Don't make me exist

'People like us will never die..'

As children, we are taught and raised a certain way. We allow our minds to soak up every possible bit of information we can achieve of the world, to devour it uncontrollably. We grow and begin to have a need to please our parents. And after we achieve them, we grow the need to make them last.

But in some cases, there are those who never have that chance. From the moment we see the negative aspects of life, we immediately question all we were supposed to be raised to believe.

When we hear the repulsive speech of 'traitors,' and 'liars,' and 'hate,' it is then when we truly begin to slowly, and apprehensively, understand the difference between loving willingly, and being contrived to love.

For years, I had found myself sitting nearby, simply waiting for the front door to open. 'They'll come back..' I'd tell myself. 'They have to come back..'

Day after day, waiting and waiting. And when they had finally come home, it was apparent that I was no longer part of it.

None of us were part of it.

We were strangers coincidentally living in the same household. My attempts for this 'love', 'nurturing' and 'bonds' became useless hope.

'Don't ignore me.'

I could tug on my mother's torso, silently begging for her attention.

'Don't pretend I'm not here..'

I could stay out all night, having some sort of hope that they would discipline me.

'Don't pretend your actions never phase me..'

But there never would be anything more than blank walls in this home. We would always be this way. We would forever create this cycle of neglecting, abuse and hate. And the times when there was 'love' in our house,

It would begin to fade..

Always preparing ourselves to blame someone else. And then, secretively, accepting the facts of obvious deception when they blame us for their mistakes. So that we would willingly accept it without protest.

'Blame me.'

We couldn't say that we hated them,

'Keep blaming me.'

and we couldn't say we didn't.

'I beg you to blame me.'

We hated ourselves for not being worthy of their attention.

'Break my knees.. shatter me…snap me in two..'

And we'll forever do this.. We will forever cease to remain phazed by this.

'People like us never die…because people like us cease to exist..' Until…

Until someone not of our world passes us by,

And makes us feel worthwhile..

"S-Saga-Senpai!-"

'no..'

"How do you know my name?"

"..Because….I-I'm i-in love with y-you..Senpai.."

'No, don't do this..'

"N-no I mean-"

'don't give me falst hope..'

"You want to go out with me?"

'Don't make me open wounds that never sealed..'

"H-huh?"

"I don't mind.."

'Don't make me exist….if you're just going to leave me like everyone else..'

….

"Ritsu…

…I love you.."

Im sorry! There's someone waiting for a request to come out , others are waiting for the next chapter to 'Holding you closer than most,' and the last chapter to 'Memento Mori', and the next chapter to '365 Drabbles'- But in all seriousness, I WORK NIGHT SHIFTS!~ so I end up sleeping during the day until I have to go back to work. And sometimes my crappy manager will make me work early mornings after I get off really late. (Idky but yea, cuts in my sleep patterns.)

But I will have new things up soon. ~gomen~ And I actually wrote this on Tumblr for a friend who is like majorly in love with 'Memento Mori,' and shared it all over Tumblr. (We met through her review) And yea. So this is for her. Thank you to all who fav/foll/review all of my stories and encourage me to continue. And if you don't like it, I'm sorry that you didn't enjoy it as much as I liked writing it. But, hey, can't please everyone.

Thanks for reading! -J.J.

Disclaimer: don't own this. You know it.