loveseat, her hands over her face. Brittany walked over and sat down beside her, rubbing her arm sympathetically.
This was her own fault. It was always a gamble sharing with Brittany. Sometimes things stayed tied down and sometimes Santana got an earful, usually whether she wanted it or not. Rachel had used that to her advantage she was ashamed to admit. This was just a little rough justice coming back her way. And maybe she wanted to tell after all.
"I think she drank too much," Brittany whispered roughly to Santana.
"No shit," Santana said with a smirk. "So tell me again, what's this about the leprechaun getting her naughty limerick on?"
"Oh my god," Rachel muttered, miserably.
"Rachel is in love," Brittany said, smiling brightly.
"So what else is new," Santana muttered and waved them off, turning back to her show. "I thought you said she got busy."
"She did, San, " Brittany continued. "She said she's never had so many orgasms in her life."
Santana's eyes flashed and she turned to Rachel, grinning.
"Why Oh-Oh-Oh, You Go, Berry, so who was giving you all this mind-blowing wilderness adventure, wet and wild action?
"Um, Charlie," Rachel said, weakly.
"But Charlie..." Brittany started to say.
"Brittany, baby," Santana said gently. "I know you're really excited about this, because it's all just so great, but let's let Rachel tell us, because it's her story, okay?"
Brittany nodded, then smiled.
"Okay, Rachel, you tell us," she said.
"And Britts," Santana continued. "It's just like when we watch television together. You can't help. You gotta be quiet. Because why?"
"Because it sucks when people blab the spoilers," she said, seriously.
"Exactly, baby," Santana said with a smile.
And it will be so much more entertaining that was because I can embarrass the fucking shit out of Little Rachel Riding Good. In fact...this was better than trash TV.
"So old Charlie, huh?" Santana said, fairly purring. "Guess you were handling more than one gun out there, weren't you?"
"Well, yes, two actually." Rachel said, frowning. "A shotgun and a .. . Magnum, I believe Charlie called it."
"Uh huh, I'm sure, Santana said, nodding her head. "That's what they all call it. But let's back up a little bit. Like, how in the hell did this happen?"
Rachel shook her head. She honestly couldn't find a way to explain it all. Santana mistook her hesitation for embarrassment and was not going to let go so easily.
"Let's got this route, then. Hair?"
"Blonde."
"Long?"
"Yeah."
"Ponytail?"
"Yes."
"Figures, typical. Eyes?"
" Hazel."
"I actually meant were there two?"
Rachel scoffed.
"Yes, two."
"Color?"
"Again, hazel."
"Bullshit."
"No, really," she said, adamantly. "Sometimes so green and sometimes brown."
"Smile?"
" So amazing, perfect, radiant. To die for, amazing and perfect teeth."
"Handsome?"
Rachel scoffed.
"Please, pretty, so pretty."
Oh, Rachel, why don't you just date a girl and get it over with?
"Okay, another one of those."
"Built? Chest?"
"Enough."
"Ass?"
Rachel chuckled and blushed.
"Off the charts, actually."
"Abs?"
"Very lick-able," she giggled.
"Good kisser? Too wet, too dry?"
"Once it started, I never wanted it to end. Perfect, just completely perfect."
"Package?"
"Yes, the complete package. It was all good. Really good."
Brittany frowned and started to say something, but then remembered Santana's rules and stopped herself.
Let's rattle Berry's Capt'n Crunch a little bit.
"Southern cuisine was on the menu?"
Rachel frowned
Brittany opened her mouth, but Santana shushed her. Out of the corner of her eye, she could still see Britt trying to offer Rachel helpful pantomime and tried to ignore her and distract Rachel at the same time.
"You know, eating southern cuisine? Come on, Rachel, do I gotta draw pictures here? Cause I will."
"Ohh," Rachel sputtered and turned eight shades of pink. "Omg, yes, Yes, there was fine dining in the south wing. Quite frequently, actually."
"And I presume there was all the usual little Rachel Riding Good, Cowboy Take Me Away, Yee Haw kind of thing, am I right?"
Again, Rachel's ears turned a vibrant shade of red and she just nodded. She didn't even want to ask, just yes.
"Any backdoor action? Anything freaky?"
"I don't think so," Rachel said.
Damn it.
"If you don't know, there wasn't," Santana said.
Rachel frowned. Should there have been?
"So you basically just had boring old sex in a tent? Whee, how Berry missionary of you."
"Well, not just in a tent. There was the tent and then in front of the fire in the morning and then the tent again. And then there was on the back of the horse – I don't know if that counted, though. And then there was the stables." Rachel said and kind of grinned and went all glassy-eyed for a little bit.
Brittany and Santana looked at each and grinned.
"And again at the hotel. That was the first time in a bed. It was nice, too. And there was another time, the last night. I really like that night. Then there was this one time, when I had a splinter, but that was, I guess it would count, but it was as just that front porch swing thing, you said, for the first one."
Santana looked at Brittany and frowned.
"Front porch swing thing?" Santana muttered.
Brittany licked her hand and Santana busted out laughing.
"Who started it?" she asked, still giggling.
"The front porch swing?"
"Charlie did that cause I said, 'shut up," she explained.
"Well, okay. You said, first. First what?"
"Well, first, you know, time it made me... and then next two was just..," Rachel held up two fingers.
Santana could feel Brittany squeezing her shoulders, hard.
"Are you saying you were having multiples, Rachel?" Santana asked, smiling.
"Sometimes. That's good, right?" Rachel asked.
Brittany was nodding vigorously.
"Even San can't..."
Santana swiveled around and glared at Brittany, who immediately stopped talking.
"Okaaaay," Santana said, rolling her eyes.
"So who started it – not the sex," she said quickly, holding up her hand. "Who kissed who first?"
"I did," Rachel admitted. "I kissed Charlie first."
"And then?"
"And then nothing, until the bear," Rachel said with a shrug.
"There was a bear?"
Santana and Brittany looked at each other.
"Yeah, two, but I didn't know about the first one and then Charlie got us away from it and then Charlie kissed me. So there would be no regrets about not doing it, just in case."
"And then?"
"And then I got thrown off a horse because of a rattlesnake and Charlie was worried and made me walk home and then pulled me up on the back of the horse and then the next thing I know there's kissing, a lot of kissing. And then we got back and Charlie put me to bed and then came back later and it was... there was..." Rachel trailed off.
"Well, don't stop now for fuck's sake, "Santana blustered.
"I actually felt so good that I thought I was going to die," Rachel said. "And Charlie said come closer and I did and that was it. It was like non-stop sex from that point on, for three days. It was... amazing."
"So it was all about sex?" Santana said with a smirk.
"Yeah, well I mean, no. Not all. I mean there was dancing and Charlie sang to me, like serenaded me and then gave me this."
Rachel showed them her star pendant.
Santana immediately became very, very quiet where Brittany fawned and fussed over it.
"And now?" Santana asked, cautiously.
"I don't know," Rachel said with a deep sigh.
"Oh fuck me..." Santana muttered and Rachel dissolved into tears.
Brittany immediately scooped Rachel into her arms and kissed her head.
"Santana," Brittany barked at her, "You promised!"
"I didn't do that, "Santana protested. "That's not my fault."
"She didn't do anything," Rachel protested tearfully.
Brittany wasn't having any of it though.
"Maybe you should just go to bed, Santana." Brittany said, glaring at her.
"But Britts..." she sputtered.
"Goodnight, San," Brittany said, turning her attention back to Rachel.
Santana fish-mouthed and flailed a few times, but then finally shut off the television and stalked off. They heard her stomping up the stairs and muttering to herself.
"It'll be okay, Rachel." Brittany said, stroking her hair softly.
"I don't know what to do without her, Brit," Rachel said. "I can't be by myself like this."
"She'll make it right, Rach," Brittany said softly. "I know she will. She's the kind that always got what she wanted, I know it. And she wants you."
"She promised me, Brit," Rachel told her. "She said she'd want me until all the stars in the sky went blue. That's forever, Brittany."
"Wow, " Brittany said, leaning her cheek on Rachel's head. "She's changed."
Rachel frowned.
"What do you mean?"
Brittany didn't know exactly how to explain it, probably because she was tired.
"I just think it will be okay, Rachel. That's who you're meant to be with and that's why it will be okay. She'll make it right."
"Can I stay here tonight, Brit?" Rachel asked, suddenly very sleepy.
"Of course, you can stay in the guest room. It's always ready for you. You're supposed to know that." she said.
Brittany locked up the house and followed Rachel up the stairs, keeping one hand on her back in case she stumbled. She was still the drunkest of the three of them. She found her something to sleep in and waited patiently for her while she puttered around in the bathroom. Then, she tucked her under the covers and kissed her on the forehead.
"You'll get everything you want, Rachel," Brittany said, smiling down at her. "San will make it happen for you."
"How do you know that, Brit?" she asked, her eyes closing. She loved that Brittany thought Santana could push the sun through the heavens.
"Because she does that for the people she cares about," Brittany explained. "She did it for me, so she'll do it for you, too."
"Mmmm, "Rachel mumbled. "I hope so. That's nice."
She heard her cell phone chirp.
"Can you check that please, Brit?" she asked.
Brittany glanced at the message on Rachel's cell phone and smiled softly. See, she thought, it was already happening.
"Goodnight, Rachel." Brittany said, touching her cheek and pressing her phone into her hand. Her fingers curled around it gently.
"Love you, B.," Rachel said quietly.
Brittany slipped out the room and closed the door easily behind her.
Rachel rolled over on her back and brought the phone up where should see it. The screen lit up and Rachel smiled in the dark.
"Sweet dreams, Sundance. Still your Charlie."
She sighed and closed her eyes, clutching her phone to her chest and dreamed of wide opened spaces and walking in fields with a beautiful blonde with flashing eyes holding tightly to her hand.
Down the hall, Brittany curled herself around the sleeping form of Santana Lopez. She kissed her softly behind the ear and whispered all was forgiven. Santana smiled and folded her fingers around Brittany's and dreamed of rocking gently on a white porch listening to Brittany's voice recount the days of their lives.
A thousand miles away, under a star-strewn sky, a beautiful girl with honey-blonde hair tucked her cell phone into her shirt pocket, then sat down on the railing of her porch and looked up into the night sky. Her heart was overflowing with memories of a fierce little brunette with laughing eyes and a laugh as big as the outdoors who usually couldn't get out of her own way if she tried. Even now, she could picture her face turned up and looking at these same stars, a dazzling smile on her beautiful face and she sighed.
Somewhere out there, Rachel Berry was dreaming under these same stars, she told herself. Waiting, none too patiently she was sure, for Charlie to find the answers. She hadn't yet, but she was working on it. If she had to move heaven and earth herself to make it happen, she was going to find a way.
"Sleep well, Rachel,"she said aloud, "Wherever you are tonight, I can love you from right here."
~~oOo~~